Title: Happy (1/1)
Author: FigFan
Summary: Fuzz. I like fuzz. Especially post-WLAM fuzz.
Rating: Uhm. PG.
Notes: Yeah. This is so fuzz. But uh. deal with it? (
Disclaimer: So not mine. I wish though!
Feedback is as good as a naked Carter. FigFan2002@yahoo.com
"I was drinking before because my life was miserable... but now I'm happy, with you, things are good."
Those words won't leave my head. I never meant to tell him like that. Fighting on the El platform.
It's not like it's a lie. I *am* happy with him. But I always thought that it would be some big revelation. A "moment" if you will. I would hope he could figure out I was happy anyways, but for me to admit that to him? It would have been big.
But no. It came out during a stupid fight that never should have happened in the first place. Maybe it should have happened. I don't know.
But for some reason he's on my doorstep right now, and I'm only half comprehending what he's saying.
".figure out where we were.." I manage to catch this and pull myself out of my self-reflection. I know I was listening sub-consciously, but these words stick out.
I take a step down so I'm level with him and smile a bit. Normally I think he's adorable when he's flustered like this, but tonight it's different. Behind the forgiveness in his eyes there's concern too, and for the first time I can actually understand why.
"Here we are." I say, and give him a smile again. I reach for his hand, and once the familiar warmth has returned, I lead him inside. He waits until the door has shut behind us to close the distance between us and lean in for a kiss. That's one of the many things that intrigue me about him. He's always very cautious about showing affection in public. As much as I would love the world to see that he's mine and I'm his, this gives it a bit of a secret quality. In a way, it's fun and mysterious. I end the kiss but remain in his arms, as he nuzzles his head in my shoulder.
".really.sorry." I'm sure there's more, but that's all I can make out through the fabric of my shirt.
"Me too." There's really not much else to say.
He steps back and pulls me towards the couch. I end up with my head on his lap, his hands lazily playing with my hair. I'm not really sure where to take this now. Any other occasion I would be all over him, but tonight that doesn't seem to fit. So instead I close my eyes and just enjoy this comfort and warmth I've gotten so used to.
His voice breaks the silence, and I'm not sure I wanted it to be broken. "Can we fix this tonight?"
"Fix what?"
"You know... This. Today. Us."
I reluctantly sit up, and his hands move to cover my own. It's like he needs this physical contact tonight, to make sure we're both still here.
"We're not broken."
That came out a little more bitter than I had hoped. His hands pull away ever so slightly, and I try to fix what I just did.
"Carter- We're in a relationship. Things happen, that doesn't mean things-"
"Abby, don't." He gets up and heads towards the kitchen.
Damn. Twice in one day I've made him walk away.
But this time I'm taking control of the situation. We're going to get past all this. At least for tonight. I follow suit into the kitchen and find him sitting by the table flipping through a day-old newspaper.
I pull up a chair across from him. As much as I want to just hold him right now and pretend that this isn't happening, we're going to handle this argument like mature adults.
"I don't like to fight." He doesn't look up while he says this, but rather gazes at the newspaper corner, which he's taken to rolling back and forth between his fingers.
"Well that makes two of us. But it's sure as hell going to happen. That's what happens. People fight, they get over it. It's what. I don't know. makes things last."
He seems to ignore this comment and skips over to a new subject. God, I love the minds of men.
"Are things really good? Are you really happy?" At this point he finally looks up at me, and his eyes say so much more than his mouth.
Damn him. He's insecure.
And he didn't believe me before. So, I'm going to try again. This can be my big moment. I move to the chair next to him and place my hands on his knees. I look him straight in the eye, hoping that maybe that will convey my honesty in all of this.
"Things are good."
He starts to open his mouth, but I cut him off before any words can be formed.
"I drank. I don't know. I'm not perfect. Give me space on this. It's something I need to battle by myself for a while. But yes. I am happy. With you. Not with anyone else. You. Am I going to be happy with you for the rest of my life? I don't know. And you know what? I don't want to know. I just want to go along on this ride and see where it takes me. But right now, I'd say your odds are pretty good."
And with that, I squeeze his knees and head towards the bedroom. It's late, I'm going to sleep. I'm nervous about what just happened, but I told him the truth and that's all that needs to be said tonight. He'll come if he wants to.
". but now I'm happy, with you, things are good."
No sooner than I've turned off the light and gotten comfortable do I feel the bed shift beside me. Like always, he reaches out for me and I snuggle close. I can feel his warmth shielding me from the world, and I once again get reminded of how much I love him.
It's moments like this I live for. Quiet, peaceful, warm.
I turn slightly and kiss him quickly. Feeling him smile against me, I shift once again and start to drift into sleep.
The last thing I remember hearing?
"I'm happy too."
Feedback is as good as a naked Carter. FigFan2002@yahoo.com
"I was drinking before because my life was miserable... but now I'm happy, with you, things are good."
Those words won't leave my head. I never meant to tell him like that. Fighting on the El platform.
It's not like it's a lie. I *am* happy with him. But I always thought that it would be some big revelation. A "moment" if you will. I would hope he could figure out I was happy anyways, but for me to admit that to him? It would have been big.
But no. It came out during a stupid fight that never should have happened in the first place. Maybe it should have happened. I don't know.
But for some reason he's on my doorstep right now, and I'm only half comprehending what he's saying.
".figure out where we were.." I manage to catch this and pull myself out of my self-reflection. I know I was listening sub-consciously, but these words stick out.
I take a step down so I'm level with him and smile a bit. Normally I think he's adorable when he's flustered like this, but tonight it's different. Behind the forgiveness in his eyes there's concern too, and for the first time I can actually understand why.
"Here we are." I say, and give him a smile again. I reach for his hand, and once the familiar warmth has returned, I lead him inside. He waits until the door has shut behind us to close the distance between us and lean in for a kiss. That's one of the many things that intrigue me about him. He's always very cautious about showing affection in public. As much as I would love the world to see that he's mine and I'm his, this gives it a bit of a secret quality. In a way, it's fun and mysterious. I end the kiss but remain in his arms, as he nuzzles his head in my shoulder.
".really.sorry." I'm sure there's more, but that's all I can make out through the fabric of my shirt.
"Me too." There's really not much else to say.
He steps back and pulls me towards the couch. I end up with my head on his lap, his hands lazily playing with my hair. I'm not really sure where to take this now. Any other occasion I would be all over him, but tonight that doesn't seem to fit. So instead I close my eyes and just enjoy this comfort and warmth I've gotten so used to.
His voice breaks the silence, and I'm not sure I wanted it to be broken. "Can we fix this tonight?"
"Fix what?"
"You know... This. Today. Us."
I reluctantly sit up, and his hands move to cover my own. It's like he needs this physical contact tonight, to make sure we're both still here.
"We're not broken."
That came out a little more bitter than I had hoped. His hands pull away ever so slightly, and I try to fix what I just did.
"Carter- We're in a relationship. Things happen, that doesn't mean things-"
"Abby, don't." He gets up and heads towards the kitchen.
Damn. Twice in one day I've made him walk away.
But this time I'm taking control of the situation. We're going to get past all this. At least for tonight. I follow suit into the kitchen and find him sitting by the table flipping through a day-old newspaper.
I pull up a chair across from him. As much as I want to just hold him right now and pretend that this isn't happening, we're going to handle this argument like mature adults.
"I don't like to fight." He doesn't look up while he says this, but rather gazes at the newspaper corner, which he's taken to rolling back and forth between his fingers.
"Well that makes two of us. But it's sure as hell going to happen. That's what happens. People fight, they get over it. It's what. I don't know. makes things last."
He seems to ignore this comment and skips over to a new subject. God, I love the minds of men.
"Are things really good? Are you really happy?" At this point he finally looks up at me, and his eyes say so much more than his mouth.
Damn him. He's insecure.
And he didn't believe me before. So, I'm going to try again. This can be my big moment. I move to the chair next to him and place my hands on his knees. I look him straight in the eye, hoping that maybe that will convey my honesty in all of this.
"Things are good."
He starts to open his mouth, but I cut him off before any words can be formed.
"I drank. I don't know. I'm not perfect. Give me space on this. It's something I need to battle by myself for a while. But yes. I am happy. With you. Not with anyone else. You. Am I going to be happy with you for the rest of my life? I don't know. And you know what? I don't want to know. I just want to go along on this ride and see where it takes me. But right now, I'd say your odds are pretty good."
And with that, I squeeze his knees and head towards the bedroom. It's late, I'm going to sleep. I'm nervous about what just happened, but I told him the truth and that's all that needs to be said tonight. He'll come if he wants to.
". but now I'm happy, with you, things are good."
No sooner than I've turned off the light and gotten comfortable do I feel the bed shift beside me. Like always, he reaches out for me and I snuggle close. I can feel his warmth shielding me from the world, and I once again get reminded of how much I love him.
It's moments like this I live for. Quiet, peaceful, warm.
I turn slightly and kiss him quickly. Feeling him smile against me, I shift once again and start to drift into sleep.
The last thing I remember hearing?
"I'm happy too."