The Melodies of Life Tour
Presented by Squartz Entertainment
Fire Angel
DISCLAIMER: We all know that none of the characters here belong to me, although it's pretty damn
unfortunate that they don't! The lyrics for the first song have been adapted from The Offspring's
'Original Prankster', and written by Satan's Angel and myself.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I saw this done somewhere for Final Fantasy 8, and I thought I'd do the same for
FF9. If anyone has any qualms about me doing this (by anyone I mean the author of the FF8 one)
please let me know, and I'll do something about it. My apologies. In the meantime though, I will
continue writing this. By the way, please assume this song is read in an American accent. Oh, and
also, Esto Gaza should be thought of as 'Esto Gazza' to make it rhyme.
Many thanks to my dear friend and co-author of many fics, Satan's Angel, for helping me re-write
the lyrics of the first song. Oh, and you may notice that Vivi's Girl features in this fic; I
don't even know her, but I think her fics are quite funny, and I figured she'd have something
good to say about Vivi! ~_~ And also, 'Atrocious Angel' is a male friend of mine, who I consider
to be butt ugly. Zach, if you're reading this, it's you, all right?! Anywayz, have fun and enjoy
the show!
The Melodies of Life Tour
Chapter 1: Original?? Or Not So Original??
(The stage is completely black, with not a skerrick of life to be seen. The audience are
screaming their heads off in anticipation of the performers' appearance. Everyone begins to
scream louder as a white spotlight flickers over the stage, and a familiar voice is heard from
overhead… most likely from somewhere in the realms of Heaven.)
Fire Angel:
Hello all, and welcome to the 'Melodies of Life' tour! It is my pleasure to be the Master… ahem…
Mistress of Ceremonies for this evening. First up, to get you in a yelling and screaming mood, we
have a remake of everyone's favourite… 'Original Prankster'. Get up and dancing, as we have
everyone's favourite characters singing for you right now… the characters of FINAL FANTASY NINE!
(Heavy rock music starts. In the background, Blank is playing guitar and Ruby is playing drums,
as Vivi walks out onto stage with Steiner. Vivi trips up, and Steiner helps him to his feet,
amidst laughs from the hyperactive audience. Both are wearing leather pants, white T-shirts, and
black leather jackets. Vivi has a red cap on, so once again, all you can see are his bright
yellow eyes… Vivi coughs nervously, straightening his cap, as he sings his first line.)
Vivi:
We can do it!
(The female half of the audience breaks into whistles; Vivi blushes so brightly that it can be
seen, almost like red traffic lights, and he trips over again. He stumbles to his feet, rapping
as he does so.)
Vivi:
Until the worlds collide
Life, life
Doesn't always last forever
Time, time
Black Magic can't make it better
('Woooooohhhhoooooooo! Gooooooo Vivi!' a voice from the crowd is heard, and the music stops
temporarily as everyone turns to stare at Vivi's Girl, the all-famous host of 'Who Wants to Be a
Gillionaire?'. She looks at everyone who is staring at her and yells, 'Go on! Cheer for Vivi!'.
Everyone begins to cheer again as the music starts again and Vivi continues the song.)
Vivi:
Boys, boys
Try to make me their slave
But it really doesn't matter
*sadly* Cos my ticket was fake!
Steiner:
Crime, crime
Stealin' like Salamander
(A yell is heard off stage, from the famous criminal mentioned in that particular line.
"Hey! Who wrote this piece of crap? I didn't give anyone permission to have MY name in this song!
I'm far too cool to have my name in this shitty song!"
Freija mutters, "Yeah, whatever you think."
Meanwhile, Steiner is looking highly worried as he continues his rap, thinking, 'I am not really
a rapper at heart. These words are ludicrous, and I sound ludicrous saying them!'.)
Steiner:
Out of time
Now it's you the knights are after
Run away
You're all alone, it's true
But you'll see there comes a day
They'll catch up to you, yeah!
(Steiner and Vivi step back into the background as Eiko skips merrily onto stage, wearing a
leather skirt and a white shirt. She is practically screaming her words. Dagger follows her,
wearing a leather mini-skirt and white boob tube, complete with knee-high boots and sunglasses,
hissing at her to "Sing, Eiko. Don't scream them. This is the SINGING bit! THE SINGING BIT!" she
screams as Eiko continues to yell the words. Eiko completely ignores her. The audience wince at
the loudness of the lines, before Atrocious Angel, the sound and lighting dude, hurriedly turns
the volume down to nothing. However, Eiko can still be heard over the music.)
Eiko:
THE MONSTERS ON THE WALL - THEY'RE ALIVE IN ME!
I PROTECT THIS PLACE - ON MY OWN, IT'S TRUE!
TO PROTECT THE WORLD - THEY'RE ALIVE IN ME!
I'VE GOTTA FOCUS AND THEY'LL SEE ME THROUGH!
(Everyone gives a sigh of relief as Dagger starts to sing the chorus at a normal volume.
Atrocious Angel, that butt-ugly piece of crap, turns the volume back up and everyone can hear
normally again.)
Dagger:
You've gotta focus on it
Vivi, Steiner & Eiko (in funny, deep voices):
Original Summoner
Dagger:
Call them, yeah
Vivi, Steiner & Eiko (in funny, deep voices):
Call them, yeah
Dagger:
Ask them for help
Vivi, Steiner & Eiko (in funny, deep voices):
Original Summoner
Dagger:
Take over the world, the world
That's what my momma say
(Zidane and Salamander walk out, in the same garb as Vivi and Steiner. Zidane blows a kiss to the
audience, then turns and flicks his tail at them. Girls swoon and the screaming grows even
louder. Dagger glares at Zidane as she yells, "But she can't do it!" and he looks apologetically
at her.
There is a pregnant pause in the music as Quina runs onto the stage, dressed in a leather apron,
chasing his after-dessert snack (a frog). Zidane yells, "Stop eating, you moron! We're supposed
to be RAPPING!"
Quina shoves the frog in her/his mouth, and the music continues, Zidane holding his nose.)
Zidane:
You know that smells like SHIT! Goddamn
Quina (wiping mouth):
But froggy never tasted better!
(Audience cringes at this comment. Eiko looks like she's about to throw up everywhere as she
turns and runs frantically off of the stage, her hands pressed over her mouth. Vivi clutches his
stomach and doubles over, trying not to think about frog guts.)
Dagger (cringing):
It was NICE?!
Quina (thoughtfully):
Would have been good with pepper!
Maybe we
Can find some spice
With lots of spice
Froggy really tastes nice!
(Eiko comes back in, looking slightly green, and takes off again as Quina continues to yell about
frogs tasting nice with spice. Vomiting can be heard off stage, before she walks calmly back in.
"You've got some of your dinner on your upper lip," Dagger hisses, and Eiko quickly wipes her
mouth, blushing a little.
Salamander looks at his lyrics sheet and starts to chuckle as he reads the words. "Who wrote
this?" he asks, as the music pauses.
"I did," Fire Angel says, giggling. "With the help of my friend Satan's Angel of course. Oh… and
Zidane had some input on that verse, too."
Zidane starts to look worried, shooting nervous glances at Dagger as Salamander begins the
verse.)
Salamander (amidst chuckles):
Lies, lies
Says he's down in Esto Gaza
Tries, tries
Doin' naughty things with Dagger!
(The music stops as every single person, aside from Dagger, Zidane and Eiko, cracks up laughing.
Steiner, surprisingly enough, is laughing so hard his belly is jiggling with the effort. Vivi is
rolling around on the stage, loud bouts of laughter issuing from his mouth, in short bursts.
Salamander is slapping his knee, choking because he is laughing so hard. Eiko, on the other hand,
looks furious, and Zidane is getting ready to flee the stage, from fear of getting a slap to the
face. Dagger has a strange look on her face… is she furious, or just plain kinky?… as she chases
Zidane off of the stage. A few seconds later, Salamander manages to regain control of himself.)
Salamander:
No way!
None of this is true
And you'll see there comes a day
When the joke's on you, Zidane!
(At that moment, Freija enters calmly, wearing the same outfit as Eiko, with the addition of a
bandanna tied around her head, to hold her ears back, and sunglasses. She's trying to keep a
straight face, but as a ripping noise and an "OWWWWW! Dagger, what was THAT for?!" are heard off
stage, a slight grin spreads over her face, and then becomes a giggle. She giggles all throughout
her verse.)
Freija:
Knock down the walls - it's alive in me!
Knock down the place - though I'm alone, it's true
Knock down the world - someone said to me
"You've gotta keep your head up through it all!"
(There's a pause as everyone waits for Dagger to sing the chorus again, but she's still off
stage.
"Dagger, come out and sing your verse!" Eiko yells. "DAGGER!"
"Let Vivi sing it!" yells Vivi's Girl. "Gooooooo Vivi!"
"DAGGER, IT'S YOUR TURN TO SING NOW! DAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!"
"You do it," Vivi says to Eiko. "You're a summoner, too."
"All right," Eiko grumbles. "But she'd better be back soon."
Everyone covers their ears, and Atrocious turns the volume right down, as Eiko begins to yell the
chorus.)
Eiko:
YOU'VE GOTTA FOCUS ON IT!
Vivi, Steiner, Quina, Salamander & Freija (in funny, deep voices):
Original Summoner
Eiko:
CALL THEM, YEAH!
Vivi, Steiner, Quina, Salamander & Freija (in funny, deep voices):
Call them, yeah
Eiko:
ASK THEM FOR HELP!
Vivi, Steiner, Quina, Salamander & Freija (in funny, deep voices):
Original Summoner
Eiko:
TAKE OVER THE WORLD, THE WORLD!
THAT'S WHAT HER MOMMA SAY!
(As Eiko screams her brains out, Beatrix walks in, wearing the same outfit as Dagger. In fact, it
looks strangely identical to Dagger's outfit…
"Well it's about time!" Salamander hisses. "Where have you been? Dagger and Eiko have been
covering up for you!"
"Sorry," Beatrix mutters back. "I've been busy."
"Where did you get the clothes?" Steiner asks, joining them. "I thought you were going to wear
something… different." He can't stop his eyes from straying down to her slim-figured body.
"Well, I left my clothes at home, and Dagger didn't seem to need these, so I borrowed them."
Steiner's mouth opens and closes again, making him look like a fish. He appears to be in terrible
shock. He begins to ask Beatrix to explain, when Vivi hisses, "Come on, it's time for the bridge
now!")
Beatrix:
We can do it!
("What bridge?" Steiner asks blankly, looking at the sheets.
"Fire Angel, where's the bridge?" Freija hisses at the sky.
"Oops! I knew I forgot something!"
"Great. Just great," Salamander mutters. "We'll just have to make it up on the spot now."
Eiko turns to Quina, who's pulling a frog from the pocket of her/his apron, and says, "Come on.
We're on."
"I know we on," Quina says. "We on stage already!"
"Yes, but we're going to sing now," Eiko hisses. "Come ON!")
Salamander:
About time!
Eiko:
SO GOOD TO SEE YA!
Steiner (to Vivi, pointing at Beatrix):
She's fine…
Vivi (nervously):
But I wouldn't wanna be her!
(Vivi's Girl roars with laughter in the audience as Steiner says, "Why not?"
Vivi just blushes again and looks away.
Meanwhile, Quina has managed to polish off the entire frog, and has frog guts smeared around
her/his mouth, making the audience start to gag.)
Quina:
Taste like lime!
Lime and vanilla!
Freija:
It's nearly time…
Beatrix:
Time to say 'seeya'
Crime, crime
Salamander
Salamander (glaring at Beatrix):
It's a crime
Zidane and Dagger!
(Everyone cracks up again, including Eiko this time. Salamander's improvised solo has gotten to
everyone. The lights all flicker off for a second, as Atrocious is laughing so hard he falls onto
the main switch for the lights and turns them all off. Fire Angel is laughing so hard she's damn
well crying. No one has the strength to say the next line, but then a shout comes from offstage…)
Zidane (sarcastically):
Crime, crime my ass!
Dagger:
Does it really matter?!
(At that, everyone completely loses it, and it's another five minutes before Beatrix has the
strength to sing the next section. Even then, she's still giggling through it…)
Beatrix:
You'll see there comes a day
We catch up to you, yeah!
Protect the walls - I have the strength in me!
Protect the place - we're all alone sometimes!
("You will never be alone, Beatrix!" yells Steiner. "I will always be there to protect you, my
love!"
The next line of Beatrix's verse is drowned out by a burst of laughter from Salamander and
Freija. Freija is trying not to laugh, and she puts her hand over her mouth to try and stop, but
she can't help it. After a few seconds, Vivi and Eiko join in also. Still, Beatrix manages to
continue, although she is blushing a bright shade of red.)
Beatrix:
Protect the world - Someone once told me
"You'll keep your head if you ignore their lies!"
(The music stops again as everyone waits expectantly for Zidane to sing the last chorus. Of
course, he's still somewhere off stage…
"ZIDANE!" Eiko roars. "ZIDANE, GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE!"
"What are they doing?" Vivi asks Steiner.
"I don't think you wanna know, Vivi," Freija says, joining them.
"That's it! I'm going in there to get you!" Eiko yells, with all the innocence of a six-year-old
that's got no ideas about the 'birds and the bees', so to speak. She storms off stage, and a few
seconds stumbles back on, her hands over her eyes, and her face an extremely bright red. "Ohhh
man," she mutters. "I'm in for it now. Ohhhh man."
"Zidane, just get out here," Salamander says impatiently.
A second later, Zidane stumbles onto the stage, bedraggled, shirtless and clutching his pants
against his body. Quickly, he zips them up, and then continues the song.)
Zidane:
You're gonna bust out on it!
Vivi, Steiner, Quina, Salamander, Freija & Beatrix (in funny, deep voices):
Original Prankster
Zidane:
Break out, yeah!
Vivi, Steiner, Quina, Salamander, Freija & Beatrix (in funny, deep voices):
Original, yeah
(The song stops again as Zidane turns around and yells, "Dagger, you've gotta be out here to
finish the song off!"
"Okay!" Dagger replies from off stage. A few seconds later, "Umm, Zidane? My clothes have… err…
disappeared!"
"That would be my fault!" Beatrix calls back. "Just throw something on!"
"If you say so," Dagger replies doubtfully. A second later, she appears at the edge of the stage
clad in a bedsheet. Steiner's jaw drops at the 'sin', as Dagger joins them on stage.)
Zidane (goggling at Dagger):
Bust out of it… I mean… ah, shit.
Vivi, Steiner, Quina, Salamander, Freija, Beatrix & Dagger (in funny, deep voices):
Original Prankster
Everyone:
You never stop now, stop now!
Zidane (suddenly looking kinky):
Let's go, let's go!
(Zidane starts to pull Dagger off stage, almost eagerly, as everyone else walks calmly off stage.
"Zidane, wait! We've got to finish the song!"
Zidane lets go of her reluctantly, but hangs onto the sheet, which slips away as Dagger sings the
final line, revealed in all her… glory?)
Dagger (pointing at Zidane):
That's what the main man say!
(The stage is plunged into darkness as Zidane finally drags Dagger off stage. The audience
cheers, especially the male members, who have just had their bit of porn for the night…)
Fire Angel:
And yes folks, there's more to come! There's still the whole night for our players to sing, yell,
talk, get horny, trip over and screw one another! So stay tuned, cos after the commercial break,
we've got another song for you! Have fun!
Presented by Squartz Entertainment
Fire Angel
DISCLAIMER: We all know that none of the characters here belong to me, although it's pretty damn
unfortunate that they don't! The lyrics for the first song have been adapted from The Offspring's
'Original Prankster', and written by Satan's Angel and myself.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I saw this done somewhere for Final Fantasy 8, and I thought I'd do the same for
FF9. If anyone has any qualms about me doing this (by anyone I mean the author of the FF8 one)
please let me know, and I'll do something about it. My apologies. In the meantime though, I will
continue writing this. By the way, please assume this song is read in an American accent. Oh, and
also, Esto Gaza should be thought of as 'Esto Gazza' to make it rhyme.
Many thanks to my dear friend and co-author of many fics, Satan's Angel, for helping me re-write
the lyrics of the first song. Oh, and you may notice that Vivi's Girl features in this fic; I
don't even know her, but I think her fics are quite funny, and I figured she'd have something
good to say about Vivi! ~_~ And also, 'Atrocious Angel' is a male friend of mine, who I consider
to be butt ugly. Zach, if you're reading this, it's you, all right?! Anywayz, have fun and enjoy
the show!
The Melodies of Life Tour
Chapter 1: Original?? Or Not So Original??
(The stage is completely black, with not a skerrick of life to be seen. The audience are
screaming their heads off in anticipation of the performers' appearance. Everyone begins to
scream louder as a white spotlight flickers over the stage, and a familiar voice is heard from
overhead… most likely from somewhere in the realms of Heaven.)
Fire Angel:
Hello all, and welcome to the 'Melodies of Life' tour! It is my pleasure to be the Master… ahem…
Mistress of Ceremonies for this evening. First up, to get you in a yelling and screaming mood, we
have a remake of everyone's favourite… 'Original Prankster'. Get up and dancing, as we have
everyone's favourite characters singing for you right now… the characters of FINAL FANTASY NINE!
(Heavy rock music starts. In the background, Blank is playing guitar and Ruby is playing drums,
as Vivi walks out onto stage with Steiner. Vivi trips up, and Steiner helps him to his feet,
amidst laughs from the hyperactive audience. Both are wearing leather pants, white T-shirts, and
black leather jackets. Vivi has a red cap on, so once again, all you can see are his bright
yellow eyes… Vivi coughs nervously, straightening his cap, as he sings his first line.)
Vivi:
We can do it!
(The female half of the audience breaks into whistles; Vivi blushes so brightly that it can be
seen, almost like red traffic lights, and he trips over again. He stumbles to his feet, rapping
as he does so.)
Vivi:
Until the worlds collide
Life, life
Doesn't always last forever
Time, time
Black Magic can't make it better
('Woooooohhhhoooooooo! Gooooooo Vivi!' a voice from the crowd is heard, and the music stops
temporarily as everyone turns to stare at Vivi's Girl, the all-famous host of 'Who Wants to Be a
Gillionaire?'. She looks at everyone who is staring at her and yells, 'Go on! Cheer for Vivi!'.
Everyone begins to cheer again as the music starts again and Vivi continues the song.)
Vivi:
Boys, boys
Try to make me their slave
But it really doesn't matter
*sadly* Cos my ticket was fake!
Steiner:
Crime, crime
Stealin' like Salamander
(A yell is heard off stage, from the famous criminal mentioned in that particular line.
"Hey! Who wrote this piece of crap? I didn't give anyone permission to have MY name in this song!
I'm far too cool to have my name in this shitty song!"
Freija mutters, "Yeah, whatever you think."
Meanwhile, Steiner is looking highly worried as he continues his rap, thinking, 'I am not really
a rapper at heart. These words are ludicrous, and I sound ludicrous saying them!'.)
Steiner:
Out of time
Now it's you the knights are after
Run away
You're all alone, it's true
But you'll see there comes a day
They'll catch up to you, yeah!
(Steiner and Vivi step back into the background as Eiko skips merrily onto stage, wearing a
leather skirt and a white shirt. She is practically screaming her words. Dagger follows her,
wearing a leather mini-skirt and white boob tube, complete with knee-high boots and sunglasses,
hissing at her to "Sing, Eiko. Don't scream them. This is the SINGING bit! THE SINGING BIT!" she
screams as Eiko continues to yell the words. Eiko completely ignores her. The audience wince at
the loudness of the lines, before Atrocious Angel, the sound and lighting dude, hurriedly turns
the volume down to nothing. However, Eiko can still be heard over the music.)
Eiko:
THE MONSTERS ON THE WALL - THEY'RE ALIVE IN ME!
I PROTECT THIS PLACE - ON MY OWN, IT'S TRUE!
TO PROTECT THE WORLD - THEY'RE ALIVE IN ME!
I'VE GOTTA FOCUS AND THEY'LL SEE ME THROUGH!
(Everyone gives a sigh of relief as Dagger starts to sing the chorus at a normal volume.
Atrocious Angel, that butt-ugly piece of crap, turns the volume back up and everyone can hear
normally again.)
Dagger:
You've gotta focus on it
Vivi, Steiner & Eiko (in funny, deep voices):
Original Summoner
Dagger:
Call them, yeah
Vivi, Steiner & Eiko (in funny, deep voices):
Call them, yeah
Dagger:
Ask them for help
Vivi, Steiner & Eiko (in funny, deep voices):
Original Summoner
Dagger:
Take over the world, the world
That's what my momma say
(Zidane and Salamander walk out, in the same garb as Vivi and Steiner. Zidane blows a kiss to the
audience, then turns and flicks his tail at them. Girls swoon and the screaming grows even
louder. Dagger glares at Zidane as she yells, "But she can't do it!" and he looks apologetically
at her.
There is a pregnant pause in the music as Quina runs onto the stage, dressed in a leather apron,
chasing his after-dessert snack (a frog). Zidane yells, "Stop eating, you moron! We're supposed
to be RAPPING!"
Quina shoves the frog in her/his mouth, and the music continues, Zidane holding his nose.)
Zidane:
You know that smells like SHIT! Goddamn
Quina (wiping mouth):
But froggy never tasted better!
(Audience cringes at this comment. Eiko looks like she's about to throw up everywhere as she
turns and runs frantically off of the stage, her hands pressed over her mouth. Vivi clutches his
stomach and doubles over, trying not to think about frog guts.)
Dagger (cringing):
It was NICE?!
Quina (thoughtfully):
Would have been good with pepper!
Maybe we
Can find some spice
With lots of spice
Froggy really tastes nice!
(Eiko comes back in, looking slightly green, and takes off again as Quina continues to yell about
frogs tasting nice with spice. Vomiting can be heard off stage, before she walks calmly back in.
"You've got some of your dinner on your upper lip," Dagger hisses, and Eiko quickly wipes her
mouth, blushing a little.
Salamander looks at his lyrics sheet and starts to chuckle as he reads the words. "Who wrote
this?" he asks, as the music pauses.
"I did," Fire Angel says, giggling. "With the help of my friend Satan's Angel of course. Oh… and
Zidane had some input on that verse, too."
Zidane starts to look worried, shooting nervous glances at Dagger as Salamander begins the
verse.)
Salamander (amidst chuckles):
Lies, lies
Says he's down in Esto Gaza
Tries, tries
Doin' naughty things with Dagger!
(The music stops as every single person, aside from Dagger, Zidane and Eiko, cracks up laughing.
Steiner, surprisingly enough, is laughing so hard his belly is jiggling with the effort. Vivi is
rolling around on the stage, loud bouts of laughter issuing from his mouth, in short bursts.
Salamander is slapping his knee, choking because he is laughing so hard. Eiko, on the other hand,
looks furious, and Zidane is getting ready to flee the stage, from fear of getting a slap to the
face. Dagger has a strange look on her face… is she furious, or just plain kinky?… as she chases
Zidane off of the stage. A few seconds later, Salamander manages to regain control of himself.)
Salamander:
No way!
None of this is true
And you'll see there comes a day
When the joke's on you, Zidane!
(At that moment, Freija enters calmly, wearing the same outfit as Eiko, with the addition of a
bandanna tied around her head, to hold her ears back, and sunglasses. She's trying to keep a
straight face, but as a ripping noise and an "OWWWWW! Dagger, what was THAT for?!" are heard off
stage, a slight grin spreads over her face, and then becomes a giggle. She giggles all throughout
her verse.)
Freija:
Knock down the walls - it's alive in me!
Knock down the place - though I'm alone, it's true
Knock down the world - someone said to me
"You've gotta keep your head up through it all!"
(There's a pause as everyone waits for Dagger to sing the chorus again, but she's still off
stage.
"Dagger, come out and sing your verse!" Eiko yells. "DAGGER!"
"Let Vivi sing it!" yells Vivi's Girl. "Gooooooo Vivi!"
"DAGGER, IT'S YOUR TURN TO SING NOW! DAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!"
"You do it," Vivi says to Eiko. "You're a summoner, too."
"All right," Eiko grumbles. "But she'd better be back soon."
Everyone covers their ears, and Atrocious turns the volume right down, as Eiko begins to yell the
chorus.)
Eiko:
YOU'VE GOTTA FOCUS ON IT!
Vivi, Steiner, Quina, Salamander & Freija (in funny, deep voices):
Original Summoner
Eiko:
CALL THEM, YEAH!
Vivi, Steiner, Quina, Salamander & Freija (in funny, deep voices):
Call them, yeah
Eiko:
ASK THEM FOR HELP!
Vivi, Steiner, Quina, Salamander & Freija (in funny, deep voices):
Original Summoner
Eiko:
TAKE OVER THE WORLD, THE WORLD!
THAT'S WHAT HER MOMMA SAY!
(As Eiko screams her brains out, Beatrix walks in, wearing the same outfit as Dagger. In fact, it
looks strangely identical to Dagger's outfit…
"Well it's about time!" Salamander hisses. "Where have you been? Dagger and Eiko have been
covering up for you!"
"Sorry," Beatrix mutters back. "I've been busy."
"Where did you get the clothes?" Steiner asks, joining them. "I thought you were going to wear
something… different." He can't stop his eyes from straying down to her slim-figured body.
"Well, I left my clothes at home, and Dagger didn't seem to need these, so I borrowed them."
Steiner's mouth opens and closes again, making him look like a fish. He appears to be in terrible
shock. He begins to ask Beatrix to explain, when Vivi hisses, "Come on, it's time for the bridge
now!")
Beatrix:
We can do it!
("What bridge?" Steiner asks blankly, looking at the sheets.
"Fire Angel, where's the bridge?" Freija hisses at the sky.
"Oops! I knew I forgot something!"
"Great. Just great," Salamander mutters. "We'll just have to make it up on the spot now."
Eiko turns to Quina, who's pulling a frog from the pocket of her/his apron, and says, "Come on.
We're on."
"I know we on," Quina says. "We on stage already!"
"Yes, but we're going to sing now," Eiko hisses. "Come ON!")
Salamander:
About time!
Eiko:
SO GOOD TO SEE YA!
Steiner (to Vivi, pointing at Beatrix):
She's fine…
Vivi (nervously):
But I wouldn't wanna be her!
(Vivi's Girl roars with laughter in the audience as Steiner says, "Why not?"
Vivi just blushes again and looks away.
Meanwhile, Quina has managed to polish off the entire frog, and has frog guts smeared around
her/his mouth, making the audience start to gag.)
Quina:
Taste like lime!
Lime and vanilla!
Freija:
It's nearly time…
Beatrix:
Time to say 'seeya'
Crime, crime
Salamander
Salamander (glaring at Beatrix):
It's a crime
Zidane and Dagger!
(Everyone cracks up again, including Eiko this time. Salamander's improvised solo has gotten to
everyone. The lights all flicker off for a second, as Atrocious is laughing so hard he falls onto
the main switch for the lights and turns them all off. Fire Angel is laughing so hard she's damn
well crying. No one has the strength to say the next line, but then a shout comes from offstage…)
Zidane (sarcastically):
Crime, crime my ass!
Dagger:
Does it really matter?!
(At that, everyone completely loses it, and it's another five minutes before Beatrix has the
strength to sing the next section. Even then, she's still giggling through it…)
Beatrix:
You'll see there comes a day
We catch up to you, yeah!
Protect the walls - I have the strength in me!
Protect the place - we're all alone sometimes!
("You will never be alone, Beatrix!" yells Steiner. "I will always be there to protect you, my
love!"
The next line of Beatrix's verse is drowned out by a burst of laughter from Salamander and
Freija. Freija is trying not to laugh, and she puts her hand over her mouth to try and stop, but
she can't help it. After a few seconds, Vivi and Eiko join in also. Still, Beatrix manages to
continue, although she is blushing a bright shade of red.)
Beatrix:
Protect the world - Someone once told me
"You'll keep your head if you ignore their lies!"
(The music stops again as everyone waits expectantly for Zidane to sing the last chorus. Of
course, he's still somewhere off stage…
"ZIDANE!" Eiko roars. "ZIDANE, GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE!"
"What are they doing?" Vivi asks Steiner.
"I don't think you wanna know, Vivi," Freija says, joining them.
"That's it! I'm going in there to get you!" Eiko yells, with all the innocence of a six-year-old
that's got no ideas about the 'birds and the bees', so to speak. She storms off stage, and a few
seconds stumbles back on, her hands over her eyes, and her face an extremely bright red. "Ohhh
man," she mutters. "I'm in for it now. Ohhhh man."
"Zidane, just get out here," Salamander says impatiently.
A second later, Zidane stumbles onto the stage, bedraggled, shirtless and clutching his pants
against his body. Quickly, he zips them up, and then continues the song.)
Zidane:
You're gonna bust out on it!
Vivi, Steiner, Quina, Salamander, Freija & Beatrix (in funny, deep voices):
Original Prankster
Zidane:
Break out, yeah!
Vivi, Steiner, Quina, Salamander, Freija & Beatrix (in funny, deep voices):
Original, yeah
(The song stops again as Zidane turns around and yells, "Dagger, you've gotta be out here to
finish the song off!"
"Okay!" Dagger replies from off stage. A few seconds later, "Umm, Zidane? My clothes have… err…
disappeared!"
"That would be my fault!" Beatrix calls back. "Just throw something on!"
"If you say so," Dagger replies doubtfully. A second later, she appears at the edge of the stage
clad in a bedsheet. Steiner's jaw drops at the 'sin', as Dagger joins them on stage.)
Zidane (goggling at Dagger):
Bust out of it… I mean… ah, shit.
Vivi, Steiner, Quina, Salamander, Freija, Beatrix & Dagger (in funny, deep voices):
Original Prankster
Everyone:
You never stop now, stop now!
Zidane (suddenly looking kinky):
Let's go, let's go!
(Zidane starts to pull Dagger off stage, almost eagerly, as everyone else walks calmly off stage.
"Zidane, wait! We've got to finish the song!"
Zidane lets go of her reluctantly, but hangs onto the sheet, which slips away as Dagger sings the
final line, revealed in all her… glory?)
Dagger (pointing at Zidane):
That's what the main man say!
(The stage is plunged into darkness as Zidane finally drags Dagger off stage. The audience
cheers, especially the male members, who have just had their bit of porn for the night…)
Fire Angel:
And yes folks, there's more to come! There's still the whole night for our players to sing, yell,
talk, get horny, trip over and screw one another! So stay tuned, cos after the commercial break,
we've got another song for you! Have fun!