The Melodies of Life Tour
Presented by Squartz Entertainment
Fire Angel
DISCLAIMER: We all know that none of the characters here belong to me, although it's pretty damn
unfortunate that they don't! The song for this chapter was going to be 'Serious' and like 'You
and I' it is by the band formerly known as Five, now known as Zero (hah-hah, oh aren't I
funny?!). Yes. `Tis right. However, I got bored with that song and ended up changing it to two
different songs - 'Born too Late' from Happy Days: the Musical and 'The One & Only Tinkle Song'
by Satan's Angel and myself. Hah-hah!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: La-la-la! Sumimasen, minnasan, I appear to be in a very weird mood. Perhaps it's
because I just had my first day of year ten (*gasp* She's only in year ten?! - sorry, that's the
response I usually get. People usually think I'm older). Ah well, grin and bear it. It's okay, I
guess, except that tomorrow I have triple math! Waaaahhhh! Okay, okay, now that I'm over THAT,
this is part 7 of 12 of the Melodies of Life Tour… only five more parts to go… and I want them
gone so I can start work on this new series I've got an idea for… I'm hoping to do two parts a
week of this so I can finish it, and I guess if I get enough good responses I might do a second
series later on, except maybe with a different game or anime or something… haha, maybe I'll do it
with 'The Lord of the Rings'! With Frodo, who sings 'I'm short, and on pipe-weed I'm high…' Okay,
I think I'M high. Not really. Just kidding! Over it. PLEASE E-MAIL ME! NO ONE E-MAILS ME
ANYMORE!!!!! AAHHH!!!!! (I think Satan's Angel is finally having her insane effect on me).
rinoa_heartilly86@hotmail.com is where you'll find me :ob (or at least the textish form of me).
Please please please e-mail me… or I guess you could just review *growl* But I do love e-mails!
Luv yaz! Bai!
The Melodies of Life Tour
Chapter 7: Born to Tinkle
(Once again, the stage is dark, except for the glitter falling down from the rooftop. Why this
was done, no one knows, it seems to be some weird quirk of Fire Angel's so the show doesn't
always start the same way after commercial breaks. Satan's Angel shines a purple light onto the
stage and Chibi Angel sister of Fire Angel, the new sound chick so Satan's doesn't have to handle
it all on her own, starts some funky sounding J-Pop [imagine Bust-A-Groove music] as Fire Angel
dances onto the stage.)
Fire Angel:
Welcome back to the Melodies of Life tour. For those that have only just joined us… Yo. I'm your
host, Fire Angel. You may know me as Daggerflame, or the goddess of flame, or the angel drawn to
the dancing flames… or maybe you don't. I have many names. But here, I'm just Fire Angel, your
mistress of ceremonies for the evening. Next we have Eiko, who won't be screaming this time,
ladies and gentlemen, but promises to sing a sweet and romantic song… which coming from Eiko,
could be almost as bad. Anyway. Please put your hands together for Eiko Carol with 'Born Too
Late'!
(The stage darkens. When it lights up again with a pale pink light, Eiko is walking out quietly,
wringing her hands. Her blue hair is pulled into a bun, with wisps of it falling around her face.
She is wearing a sparkly blue gown. She wrestles with the microphone stand until it is down to
her height, and then smiles at the audience. Dagger, Zidane and Blank walk out, and Blank quickly
moves to the drumkit at the back of the stage. Zidane plugs his electric guitar into the amp, and
Dagger picks up an alto saxophone from the top of the amp. The two guys are wearing suits, and
she is wearing a dress the same colour as Eiko's, but a lot slinkier… basically one that Zidane
can't keep his eyes off.)
Eiko:
Hello everyone. This is my first solo song tonight; in fact it's my only solo song tonight… and
I'm very nervous, so please don't laugh at me.
(Dagger starts Eiko off with a beautiful melody played on the saxophone. Zidane and Blank stare
at her in wonder, unknowing that she could play the instrument so well. She finishes the solo,
and there is silence. She glares at the guys, coughs, and plays the solo again. This time they
come in with their instruments at the right time, and Eiko starts to sing, looking sadly at
Zidane.)
Eiko:
Born too late
For you to notice me
(Zidane drops his guitar onto the stage. Unfortunately, it falls right through the stage with a
resounding crash. Not appearing to care about the guitar and the stage, he slams his hand against
his forehead.
"Oh no," he moans. "She's not."
"She is," says a quiet voice. It's Fire Angel, at the side of the stage. "She's in love with you.
She can't help it." With a quick jot on her pad of paper, the stage is fixed and Zidane's guitar
is back in his hands [AN: I'm the author, aren't I? If I write something, it happens. Gotta love
the power.]. He quickly begins to strum it, trying not to blush as Eiko stares sadly at him.)
Eiko:
To you
I'm just a kid that you won't date
Why was I born too late?
("Because you WERE!" Zidane yells, slamming the guitar onto the stage and breaking it again.
"It's not my fault your parents didn't have sex until I was already ten years old! All right?
Stop ASKING me these QUESTIONS!!!!"
"ZIDANE!" Fire Angel yells, walking out onto the stage. She sees the hole, sighs, and scribbles
on her paper again. As it fixes itself, she screeches, "APOLOGISE! NOW!"
"Sorry Eiko," Zidane mutters, sulkily holding onto his guitar.
"Now. Play," Fire Angel says coldly. "Another outburst like that and you're out of this fic for
good."
"But Fire Angel," Zidane whines.
"Don't whine."
"I'm not whining," Zidane whines.
"Whining 'I'm not whining' is not effective," she replies, a glint of amusement in her eyes.
"It's Eiko's song. I gave her my express permission to do it. Don't wreck it, or it'll be your
head I want.")
Eiko:
Born too late
To have a chance to win your love
Oh why, oh why was it my fate
To be born too late?
I see you walk with another
I wish it could be me
I long to hold you and kiss you
(SMASH.
"Zidane!"
"I'm sorry!" Zidane yells to offstage. "But it's kinda hard not to freak when you've got a six
year old telling you she wants to hold you and kiss you when you're sixteen!"
"I've had seven-year-olds hit on me before," is Fire Angel's reply.
"So? You're fifteen?"
"Oh what? It's still eight years difference!"
HSAMS.
"What the hell was that?" asks Zidane.
"It was me reversing your smash of the stage," replies Fire Angel.
"Oh.")
Eiko:
But I know it never can be
For I was
Born too late
To have a chance to win your love
Oh why, oh why was it my fate
To be born too late?
("Why does she keep asking that?" Zidane mutters. "It's not like she don't know the answer."
"Leave her alone, Zid," Dagger says quietly. "She can't help it."
"You know, that dress suits you," Zidane says. "Not as much as that corset did though."
"Now is not the proper time-" Dagger starts, but she is cut off when Zidane kisses her. Eiko runs
off stage, crying, when she sees them.
"ZIDANE!" Fire Angel screams. She storms out on stage. She seems to tower over him, even though
she is really very short. "You're lucky I think you're cute, otherwise your monkey-tailed ass
would now be being hurled out of this hall faster than you can say 'Hakuna Matata'."
"Wait. Ya think I'm cute?"
"For the love of God. Perform, or I'll write that Dagger disappears to Middle-earth and falls in
love with a hobbit. You wouldn't like that, would you?"
"God no!"
"Then stop kissing Dagger and play your goddamn gee-tar!"
Eiko quietly walks back out on stage, refusing to look at Zidane.)
Eiko:
Now I see you walk with another
And I wish it could be me
I long to hold you and kiss you
But I know it never can be
For I was
(All the guys in the audience are very satisfied by this performance, because much like in
Dagger's earlier song, they are now comforting their sobbing girlfriends.)
Eiko:
Born too late
For you to care now, my heart cries
Because your love just wouldn't wait
Why was I born too late?
(By now even Dagger is crying.
"Poor Eiko, I didn't realise she felt this way!" she cries, clutching to her saxophone like it's
her last hope of staying alive. Everything pauses as she is supposed to come in for a solo, and
she lets out a huge wailing sob. Then, blushing, she picks up her saxophone and plays the solo.
When she has finished, Eiko belts the final chorus out one more time.)
Eiko:
Born too late
For you to care now, my heart cries
Because your love just wouldn't wait
Why was I born too late?
Why was I born too late?
(The lights go off as Dagger finishes the song with another solo. A single light comes back on,
and Fire Angel comes back out to the front. She is not crying, but in fact looks rather annoyed.)
Fire Angel:
Guess what, ladies and gentlemen? Another short piece of music, which means we get another song
before the commercial break.
(The men of the audience cheer as Dagger, Beatrix, Mikoto and Ruby walk onto the stage, wearing
black miniskirts and tank tops in various colours, hoping that they're going to do another sexy
number. The girls, holding their hands behind their back so the audience can't see, position
themselves near four microphones at the back of the stage. Freya follows them out to man the
keyboard.)
Fire Angel:
And as much as I'm annoyed with him, he's next on the schedule so I suppose I'll have to ask you
to welcome him… Zidane Tribal with 'The One and Only Tinkle Song', ladies and gentlemen, and his
guest star, Vivi Ornitier!
(The men sigh in disappointment, but the women all get up and cheer as Zidane walks out onto the
stage, followed nervously by Vivi. Both are wearing microphone headsets.)
Zidane:
Vivi, remember that time we were hanging out at Madain Sari, and I was teaching you about a very
important ritual between two male friends?
Vivi:
Uhh… yeah…
Zidane:
Well, the other day when we were hanging out at Esto Gaza, I noticed you were still a little
nervous about making it that public.
Vivi:
If you had any sense in you Zidane, you'd be nervous too.
Zidane:
Aah, but no! I have the perfect way to take all of this nervousness away from you. Let me tell
you all about this beautiful art. Freya, take it away, girl!
(Freya starts playing the keyboard, which is set on a music-box type sound, to the melody of
'Tomorrow, the Bicycle' [AN: Sailor Mercury's Stars Theme] from Sailor Moon. Zidane lets her give
him a relatively length intro, and then turns to Vivi, not singing, but merely talking in time
with the song.)
Zidane:
This is a song about tinkling
Tinkling is a very nice thing to do
(The female members of the audience groan, but the males start jumping up and down, happy that
someone finally understands the need to exploit bodily functions in public.)
Zidane:
So I present to you this song
Dedicated to
(Dagger, Beatrix, Mikoto and Ruby, the little makeshift choir, roll their eyes at one another as
they sing the next line.)
Choir:
Tinkling
Vivi:
Oh no, Zidane. Seriously, you can't do this! You can't sing a song about…
Choir:
…tinkling…
Vivi:
…in a concert like this! For heavens sake, the one and only…
Choir:
…tinkle…
Vivi:
…song? And would you quit that, guys? That's really annoying! I can say…
Choir:
…tinkle…
Vivi:
…on my own! ARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!
(Zidane grins at Vivi, and continues to 'sing' as if the young mage never even spoke. He winks at
Dagger, who giggles.)
Zidane:
Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, tinkle
It's something that one does with his or her time
It cheers you up when you are down
Pulls smiles out of frowns
So just
Choir:
Tinkle
Zidane:
Whether you go on a rooftop
Where no-one can see
Or you can go in chocobo forest
("Eww…" mutters Vivi, looking away. "That's gross, Zidane.")
Zidane:
Or even in the sea!
("Yum…" says Quina from offstage. "Seawee."
"Quina, you are gross," Salamander replies. "Get out of my sight."
"Seawee and Froggy for tea! Seawee and Froggy for tea!")
Zidane:
And if anyone sees you
Taking your pee
Just say, "It's all biodegradable…
Choir:
…so you can't sue me!"
Vivi:
Someone can sue you for…
Choir:
…tinkling…
Vivi:
…in public?
Zidane:
Maybe in some foreign place, little mage, but not where we come from! Because it's all
biodegradable!
Choir:
And it means you can't sue me!
("I like this bit," says Fire Angel, who's gone up to sit in the lighting and sound booth with
Satan's and Chibi. "I added this one in myself, cos the song was too short."
"What?" asks Satan's Angel. "You've added more to OUR song?!"
"Hehe," Fire Angel replies. "Yes, I did. Only a little bit, before the last two verses."
Meanwhile, on stage, Vivi is beginning to look very worried.)
Zidane:
Vivi, tinkling is the answer to your problems. Tinkling is the relief from your fears… and also
one too many drinks. Tinkling will make you attractive to all the women out there… making you
cooler than all the men! So if you just…
Choir:
…tinkle…
Zidane:
And…
Choir:
…tinkle…
Zidane:
And…
Choir:
…tinkle…
Zidane:
…some more, you'll be the coolest guy in the…
Zidane & Choir:
…neighbourhood! So…
Zidane:
Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle
I know it's a little scary at first
But trust me, and you'll see
There's nothing better than pee!
So
Choir:
Tinkle
(With a rabid yell, Vivi leaps to his feet, unzips his fly and showers the audience with urine.
The choir and Freija wrinkle their noses in disgust, and the audience screech in protest as Vivi
joins Zidane at the mike. Zidane grins at the young boy as they 'sing' the next verse to the
audience.)
Zidane & Vivi:
Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle
Zidane:
I hope you've learnt something from this song
Vivi:
It's done by mice and lions
So just broaden your horizons
Zidane:
And just tinkle your life
Choir:
Tinkle your life
Zidane:
Away
Zidane, Vivi & Choir:
Tinkle your life away
(As everything fades to black and performers walk off stage, Fire Angel sends a jet of water
spraying over the audience, and then a massive blow-dryer passes overhead, and they're all as
they were before the tinkle incident, save a little frustrated and extra-fuzzy hair. She grins as
she approaches the microphone.)
Fire Angel:
No comment. Commercial break!
Presented by Squartz Entertainment
Fire Angel
DISCLAIMER: We all know that none of the characters here belong to me, although it's pretty damn
unfortunate that they don't! The song for this chapter was going to be 'Serious' and like 'You
and I' it is by the band formerly known as Five, now known as Zero (hah-hah, oh aren't I
funny?!). Yes. `Tis right. However, I got bored with that song and ended up changing it to two
different songs - 'Born too Late' from Happy Days: the Musical and 'The One & Only Tinkle Song'
by Satan's Angel and myself. Hah-hah!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: La-la-la! Sumimasen, minnasan, I appear to be in a very weird mood. Perhaps it's
because I just had my first day of year ten (*gasp* She's only in year ten?! - sorry, that's the
response I usually get. People usually think I'm older). Ah well, grin and bear it. It's okay, I
guess, except that tomorrow I have triple math! Waaaahhhh! Okay, okay, now that I'm over THAT,
this is part 7 of 12 of the Melodies of Life Tour… only five more parts to go… and I want them
gone so I can start work on this new series I've got an idea for… I'm hoping to do two parts a
week of this so I can finish it, and I guess if I get enough good responses I might do a second
series later on, except maybe with a different game or anime or something… haha, maybe I'll do it
with 'The Lord of the Rings'! With Frodo, who sings 'I'm short, and on pipe-weed I'm high…' Okay,
I think I'M high. Not really. Just kidding! Over it. PLEASE E-MAIL ME! NO ONE E-MAILS ME
ANYMORE!!!!! AAHHH!!!!! (I think Satan's Angel is finally having her insane effect on me).
rinoa_heartilly86@hotmail.com is where you'll find me :ob (or at least the textish form of me).
Please please please e-mail me… or I guess you could just review *growl* But I do love e-mails!
Luv yaz! Bai!
The Melodies of Life Tour
Chapter 7: Born to Tinkle
(Once again, the stage is dark, except for the glitter falling down from the rooftop. Why this
was done, no one knows, it seems to be some weird quirk of Fire Angel's so the show doesn't
always start the same way after commercial breaks. Satan's Angel shines a purple light onto the
stage and Chibi Angel sister of Fire Angel, the new sound chick so Satan's doesn't have to handle
it all on her own, starts some funky sounding J-Pop [imagine Bust-A-Groove music] as Fire Angel
dances onto the stage.)
Fire Angel:
Welcome back to the Melodies of Life tour. For those that have only just joined us… Yo. I'm your
host, Fire Angel. You may know me as Daggerflame, or the goddess of flame, or the angel drawn to
the dancing flames… or maybe you don't. I have many names. But here, I'm just Fire Angel, your
mistress of ceremonies for the evening. Next we have Eiko, who won't be screaming this time,
ladies and gentlemen, but promises to sing a sweet and romantic song… which coming from Eiko,
could be almost as bad. Anyway. Please put your hands together for Eiko Carol with 'Born Too
Late'!
(The stage darkens. When it lights up again with a pale pink light, Eiko is walking out quietly,
wringing her hands. Her blue hair is pulled into a bun, with wisps of it falling around her face.
She is wearing a sparkly blue gown. She wrestles with the microphone stand until it is down to
her height, and then smiles at the audience. Dagger, Zidane and Blank walk out, and Blank quickly
moves to the drumkit at the back of the stage. Zidane plugs his electric guitar into the amp, and
Dagger picks up an alto saxophone from the top of the amp. The two guys are wearing suits, and
she is wearing a dress the same colour as Eiko's, but a lot slinkier… basically one that Zidane
can't keep his eyes off.)
Eiko:
Hello everyone. This is my first solo song tonight; in fact it's my only solo song tonight… and
I'm very nervous, so please don't laugh at me.
(Dagger starts Eiko off with a beautiful melody played on the saxophone. Zidane and Blank stare
at her in wonder, unknowing that she could play the instrument so well. She finishes the solo,
and there is silence. She glares at the guys, coughs, and plays the solo again. This time they
come in with their instruments at the right time, and Eiko starts to sing, looking sadly at
Zidane.)
Eiko:
Born too late
For you to notice me
(Zidane drops his guitar onto the stage. Unfortunately, it falls right through the stage with a
resounding crash. Not appearing to care about the guitar and the stage, he slams his hand against
his forehead.
"Oh no," he moans. "She's not."
"She is," says a quiet voice. It's Fire Angel, at the side of the stage. "She's in love with you.
She can't help it." With a quick jot on her pad of paper, the stage is fixed and Zidane's guitar
is back in his hands [AN: I'm the author, aren't I? If I write something, it happens. Gotta love
the power.]. He quickly begins to strum it, trying not to blush as Eiko stares sadly at him.)
Eiko:
To you
I'm just a kid that you won't date
Why was I born too late?
("Because you WERE!" Zidane yells, slamming the guitar onto the stage and breaking it again.
"It's not my fault your parents didn't have sex until I was already ten years old! All right?
Stop ASKING me these QUESTIONS!!!!"
"ZIDANE!" Fire Angel yells, walking out onto the stage. She sees the hole, sighs, and scribbles
on her paper again. As it fixes itself, she screeches, "APOLOGISE! NOW!"
"Sorry Eiko," Zidane mutters, sulkily holding onto his guitar.
"Now. Play," Fire Angel says coldly. "Another outburst like that and you're out of this fic for
good."
"But Fire Angel," Zidane whines.
"Don't whine."
"I'm not whining," Zidane whines.
"Whining 'I'm not whining' is not effective," she replies, a glint of amusement in her eyes.
"It's Eiko's song. I gave her my express permission to do it. Don't wreck it, or it'll be your
head I want.")
Eiko:
Born too late
To have a chance to win your love
Oh why, oh why was it my fate
To be born too late?
I see you walk with another
I wish it could be me
I long to hold you and kiss you
(SMASH.
"Zidane!"
"I'm sorry!" Zidane yells to offstage. "But it's kinda hard not to freak when you've got a six
year old telling you she wants to hold you and kiss you when you're sixteen!"
"I've had seven-year-olds hit on me before," is Fire Angel's reply.
"So? You're fifteen?"
"Oh what? It's still eight years difference!"
HSAMS.
"What the hell was that?" asks Zidane.
"It was me reversing your smash of the stage," replies Fire Angel.
"Oh.")
Eiko:
But I know it never can be
For I was
Born too late
To have a chance to win your love
Oh why, oh why was it my fate
To be born too late?
("Why does she keep asking that?" Zidane mutters. "It's not like she don't know the answer."
"Leave her alone, Zid," Dagger says quietly. "She can't help it."
"You know, that dress suits you," Zidane says. "Not as much as that corset did though."
"Now is not the proper time-" Dagger starts, but she is cut off when Zidane kisses her. Eiko runs
off stage, crying, when she sees them.
"ZIDANE!" Fire Angel screams. She storms out on stage. She seems to tower over him, even though
she is really very short. "You're lucky I think you're cute, otherwise your monkey-tailed ass
would now be being hurled out of this hall faster than you can say 'Hakuna Matata'."
"Wait. Ya think I'm cute?"
"For the love of God. Perform, or I'll write that Dagger disappears to Middle-earth and falls in
love with a hobbit. You wouldn't like that, would you?"
"God no!"
"Then stop kissing Dagger and play your goddamn gee-tar!"
Eiko quietly walks back out on stage, refusing to look at Zidane.)
Eiko:
Now I see you walk with another
And I wish it could be me
I long to hold you and kiss you
But I know it never can be
For I was
(All the guys in the audience are very satisfied by this performance, because much like in
Dagger's earlier song, they are now comforting their sobbing girlfriends.)
Eiko:
Born too late
For you to care now, my heart cries
Because your love just wouldn't wait
Why was I born too late?
(By now even Dagger is crying.
"Poor Eiko, I didn't realise she felt this way!" she cries, clutching to her saxophone like it's
her last hope of staying alive. Everything pauses as she is supposed to come in for a solo, and
she lets out a huge wailing sob. Then, blushing, she picks up her saxophone and plays the solo.
When she has finished, Eiko belts the final chorus out one more time.)
Eiko:
Born too late
For you to care now, my heart cries
Because your love just wouldn't wait
Why was I born too late?
Why was I born too late?
(The lights go off as Dagger finishes the song with another solo. A single light comes back on,
and Fire Angel comes back out to the front. She is not crying, but in fact looks rather annoyed.)
Fire Angel:
Guess what, ladies and gentlemen? Another short piece of music, which means we get another song
before the commercial break.
(The men of the audience cheer as Dagger, Beatrix, Mikoto and Ruby walk onto the stage, wearing
black miniskirts and tank tops in various colours, hoping that they're going to do another sexy
number. The girls, holding their hands behind their back so the audience can't see, position
themselves near four microphones at the back of the stage. Freya follows them out to man the
keyboard.)
Fire Angel:
And as much as I'm annoyed with him, he's next on the schedule so I suppose I'll have to ask you
to welcome him… Zidane Tribal with 'The One and Only Tinkle Song', ladies and gentlemen, and his
guest star, Vivi Ornitier!
(The men sigh in disappointment, but the women all get up and cheer as Zidane walks out onto the
stage, followed nervously by Vivi. Both are wearing microphone headsets.)
Zidane:
Vivi, remember that time we were hanging out at Madain Sari, and I was teaching you about a very
important ritual between two male friends?
Vivi:
Uhh… yeah…
Zidane:
Well, the other day when we were hanging out at Esto Gaza, I noticed you were still a little
nervous about making it that public.
Vivi:
If you had any sense in you Zidane, you'd be nervous too.
Zidane:
Aah, but no! I have the perfect way to take all of this nervousness away from you. Let me tell
you all about this beautiful art. Freya, take it away, girl!
(Freya starts playing the keyboard, which is set on a music-box type sound, to the melody of
'Tomorrow, the Bicycle' [AN: Sailor Mercury's Stars Theme] from Sailor Moon. Zidane lets her give
him a relatively length intro, and then turns to Vivi, not singing, but merely talking in time
with the song.)
Zidane:
This is a song about tinkling
Tinkling is a very nice thing to do
(The female members of the audience groan, but the males start jumping up and down, happy that
someone finally understands the need to exploit bodily functions in public.)
Zidane:
So I present to you this song
Dedicated to
(Dagger, Beatrix, Mikoto and Ruby, the little makeshift choir, roll their eyes at one another as
they sing the next line.)
Choir:
Tinkling
Vivi:
Oh no, Zidane. Seriously, you can't do this! You can't sing a song about…
Choir:
…tinkling…
Vivi:
…in a concert like this! For heavens sake, the one and only…
Choir:
…tinkle…
Vivi:
…song? And would you quit that, guys? That's really annoying! I can say…
Choir:
…tinkle…
Vivi:
…on my own! ARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!
(Zidane grins at Vivi, and continues to 'sing' as if the young mage never even spoke. He winks at
Dagger, who giggles.)
Zidane:
Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, tinkle
It's something that one does with his or her time
It cheers you up when you are down
Pulls smiles out of frowns
So just
Choir:
Tinkle
Zidane:
Whether you go on a rooftop
Where no-one can see
Or you can go in chocobo forest
("Eww…" mutters Vivi, looking away. "That's gross, Zidane.")
Zidane:
Or even in the sea!
("Yum…" says Quina from offstage. "Seawee."
"Quina, you are gross," Salamander replies. "Get out of my sight."
"Seawee and Froggy for tea! Seawee and Froggy for tea!")
Zidane:
And if anyone sees you
Taking your pee
Just say, "It's all biodegradable…
Choir:
…so you can't sue me!"
Vivi:
Someone can sue you for…
Choir:
…tinkling…
Vivi:
…in public?
Zidane:
Maybe in some foreign place, little mage, but not where we come from! Because it's all
biodegradable!
Choir:
And it means you can't sue me!
("I like this bit," says Fire Angel, who's gone up to sit in the lighting and sound booth with
Satan's and Chibi. "I added this one in myself, cos the song was too short."
"What?" asks Satan's Angel. "You've added more to OUR song?!"
"Hehe," Fire Angel replies. "Yes, I did. Only a little bit, before the last two verses."
Meanwhile, on stage, Vivi is beginning to look very worried.)
Zidane:
Vivi, tinkling is the answer to your problems. Tinkling is the relief from your fears… and also
one too many drinks. Tinkling will make you attractive to all the women out there… making you
cooler than all the men! So if you just…
Choir:
…tinkle…
Zidane:
And…
Choir:
…tinkle…
Zidane:
And…
Choir:
…tinkle…
Zidane:
…some more, you'll be the coolest guy in the…
Zidane & Choir:
…neighbourhood! So…
Zidane:
Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle
I know it's a little scary at first
But trust me, and you'll see
There's nothing better than pee!
So
Choir:
Tinkle
(With a rabid yell, Vivi leaps to his feet, unzips his fly and showers the audience with urine.
The choir and Freija wrinkle their noses in disgust, and the audience screech in protest as Vivi
joins Zidane at the mike. Zidane grins at the young boy as they 'sing' the next verse to the
audience.)
Zidane & Vivi:
Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle
Zidane:
I hope you've learnt something from this song
Vivi:
It's done by mice and lions
So just broaden your horizons
Zidane:
And just tinkle your life
Choir:
Tinkle your life
Zidane:
Away
Zidane, Vivi & Choir:
Tinkle your life away
(As everything fades to black and performers walk off stage, Fire Angel sends a jet of water
spraying over the audience, and then a massive blow-dryer passes overhead, and they're all as
they were before the tinkle incident, save a little frustrated and extra-fuzzy hair. She grins as
she approaches the microphone.)
Fire Angel:
No comment. Commercial break!