Merci beaucoup to Dylan, Katie, Seletha, Craklyn, Linser (no, he just appeared by chance, it had nothing to do with bodily functions:), enckbs, PZB (us nuts got to stick together, right?:) i wouldn't resort to violence to get reviews...heh heh heh...:), Solaris (lots of Ardeth is coming in chapter 5, along with more Jonathan and some quality Rick/Evy time :) Thanks for putting this on your fave list, I'll try to keep it up!:), and Mahaja (oopsie. I did mean to have Velasquez be her last name, following the Izzy Parkes tradition (Izzy Buttons just didn't sound presidential:), but for some reason Vasquez ended up in the copy instead).

Title is from "Sliding Doors," a must-see for Jonathan fans. 'Cheer up. You know what the Monty Python boys say.'...'Oh, I don't know. Always look on the bright side of life?'...'Nope. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!' How many times have I repeated that phrase throughout my author's notes? Probably too many.

I don't know what the White House looks like inside save my "West Wing" know-how, so I just made it up. But there has to be a bar somewhere in the White House, wouldn't you think? :)

4: "I'm not as drunk as thinkle peep I am."

He appeared nervous, twisting the little cap that all the tour guides wore in his sweaty hands, shuffling from one foot to the other across the square of blue-gray carpet. The three men watched him from across the lobby, debating the wisdom of trusting him.

"What if he's lying?" one of the men said.

"We've been over this, Daniels. We'll never know if we don't try."

"Yeah, what's the harm?"

"The harm? Burns, you idiot, the harm is that we could get thrown in prison for this!"

"We'll cover our tracks, don't worry."

"You're one to talk, Henderson."

The man in question chose that moment to walk over and interrupt the conversation. "Uh, excuse me, sirs, I am Beni Gabor. Are you looking for me?"

"Yes, Mr. Gabor," said Henderson. "We've decided to take you up on your offer."

"Excellent, excellent," Beni said, his mouth twisting into a little grin. "If you'll just follow me..."

The three men walked slightly behind Beni as he led them in increasingly complicated circles through the hallways. They saw the decor change from plush blues and purples dotted with geometric patterns and meant for the public eye to stark gray and white corridors of florescent lighted sameness within a few meters.

Beni stopped abruptly at a door marked only with the words Caution: Radioactive Material. "In here, gentlemen."

"Uh," Daniels pointed out eloquently, "I'm not sure this is the best idea."

"Yeah," Henderson said, "What's that sign mean?"

"Oh, that," Beni chuckled. "It's just to keep people out, don't worry about it. He's waiting for you in there."

"Well boys," said Burns, "let's do this."

Beni unlocked the door with a special magnetic key card, and gestured for the three men to go inside.

"Why don't you go in first?" Daniels asked.

"I have to lock it, sir. I'll be right behind you."

Daniels still didn't look convinced but the other two stepped readily into the room and he was forced to follow. He moved timidly through the doorway and into the darkness. "Is there a light switch or--"

Beni didn't hear the end of the question, as the door that he was busy slamming shut behind them was made of very, very thick steel.

Evelyn needed a drink. This was somewhat surprising because she, as a general rule, did not drink, but she figured if there was ever a time to start, it was now. She'd been terrorized in an airplane, abandoned at an airport, fallen in love with a man she didn't even know, tumbled out of a moving vehicle, and been shot at. It was that middle one which was giving her the most trouble, but she was trying not to think about it.

Somewhere from the dredges of her memory from previous visits over the years Evelyn recalled that there was a bar somewhere in the White House's cavernous basement. She remembered walking past it with Izzy once or twice when she'd been here last, and was sure it was just around this corner...or that one...or....

It was quite by chance that she stumbled upon the little bar, tucked away in a corner. What actually drew her there was the faint sound of laughter floating out into the hallway from a slightly ajar door. Evelyn poked her head in the room, quite surprised to see a woman sitting at the bar, quite clearly already drunk, giggling to herself about something or another.

Evelyn cleared her throat and the woman whipped around on the barstool, nearly losing her balance. Recovering, she raised her glass in Evelyn's general direction, and said, "You know what? Screw men."

"Um...do I know you?"

Meela began to giggle again. "Probably. Strange bald men in mirrors seem to know me, so why not you, too?"

"You don't work here, do you?"

"Nope. My dumb-ass boyfriend dragged me here and then I got lost on the way back from the bathroom. Then, voila! Alcohol!"

"How did you know there was a bar down here?"

Meela furrowed her brow, staring deep into the shot glass as if to divine the mysteries of the universe from its depths. "I don't know. I just knew."

Evelyn sighed and took a bar stool. "Pour me some, would you?"

"Sure thing. What's wrong with you?"

"No, you first, you've got a head start on me anyway."

"All righty. Hmm. I guess it all started when I started to start having these visions."

"Visions? What sort of visions?"

"Of the '70s." Meela shuddered. "Ugh."

"Scary."

"Yeah. All I remember is bellbottoms and plaid, and this really cute guy, and a gun."

"A gun?"

"I think I killed myself. I mean, in the vision, I mean. Obviously I didn't kill myself, I mean, I'm sitting right here."

"Perhaps you're a ghost." Evelyn hiccupped. "Oh my."

"Would you like some more?"

"Sure."

"So what's your problem, anyway?"

"I don't know. I'm confused."

"Are you having visions of bald men in mirrors, too?"

"No. No visions. And O'Connell's not bald. He actually has long hair. And I hate long hair on guys."

"Then whad is the problem? Forget the bastard."

"He saved my life. I can't forget him."

"Hmm. Tough one. Is he cute?"

"Absolutely." Evelyn put her head in her hands. "Oh God. I shouldn't have drunk anything."

"Uh, Evelyn?"

The women's heads whipped toward the door (resulting in quite a headache for both of them) to behold O'Connell standing there looking slightly confused. "O'Connell!" said Evelyn. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you in the hospital?"

"They fixed me up, sent me home. I thought I'd check on you, I snuck past Bey."

"Bey," Meela snorted. "He left me and Jonathan alone for four hours! Four hours!"

"Jonathan Carnahan?" Evelyn asked.

"Yes, that asshole."

"Wait a minute, are you Meela?"

"Yes, I think so."

"I'm Evelyn, Jonathan's sister!"

"Oh! Evy! I've heard so much about you!"

"Excuse me," O'Connell interrupted. "Am I missing something here?"

"This is Meela, my brother's girlfriend. I've been dying to meet you."

"A toast!" Meela cried. "A toast to...something."

Before she could refresh Evelyn's glass, however, O'Connell had swept the liquor bottle out of Meela's hand. "As much as I enjoy stealing alcohol from the government, I really don't think Evelyn should drink any more."

"How dare you speak for me, O'Connell," said Evelyn, getting off the bar stool. "I don't...hey. There's something different about you. What did you do?"

Before he could answer, Evelyn keeled over. O'Connell barely managed to catch her before she hit the floor. Meela started giggling again. "I think she had too much to drink," she said.

"Yeah, now would you be so kind as to help me with her?"

"Sorry, I have to find a bald man wearing '70s clothes and raise him from the dead. But otherwise, I would."

"Uh...all right, then. Good luck with that."

"No problem." Meela grabbed the bottle and waltzed out of the bar. She turned down a few random hallways, then, exhausted, decided to lean against the wall for just a bit to catch her breath.

Unfortunately, Meela hadn't counted on that particular wall to be a trap door.

Or maybe she had.

~*~*~*~

I'm actually finding it really fun to write Meela. *shrugs* She's an interesting character even when she's not being evil.

Might you by chance be so kind as to review? : )