[Authors Note's: We thank you all for your wonderful reviews, I thought
you'd burn us at the steak for that one! Though I am glad you didn't. If
you're wondering if things get better for Monica than read on. I hope we
don't disappoint you]
[Disclaimer: UGH We don't own these people Jesus, get over it! ]
The Darkness
Her eyes were blood red from the tears that had been and are still being shed. She struggled to breath through her nose, as her mouth was still covered. He watched her intently and he somewhat enjoyed her sobs.
"IM gonna move my hand, don't scream "he said with a tone of warning. As she solemnly shook her head 'yes' he removed his hand to reveal her quivering chin and dry lips. He smiled down to her under him and for this moment he ceased to move. He moved himself down to kiss her.
She coldly and slowly just before his lips could meet with hers she turned her head to the side, and stared an item across the room focusing on it so she would not lose her composure. She would not let him see the victim he so desperately wanted her to now be. She would not give him that satisfaction.
He dropped her hands as a test to make her fight him. She did nothing but lay. She continued to cry there was no stopping it. Her body shook there was no stopping it, but the muscles in her legs that were struggling to fight him off gave into him and let him in. She closed her eyes again and tried to fight the waterfalls flowing from her eyes, but like before trying to stop it only made it grow.
She prayed for it to end. She wanted it to be over, but she knew it would never be over. The pain would remain long after he left her. Life would never be the same. Nothing would be the same.
She thought about Chandler, sitting at his desk oblivious to what was going on in this apartment this night. She would do anything to have him with her, to hold her and tell her that it would be OK. But he wasn't, and he could no longer be. She betrayed him by letting his best friend inside her. This was not her choice, it never would have been, but it was wrong, and no one could ever know.
She grunted from the weight he put on her his last time inside. As did he from the pleasures that went through his body. She cringed when she felt him let himself go inside of her. He kissed her cheek as a polite gesture to this monstrous act he had just created.
"See that wasn't so bad " He climbed off her, standing on his knees to adjust his pants before Rachel would come to him.
"Good girl " He bent down to kiss her cheek and her last remaining tears slid carelessly from her eye. She moved her hands to cover herself, as if he hadn't already seen her. She desperately tried not to show him her fears, but there was no hiding it. He had made her the victim he wanted.
He grabbed her face with his massive hand and forced her to look him in the eye.
"You tell anyone,. I meen anyone.... I'll do it again "His eyes buried deep in hers, and she knew this was no warning, this was a promise. He looked at his precious victim on the floor and smiled at what he had made her.
She didn't move after her door was shut, after all her silent praying he was gone. She sit on the floor grasping her shirt around her exposed body, crying. That was all she could do 'you'll be OK when he leaves ' That's what she told herself. But it wasn't OK, it still felt like he was with her, inside of her.
What's going to happen to her now? What's going to happen to Chandler?
She couldn't ever tell him, not only would Joey force himself on her again, she would lose him, what would he think of her if he knew? What would they all think? They couldn't know, ... none of them could know.
She tried to push past it and be happy with the silence he left her with. But his words clung to the inside of her ear and she heard it over and over again. He wouldn't really do it again would he? She brought a hand to her neck and rubbed at the soreness that he gave her. And she quickly wiped away at the remnants of the thousands of tears that left her face this night.
She clutched her shirt close to her body afraid to let herself lay exposed to the air. She slowly pulled her weak tired body up off the floor, she had tried so hard to fight him off, and he was so strong she barely had an energy left to take herself to the bathroom.
Her legs were the weakest for they didn't stop the fight until it was almost over. She met herself in the mirror and saw the face that stared back at her. Red eyes and tear streaked cheeks. It wasn't her, it was someone else. This wasn't her, it wasn't her on the floor laying helplessly under him. It was a dream that's all it was.
She could only pretend so long before the reality hit her again.
Desperate to wash him off her but he wouldn't leave no matter how hard she tried. This was a dream that's all it was. He was never with her, it didn't happen, and life was normal. She tried, but there was no convincing herself.
She replaced her shirt with pajamas and carried her tired body to bed.
The apartment was dark as she had left it again, not trusting it she walked as fast as her legs would take her. She reached the safety of her room and shut and locked the door behind her. She sighed relief when the door clicked when being locked and she turned to face her bed that she couldn't see. She had remembered leaving her light on. Someone must have turned it out.
She told herself not to worry that he was gone, but the feeling couldn't be shaken that he was still there. She sat on the edge of her bed pulling her covers back. Weary of any noise that might be him any movement that he might make, and thankfully there was nothing. Nothing but the cold silence.
She laid her tired body on her bed and she felt for the first time slight relaxation.
His massive arm enveloped her like a blanket and it sent her screaming into the air she ran for her door and she felt him behind her, he grabbed her fast and hard placing a hand over her mouth that didn't stop but only muffled the scream she was emitting. She took a breath and began thrashing about landing her foot square in his crotch where she wanted it.
She heard him grunt and hit the floor on his knees, she fumbled with the lock but she couldn't grasp it her nerves wouldn't let her. He was up and on her harder this time cautious of her feet. He slammed her hard into the door and he flipped the light switch and her eyes immediately went shut as reflex from the light, and reflex from knowing who she would see.
"Shh shhhh " His hand fought to quieten her. As her hands fought to keep her mouth free. He pulled her around to face him and his arms pinned her to him.
"Shh Monica. It's me "Chandler's worried and scared eyes went all over her face wondering why she had reacted that way to his touch. Her body was shaking and trembling and her sobs were noticed by him now. She thought he was Joey no doubt, it never crossed her mind that it might be him. She couldn't stop her body from showing the fear it was in and she couldn't stop her tears.
"IM sorry " She etched out through her gasps for air, and through her tears.
"What's wrong ? " He grabbed her arms tighter, and she closed her eyes and saw Joey, they way he pinned her to the floor Chandler had her to the door. She pushed his arms away but out of only concern she couldn't see, but he kept bringing them back. And everytime his hand touched her skin it felt like Joey was all over her again.
"Don't touch me " she sounded cold and he didn't know why. He stood in front of her, a sobbing mess against her door she had thrown his hands off her. She desperately tried to calm herself but her breathing was still irratic. And his innocent eyes pleaded hers to tell him what was wrong.
He wiped a tear from under her eye and moved to hug her, she felt his hand on her face and she felt Joey's hand on her mouth She heard Chandler's voice but saw Joey's face. She felt Chandler's touch as she felt Joey's.
He pulled her into his hug and she let him. Pushing Joey out of her mind. This was Chandler he would never hurt her. She cried in his arms and he still didn't know why. He did nothing except what he thought he should do and he held her tight.
His tight embrace made her feel Joey's. Chandler could offer no touch that wouldn't feel like his. And she pushed him off her.
"Please don't touch me " She said her voice shaky and you could hear her desperation and her crying. He moved his hand to rub her face and saw when she jerked away. He took a step towards her and she moved herself as far onto the door as she could get.
"Please stop " She was reliving Joey all over again, pinned against the door no way out except past him. It was Chandler she knew but Joey wouldn't leave her mind. He looked at her so confused as she let her body to fall to the floor. He kneeled to the floor to be with her even though he had no idea what was going on.
Time passed slowly few minutes felt like few hours. And the silence only made it seem longer.
"Is this about Rachel ? " he said looking into her red eyes. And got a blank stare in return.
"Monica,.. she meens nothing to me,.. I love you "Those words stung her now, she needed them an hour ago but where were they? They hurt her, and they shouldn't have.
"Don't " she was still heavily sobbing, and she wrapped her arms around her knees that were up near her face. Trying to protect herself from this feeling that Joey had left her with.
Chandler's face signaled annoyance, why not? He didn't know what was going on, to him this was all about his tryst earlier with Rachel. He remained kneeling with her she tried to get herself as far away from him as she could but she couldn't seem to get far enough.
"Yes,., " She stated calmly, leaving him confused again.
"Yes, what? " she could hear the irritation in his voice.
"This is about Rachel." Her voice was still shaken but it was calm. He couldn't believe what she had said. It was a lie yes, she couldn't possibly tell him what had really happened.
"It was just so hard seeing that, everytime you touch me it feels like " She stopped her sentence and felt the painful sting of reality. It had really happened, and no matter what she said to him she knew she had to tell him.
"We need to talk" Her face was so guilty and with her matching tone she stood to meet him in his new spot.
"No, Monica we don't " He skillfully unlocked the door that gave her such hell just few seconds earlier. He made his way to the living room walking quickly this told her that he wasn't too happy to be in her presence.
"This isn't about Rachel, I was ."
"Lying? " He faced her, and she saw the anger in his face. If only he could understand. She had to make him understand. She walked swiftly to match his pace, and babbled things trying to make him stop.
They left the safety of her apartment and he made his way inside his, but something stopped her from following him inside. She stopped herself from entering and she stood in the middle of the hall begging for him to join her. He stood with his back to her. Listening to her pleas, and he couldn't make himself stay away.
He turned and faced her, he looked now less angry and more caring. And he asked her what was so important that she had to say. She remembered what Joey had said to her, and she froze before a word of it could come out.
"What Monica?. What do you have to say? " His words demanded answers and his tone reminded her of the very reason she wouldn't enter that apartment. She broke down in the hall afraid of Joey's words, afraid of what he would do.
"I can't tell you " Her words barely translatable through her tears.
He knew the incident with Rachel earlier wasn't enough to make her act this way. He walked to her his eyes now showing concern for her.
"Mon,.. what's wrong? "He took her into his arms and walked her into his apartment, shutting the door behind him. Her body tensed to be in this place so close to him.
"I shouldn't be in here " She pulled away from him making her way to the door he shut.
"Mon what'd you have to tell me ? " He called out before she could leave him, she turned to answer him with an excuse, and there he was.
"Yeah Mon what'd you have to tell him? " Joey's voice rang in her ears. And the sight of him made her body shake.
"Nothing,. I. it was nothing "She spoke her voice shook and her whole body tensed from being so nervous. Chandler's face was twisted with confusion, he looked at her waiting for an explation. Joey stared into her eyes watching her shrink down to nothing in front of him.
"Chandler please.....come over to bed, ... please" She sounded more dependent on him to sleep in her bed more than she really wanted him to be there.
"Please"
"I'll be there..... in a minute "He saw her frantically glancing back to Joey. Who for some reason was still there. She walked across the hall wondering if he would really come to her.
"Joe ... there somethin goin on between you two ? " His brow was narrow and he rested a hand on the bar while he moved closer to his friend.
"Nahh why ? " Chandler shook his head no and looked to the floor.
"What'd she have to say? " Joey asked trying to sound friendly.
"Nothing, ... you walked in before she could finish " He noticed a look come across Joey's face, he couldn't pin point what kind of look it was.
She laid in her dark room with her blankets pulled up to her chin, she scrunched herself into a tiny ball and she waited for him. Hoping that he would be there soon, Worrying that it would be Joey to join her instead. The door could be heard opening and the soft footsteps could be heard.
She held her breath as she watched the shadow move to her. The darkness hid his identity. He stumbled over the tiny step, and cursed to himself. She let out a sigh of relief it was Chandler.
He removed his shoes but remained fully clothed. She pulled him closer to her, she shrank into his arms everytime he would move or shift in the bed, she would jolt awake thinking that Joey had come into her room, every noise she heard she convinced herself could be Joey.
All night she stayed buried in Chandler's arms. Occasionally peeking over them to see that her bedroom door remained shut. Her body quivered under his touch. She tried not too but she couldn't make it stop.
She closed her eyes escaping into her dreams, dreams where she was happy and nothing had happened. She was in her kitchen cooking dinner to surprise Chandler with when he came home, she was so happy to see him. So happy. Someone came up behind her and wrapped his arm around her and he swung her around. And it was Joey he threw her against her cabinets spilling food and drink into the floor. He put a hand to her neck and squeezed tight to the point where she thought she would pass out.
She gasped and her eyes shot open fighting off the arms and hands that she felt on her. He jerked away from a hand just before it landed on his face. And quickly pushed himself far away from her reach.
"Monica...what the hell are you doing? " his voiced calmed her, it was Chandler she was only dreaming. She caught her breath and he teetered dangerously on the edge of the bed wondering if she was OK, or if she was going to have another go at blackening his eye.
"I'm sorry...it was a dream. IM sorry "She rubbed her forehead, and he watched him scoot towards her, being cautious with his movements.
Small tears formed in her eye the dream was so real. Her breathing was calmer and Chandler pulled her to lay in his arms again. His lips landed a small kiss on top of her head. And brushed the hair out of her face.
"It's OK...I'll protect you " He was smiling she could tell. He planted another kiss on her head and tried to ease himself back into sleep, he adjusted the wrinkled up jeans he was still wearing and sighed heavily before drifting off. Leaving her alone in the darkness yet again.
She woke up again for what she could only guess to be the 30th time.The light shinned through her window waking her up and the rustling outside her door rattled her out of bed. She rolled to meet the empty spot that should've been filled in by Chandler. It scared her to think of how long she was alone.
She reluctantly rolled out of the bed not wanting to face anyone after what happened. She shuddered thinking of the night and prayed her apartment wasn't full of their friends like it was almost every morning.
She braced herself before opening the door knowing that there was a great chance Joey would be among the group on the other side. She opened the door and took a deep breath entering her living room. A small sigh escaped her lips when she noticed Joey was not present. Chandler, Ross, and Phoebe were sitting on the couch staring blankly at the t.v three coffee cups sat on the table in from of them.
"Hey " Chandler managed a weak smile, still confused about the night before. And the way she acted.
"Hi" she stood cautious in her door way, scanning the room for any sign of him.
He stood up from the couch and made his way to her.
"Did you have a bad dream last night?" he asked raising his hand to remove a piece of hair out of her face. Before his hand could reach her skin she jerked back tucking the strand of hair away before he could reach it.
"No why" she nervously moved away from him.
"Is this about last night" He meant her constant jerking and pulling away from him Her eyes plead guilty before him, and no matter how many times she answered no, he knew there was something wrong. Something too big to be passed off as being mad about Rachel.
She tore her gaze from Chandler and redirected it over his shoulder when she heard movement in the bathroom.
"Yeah a bad dream, ... that's what it was." she whispered still not realizing her gaze from the door.
"Where's Rachel?" Monica quickly made note of everyone in the room.
Chandler's brow furrowed
"At work, I think, why?"
The harsh realization that the only person it could be was Joey hit her like a ton of bricks. The bathroom door opened and sure enough Joey entered the living room. Monica's breath caught in her throat as her whole body tensed. Chandler noticed her tense and turned to see what she was looking at but all he saw was Joey. He locked eyes with her and gave her a wink.
"Morning Mon" Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes flashed to see if chandler had noticed her sudden change. And he did. He got a strange look on his face. And she smiled to him trying to mask the inkling of fear that wouldn't leave her.
She looked to the floor and saw the returned look Joey gave her, it was forceful and she felt like he was all over her again. And the look Chandler gave her accused her of many things. She turned and entered her bedroom shutting the door in his face.
"Can we talk?" Chandler turned to Joey, accusing him of the same things as Monica.
"Yeah sure" he followed chandler across the hall and into their apartment. Before Joey could reach the inside Chandler's words pounced on him like a cheetah to its prey.
"What the hell is going on? " He got a shocked look from Joey, and he was convinced that something was going on between he and Monica.
She heard them leave the apartment. Her body went weak and she buried herself in her blankets. She felt like running to Joey screaming "I didn't tell him anything " She felt like surrendering herself to him, so the torture would end.
And then there was the part of her that never wanted to leave her bed again. Seeing him so soon after, was like throwing salt on her fresh wounds. She curled in and cried. Hoping Chandler would come make it all go away. But he couldn't.
"What the hell are you talking about? " Joey's voice became defensive, and it pretty much told Chandler that his suspicions were true. Something was going on.
"I saw the way you two looked at each other"
"Nothing happened Chandler " he walked around to the other side of the bar and sat. Giving Chandler an annoyed look the whole way there.
"Someone's having trust issues" Joey said trying to be playful, he looked away acting as if he knew nothing.
"Why would i have trust issues? "
"Well you think because you go around kissin other people that she's doin it too "
"Wait, how'd you know about that? " he moved closer to the bar where Joey was firmly seated. With a strong look in his eyes he demanded answers.
"Ok,..Mon was upset last night.. so we talked. But that's it! " He got up and made his way to his bedroom.
"Seriously man trust issues " He added for good measure. Just before plopping down into his bed for a mid morning nap.
He ran a hand through his hair 'So it has to be the Rachel thing ' he thought to himself. It could be nothing else. He had to talk to her, he had to know what was going on. And something was defiantly going on.
"Mon....are.... are you awake? " He peered into the dull bedroom, shades closed curtains pulled. Darkness enveloped her.
"Yes, " She could barely be hear from her blanket fortress she had put herself in. She was sniffling a little trying to clear her voice. So that he wouldn't hear her a sobbing mess.
He pushed the door open to see clothes strewn about her bedroom floor which was a very 'UN-Monica' thing to do. He eyes focused on a shirt and he picked it up to examine it.
"Are you OK ? " He busied himself examining the shirt. Before she could answer he threw another question to her.
"What the hell happened to this shirt? " She tossed herself out of bed and ripped the shirt out of his hands. It was the shirt Joey ripped off her chest, buttons were missing, threads of string were tattered over the places where buttons used to be. A tiny blood stain on the bottom where she had sat on it before getting up. Under her eyes turned a flush shade of red.
"It's ......... old "She held the shirt close to her protecting it's truth from him. She turned her back on him, and brought a hand up, she cupped her face, to muffle the sounds of her tears.
"Monica.. what is wrong with you? " He put his arm on her shoulder and her body jerked at the feel of it. He pulled his hand away from her hard.
"Why do you do that? What'd i do ? "
"You didn't do anything Chandler " Her voice was still and somber, and her hands were still desperately gripping her tattered shirt.
"Tell me what it is " He reached a hand and grabbed her firm, turning her around to face him, revealing freshly shed tear streaks. His eyes looked concerned and confused. She wished she didn't have to lie to him.
She let her hand rest on the side of his face.
"Chandler I ..." She started speaking soft and warm, someone entering the apartment disrupted her sentence. Her eyes froze on him. Chandler saw the change he looked to Joey standing, he was looking at Monica. As soon as chandler's gaze found his he turned his head fast as if he weren't looking.
Her eyes laid back to Chandler, full of a guilt she couldn't shake. Full of a guilt that shouldn't be. She smiled to him shortly trying to cover the look that he saw. Her smile enraged him, his angry eyes started back into hers. Suddenly he knew what was going on. His eyes accused her more. Just before he left the room.
He rushed out of the apartment.
"Chandler.. where you goin ? " Ross called to him. But he got no answer. He stormed out the apartment, stopping to look in the eyes of the "Best Friend " Who he knew as sleeping with his girlfriend. He looked deep into Joey's dark eyes.
He shook his head at him, Joey returned it with confusion. And Chandler pushed past him and let the door slam in his face.
"What was that all about? " Ross added.
Joey flung the door open to chase after him. Letting the door slam once again.
"OK can anyone even hear me" A very irritated Ross shouted. Just before hearing Monica's door shut. And he gave an absent look to Phoebe who busied herself doing other things than listening to him.
"Chandler,. what the hell was that? " he approached to the bar where Chandler was hunched into a sitting.
"Just tell me what the hell is goin on here. " His head remained in his hands.
"Monica didn't tell you? " He knew she hadn't told him, there would be a totally different reaction if she had. And he knew she knew better.
His head came out of his hands and his wide eyes were enough for Joey to tell.
"No,. she didn't tell me. "
"Good cuz nothin happened. You're just being paranoid Chandler "He reasoned with himself and convinced himself that paranoia was the answer. At least it would be for now.
Joey had successfully evaded another interrogation. He walked by him still sitting at the bar confused of everything. It's as if a whole months events went on without him and he was totally lost. The something caught his eye.
"What happened to your hand Joe ? " Joey brought his hand to attention, seeming to be noticing this for the first time also.
"Oh a cut. "
"From what? Looks pretty nasty "He brought his hand up again to examine the wound.
"Fabric " Chandler looked confused.
"How can fabric cut you? And what the hell were you doing in the laundry room? " Joey laughed a little bit.
"Had a hot date the other night,.... "
"And? "
"You see Chandler.. Sometimes there's not enough time for buttons. Sometimes you get so into it you just rip things off. " He smiled proudly. Realization hit Chandler like a sixteen wheeler. And it hit him hard.
"So ya ripped her shirt off huh? "
"Yeah baby " He smiled still, and Chandler looked to the floor, his suspicions were right. Everything made sense why she wouldn't let him touch her. Her shirt practically shredded in places. Nearly falling to the floor from the weight of guilt everytime she was around him.
The puzzle was coming together now.
Her pillow cushioned her head, the blankets protected her from the air. Her tears could not be seen, her sobs could not be heard. They wont know as long as she stays in here.
Suddenly the door swung open slamming into the wall behind it. She must have jumped three feet off the surface of her bed. She faced the person at the door.
"You're fucking him aren't you? " His tone shocked her she looked around innocently.
"No! Nothing like that! " Ross and Phoebe jolted to the new noises around them. And they exchanged looks, and tried to leave, but the curiosity of the situation kept them there. The yelling was new to them. Today was normal until now for them.
"Then what the hell is going on? " He yelling ceased to desist. Joey heard from across the hall, and came running to see what it was. And that he had to save Monica from Chandler's yells.
"Nothing Chandler "
"That's bullshit Monica and you know it "
"Chandler..don't yell at her " Ross and Phoebe were innocent bystanders, just moving their heads from one scene to another. Confused.
He pushed her into her bedroom and shut and locked the door behind him. He backed her up until she fell onto her bed, she quickly sat up. Thinking that last night would replay except this time with Chandler.
"Monica tell me what is going on " He was calm, and he bent down to look her in the eye. Her eyes wanted so badly to tell him the truth he could tell, something was holding her back.
"I can't " She started to break down again, she tried to hide her face from him, but he grabbed her chin. And planted a small loving kiss, and instead of being repulsed by it she melted into it. And then he pulled away. She cried to the memory of being able to have that kiss anytime she wanted.
"Please tell me " he kissed her again, and again. Begging her to tell him. But she couldn't.
"Chandler...please stop, I can't tell you " She was crying and he was almost to it too, he hated to see her so torn up about something. And he had no idea how to make her feel better.
"You trust me don't you? "
"Yes, " She etched out
"Then tell me " He kissed her, and a tear fell from his eye.
"Tell me what's wrong with you " He put his hands on either side of her face and felt the wetness caused by her crying.
"If you trust me than tell me " He didn't want to cry, he knew something was seriously wrong with her. And she wouldn't let him help her.
"Chandler i- "
"Monica please " His eyes begged her and his hands remained on her face. She reached up and rubbed one hand that was on her. She then removed them with her hands looking at them, watching her tears fall on them. She couldn't look into him, the guilt was too much how could she have done this to him?
"I can't be with you if you don't trust me " He gripped her hands.
"Tell me " His words so soft they were bearly able to be heard. She looked away from his eyes, the blue lit up like a torch. She looked at his hands and fought with herself to tell him. And she fought not to tell him. She continued crying her straggled sobs were the only thing he heard.
She looked back to him, her eye lashes were wet, her lips were dry, she was clutching his hands hard. And he felt her loosen her grip and let go. And that was her answer. She wouldn't let him know what it was that was killing her.
He just looked away from her. She could still be heard sobbing he looked to the floor that he was still kneeling on. His hands remained in her lap. His blue torches burned inside of her soul trying to find what it was that she needed to say. His heart broke into a million pieces.
"Then I can't be with you " She slowly shook her head no, she couldn't believe he was saying it. HE can't be saying it. She wouldn't listen and she'd make him not listen too. She brought herself to her feet to meet him and her hands went against his skin.
She opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. She desperatly fought with herself to tell him. But Joey's words wouldn't let her. She couldn't let him do that to her again.
"Please don't leave me " She began to cry again, her eyes burned and her head ached from all the tears that had left her in these past few days. Her heart was about to explode, she couldn't be without him. Not now who would protect her from him at night? Who would be there for her when she needed to cry?
No one.
He turned from her taking her hands off him, for the hand that he would remove the other would go back on him, she made a promise to herself, she won't push him away anymore. She would welcome his touch his kiss his hug. She wanted him.
He held her hands away from him and looked into her eyes. She could see the hurt behind them and wondered if he could see hers too.
"Bye Mon " he tore his gaze away from hers and turned to walk to the door. His body stopped him before turning the door knob he couldn't do it, he couldn't leave her. He could hear her behind him sniffling.
He threw a look her way before pushing himself out the door. Leaving her alone in the darkness yet again.
That night she couldn't sleep. It was cold and she was alone. Her feet hit the cold wood floors and she tip toed to her door. She tried to be quite and she tried to hurry. He door knob turned with a tiny squeak her door was open, releasing her into the dark apartment.
She looked everywhere before leaving, since being in the dark all day and night her eyes were adjusted, but there were places she couldn't see, things she thought was Joey, things she knew was Joey.
Despite this paranoia she walked into the living room not pausing for a single second she knew if she paused she would freeze and never move. She reached the kitchen. Walking faster she was almost out. Her apartment door was getting closer and closer. And unlike any other night it was locked.
She opened the door revealing an even darker hallway. Before last night she had never noticed how black the night was. She knew the door wouldn't be locked as it never was. She quietly turned the door knob, exposing herself to the inside of the apartment.
Rachel could be heard, along with Joey they busied themselves with 'activities' while she snuk by the closed door. She was walking away from Joey's bedroom and her apprehensions grew short. The noises made by them was enough to tell her that they would be busy for a while.
She opened the door and inside was darkness. She felt at peace she was no longer alone. He was heard breathing sleeping soundly, and this comforted her. She rubbed his face caringly, and this startled him awake.
They met eyes, for the first time he saw no tears, no fear, no pain. He saw Monica. She smiled down to him, and his sleepy eyes just watched her, the light from the window made a glow around her silhouette making her look like an angel.
No words were spoken, he simply peeled back the edge of the blanket and she climbed into bed with him. She snuggled down into his arms and made herself a comfortable bed there. He brought the blanket down with her and rested his arm over her. She is able to sleep now.
He went through his ritual of getting back to sleep. And she loved this. He adjusted whatever clothing he seemed to be wearing in this case boxer shorts and a lose fitting T-shirt, squirmed in place for about 30 seconds sighed heavily and rested in comfort. All through this nightly ritual she smiled. He was still hers.
She slid herself down and it didn't scare her the least to be so close to Joey, her Chandler would protect her. When the noises stopped she grew a bit tense but just hid herself further under the blankets.
[Disclaimer: UGH We don't own these people Jesus, get over it! ]
The Darkness
Her eyes were blood red from the tears that had been and are still being shed. She struggled to breath through her nose, as her mouth was still covered. He watched her intently and he somewhat enjoyed her sobs.
"IM gonna move my hand, don't scream "he said with a tone of warning. As she solemnly shook her head 'yes' he removed his hand to reveal her quivering chin and dry lips. He smiled down to her under him and for this moment he ceased to move. He moved himself down to kiss her.
She coldly and slowly just before his lips could meet with hers she turned her head to the side, and stared an item across the room focusing on it so she would not lose her composure. She would not let him see the victim he so desperately wanted her to now be. She would not give him that satisfaction.
He dropped her hands as a test to make her fight him. She did nothing but lay. She continued to cry there was no stopping it. Her body shook there was no stopping it, but the muscles in her legs that were struggling to fight him off gave into him and let him in. She closed her eyes again and tried to fight the waterfalls flowing from her eyes, but like before trying to stop it only made it grow.
She prayed for it to end. She wanted it to be over, but she knew it would never be over. The pain would remain long after he left her. Life would never be the same. Nothing would be the same.
She thought about Chandler, sitting at his desk oblivious to what was going on in this apartment this night. She would do anything to have him with her, to hold her and tell her that it would be OK. But he wasn't, and he could no longer be. She betrayed him by letting his best friend inside her. This was not her choice, it never would have been, but it was wrong, and no one could ever know.
She grunted from the weight he put on her his last time inside. As did he from the pleasures that went through his body. She cringed when she felt him let himself go inside of her. He kissed her cheek as a polite gesture to this monstrous act he had just created.
"See that wasn't so bad " He climbed off her, standing on his knees to adjust his pants before Rachel would come to him.
"Good girl " He bent down to kiss her cheek and her last remaining tears slid carelessly from her eye. She moved her hands to cover herself, as if he hadn't already seen her. She desperately tried not to show him her fears, but there was no hiding it. He had made her the victim he wanted.
He grabbed her face with his massive hand and forced her to look him in the eye.
"You tell anyone,. I meen anyone.... I'll do it again "His eyes buried deep in hers, and she knew this was no warning, this was a promise. He looked at his precious victim on the floor and smiled at what he had made her.
She didn't move after her door was shut, after all her silent praying he was gone. She sit on the floor grasping her shirt around her exposed body, crying. That was all she could do 'you'll be OK when he leaves ' That's what she told herself. But it wasn't OK, it still felt like he was with her, inside of her.
What's going to happen to her now? What's going to happen to Chandler?
She couldn't ever tell him, not only would Joey force himself on her again, she would lose him, what would he think of her if he knew? What would they all think? They couldn't know, ... none of them could know.
She tried to push past it and be happy with the silence he left her with. But his words clung to the inside of her ear and she heard it over and over again. He wouldn't really do it again would he? She brought a hand to her neck and rubbed at the soreness that he gave her. And she quickly wiped away at the remnants of the thousands of tears that left her face this night.
She clutched her shirt close to her body afraid to let herself lay exposed to the air. She slowly pulled her weak tired body up off the floor, she had tried so hard to fight him off, and he was so strong she barely had an energy left to take herself to the bathroom.
Her legs were the weakest for they didn't stop the fight until it was almost over. She met herself in the mirror and saw the face that stared back at her. Red eyes and tear streaked cheeks. It wasn't her, it was someone else. This wasn't her, it wasn't her on the floor laying helplessly under him. It was a dream that's all it was.
She could only pretend so long before the reality hit her again.
Desperate to wash him off her but he wouldn't leave no matter how hard she tried. This was a dream that's all it was. He was never with her, it didn't happen, and life was normal. She tried, but there was no convincing herself.
She replaced her shirt with pajamas and carried her tired body to bed.
The apartment was dark as she had left it again, not trusting it she walked as fast as her legs would take her. She reached the safety of her room and shut and locked the door behind her. She sighed relief when the door clicked when being locked and she turned to face her bed that she couldn't see. She had remembered leaving her light on. Someone must have turned it out.
She told herself not to worry that he was gone, but the feeling couldn't be shaken that he was still there. She sat on the edge of her bed pulling her covers back. Weary of any noise that might be him any movement that he might make, and thankfully there was nothing. Nothing but the cold silence.
She laid her tired body on her bed and she felt for the first time slight relaxation.
His massive arm enveloped her like a blanket and it sent her screaming into the air she ran for her door and she felt him behind her, he grabbed her fast and hard placing a hand over her mouth that didn't stop but only muffled the scream she was emitting. She took a breath and began thrashing about landing her foot square in his crotch where she wanted it.
She heard him grunt and hit the floor on his knees, she fumbled with the lock but she couldn't grasp it her nerves wouldn't let her. He was up and on her harder this time cautious of her feet. He slammed her hard into the door and he flipped the light switch and her eyes immediately went shut as reflex from the light, and reflex from knowing who she would see.
"Shh shhhh " His hand fought to quieten her. As her hands fought to keep her mouth free. He pulled her around to face him and his arms pinned her to him.
"Shh Monica. It's me "Chandler's worried and scared eyes went all over her face wondering why she had reacted that way to his touch. Her body was shaking and trembling and her sobs were noticed by him now. She thought he was Joey no doubt, it never crossed her mind that it might be him. She couldn't stop her body from showing the fear it was in and she couldn't stop her tears.
"IM sorry " She etched out through her gasps for air, and through her tears.
"What's wrong ? " He grabbed her arms tighter, and she closed her eyes and saw Joey, they way he pinned her to the floor Chandler had her to the door. She pushed his arms away but out of only concern she couldn't see, but he kept bringing them back. And everytime his hand touched her skin it felt like Joey was all over her again.
"Don't touch me " she sounded cold and he didn't know why. He stood in front of her, a sobbing mess against her door she had thrown his hands off her. She desperately tried to calm herself but her breathing was still irratic. And his innocent eyes pleaded hers to tell him what was wrong.
He wiped a tear from under her eye and moved to hug her, she felt his hand on her face and she felt Joey's hand on her mouth She heard Chandler's voice but saw Joey's face. She felt Chandler's touch as she felt Joey's.
He pulled her into his hug and she let him. Pushing Joey out of her mind. This was Chandler he would never hurt her. She cried in his arms and he still didn't know why. He did nothing except what he thought he should do and he held her tight.
His tight embrace made her feel Joey's. Chandler could offer no touch that wouldn't feel like his. And she pushed him off her.
"Please don't touch me " She said her voice shaky and you could hear her desperation and her crying. He moved his hand to rub her face and saw when she jerked away. He took a step towards her and she moved herself as far onto the door as she could get.
"Please stop " She was reliving Joey all over again, pinned against the door no way out except past him. It was Chandler she knew but Joey wouldn't leave her mind. He looked at her so confused as she let her body to fall to the floor. He kneeled to the floor to be with her even though he had no idea what was going on.
Time passed slowly few minutes felt like few hours. And the silence only made it seem longer.
"Is this about Rachel ? " he said looking into her red eyes. And got a blank stare in return.
"Monica,.. she meens nothing to me,.. I love you "Those words stung her now, she needed them an hour ago but where were they? They hurt her, and they shouldn't have.
"Don't " she was still heavily sobbing, and she wrapped her arms around her knees that were up near her face. Trying to protect herself from this feeling that Joey had left her with.
Chandler's face signaled annoyance, why not? He didn't know what was going on, to him this was all about his tryst earlier with Rachel. He remained kneeling with her she tried to get herself as far away from him as she could but she couldn't seem to get far enough.
"Yes,., " She stated calmly, leaving him confused again.
"Yes, what? " she could hear the irritation in his voice.
"This is about Rachel." Her voice was still shaken but it was calm. He couldn't believe what she had said. It was a lie yes, she couldn't possibly tell him what had really happened.
"It was just so hard seeing that, everytime you touch me it feels like " She stopped her sentence and felt the painful sting of reality. It had really happened, and no matter what she said to him she knew she had to tell him.
"We need to talk" Her face was so guilty and with her matching tone she stood to meet him in his new spot.
"No, Monica we don't " He skillfully unlocked the door that gave her such hell just few seconds earlier. He made his way to the living room walking quickly this told her that he wasn't too happy to be in her presence.
"This isn't about Rachel, I was ."
"Lying? " He faced her, and she saw the anger in his face. If only he could understand. She had to make him understand. She walked swiftly to match his pace, and babbled things trying to make him stop.
They left the safety of her apartment and he made his way inside his, but something stopped her from following him inside. She stopped herself from entering and she stood in the middle of the hall begging for him to join her. He stood with his back to her. Listening to her pleas, and he couldn't make himself stay away.
He turned and faced her, he looked now less angry and more caring. And he asked her what was so important that she had to say. She remembered what Joey had said to her, and she froze before a word of it could come out.
"What Monica?. What do you have to say? " His words demanded answers and his tone reminded her of the very reason she wouldn't enter that apartment. She broke down in the hall afraid of Joey's words, afraid of what he would do.
"I can't tell you " Her words barely translatable through her tears.
He knew the incident with Rachel earlier wasn't enough to make her act this way. He walked to her his eyes now showing concern for her.
"Mon,.. what's wrong? "He took her into his arms and walked her into his apartment, shutting the door behind him. Her body tensed to be in this place so close to him.
"I shouldn't be in here " She pulled away from him making her way to the door he shut.
"Mon what'd you have to tell me ? " He called out before she could leave him, she turned to answer him with an excuse, and there he was.
"Yeah Mon what'd you have to tell him? " Joey's voice rang in her ears. And the sight of him made her body shake.
"Nothing,. I. it was nothing "She spoke her voice shook and her whole body tensed from being so nervous. Chandler's face was twisted with confusion, he looked at her waiting for an explation. Joey stared into her eyes watching her shrink down to nothing in front of him.
"Chandler please.....come over to bed, ... please" She sounded more dependent on him to sleep in her bed more than she really wanted him to be there.
"Please"
"I'll be there..... in a minute "He saw her frantically glancing back to Joey. Who for some reason was still there. She walked across the hall wondering if he would really come to her.
"Joe ... there somethin goin on between you two ? " His brow was narrow and he rested a hand on the bar while he moved closer to his friend.
"Nahh why ? " Chandler shook his head no and looked to the floor.
"What'd she have to say? " Joey asked trying to sound friendly.
"Nothing, ... you walked in before she could finish " He noticed a look come across Joey's face, he couldn't pin point what kind of look it was.
She laid in her dark room with her blankets pulled up to her chin, she scrunched herself into a tiny ball and she waited for him. Hoping that he would be there soon, Worrying that it would be Joey to join her instead. The door could be heard opening and the soft footsteps could be heard.
She held her breath as she watched the shadow move to her. The darkness hid his identity. He stumbled over the tiny step, and cursed to himself. She let out a sigh of relief it was Chandler.
He removed his shoes but remained fully clothed. She pulled him closer to her, she shrank into his arms everytime he would move or shift in the bed, she would jolt awake thinking that Joey had come into her room, every noise she heard she convinced herself could be Joey.
All night she stayed buried in Chandler's arms. Occasionally peeking over them to see that her bedroom door remained shut. Her body quivered under his touch. She tried not too but she couldn't make it stop.
She closed her eyes escaping into her dreams, dreams where she was happy and nothing had happened. She was in her kitchen cooking dinner to surprise Chandler with when he came home, she was so happy to see him. So happy. Someone came up behind her and wrapped his arm around her and he swung her around. And it was Joey he threw her against her cabinets spilling food and drink into the floor. He put a hand to her neck and squeezed tight to the point where she thought she would pass out.
She gasped and her eyes shot open fighting off the arms and hands that she felt on her. He jerked away from a hand just before it landed on his face. And quickly pushed himself far away from her reach.
"Monica...what the hell are you doing? " his voiced calmed her, it was Chandler she was only dreaming. She caught her breath and he teetered dangerously on the edge of the bed wondering if she was OK, or if she was going to have another go at blackening his eye.
"I'm sorry...it was a dream. IM sorry "She rubbed her forehead, and he watched him scoot towards her, being cautious with his movements.
Small tears formed in her eye the dream was so real. Her breathing was calmer and Chandler pulled her to lay in his arms again. His lips landed a small kiss on top of her head. And brushed the hair out of her face.
"It's OK...I'll protect you " He was smiling she could tell. He planted another kiss on her head and tried to ease himself back into sleep, he adjusted the wrinkled up jeans he was still wearing and sighed heavily before drifting off. Leaving her alone in the darkness yet again.
She woke up again for what she could only guess to be the 30th time.The light shinned through her window waking her up and the rustling outside her door rattled her out of bed. She rolled to meet the empty spot that should've been filled in by Chandler. It scared her to think of how long she was alone.
She reluctantly rolled out of the bed not wanting to face anyone after what happened. She shuddered thinking of the night and prayed her apartment wasn't full of their friends like it was almost every morning.
She braced herself before opening the door knowing that there was a great chance Joey would be among the group on the other side. She opened the door and took a deep breath entering her living room. A small sigh escaped her lips when she noticed Joey was not present. Chandler, Ross, and Phoebe were sitting on the couch staring blankly at the t.v three coffee cups sat on the table in from of them.
"Hey " Chandler managed a weak smile, still confused about the night before. And the way she acted.
"Hi" she stood cautious in her door way, scanning the room for any sign of him.
He stood up from the couch and made his way to her.
"Did you have a bad dream last night?" he asked raising his hand to remove a piece of hair out of her face. Before his hand could reach her skin she jerked back tucking the strand of hair away before he could reach it.
"No why" she nervously moved away from him.
"Is this about last night" He meant her constant jerking and pulling away from him Her eyes plead guilty before him, and no matter how many times she answered no, he knew there was something wrong. Something too big to be passed off as being mad about Rachel.
She tore her gaze from Chandler and redirected it over his shoulder when she heard movement in the bathroom.
"Yeah a bad dream, ... that's what it was." she whispered still not realizing her gaze from the door.
"Where's Rachel?" Monica quickly made note of everyone in the room.
Chandler's brow furrowed
"At work, I think, why?"
The harsh realization that the only person it could be was Joey hit her like a ton of bricks. The bathroom door opened and sure enough Joey entered the living room. Monica's breath caught in her throat as her whole body tensed. Chandler noticed her tense and turned to see what she was looking at but all he saw was Joey. He locked eyes with her and gave her a wink.
"Morning Mon" Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes flashed to see if chandler had noticed her sudden change. And he did. He got a strange look on his face. And she smiled to him trying to mask the inkling of fear that wouldn't leave her.
She looked to the floor and saw the returned look Joey gave her, it was forceful and she felt like he was all over her again. And the look Chandler gave her accused her of many things. She turned and entered her bedroom shutting the door in his face.
"Can we talk?" Chandler turned to Joey, accusing him of the same things as Monica.
"Yeah sure" he followed chandler across the hall and into their apartment. Before Joey could reach the inside Chandler's words pounced on him like a cheetah to its prey.
"What the hell is going on? " He got a shocked look from Joey, and he was convinced that something was going on between he and Monica.
She heard them leave the apartment. Her body went weak and she buried herself in her blankets. She felt like running to Joey screaming "I didn't tell him anything " She felt like surrendering herself to him, so the torture would end.
And then there was the part of her that never wanted to leave her bed again. Seeing him so soon after, was like throwing salt on her fresh wounds. She curled in and cried. Hoping Chandler would come make it all go away. But he couldn't.
"What the hell are you talking about? " Joey's voice became defensive, and it pretty much told Chandler that his suspicions were true. Something was going on.
"I saw the way you two looked at each other"
"Nothing happened Chandler " he walked around to the other side of the bar and sat. Giving Chandler an annoyed look the whole way there.
"Someone's having trust issues" Joey said trying to be playful, he looked away acting as if he knew nothing.
"Why would i have trust issues? "
"Well you think because you go around kissin other people that she's doin it too "
"Wait, how'd you know about that? " he moved closer to the bar where Joey was firmly seated. With a strong look in his eyes he demanded answers.
"Ok,..Mon was upset last night.. so we talked. But that's it! " He got up and made his way to his bedroom.
"Seriously man trust issues " He added for good measure. Just before plopping down into his bed for a mid morning nap.
He ran a hand through his hair 'So it has to be the Rachel thing ' he thought to himself. It could be nothing else. He had to talk to her, he had to know what was going on. And something was defiantly going on.
"Mon....are.... are you awake? " He peered into the dull bedroom, shades closed curtains pulled. Darkness enveloped her.
"Yes, " She could barely be hear from her blanket fortress she had put herself in. She was sniffling a little trying to clear her voice. So that he wouldn't hear her a sobbing mess.
He pushed the door open to see clothes strewn about her bedroom floor which was a very 'UN-Monica' thing to do. He eyes focused on a shirt and he picked it up to examine it.
"Are you OK ? " He busied himself examining the shirt. Before she could answer he threw another question to her.
"What the hell happened to this shirt? " She tossed herself out of bed and ripped the shirt out of his hands. It was the shirt Joey ripped off her chest, buttons were missing, threads of string were tattered over the places where buttons used to be. A tiny blood stain on the bottom where she had sat on it before getting up. Under her eyes turned a flush shade of red.
"It's ......... old "She held the shirt close to her protecting it's truth from him. She turned her back on him, and brought a hand up, she cupped her face, to muffle the sounds of her tears.
"Monica.. what is wrong with you? " He put his arm on her shoulder and her body jerked at the feel of it. He pulled his hand away from her hard.
"Why do you do that? What'd i do ? "
"You didn't do anything Chandler " Her voice was still and somber, and her hands were still desperately gripping her tattered shirt.
"Tell me what it is " He reached a hand and grabbed her firm, turning her around to face him, revealing freshly shed tear streaks. His eyes looked concerned and confused. She wished she didn't have to lie to him.
She let her hand rest on the side of his face.
"Chandler I ..." She started speaking soft and warm, someone entering the apartment disrupted her sentence. Her eyes froze on him. Chandler saw the change he looked to Joey standing, he was looking at Monica. As soon as chandler's gaze found his he turned his head fast as if he weren't looking.
Her eyes laid back to Chandler, full of a guilt she couldn't shake. Full of a guilt that shouldn't be. She smiled to him shortly trying to cover the look that he saw. Her smile enraged him, his angry eyes started back into hers. Suddenly he knew what was going on. His eyes accused her more. Just before he left the room.
He rushed out of the apartment.
"Chandler.. where you goin ? " Ross called to him. But he got no answer. He stormed out the apartment, stopping to look in the eyes of the "Best Friend " Who he knew as sleeping with his girlfriend. He looked deep into Joey's dark eyes.
He shook his head at him, Joey returned it with confusion. And Chandler pushed past him and let the door slam in his face.
"What was that all about? " Ross added.
Joey flung the door open to chase after him. Letting the door slam once again.
"OK can anyone even hear me" A very irritated Ross shouted. Just before hearing Monica's door shut. And he gave an absent look to Phoebe who busied herself doing other things than listening to him.
"Chandler,. what the hell was that? " he approached to the bar where Chandler was hunched into a sitting.
"Just tell me what the hell is goin on here. " His head remained in his hands.
"Monica didn't tell you? " He knew she hadn't told him, there would be a totally different reaction if she had. And he knew she knew better.
His head came out of his hands and his wide eyes were enough for Joey to tell.
"No,. she didn't tell me. "
"Good cuz nothin happened. You're just being paranoid Chandler "He reasoned with himself and convinced himself that paranoia was the answer. At least it would be for now.
Joey had successfully evaded another interrogation. He walked by him still sitting at the bar confused of everything. It's as if a whole months events went on without him and he was totally lost. The something caught his eye.
"What happened to your hand Joe ? " Joey brought his hand to attention, seeming to be noticing this for the first time also.
"Oh a cut. "
"From what? Looks pretty nasty "He brought his hand up again to examine the wound.
"Fabric " Chandler looked confused.
"How can fabric cut you? And what the hell were you doing in the laundry room? " Joey laughed a little bit.
"Had a hot date the other night,.... "
"And? "
"You see Chandler.. Sometimes there's not enough time for buttons. Sometimes you get so into it you just rip things off. " He smiled proudly. Realization hit Chandler like a sixteen wheeler. And it hit him hard.
"So ya ripped her shirt off huh? "
"Yeah baby " He smiled still, and Chandler looked to the floor, his suspicions were right. Everything made sense why she wouldn't let him touch her. Her shirt practically shredded in places. Nearly falling to the floor from the weight of guilt everytime she was around him.
The puzzle was coming together now.
Her pillow cushioned her head, the blankets protected her from the air. Her tears could not be seen, her sobs could not be heard. They wont know as long as she stays in here.
Suddenly the door swung open slamming into the wall behind it. She must have jumped three feet off the surface of her bed. She faced the person at the door.
"You're fucking him aren't you? " His tone shocked her she looked around innocently.
"No! Nothing like that! " Ross and Phoebe jolted to the new noises around them. And they exchanged looks, and tried to leave, but the curiosity of the situation kept them there. The yelling was new to them. Today was normal until now for them.
"Then what the hell is going on? " He yelling ceased to desist. Joey heard from across the hall, and came running to see what it was. And that he had to save Monica from Chandler's yells.
"Nothing Chandler "
"That's bullshit Monica and you know it "
"Chandler..don't yell at her " Ross and Phoebe were innocent bystanders, just moving their heads from one scene to another. Confused.
He pushed her into her bedroom and shut and locked the door behind him. He backed her up until she fell onto her bed, she quickly sat up. Thinking that last night would replay except this time with Chandler.
"Monica tell me what is going on " He was calm, and he bent down to look her in the eye. Her eyes wanted so badly to tell him the truth he could tell, something was holding her back.
"I can't " She started to break down again, she tried to hide her face from him, but he grabbed her chin. And planted a small loving kiss, and instead of being repulsed by it she melted into it. And then he pulled away. She cried to the memory of being able to have that kiss anytime she wanted.
"Please tell me " he kissed her again, and again. Begging her to tell him. But she couldn't.
"Chandler...please stop, I can't tell you " She was crying and he was almost to it too, he hated to see her so torn up about something. And he had no idea how to make her feel better.
"You trust me don't you? "
"Yes, " She etched out
"Then tell me " He kissed her, and a tear fell from his eye.
"Tell me what's wrong with you " He put his hands on either side of her face and felt the wetness caused by her crying.
"If you trust me than tell me " He didn't want to cry, he knew something was seriously wrong with her. And she wouldn't let him help her.
"Chandler i- "
"Monica please " His eyes begged her and his hands remained on her face. She reached up and rubbed one hand that was on her. She then removed them with her hands looking at them, watching her tears fall on them. She couldn't look into him, the guilt was too much how could she have done this to him?
"I can't be with you if you don't trust me " He gripped her hands.
"Tell me " His words so soft they were bearly able to be heard. She looked away from his eyes, the blue lit up like a torch. She looked at his hands and fought with herself to tell him. And she fought not to tell him. She continued crying her straggled sobs were the only thing he heard.
She looked back to him, her eye lashes were wet, her lips were dry, she was clutching his hands hard. And he felt her loosen her grip and let go. And that was her answer. She wouldn't let him know what it was that was killing her.
He just looked away from her. She could still be heard sobbing he looked to the floor that he was still kneeling on. His hands remained in her lap. His blue torches burned inside of her soul trying to find what it was that she needed to say. His heart broke into a million pieces.
"Then I can't be with you " She slowly shook her head no, she couldn't believe he was saying it. HE can't be saying it. She wouldn't listen and she'd make him not listen too. She brought herself to her feet to meet him and her hands went against his skin.
She opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. She desperatly fought with herself to tell him. But Joey's words wouldn't let her. She couldn't let him do that to her again.
"Please don't leave me " She began to cry again, her eyes burned and her head ached from all the tears that had left her in these past few days. Her heart was about to explode, she couldn't be without him. Not now who would protect her from him at night? Who would be there for her when she needed to cry?
No one.
He turned from her taking her hands off him, for the hand that he would remove the other would go back on him, she made a promise to herself, she won't push him away anymore. She would welcome his touch his kiss his hug. She wanted him.
He held her hands away from him and looked into her eyes. She could see the hurt behind them and wondered if he could see hers too.
"Bye Mon " he tore his gaze away from hers and turned to walk to the door. His body stopped him before turning the door knob he couldn't do it, he couldn't leave her. He could hear her behind him sniffling.
He threw a look her way before pushing himself out the door. Leaving her alone in the darkness yet again.
That night she couldn't sleep. It was cold and she was alone. Her feet hit the cold wood floors and she tip toed to her door. She tried to be quite and she tried to hurry. He door knob turned with a tiny squeak her door was open, releasing her into the dark apartment.
She looked everywhere before leaving, since being in the dark all day and night her eyes were adjusted, but there were places she couldn't see, things she thought was Joey, things she knew was Joey.
Despite this paranoia she walked into the living room not pausing for a single second she knew if she paused she would freeze and never move. She reached the kitchen. Walking faster she was almost out. Her apartment door was getting closer and closer. And unlike any other night it was locked.
She opened the door revealing an even darker hallway. Before last night she had never noticed how black the night was. She knew the door wouldn't be locked as it never was. She quietly turned the door knob, exposing herself to the inside of the apartment.
Rachel could be heard, along with Joey they busied themselves with 'activities' while she snuk by the closed door. She was walking away from Joey's bedroom and her apprehensions grew short. The noises made by them was enough to tell her that they would be busy for a while.
She opened the door and inside was darkness. She felt at peace she was no longer alone. He was heard breathing sleeping soundly, and this comforted her. She rubbed his face caringly, and this startled him awake.
They met eyes, for the first time he saw no tears, no fear, no pain. He saw Monica. She smiled down to him, and his sleepy eyes just watched her, the light from the window made a glow around her silhouette making her look like an angel.
No words were spoken, he simply peeled back the edge of the blanket and she climbed into bed with him. She snuggled down into his arms and made herself a comfortable bed there. He brought the blanket down with her and rested his arm over her. She is able to sleep now.
He went through his ritual of getting back to sleep. And she loved this. He adjusted whatever clothing he seemed to be wearing in this case boxer shorts and a lose fitting T-shirt, squirmed in place for about 30 seconds sighed heavily and rested in comfort. All through this nightly ritual she smiled. He was still hers.
She slid herself down and it didn't scare her the least to be so close to Joey, her Chandler would protect her. When the noises stopped she grew a bit tense but just hid herself further under the blankets.