Randland! Chapter 3: A rest stop, a wheel of time fanfic

A Rest Stop

"Buy someting or get out!" a voice with an Arabian accent told them grumpily. "I don have all day to watch you people" Aran-gar decided she should talk with this interesting individual. "But, 7-11 is supposed to be open 24 hours a day. You DO have all day to watch us. And if you're open all day, 24-7, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?" Aran-gar continued with other such intelligent questions, while everyone else circulated around the store.

Aviendha, as usual, was glued to Rand's side. Elayne and Min were close behind. Rand began to drift threateningly close to the beer freezer. Aviendha stared with a look of horror upon her face at the box of ice and snow. She promptly fainted. Loial ran over and waved a hot dog under her nose to wake her. She spluttered and sat up. When she saw who stood over her, she screeched and grabbed the hot dog away and started beating him with it. Loial managed to get away by hiding behind the nacho cheese machine. Rand watched this all with an air of amused uncertainty, which is very difficult to manage. Elayne glided up to him and grabbed his arm.

"Let Aviendha have the hot dog, I want you. I know you'll choose me." Rand looked down at her. Somehow, she managed to look beautiful even while looking totally evil. When she saw him looking, she smoothed her face and hugged him tighter. He managed to pry her off somehow. He couldn't keep any one of them near him if he thought he might hurt them.

I always destroy what I love, and love what I destroy Lews Therin whispered. Rand spun around and threw a bag of Cheetos at him. "Cut that out!" Lews Therin goggled his eyes at him and snapped his teeth. Rand backed away with his hands up. Lews Therin picked up the chips Rand had thrown at him and bit into the bag. Rand turned his back on him, and found himself face-to-face with Min. Or rather, chest-to-face. Min reached up his shirt enticingly, ran her hands along his chest, grabbed a handful of chest hair and ripped. He howled, clutching his chest. Perrin howled back. Rand gave him the look Lews Therin had given him. Or tried to. He just managed to look like he was choking. Min whacked his back a couple times until he could explain that he was just kidding. She continued whacking afterwards, for making her think he was choking. He picked her gently up and set her aside and strode to Perrin, who was sniffing the beef jerky. "Perrin?"

Perrin turned. He had a piece of beef jerky up his nose. With a growl, Lews Therin threw himself at Perrin and ripped the piece of beef jerky from Perrin's nose. He backed off growling and chewing at his prize. Perrin picked himself up with a stare for Lews Therin, then turned to Rand. "Yeah?"

Rand realized with an embarrassed start that he had forgotten what he was going to ask. "So, um, how are you?" He gave a yelp and jumped forward, spinning to see Perrin with his nose where Rand's butt had been. "You are so bizarre!" Perrin straightened, opened his mouth, and was run over. He lay sprawled beneath Faile, who was standing on her tiptoes to stare at Rand, eyes full of rage. "How DARE you call my husband bizarre!! He's not bizarre, he's gifted!!! How many peoples emotions have you been able to discern by sniffing them? Huh?!?"

Aviendha ran up, her large belt knife exposed. "You stay away from him! Stand back, Rand! I have toh towards you because of this woman." They circled around each other, the others gathering around to cheer them on.

Nynaeve launched herself at the two women and smashed their heads together. Hauling each up by her hair, she stuffed Aviendha into the freezer and Faile into the Nacho cheese machine. Staring at any who would complain, she dusted off her hands and tilted her nose in the air. "Violence is not the answer." Lan, who was a slow learner, opened his mouth to remark on the insult she just applied to herself, when he found himself caught up in a pair of large, hairy arms. "I love you too, Nyae-Hey! Loial, what are you doing?!?" The Ogier looked down at Lan with a queer light in his eyes. 'Hmmm,' Lan thought. 'queer is not a good emotion when caught up in the arms of a species of your same sex. '

"Lan?"

"What?!?"

"Lan, you're my friend."

"Uuuaaarg! I mean, um, thank you, Loial. Would you mind NOT HUGGING ME?!?"

"Of course, Lan. I'm your friend, aren't I, Lan?

Lan backed off slowly. "Yeah, sure, you queer, you're my friend, too. Just, stay away from me. " With a grin that split his face, Loial lumbered off to look at the popsicles. Lan shook his head. When he looked up, everyone was staring at him. "What?" Osan-gar tilted his head "Uh, it's just that you said that you loved Loial. . ."

"WHAT?!?"

Osan-gar shifted his feet. "Well, you said "I love you too," and we all just thought that was weird." Everyone nodded, and Lan went off in search for a Klondike Bar. Everyone got tired of staring at nothing, so they stopped. A honk sounded outside to signal them to hurry up.

Be'lal was trying to decide between an Abba Zabba and Rollos when he felt someone walk up behind him. Moiraine was there, looking at a Snickers. Be'lal was sure icicles should have been hanging from her chin, but that could have just been because he was standing next to a display of shoe polish and the fumes were getting to him. She stared at him frostily, and snatched at the Snickers. He placed his elbow so she would accidentally bump into it on the way back. The Snickers skittered under the shelf. Moiraine straightened, all Aes Sedai calm and composure, which was no fun, so he punched her. She just stood there, taking deep, angry breaths like she was trying not to tear the store apart and shove each of the pieces up his rectum. Maybe he shouldn't have punched her. She picked up the shelf with the Power, and threw it at him. At just the last minute, he realized he could channel, and did so. He caught it just as it hovered over his head. A force smashed into him from behind, and saidin vanished. He fell to the ground, with Lan on top of him, and unfortunately, so did the shelf.

Moiraine stared coldly at Be'lal standing next to the candy tray, apparently trying to decide between two candies, equally pointless. She would get that Snickers! Nothing else mattered, not even him. Just had to get close enough to...there! She stared in surprise as Be'lal's elbow shot out and knocked her precious Snickers to the ground. Not only did it touch the ground, but it actually went under the shelf, where she couldn't reach it. No! She knew she mustn't get hysterical, so she took several deep, calming breaths. She could get it back. She could get a long object and knock it out Breath in, breathe out. Calm. You'll get it back. Actually, they weren't that calming. As a matter of fact, it was almost like being hit in the face. Un-calmed by her breathing, Moiraine grew frantic. She suddenly realized she could pick up the shelf with the Power, and just reach under and pick up the Snickers. She grabbed saidar almost hysterically to picked up the shelf and flung it aside carelessly. There, There it was! Unscathed, it sat gleaming dully under the florescent lights, molested only by dust bunnies, but those were easily dispatched. Weaving a flow of Fire, she burst all of the marauding bunnies into flames. Ahhh, now she was free to NNOOOOOOOO!!! Her weave of Fire had MELTED the Snickers!!! With the look of madness in her eyes that she was barely able to suppress, she realized she could just get another. She was calm, cool, collected. Nothing could faze her. She walked calmly to the candy tray, which was for some reason lying on top of Be'lal and Lan. It didn't matter, all she needed was one Snickers. Just ONE SNICKERS! Be'lal began to twitch, but she didn't even notice. There they were, smashed to uselessness under the shelf. Under the shelf that she had thrown. She knew she was going to lose it. She could feel herself losing it She. . .was. . .losing it!

Lan stood over by the ice cream freezer, smiling at what he had found. A Choco Taco. He hadn't had one of those since he was a child. He opened the freezer, wanting to savor the moment. A very large presence in the air made him stop. He turned and saw the candy shelf hovering over Moiraine and strong feelings of loss and hysteria filtering through the bond from her. Then he saw the cause. Be'lal was standing there with a very odd expression on his face, as if he had to fart, but didn't want to make a noise. He shook himself to rid his head of bad analogies, and rushed to save his Aes Sedai.

Be'lal crawled back to consciousness, since anything faster would inevitably be painful. He stared up at Moiraine, staring at him with an awful expression on her face, as though he had been caught sleeping with her husband. He realized with a start that Lan was laying on top of him, and he pushed him off with a yell. Lan felt himself being pushed away, and wrapped his arms around the figure he was laying on. "I promise I'll never fall asleep again, Nynaeve. Just don't make me sleep with the horses," he mumbled. Be'lal screamed and lashed out with the Power. Lan went flying across the room, still mumbling, still thinking it was Nynaeve, smashing himself against the far wall. Moiraine felt him hit the wall, but even more clearly, she felt Nynaeve's braid around her throat. "AAUUUUKKK! Nynaeve, that wasn't me!" Nynaeve dropped her when she saw Be'lal. "YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND YOU PERVERT!" she screamed before a ball of fire burst out towards his head. It squashed itself to nothing on the shield Be'lal put up. He got up and turned to run.

Moiraine watched what was happening with a certain interest. After all, it was

Be'lal who had knocked the Snickers from her hand and started this in the first place. He got up to run, and Moiraine froze. There, stuck to his butt, somehow unharmed, was one remaining Snickers. She saw Nynaeve advance. She must have seen it too.

"NOOOOO!" she screamed, "IT'S MINE!!!!!" She rushed forward, hurling a wall of Air with all her might. Sending Be'lal crashing to the floor, the wall also took out one of the walls of the 7-11. Plaster and rubble flew.

When the dust cleared, everyone was deathly still except Moiraine, who sat triumphantly on top of an unconscious Be'lal, gnawing on what appeared to be a candy bar that had been just a moment before stuck to Be'lal's ass. Another honk sounded from out near the gas pumps, signaling Sarah and Heather were still waiting. Elaida began to creep back toward the van, and was set upon by Nynaeve wielding a beefstick. The man behind the counter was still engrossed in conversation with Aran-gar. He hadn't even noticed what had happened. Slowly, everyone shuffled to the counter to pay for their snacks. The cashier, Abuhdala, his nametag said, rung up everything without even looking up. "That be $67.84. An make it hurry, I don have all day to wach you peoples put you dirty fingers all over my stuff. Thank you, come again."

Heather looked up from where Sarah had strapped her to the front passenger's seat to see everyone file out clutching a snack. She was pleased. Sarah slammed her head against the steering wheel again, emitting a honk, in an effort to drown out the constant banter from the trunk. As everyone climbed back in the van, Heather twisted her head to regard their smiling faces. "So, how was it?"

"Fine" came a chorus of voices. Nynaeve held out a pitiful piece of meat to the front. "I bought you a beefstick."

Sarah and Heather looked at each other. "Uhhhhh. . .thanks. Where's the Myrddraal?"

Egwene sat straight up. "Who cares, let's go!" Heather gave her a weird look, which was no match for Lews Therin's, but was pretty disconcerting as it was. Egwene slumped down, still smiling. Lews Therin snickered, and Heather began to grow suspicious. "Where is he? And why is Faile covered in cheese sauce? And why is the WALL MISSING?? Where is HE? LEWS THERIN, WHAT IS THE MATTER?!?

Lews Therin swallowed uneasily. "Um. . .my nachos excite me" Heather gave him an exasperated look, and turned back to Nynaeve. "What happened in there?"

"Um. . .Moiraine wanted Be'lal's butt-candy" Heather twitched, but accepted it. Stranger things had happened. Peering at Lews Therin, she realized a lot stranger things had happened. The Myrddraal came running out with 5 slushies and a 16-inch high Frostee cone in his arms. He got into his seat, and Heather did another head count. "Okay, Sarah, we can go." Sarah gratefully turned on the engine to drown out the sound of Pip and Fain arguing whether toes or elbows tasted better with whipped cream. They peeled out onto the road. A low gurgle came from the back.

"Did everyone get a snack?" Everyone answered yes. "Then whose stomach is growling?" No one answered. Heather decided to ignore it, which was a mistake, since the low gurgle came again, and Lews Therin winced. Heather peered back at him, and it all hit home. The nacho cheese. Cheese. Dairy. Lews Therin wasn't supposed to have dairy. "Sarah, pull over." Heather shoved Lews Therin from the van, and got out his medical report from the glove compartment.

Caution: Cramps, gas, and chronic death may occur on consumption of dairy products. Heather looked to Lews Therin, who was sitting humming along to his gurgles. Well, it was only a little cheese she thought, and walked over to Lews Therin. "Do you feel ok?"

"Fine as goosefeathers. I take medication!" With an exasperated sigh, she stuffed him back in the van, and continued on their journey. They still had 4½ hours to go. Suddenly, Lews Therin piped up. "I forgot to take my medication this morning!" With an enraged scream, Heather crammed Lews Therin out the window, and he sat in the middle of the road singing until he was hit by a truck. "It's always fun to do that!" Heather said, beaming.

Heather realized she couldn't see Osan-gar or Aran-gar from her seat, and that worried her. She looked in the mirror, and they were sitting bending over something on their laps. Much to everyone in the back seat's horror, Heather climbed back there with them and sat on the floor. "What are you doing?" she asked, looking at their two stunned faces. "Uh. . ." Heather peeked over. "What's that?" Aran-gar held out a box of novelty items that had formerly been on the counter of the 7-11. "Counting cigarette lighters" Heather gave them an odd look. She was getting really good at that, and they gave a start, spilling the box. Heather surveyed the contents on the floor. "Hmmm, keychains, 18 faux-silk roses in neon green and black, cigarette lighters. Cigarettes? You two smoke? And why did you buy a bunion pad? And a money clip? You don't have any money! And a 16-pack of Trojans? What are you planning?!?" Osan-gar looked to Aran-gar. "Umm...I didn't buy them." Heather gave them another look, which sent them as far back into the seat as they could go. "Well, you sold your souls, I suppose I shouldn't care if you steal. But I do. Sarah, pull over." She gave them a smile that was supposed to be pleasant. "Into the trunk now"

Aran-gar peeled herself from the seat. "How did you get so good at that? I'll bet even Lews Therin would twitch." Heather gave them another smile, "I was practicing. The man next to us in the driveway gave me money to stop. Now, into the trunk! AND GIVE ME THOSE!" Heather snatched the Trojans Aran-gar was trying to smuggle to the back. She climbed into the car and they once again started out onto the road. "I am going to bite the next person who makes us stop." Heather glanced back, and hoped she wouldn't regret making that promise.

The Myrddraal sat up and gave Heather a pleading look. "FOR GOD'S SAKE WHAT IS IT?!?" The Myrddraal winced, but continued. " Um, I really have to go to the bathroom, so if you could just bite me after I go, it'd probably be less messy." Heather saw the purpose of the glove compartment, and used it. She turned around with a dent in her head and a huge smile for the Myrddraal that made him wonder if Lews Therin would be jealous, and Heather calmly told Sarah that they needed to stop again. They were now it the middle of nowhere, and Heather followed the Myrddraal with her eyes until he disappeared behind a clump of trees, then settled back in her seat and hoped it would all be over soon.

Back in the far seat, the Whitecloak began to breathe easier. He was sure Heather and Sarah had seated him next to the Myrddraal on purpose. He sighed. Now he remembered why he hadn't complained. The Myrddraal was the only thing separating him from Lews Therin. But now that they both were gone, he sat across from Egwene, a Tar Valon witch. He sneered at her, but she was busy sneering at Elaida, who sat across from them. Loial sat staring at him from across the seats, also. At least he wasn't in Elaida's seat.. That would put him right next to the big, odd Ogier. Egwene saw him looking at her, and sneered at him. He sneered back. Elayne just sat eyeing Rand, who was behind her in a very disconcerting way. Rand appeared to be bobbing up and down. The Whitecloak pulled his quiver out from under the seat where he had smuggled it. He only had one arrow left. Nocking it, he pointed it at the trees where he had seen the Myrddraal go. Aiming through the open window, he let the arrow fly. A solid thunk told him the arrow had hit home. Heather and Sarah were talking quietly among themselves. They hadn't noticed. Whenever they got tired of waiting, they would take off and leave the dead Myrddraal's body behind. He giggled to himself, then stopped as he saw the Myrddraal emerge from the trees with an arrow apparently stuck through his head. He smiled contentedly as he got back in the car. He saw the bow across the Whitecloak's knees, then smiled at him. "Going to shoot some tourists at Randland?" The Whitecloak smiled uneasily back. "Uh, no, I'm out of arrows. Hey, is that a speck in your eye?" The Myrddraal tried to glance at his own eye, making him pass out after about 42 seconds of trying. The Whitecloak snickered delightedly.

"What the hell is your problem, oddball?" came Heather's spine-grating question from the front.

"Uh....." came the Whitecloak's intelligent reply. Heather climbed all the way back to place herself between the Whitecloak and the Myrdraal. "And if you stick another arrow in that thing's head, I'll tie you both up in the same bag. And...poke it with something. Uh, yeah. HEY!"

The Whitecloak tried to inconspicuously place his hand back in his lap. "What?"

"I SAW THAT! Take IT OUT!" Heather eyed the Whitecloak with only one eye so as to keep him in a state of consciousness.

"It's not an arrow! It's a Slushie straw!"

Heather calmly removed the Slushie straw from the Myrddraal's prone face and handed it to Loial. "L-Uh, Loial. Switch places with the Myrddraal. And touch the Whitecloak intravenously." Loial complied as Heather climbed back to the front (which is very hard to do.) Upon reaching the front, she turned to Sarah.

"Kill me."

"Now now, it'll pass. Bite the Myrddraal, it'll make you feel better."

Heather eyed Sarah suspiciously. "It will?" Sarah nodded. "How do you know?" Sarah shrewdly eyed the rearview mirror. "Because Loial is looking pretty content as of right now." Heather glanced back. "LOIAL! Drop him!" She turned back to Sarah. "I'm not about to try anything that makes Loial happy. And that includes licking my-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! WHAT? What Rand?"

Rand sniffled and pointed and Aviendha. "She took me Lucky Charms."

Heather snorted, desperately trying not to laugh. Sarah, reluctant to squelch Heather's mirth, said slowly, "Heather, he got cereal. He means it literally." Rand held up the brightly colored box as proof.

"Oh. Damn. Aviendha, give him back his...charms."

"No. I ate them."

Heather gave up and guffawed.

A very patient expression traipsed across Sarah's face. "Heather, don't do that, it's creepy."

Heather simply giggled, causing Rand to hang his head, and commence bobbing up and down.

Five miles and two bottles of beer on the wall later, they passed a sign bearing the words 'Randland, 347 miles.' A low moan escaped Sarah.

Heather tried to focus on the road while crossing her eyes, then gave up. "Do you want me to drive again? I feel only semi-sane now."

"Can I drive?"

"Shut up Rand, you don't know how."

"But-"

Sarah snapped. "EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP FOR 27 MILES AND I WILL BE DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY! PLEASE!!! JUST SHUT UP"

Heather patted Sarah on the shoulder comfortingly. "There there. Try driving upside down, it'll make things more interesting."

Sarah tried to position herself in the suggested position, then simply pulled to the side of the road to give Heather a chance to climb into the driver's seat. "Oh," Heather said casually. "Be a bubble and go fetch Aran and Osan-gar from the trunk. I think if we leave them in for too long they may begin to enjoy it." Heather twisted to get a better view of Sarah. "Now Sarah, the sponsors will cancel our funds if you mince them." Sarah reluctantly handed over her machete.

"Saraaaaah?"

Sarah handed over her blowtorch, and made the fifteen foot trip to the other end of the car. She opened the trunk, and slammed her head against the window, making the Whitecloak screech in fright. "Heather! They've chewed their way out!" She shuddered. "And they took the car jack." Heather tried to contain her giggles, and motioned Sarah to come closer. "Did you check the spare tire?" Sarah eyed her doubtfully. "Nooooo, I don't think they'd want to take that..."

Heather shook her head. "No no no, I mean it would be a nice accessory to put on this stunning dashboard you have here."

"Uh.....you did say half sane, right?"

Heather shrugged "Semi-sane. More like quasi-sane at this moment now. I'm under the influence of euphoria."

Sarah climbed back in the car. "Never heard of that one. I suppose that means we're not going back?"

"Baaaaaaack....." came a low moan from the, well, back.

"Nynaeve, no being dirty! And that applies to everyone back there!"

Nynaeve giggled and shifted on her seat. "Mmmm, baaaaack here. I'm in the baaaaack seat." Lan waggled his eyebrows, and together they bounded to the back seat. A squawk later the Whitecloak, Elayne, and Egwene came sailing over the seat to land beside Rand, who was still bobbing.

"Whatever. Rand, may I ask what the hell you're doing?"

Rand smiled beseechingly. "Be my guest."

"Good. What the hell are you doing?

"Practicing for my audition with 'Cats'."

Heather shrugged. "I expected something more amusing." Rand grinned and swayed back and forth. "And I don't mean the musical either."

Heather kicked off her shoe and lugged it at Rand, which bounded off his head and came rolling back to the front. Sarah beamed. "You've been practicing."

Heather picked it up, then peered inside. "I don't even want to consider how someone managed to get a note in my shoe." She removed it and read quietly, then out loud. "If you ever want to see your two creepy friends again, surrender the Dragon Reborn." Rand puffed his maimed chest out proudly "That's me!"

"Yes, we know." She crumpled the note "Too bad I don't care, huh?"

Sarah giggled maniacally "Who says?" They sped off down the road. Two thumps later they returned to their halt. "I think this is becoming a habit." Heather rolled down her window and peered out. "I think we flattened some local fauna. Specifically some kind of rodent." She climbed out to inspect what was formerly three dimensional. "I think it's some sort of muskrat. I like muskrats!"

Heather carried it triumphantly to the back to where Loial and Elaida were watching Nynaeve and Lan try unsuccessfully to unbuckle Lan's sword belt. Heather tilted her head and grinned widely. "I neglected to mention I made certain precautions, did I not?" Nynaeve glared at Heather, and was smacked across the face with a flat animal for her trouble. "Here," she said, tossing it to Lan, who was, in her eyes, very likely one of the only characters who wouldn't try to eat it. "Hold this."

Lan screeched as Heather tossed it at him, then climbed to the front seat, where Sarah tried to start the engine, even though she was in the passenger's seat. Heather calmly slapped her hands away and puttered off down the road, slowly grinding to a halt after twelve feet, the gas gauge reading empty. Heather howled. Perrin howled back, and Heather dived to the back to beat him with her shoe. Sarah peered intelligently at them, then when Heather was satisfied said shrewdly. "We're out of gas."

"Stinky-poooooooooo" came the sound of Loial from the back, causing Nynaeve and Lan to squeeze desperately to the middle seats, which were becoming rather crowded. Loial now had the whole back seat to himself. With the exception of Elaida, but she didn't count for much. Heather responded with "I know" and proceeded to cry. "There there," Sarah said, "It's ok. We'll just...um...liquefy Loial and stuff him in the gas tank, ok?"

This suggestion cheered her up, though she couldn't choose which reason why, the idea of getting going again, or of Loial being liquefied. They did so, and were soon off down the road.

"Oh Sarah," Heather asked pleasantly, "the note did say TWO creepy friends, right? Which two, and where are the others?"

Sarah pondered this for awhile, then said "bear"

"No", Heather said, "I'm pretty sure they were all clothed when I put them in, and Pocket and Pip were both tied up, so-"

"No, BEAR!"

A large thump later Heather and Sarah were standing in front of a very flat bear. "Ohhhhhh, bear"

Sarah turned to Heather. "What do you want to do with it?" Heather shrugged, and made the third little tally on the van of that day, and once again, they were off. Then they stopped. Heather climbed out, cut a switch, shredded it and began braiding it into a rope, which she used to tie Rand up.

"You should use a square knot, he tends to wriggle out of any other."

Heather turned to regard Aviendha. "How in hell do you-never mind, don't answer that, I know what you like."

"Betcha don't know what I like!" came Loial from the back.

"Shut up," Heather said harshly, then climbed into the passenger seat for what must have been the twelfth time that day.

Sarah twitched. "If I wasn't terrified of the prospect of touching him, I'd rip his little head off."

Heather twitched too. "Well, I AM the prospector dominatrix!" Sarah twisted in her seat to stare at Heather. "What is THAT supposed to mean?" Heather was tying her head up in her seat belt. "I don't knoww! And if you don't watch the road, I'm going to get to put a fourth little mark on the door." Sarah turned her head back to face the road.

Rand was still bouncing, even though he was now tied up. The ropes tied tight across his bladder was making the pressure almost unbearable, which only made him bounce harder, which was beginning to make the van rock. Heather had turned to face him, and unwound a seatbelt from around her head. Those two had odd hobbies. "Rand, WHY do you find it necessary to intermittently make the van take up BOTH lanes?" Rand searched his brain for an intelligent response. Heather was still staring at him. What could he tell her? He knew if he made them stop one more time, she'd probably cut off the circulation to his...well, some important part of him, anyway. Which part WAS most important? Well, his feet were pretty important, but then again, there were his hands, not to mention his-

"RAND! Hellooo? EARTH TO RAND! Did I mention you have a ten minute time limit?"

"That you did not."

Heather's brows lowered. "Well?"

"Well what?"

Heather sighed patiently, then ruined it by screeching "WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING YOU FREAK?!?"

He wished she wouldn't yell at him so much, it made him feel unloved. "I haf to potty" Curses! He wasn't supposed to tell. Heather responded by tilting her head and smiling pleasantly. "Oh, that's it?" She then reached down and ripped out the brake cable and crammed the pointy end in his eye. The other she tied to Loial's foot. That really hurt. Reconsidering, he supposed his eye was pretty important too.

Heather leaned back in her seat and wiped her hand on her Bad Kitty shirt, still staring toward the back. "Did...didn't we just liquefy Loial?" Heather and Sarah turned to regard each other, then turned back toward the road, both of them silent.

"I really wish you wouldn't do that."

Tug tug. "You mean this?" tug tug tug

"Owie owie owie!"

"AVIENDHA! Stop tugging on Rand's eye string!" Aviendha twisted to peer up at Heather. "I'm not tugging on his eye string, I'm tightening the ropes around his torso." She snickered evilly, then turned to commence torturing Rand, who looked as if he was going to break in half, or explode wetly. Heather was rooting for breaking in half. Though hopefully not too soon, she was enjoying watching Rand's eyes water. 'Though,' she thought, 'this time you don't have Fain's breeches to sop up a mess. You'll have to persuade someone to clean it up, and I don't think you want to risk it.'

"Hmmm," she said out loud, "well, I'd stop to let you excrete someplace, but, as you may have noticed, I've ripped the brake cable out."

"I noticed," Rand said petulantly.

Heather pondered this for a moment, then dug about in the glove compartment, and handed a sheaf of papers to Rand. "Here, read this, it'll take your mind off it."