And aktschn – warning: we are nearing the R-zone. Beware!
***********************
"Right then", Severus said and turned to leave. He had a lump in his throat he couldn't swallow. "I shall return some day."
"I truly hope so", were the last words he heard before leaving. Severus didn't bother to put on his invisibility charm. From all he had seen there was nobody in any position to scold him, should he meet anyone. He didn't look forward to his teaching or the meals. The thought that nearly everyone in Hogwarts wanted to have their evil ways with him, was a bit disconcerting. If flattering. But really, very uncomfortable.
He took to his rooms and summoned some late dinner from the house elves. He would do that for some time now. It was not exactly unusual for him to do that. He undressed and showered and put on a new nightgown and only then, as pure as a man of his age and past could be, did he open a little phial, usually lying in his bedside table, invisible for everyone who might pass by - extremely unlikely but Severus was not the one to take risks, well hadn't been one to take risks, damn it – warded with heavy spells. The phial he opened with shivering hands held a single lock. A red lock.
Severus was taken back into the past with a flash of light. He didn't indulge in this special memory often, it was too powerful. Only once had he been sorely tempted to trespass on the boundaries, to eat from the forbidden fruit and of course everything had ended as dismally as even his conscience could demand. The boy had left Hogwarts and gone into his own life. He had never seen him again. There had only been this one moment in time, one of an endless flood of moments. Surely he could do nothing wrong now, not after all these years, if he let himself have him, and not him, just for a little – relief? It wouldn't break his heart, now, would it? That was a concept so silly that he really had to do it, just to prove he could. Being thus convinced, Severus stroked himself into sleep, another very rare occurrence and mostly these two happened to happen together.
He went about his business as usual for the next days and pretended not to notice the strange and rather hormone-ridden gazes at him. Should they gape and play their ludicrous games, no one would catch Severus Snape reacting to any of it. He was a patient man.
It was the next Friday that found Severus with a new batch of potion on his way to Hogsmeade. He hadn't made an appointment. If Madam Aphrodisia's presence was required elsewhere, he would just deliver that potion and leave and that would be it with the fulfilment of stupid dreams. Severus grinned evilly under his hood. He liked playing games with fate. He was so sure to loose. Which would be so much better. So much more like what he expected his life to be.
"What?", he asked rather stupidly, as one of the employees in the house informed him that Madam Aphrodisia was busy but would be delighted to see him and would he please take a seat. He couldn't refuse and found himself thinking about her "business" more than he liked. What was she doing? And with whom? With another special client? Another saviour? A very important person? His mouth set into a thin line. He was so ridiculous. Jealous of someone he didn't know, didn't know existed, because of someone he wouldn't have himself. His life reached new heights of degradation he hadn't thought possible after Voldemort.
He was deep in his thoughts when the door opened and Aphrodisia came gliding in, a little out of breath and flushed. Severus couldn't help his lip curl. "Severus, I'm so sorry I wasn't here right away. But now I'm all here for you". She came over to where he was sitting and ignoring his rigid state of unholy indignation completely, leaned down and kissed him lightly on the lips. It felt nice, like last time.
Severus handed over the bottles, and she put them away, closing the cupboard safely. Her eyes rested on him. "And have you brought something else?", she asked. He nodded, not able to hide his breath hitching. "Good", she said and a beaming smile crossed her face. "Then let's go into another room, shall we?"
He hesitated. "Nobody can watch the room we are going to", she comforted him. Could she read his mind? Was he that easy? And why should he trust her? And why should he not? Nobody could know that he was the right one, after all. Severus admitted, to himself only and grudgingly at that, that this whole idea of polyjuicing led to freedoms heretofore unknown. Freedom that was not good for everyone, of course, but surely a man his age was able to live with a dream fulfilled and still hold on to reality.
They had entered a room that looked like all the others he had seen through the hole in the wall. Not that he had watched the furniture too closely. Nothing special, there was no need for that right now, not in a wizard establishment. There was another door, perhaps to a bathroom. They stood in silence trying to get accustomed to the other and to the idea. Well, at least Severus was doing that.
"The ingredient?", she asked and opened her hand. He reached into his robe and brought the phial with the lock out. He would not run away now, not anymore. He was here and he would do it and get it out of the system. It was ridiculous, was it not, that he still had a liking like that after all the years? He opened the bottle and gave her the lock. Her brow lifted, questioningly. "Do I have to know who I become?", she asked. He thought about that. He would rather not be humiliated by saying the name that haunted his dreams aloud. "No", she answered her own question. "Not necessary. You tell me – the person you want, that is, what it is you want. No need for me to know."
She kissed him lightly on the lips again and wandered off to the bath. "Back in a second. Make yourself comfortable."
Severus looked around. There he was, Severus Snape, in a whorehouse, awaiting his dream lover, an illusion brought to him by the owner of said house. Life was a joke, a bad one really. But he would enjoy this special one with all his might. He conjured up an enormous four poster that filled most of the room. The kinky stuff could come later, if there was any need for it. At the moment he would be quite satisfied with the presence of that certain someone.
Overwhelmed was more like it. He had just decided that he would take off his outer layer of clothes, when a voice he had only heard in his dreams for years said: "Severus?"