~ Harry and Draco's Bedroom ~
I
still can remember
The last time I cried
I was holding you and loving you
Knowing it would end
I never felt so good
Yet felt so bad
You're the one I love
And what makes it sad
Is you don't belong to me
And I can remember
The last time I lied
I was holding you and telling you
We could still be friends
Tried to let you go
But I can't, you know
And even though I'm not with you
I need you so
But you don't belong to me
~ Coming In And Out Of Your Life, Barbra Streisand
When Harry had talked himself hoarse, the pair of them lay still for several long moments before Draco wriggled out from under Harry, who had been draped across him and stood beside the bed.
Harry propped himself up on an elbow and eyed the blonde man suspiciously. "What's wrong?"
"Look, I've been thinking…a lot…about us…and I really think it would be a good idea for us to spend some time apart. I mean, you were right, everything you said about me…about us was right and I think it's best if we separate for a while…just a trial, you know, to see how it goes."
Harry listened to Draco's speech without moving, silently gazing at his husband through narrowed eyes. But when Draco pulled his trunk out of their wardrobe and started tossing random things in it, Harry sprang into action. Before the startled Slytherin knew what had hit him, Harry had him back on the bed and was straddling him, pinning his arms up above his head with his hands.
"You are not going anywhere," Harry said tightly. "We have been through so much shit together. You are not bailing now. You are not giving up on us after all we've been through."
Draco looked shaken by Harry's vehement tone but his look soon hardened into one of stubborn determination. "I've made up my mind. Get off me, Harry."
Harry shook his head, slightly bemused but mainly angry that Draco was being so obtuse. "I'm not letting you up until you agree that the best place for you to be right now is right here with me."
Harry stared intently down at him. Draco turned his head to the side, his expression inscrutable, and then turned back to glare up at Harry.
"I let you down, Harry. How can you want to be with me?"
"Because I love you."
"This isn't about love."
"I can't live without you."
"Two years apart proves you wrong on that count."
"Fuck you."
"Well, fuck you too. I'm sorry, alright. I'm sorry I didn't fight harder for you. I'm sorry I listened to Mione so much. I'm sorry I didn't listen to Ron enough. I'm sorry…I'm…sorry."
Draco was sobbing quietly. Harry struggled to control his instinct to gather his tear-stained husband into his arms and cuddle him until he could smile again. He was certainly in no way immune to Draco's pain but he couldn't give in now.
"That's not what I want to hear."
"What?"
"I know you're sorry. I know you regret not doing more at the time. What I want to know is why you think leaving me is a good idea?"
"I…I don't know." Draco seemed to get a second wind as he added, "Because you deserve someone who would do anything to keep you safe."
Harry was surprised by this. "So you would be okay if I started dating someone else?"
"No!" Draco replied instantly, his eyes flashing angrily.
"So basically, what you're saying is, we can't be together, but I can't be with anyone else either."
Draco nodded uncertainly.
"Well, that's just great. So we're going to be alone and unhappy. What is the point in that?"
Draco's mouth opened but before he could reply, a shrill cry cut through the air.
Harry's head dropped in silent defeat. He'd known it was too good to be true, that their children hadn't interrupted earlier. "I'll be right back. Don't move."
Harry clambered off the bed and walked over to the door. He turned back to check that Draco hadn't moved. The blonde was following him with his eyes but he hadn't moved an inch.
He hurried into Jeremy's room, turning on the soft night light as he entered. He walked over to the cradle, which was in the centre of the room.
"Shhh, sweetie. Daddy's here."
He gently picked up the tiny baby girl and held her close to his heart. He'd read that hearing their parent's heartbeat soothes babies. Jeremy's tears subsided for a moment but soon started again, even louder than before. Harry felt her nappy but it was still dry.
"Hungry, are you, my darling? Well, let's see about getting you a bottle."
Harry lifted the lid of a rather large container that held six bottles and kept them warm until they were needed. It was a gift from Ginny and Dean. He pulled out a bottle and sat down on a rocking chair in the corner of the room. After testing the temperature of the bottle on his wrist, Harry started feeding the hungry girl, rocking her gently as he did so.
Jeremy's eyes were wide and staring up at him in wonder as she greedily sucked on the bottle. Harry looked closer and noticed a definite green tinge around her iris. He grinned. His mother's eyes lived on in another generation of Potter's.
She wasn't even halfway through the bottle when her eyes began to droop and her jaw slowed down until she was just hanging off the bottle, not sucking at all. Harry smiled and removed the bottle from her mouth. He dropped it onto the floor beside him and rocked Jeremy until he was sure she was asleep, then he slowly stood up and placed her back in her cradle.
She was sleeping soundly again and Harry tiptoed out of the room, shutting off the light as he went.
He returned to his own room and stared at the bed.
At the empty bed.
Draco was gone.
Harry quickly searched the small apartment but Draco wasn't there and his trunk was missing.
He really had gone.
Harry sat down on the floor in the doorway between his bedroom and the living room, not really knowing what to do and not really believing that Draco had really left him.
The deep yearning that had resided in his chest for two years resurfaced and a profound sense of hopelessness invaded him before he forced himself to get up and look for the Marauder's Map. He was not going to give up on Draco. He would search for him and drag him all the way back to Hogwarts if he had to.
He scrounged through their wardrobe, throwing things out of drawers and tossing aside clothes and shoes, all the while muttering about how he loved Draco and he wasn't about to let a silly argument come between them. Finally, he sat down on the bed and admitted defeat. The map wasn't there.
He gazed around the room and noticed the two matching beside tables. He strode over to Draco's, ripped out the three drawers one by one and tipped the contents out onto the bed.
No map.
Where the hell could it be? he wondered. Not in the bedroom obviously. His eyes lit up. The living room. Of course, it must be in Draco's desk.
Harry marched out into the room straight across to Draco's desk, which was, as usual, neat and tidy to the extreme. Clearly it wasn't on top of the desk, but there were seven drawers, three on each side and one in the centre. Harry started on one side, pulling open a drawer, riffling through it until he was sure the map wasn't there before moving onto the next one. In the centre drawer, Harry found what was obviously a manuscript. He studied the top page for a moment before it dawned on him that it was a potions textbook he was reading.
Draco was writing a book?
Shelving that discovery for later, he replaced the page and continued onto the next set of drawers. It was in the bottom drawer that he finally had success.
With a cry of triumph, Harry pulled the map out of the drawer and spread it out on top of the desk. It was blank. Now all he needed was his wand. Luckily that was right where he'd left it, on the coffee table. Once he had that in hand, Harry said the magic words 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good' and the map sprang into life.
Harry scanned the map intently for a dot labelled Draco Potter. He eventually found it.
It was stationary.
Draco was obviously standing in the corridor near the library. A dot labelled Hermione Weasley close enough to the Draco dot that they were clearly having a conversation. Harry decided to wait until Draco started moving again before he decided what to do. He didn't really feel up to dealing with Hermione as well as Draco. He sat down at the desk and watched the map intently, yawning as he did so.
Damn, I really need to sleep, he thought tiredly.
Later.
I'm not going to let Draco go.
I'm not…
TBC
A.N. Also posted a one-shot story – Harry/Severus called Diagon Alley. Go read it and review!!