DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog or any of the other characters in any of its (his?) various medias. Y'know? The comic, the three cartoons, the video games--not mine. Cheese Wizardmon just wants me to torture them. Please don't sue. Oh, and hey, I don't own Jello.
A/N: Not much action...more comedy...eh, just read...
Sonic woke up still slightly tired. What had happened? Oh yeah...Amy Rose. It hadn't been the first time Amy had "happened" to him, even when he'd been with Sally.
Sally. It stung, but he didn't have as much trouble changing train of thought that time. Maybe he was starting to be over her.
Should that bother him?
Oh well.
Amy Rose. Gracious. She had been invading his life for the longest time. She'd never gotten the message that Sonic was with Sally, but now it was just as well.
Sonic wondered why he hadn't just told Amy that he didn't like her a long time ago. Oh, wait--the one time he'd thought of it, he'd figured she'd never get the message and never told her.
Maybe now that she'd gotten a little older, matured a bit, she'd understand. Maybe he should explain to her that he was heartbroken just then and would appreciate it if she'd lay off.
No! She'd just convince herself that she was the perfect cure for him!
Tails tapped on the door.
"What is it?"
"Oh! We thought you were asleep. Breakfast is ready."
Sonic pushed himself up and out of his bed and shuffled into the kitchen. "Slightly burnt waffles, my favorite..."
"Really?" E-102 asked. "I didn't mean to burn them, but now I'm glad I did..."
Sonic let it go. He wasn't in the mood.
~*~
The day dragged quite slowly, the previous two day's events reeling through his mind over and over, like a commercial that just wouldn't die.
He missed Sally, plotted Antoine's death, and got irritated by Amy in turn. As the hours progressed, he didn't miss so much, he plotted less evilly, and he got more and more irritated.
He sat in the chair by the window, watching the traffic pass by around the cul-de-sac. A woman in a fleece jacket went into the gift shop below. A mixed group of human and furry teens came out of the Burger Shop. The same taxi with the same passenger passed by six times within half an hour. An echidna couple holding hands sat on one of the benches below, kissing--that stung. A tall squirrel in a suit walked a pet dog. Amy left her building--that annoyed. A little old lady chatted with a young armadillo boy. A Flickie bird fluttered about looking for material for a nest in a tree by City Hall. A harried teenage fox girl chased after a hedgehog child. A limo dropped off some chameleon official at City Hall and a newspaper photographer was there to capture it on digital camera. An armadillo in a suit drove up to pick up the woman from the gift shop. Amy returned with a few bags, some grocery, some not--that also annoyed. Sonic almost laughed when an orange fell out of one of them.
~*~
E-102 and Tails made dinner and Sonic ate, uninterested.
After dinner, Tails brought out a bowl.
"What's that?" Sonic queried.
"I went down to the store earlier and bought another box of Jello!" Tails informed him cheerfully.
"What color?" Sonic asked.
"Red. I think it's strawberry." Tails set the bowl on the table. "I was *very* careful not to use too much water." He grabbed a spoon and two small bowls and stuck the spoon in to dish it out.
But the spoon wouldn't go in.
Sonic laughed. "Quit joking around, bud, I want some Jello!"
"I'm *not* playing around!" Tails cried.
Sonic raised an eyebrow and stuck his finger into the Jello. Or, rather, touched the Jello. It was stiff, hardened in the bowl. He shook his head. "You went a little overboard on using less water," he said.
"Awww man!" Tails threw his head back in defeat. "Darn..."
Sonic, not to be deterred, got a steak knife and, after much hacking and cutting, managed to get a piece out of it and put it into a bowl.
Tails turned to put the large bowl on the counter and knocked Sonic's arm, causing Sonic to spill the hunk of Jello.
It hit the floor.
And bounced back up like a superball.
"Whoa..." Tails said in reverence. "We should call the Jello people and tell them what we've invented here..."
Sonic shook his head. "How are we gonna throw the rest of it away if it's stuck to the bowl?" he wondered aloud.
"Heat it," E-102 suggested. "It will probably melt."
They ended up having to do that, popping it in the microwave until it melted sufficiently to pour it down the drain.
"Next time," Sonic told Tails, "Let E do it."
~*~
As the sun sank into the west Sonic decided to see what was on TV. Anything to take his mind off his current troubles--Sally and Antoine, Amy, the whole darn mess.
The chameleon official was on live from City Hall, giving a speech about why he wanted to be elected to the position of--Sonic flipped the channel to a documentary on the history of the Mobian royal family. He flipped it again. A guy in a suit behind a pulpit reading from the tomes. Sonic sighed. Religion had its place, but TV wasn't it--another flip. A ballgame. Sonic sweatdropped. Who wanted to watch sports when you could play them?
I can't watch this. I can't watch this
I can't watch this. I can't watch this
My my my my TV makes me so bored
Makes me say oh my Lord
What is this garbage here?
Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears
Another flip brought him to a soap opera. An armadillo was making out passionately with his echidna girlfriend. As soon as he began to unzip her dress, Sonic flipped it again.
It sucks, and that's no lie
It's about as much fun as watching paint dry
A home improvement show. A buxom chameleon woman in a low-cut blouse held up some power tool and grinned. Her male cohost began demonstrating how to use it.
Lowers my IQ one notch
And that's the reason why, uh, I can't watch
Another flip brought on a kiddie show. An echidna puppet began to sing, "Love and kindness..." and even Sonic couldn't hit the button fast enough.
I told you homeboy...I can't watch this
Yeah, nothin' but trash and you know
I can't watch this
Poke out my eyes, man...I can't watch this
Yo, gimme that remote control...I can't watch this
A movie. It had been on for an hour, probably, but Sonic paused momentarily. There was a bird's-eye shot of mass destruction. A shot of a typical office building--then with loud reverberations, it exploded. Then it cut to an echidna guy standing next to a bed, in which lay a hedgehog girl very obviously wearing nothing but the sheets. Another flip.
An emu stood with a blank expression and laughter was heard. A sitcom imported from Downunda. Flip.
A skimpily-clad koala girl strummed a guitar and sang. The shot switched to a hot car going 90 miles an hour in beat to the music. The music channel. Flip.
"And that...is how...you can clean your silver without any effort," an echidna woman with short, perfectly coifed blond hair informed her audience. The show's logo popped up, "Martha Steward". Flip.
An infomercial for a business that could make you millions!--minimum investment required. Flip.
Talkin' bout sick shows
There's America's Funniest Home Videos
I can't believe my eyes
When I see the kind of stuff that wins first prize
Somebody's poor old mom
Falls down off the roof, lands right on the lawn
Face first on a rake
I hear they got it on the seventeenth take
That's funny as a kick in the crotch
And that kinda show, uh, I can't watch
Bloopers. Outtakes. Home videos. A boy ran over his little sister with his bike. There was something wrong with home videos that showed blood. Flip.
Yo, I told you...I can't watch this
Change the channel now, man...I can't watch this
A show on which everyone spoke another language. Yeah, right. Flip.
Yo, pass the TV Guide over here, sucker...I can't watch this
An alligator woman was dancing around the screen, hugging the echidna host, and carrying on like she'd won a million dollars. A number flashed across the bottom of the screen--she *had* won a million dollars. Stupid gameshows. Flip.
The weather channel. Cute fox chick pointing out the day's high and low temperatures.
Sonic glanced through the TV directory out of the paper. Nothing.
Cosby show and Roseanne
Think I've taken 'bout as much as I can
Flip. A small, kawaii hedgehog child elicited a laugh from an offscreen audience and a male fox just shook his head. Another stupid sitcom.
Judge Wopner, oh my
You gotta be Rainman to like this guy
A live courtroom battle. Apparently some chameleon lady had backed her car into her echidna neighbor's flowerbed and ruined his prize hybrid tea roses that he'd been hoping to enter in a competition. Flip.
Thirtysomething's all right
If you like hearing yuppies whining all night
Snotty rich people sitcom. Flip.
Can't stand Twin Peaks
Wish they'd lynch those donut-eatin' freaks
Sitcom centered at a coffee shop. Flip.
Those Siskel and Ebert bums
Oughtta go home and just sit on their thumbs
Movie reviewers. "They all suck!" the television screamed. Sonic grinned, thinking that the reviewer sucked, too. Flip.
That's word because you know...I can't watch this
I can't watch this
Break it down!
Here's how to order-money back guarantee-
Removes tough stains fast-it tastes more like fresh peanuts-
They keep going and going-don't hate me because I'm beautiful-
Could be dandruff-our prices are insaaaane!!!
Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip. Nothing!
Stop! Prime time!
I'm pretty sure I'll be sick
If I have to watch another stupid pet trick
"In our must-see lineup, coming this fall!" Flip.
An alligator teen with his pet Chao doing tricks. Flip.
Or that guy with the real flat hair
That goes "woof woof woof" and waves
His fist in the air
Or those weird talk shows
About transsexual Nazi Eskimos
They're rude, and crude and vile
Just for a minute let's flip down the dial
A hedgehog woman held out the mike to a sobbing fox man. "I swear...I never meant to hurt her!" he cried. The woman shook her head. "We'll return shortly and talk to his daughter." A headline came up at the bottom of the screen. "Arranged marriages: security or hell?" Flip.
Flip, flip, flip; yecch, I can't watch this
Look, man, I can't watch this
I can't take this torture no more, I can't
I can't watch this
Pay the bills, station break
Break it down!
A young fox woman in the middle of her backyard wearing her white, lacy, sexy nightgown screamed into the night. A scary-looking armadillo emerged from the bushes, wielding a bloody knife. "I WILL BE AVENGED!" B-movie. Flip.
Operators are standing by-cubic zirconium necklace-
You're soaking in it-and our fabulous swimsuit issue-
When you've got a headache this big-read the book-
This is your brain on drugs-I've fallen and I can't get up!!!
Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip. Nothing again.
Stop! Cable time!
HBO and Playboy, Showtime and MTV
I might like them more after my lobotomy
Flip. Sonic hit the all-movie channels.
A fox couple stared at each other over a candlelight dinner. "Will you marry me?" Flip.
A young chameleon man jerked a pretty echidna girl out of harm's way. She looked at the truck that had almost run her over, then looked at her hunky rescuer and plastered her lips to his. Flip.
Four young women in a convertible with the top down waving their arms in the wind. Chick flick. Flip.
A hedgehog couple trapped in a laser-walled chamber. "And if two you try to escape, you'll die!" The man turned to the woman. "Got a bobby pin?" She pulled something out of her hair and handed it to him. He jammed it into the floor and the lasers disappeared. Flip.
Another music channel airing a live special. An echidna singer destroyed his guitar. Flip.
Now why did I ever pay for this junk?
I hooked up eighty channels, and each one stunk
Another documentary, this one on a famous author. How could there be so many channels airing nothing worth watching?
Just brainless blood and guts, and mindless T & A
It's awful, it's putrid, it's crummy, it's stupid, gonna
Throw my set away
I can't watch this, I can't watch this
I can't watch this, yeah, I can't watch this
I told you, can't watch this
Too hip, can't watch this
Get me outta here, can't watch this
Sonic sighed. The next flip brought him back to the chameleon at City Hall.
"Forget this!" he cried, chucking a pillow at the TV. Thankfully, it hit the power button and the screen went dark.
He went into his room and turned on the stereo. He located a CD and popped it in, and within minutes the soothing strains of loud, screaming guitar filled the room. Someone in the apartment above stamped their feet. "Turn that down!" Sonic pretended not to hear.
He pushed aside the blind and peeked out the window of his room. Amy was down eating at the Burger Shop. He lowered the blind, but for some reason couldn't keep himself from watching. He kept the opening he watched out of as small as possible to avoid being seen.
She laughed loudly, he could see, and practically stood up in her seat as she called for her check. She glanced at it and handed the guy probably more than she owed. Whether she told him to keep the change or credit it to her tab, there was no way of knowing. As she left the shop and walked over to the door that led to her staircase, Sonic pulled back from the window.
What was he doing?!
A/N: ^_^* We'll be right back, after these messages.
A/N: Not much action...more comedy...eh, just read...
Sonic woke up still slightly tired. What had happened? Oh yeah...Amy Rose. It hadn't been the first time Amy had "happened" to him, even when he'd been with Sally.
Sally. It stung, but he didn't have as much trouble changing train of thought that time. Maybe he was starting to be over her.
Should that bother him?
Oh well.
Amy Rose. Gracious. She had been invading his life for the longest time. She'd never gotten the message that Sonic was with Sally, but now it was just as well.
Sonic wondered why he hadn't just told Amy that he didn't like her a long time ago. Oh, wait--the one time he'd thought of it, he'd figured she'd never get the message and never told her.
Maybe now that she'd gotten a little older, matured a bit, she'd understand. Maybe he should explain to her that he was heartbroken just then and would appreciate it if she'd lay off.
No! She'd just convince herself that she was the perfect cure for him!
Tails tapped on the door.
"What is it?"
"Oh! We thought you were asleep. Breakfast is ready."
Sonic pushed himself up and out of his bed and shuffled into the kitchen. "Slightly burnt waffles, my favorite..."
"Really?" E-102 asked. "I didn't mean to burn them, but now I'm glad I did..."
Sonic let it go. He wasn't in the mood.
~*~
The day dragged quite slowly, the previous two day's events reeling through his mind over and over, like a commercial that just wouldn't die.
He missed Sally, plotted Antoine's death, and got irritated by Amy in turn. As the hours progressed, he didn't miss so much, he plotted less evilly, and he got more and more irritated.
He sat in the chair by the window, watching the traffic pass by around the cul-de-sac. A woman in a fleece jacket went into the gift shop below. A mixed group of human and furry teens came out of the Burger Shop. The same taxi with the same passenger passed by six times within half an hour. An echidna couple holding hands sat on one of the benches below, kissing--that stung. A tall squirrel in a suit walked a pet dog. Amy left her building--that annoyed. A little old lady chatted with a young armadillo boy. A Flickie bird fluttered about looking for material for a nest in a tree by City Hall. A harried teenage fox girl chased after a hedgehog child. A limo dropped off some chameleon official at City Hall and a newspaper photographer was there to capture it on digital camera. An armadillo in a suit drove up to pick up the woman from the gift shop. Amy returned with a few bags, some grocery, some not--that also annoyed. Sonic almost laughed when an orange fell out of one of them.
~*~
E-102 and Tails made dinner and Sonic ate, uninterested.
After dinner, Tails brought out a bowl.
"What's that?" Sonic queried.
"I went down to the store earlier and bought another box of Jello!" Tails informed him cheerfully.
"What color?" Sonic asked.
"Red. I think it's strawberry." Tails set the bowl on the table. "I was *very* careful not to use too much water." He grabbed a spoon and two small bowls and stuck the spoon in to dish it out.
But the spoon wouldn't go in.
Sonic laughed. "Quit joking around, bud, I want some Jello!"
"I'm *not* playing around!" Tails cried.
Sonic raised an eyebrow and stuck his finger into the Jello. Or, rather, touched the Jello. It was stiff, hardened in the bowl. He shook his head. "You went a little overboard on using less water," he said.
"Awww man!" Tails threw his head back in defeat. "Darn..."
Sonic, not to be deterred, got a steak knife and, after much hacking and cutting, managed to get a piece out of it and put it into a bowl.
Tails turned to put the large bowl on the counter and knocked Sonic's arm, causing Sonic to spill the hunk of Jello.
It hit the floor.
And bounced back up like a superball.
"Whoa..." Tails said in reverence. "We should call the Jello people and tell them what we've invented here..."
Sonic shook his head. "How are we gonna throw the rest of it away if it's stuck to the bowl?" he wondered aloud.
"Heat it," E-102 suggested. "It will probably melt."
They ended up having to do that, popping it in the microwave until it melted sufficiently to pour it down the drain.
"Next time," Sonic told Tails, "Let E do it."
~*~
As the sun sank into the west Sonic decided to see what was on TV. Anything to take his mind off his current troubles--Sally and Antoine, Amy, the whole darn mess.
The chameleon official was on live from City Hall, giving a speech about why he wanted to be elected to the position of--Sonic flipped the channel to a documentary on the history of the Mobian royal family. He flipped it again. A guy in a suit behind a pulpit reading from the tomes. Sonic sighed. Religion had its place, but TV wasn't it--another flip. A ballgame. Sonic sweatdropped. Who wanted to watch sports when you could play them?
I can't watch this. I can't watch this
I can't watch this. I can't watch this
My my my my TV makes me so bored
Makes me say oh my Lord
What is this garbage here?
Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears
Another flip brought him to a soap opera. An armadillo was making out passionately with his echidna girlfriend. As soon as he began to unzip her dress, Sonic flipped it again.
It sucks, and that's no lie
It's about as much fun as watching paint dry
A home improvement show. A buxom chameleon woman in a low-cut blouse held up some power tool and grinned. Her male cohost began demonstrating how to use it.
Lowers my IQ one notch
And that's the reason why, uh, I can't watch
Another flip brought on a kiddie show. An echidna puppet began to sing, "Love and kindness..." and even Sonic couldn't hit the button fast enough.
I told you homeboy...I can't watch this
Yeah, nothin' but trash and you know
I can't watch this
Poke out my eyes, man...I can't watch this
Yo, gimme that remote control...I can't watch this
A movie. It had been on for an hour, probably, but Sonic paused momentarily. There was a bird's-eye shot of mass destruction. A shot of a typical office building--then with loud reverberations, it exploded. Then it cut to an echidna guy standing next to a bed, in which lay a hedgehog girl very obviously wearing nothing but the sheets. Another flip.
An emu stood with a blank expression and laughter was heard. A sitcom imported from Downunda. Flip.
A skimpily-clad koala girl strummed a guitar and sang. The shot switched to a hot car going 90 miles an hour in beat to the music. The music channel. Flip.
"And that...is how...you can clean your silver without any effort," an echidna woman with short, perfectly coifed blond hair informed her audience. The show's logo popped up, "Martha Steward". Flip.
An infomercial for a business that could make you millions!--minimum investment required. Flip.
Talkin' bout sick shows
There's America's Funniest Home Videos
I can't believe my eyes
When I see the kind of stuff that wins first prize
Somebody's poor old mom
Falls down off the roof, lands right on the lawn
Face first on a rake
I hear they got it on the seventeenth take
That's funny as a kick in the crotch
And that kinda show, uh, I can't watch
Bloopers. Outtakes. Home videos. A boy ran over his little sister with his bike. There was something wrong with home videos that showed blood. Flip.
Yo, I told you...I can't watch this
Change the channel now, man...I can't watch this
A show on which everyone spoke another language. Yeah, right. Flip.
Yo, pass the TV Guide over here, sucker...I can't watch this
An alligator woman was dancing around the screen, hugging the echidna host, and carrying on like she'd won a million dollars. A number flashed across the bottom of the screen--she *had* won a million dollars. Stupid gameshows. Flip.
The weather channel. Cute fox chick pointing out the day's high and low temperatures.
Sonic glanced through the TV directory out of the paper. Nothing.
Cosby show and Roseanne
Think I've taken 'bout as much as I can
Flip. A small, kawaii hedgehog child elicited a laugh from an offscreen audience and a male fox just shook his head. Another stupid sitcom.
Judge Wopner, oh my
You gotta be Rainman to like this guy
A live courtroom battle. Apparently some chameleon lady had backed her car into her echidna neighbor's flowerbed and ruined his prize hybrid tea roses that he'd been hoping to enter in a competition. Flip.
Thirtysomething's all right
If you like hearing yuppies whining all night
Snotty rich people sitcom. Flip.
Can't stand Twin Peaks
Wish they'd lynch those donut-eatin' freaks
Sitcom centered at a coffee shop. Flip.
Those Siskel and Ebert bums
Oughtta go home and just sit on their thumbs
Movie reviewers. "They all suck!" the television screamed. Sonic grinned, thinking that the reviewer sucked, too. Flip.
That's word because you know...I can't watch this
I can't watch this
Break it down!
Here's how to order-money back guarantee-
Removes tough stains fast-it tastes more like fresh peanuts-
They keep going and going-don't hate me because I'm beautiful-
Could be dandruff-our prices are insaaaane!!!
Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip. Nothing!
Stop! Prime time!
I'm pretty sure I'll be sick
If I have to watch another stupid pet trick
"In our must-see lineup, coming this fall!" Flip.
An alligator teen with his pet Chao doing tricks. Flip.
Or that guy with the real flat hair
That goes "woof woof woof" and waves
His fist in the air
Or those weird talk shows
About transsexual Nazi Eskimos
They're rude, and crude and vile
Just for a minute let's flip down the dial
A hedgehog woman held out the mike to a sobbing fox man. "I swear...I never meant to hurt her!" he cried. The woman shook her head. "We'll return shortly and talk to his daughter." A headline came up at the bottom of the screen. "Arranged marriages: security or hell?" Flip.
Flip, flip, flip; yecch, I can't watch this
Look, man, I can't watch this
I can't take this torture no more, I can't
I can't watch this
Pay the bills, station break
Break it down!
A young fox woman in the middle of her backyard wearing her white, lacy, sexy nightgown screamed into the night. A scary-looking armadillo emerged from the bushes, wielding a bloody knife. "I WILL BE AVENGED!" B-movie. Flip.
Operators are standing by-cubic zirconium necklace-
You're soaking in it-and our fabulous swimsuit issue-
When you've got a headache this big-read the book-
This is your brain on drugs-I've fallen and I can't get up!!!
Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip. Nothing again.
Stop! Cable time!
HBO and Playboy, Showtime and MTV
I might like them more after my lobotomy
Flip. Sonic hit the all-movie channels.
A fox couple stared at each other over a candlelight dinner. "Will you marry me?" Flip.
A young chameleon man jerked a pretty echidna girl out of harm's way. She looked at the truck that had almost run her over, then looked at her hunky rescuer and plastered her lips to his. Flip.
Four young women in a convertible with the top down waving their arms in the wind. Chick flick. Flip.
A hedgehog couple trapped in a laser-walled chamber. "And if two you try to escape, you'll die!" The man turned to the woman. "Got a bobby pin?" She pulled something out of her hair and handed it to him. He jammed it into the floor and the lasers disappeared. Flip.
Another music channel airing a live special. An echidna singer destroyed his guitar. Flip.
Now why did I ever pay for this junk?
I hooked up eighty channels, and each one stunk
Another documentary, this one on a famous author. How could there be so many channels airing nothing worth watching?
Just brainless blood and guts, and mindless T & A
It's awful, it's putrid, it's crummy, it's stupid, gonna
Throw my set away
I can't watch this, I can't watch this
I can't watch this, yeah, I can't watch this
I told you, can't watch this
Too hip, can't watch this
Get me outta here, can't watch this
Sonic sighed. The next flip brought him back to the chameleon at City Hall.
"Forget this!" he cried, chucking a pillow at the TV. Thankfully, it hit the power button and the screen went dark.
He went into his room and turned on the stereo. He located a CD and popped it in, and within minutes the soothing strains of loud, screaming guitar filled the room. Someone in the apartment above stamped their feet. "Turn that down!" Sonic pretended not to hear.
He pushed aside the blind and peeked out the window of his room. Amy was down eating at the Burger Shop. He lowered the blind, but for some reason couldn't keep himself from watching. He kept the opening he watched out of as small as possible to avoid being seen.
She laughed loudly, he could see, and practically stood up in her seat as she called for her check. She glanced at it and handed the guy probably more than she owed. Whether she told him to keep the change or credit it to her tab, there was no way of knowing. As she left the shop and walked over to the door that led to her staircase, Sonic pulled back from the window.
What was he doing?!
A/N: ^_^* We'll be right back, after these messages.