DISCLAIMER: i don't own them.
Sirius, please don't cry. I swear, Siri, Si, Padfoot, I know you didn't-I swear to God-yes Hes real-I swear I KNOW you never meant to hurt anyone. I know you're so sorry but Paddy theres nothing to be sorry about. Please, please don't cry. You're scared and its obvious, and it pisses me off that anyone was allowed to hurt you. Sirius you know if I had ANY choice at all I'd come there and beat them senseless for ever laying a hand of you. God, Sirius, please don't cry. I always felt weak when you cried. You were strong, even if you didn't look it everyone knew. You might not be the strongest guy outwardly but inside you were the strongest of all of us. I know you're terrified, but can't you tell that I'm near you? You just want a sign, don't you? You need prove that you're still my best friend. Remember, when we were going onto the Hogwarts express for the first time and you asked me if we would drift apart in Hogwarts if you wern't in the same house as me and I say never and I'd beat the sorting hat if it put us in diffrent houses? And you smiled? Just smile like that, Sirius. Smile and push all those horrible feeling away from you. I'm still here I swear I am. I'm watching you-you're moving up towards Remus's house in those horrid woods through the snow. You're shivering from the cold and the fear. Don't be scared, Padfoot, Remus knows. He knows your innocent, he always did. He was scared. I watch him, too, when I'm not watching You or Harry. I hate the Dursleys still. If they die I swear I'll take a pipe to their head as soon as they get here and beat them into a hole in the ground. And Sirius, when you come, I'll hug you and I won't stop. We have enternity, and I promise no one will hurt you. I promise. I'm coming back, Siri, I'm coming back because you need me and NOTHING will keep me from you when you need me. Not even death.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Are you indeed James Potter?' The Ministry official asked.
'Yes.' I said. I was looking around. I was pissed. The dumb Ministry Of Magic had Sirius in FILTHY robes and god hes so thin! How can they do this to my best friend!?!?!? MY BEST FRIEND. WHO DIDN'T BETRAY ME.
'And who is that? Do you recongnize that man?' He asks.
Sirius, if I didn't know your eyes so well I'd say no. But their still stormy grey and still need help. 'Yes.' I say, and look intently at you. You look at me and something shines in your eyes-don't cry, Siri, I'll have you free soon. 'Hes my best friend. His name is Sirius Orion Black. Hes thirty-five and innocent.' I say ten add 'And he is in filthy robes and doesn't deserve to be treated like a rat.'
You look at me and you-oh god you smiled! Yes, thats you. Thats you and you're smiling. Remus wipes his eyes and I can tell he wants to be sitting near you. All thats near you is those stupid Ministry Officials. I'll kill them! Lily smiles at you, and you manage to give her a weak nod. She understands, you're terrified.
'Mr. Potter, for the time being he is a criminal and deserves death or worse-'
'SHUT UP!' Thats Harry. He looks like Lily when hes mad. His eyes are dark and he jumped up. Lily glares at the man who said it. 'He. Is. Innocent.' Harry said, near snarling. He really loves you, Sirius.
'Please sit down.' Dumbledore says from his judges chair. Hes the judge, and God I'm glad. He knows, Sirius. He knows. He believes you. I believe you. Harry slowly takes his seat. From the other side of the court room the guards eye you like they're going to kill you. You shrink down and I want to kill them suddenly. How DARE they threaten you, in any way!?
'It is the ruling of this court that Sirius Black is innocent of the charges against him.'
I don't listen to the rest. The pull the shackles off you, and you wobble uncertaintly, then start to fall. I dive out of the witness's stand and catch you, pulling you up.
'Sirius.' I smile down at you. You nod weakly. Harry runs up and throws his arms around the both of us. Lily comes up, tears in her eyes, and hugs you as tight as she knows is safe, with how skinny you are. Remus closes his eyes against you're shoulder and whispers.
'Welcome to freedom, Sirius. Its missed you.'
You smile and close your eyes. I walk you lovingly out of the court room to where a car is waiting to take us to Godrics Hollow, which has been restored. You're too weak for Floo Powder. Normally, even Dumbledore would have had a difficult time getting through the crowds. But Lily and Molly, with their redhead tempers, clear the way and I help you into the Limo. You sit between me and Remus and close your eyes, breathing deeply. You're tired, and therefore everyone in the car says you will sleep.
Harrys friends are with us. Hermoine and Ron. They really love him, like You and Me and Remmie. Remus is holding you lightly, just with his arms drapped around you protectvly. I smile and he smiles back. You're asleep, curled up to us and clucthing both our robes in your small, skinny hands.
The communication between me and Remus takes no words. You know that. We could do that. not Peter, but us.
/He needs sleep/
-He needs more then sleep, James-
/No Prongs?/
-Prongs. He needs more then sleep, Prongs. He needs you to be there..Dumbledore said he'd have nightmares for years-
/I know...I plan to be there, thank you very much. I was away for twelve years and I'm never leaving you guys again/
-You never did.-
I smile and pet your hair. You stir lightly in your slumber and clutch the fabric tighly in your hands. When we get home, an hour later becase Godric's Hollow is a bit out of town, we have to wake you though none were fond of this. You nodded wearily and continued to hold onto my robes, letting Remus go only for a moment as you got out of the car then you reached for him again. He smiled and stepped over willingly, and you continued to clutch both robes.
Harry tentivly puts his hand on your arm and you flinch or a moment. He goes to move it away, but you let go of both me and Remus-the panic shows momentarily in your eyes, but I place my hand on a skinny shoulder and you relax- and hug Harry softly. He smiles and walks close to you, scared like we'll all dissapere. Poor kid.
We manage to get in the house and you realize something. You fling yourself at Lily, hugging her. She laughs and whispers into your ear 'I understood, why you didn't talk to me before, Sirius.' You nod softly and hug her for a moment beofre whispering 'I want a hair cut.'
'Well then, we'll get you one while dinners cooking.' Lily says and smiles lovingly at you, kissing your forehead.
'Oh,uhm, mum...' Harry starts, looking at the house elf that just entered. 'Hermoine-'
'They're paid.' Remus says quickly. 'A galleon a week. Wouldn't take any more then that, we tried.' He smiles at Hermoine. She smiles too. God, todays a smily day.
You detatch yourself from Lily and Harry takes your place. He clings to his mum frantically. He loves her. he loves me too, he makes that apparent. He hugged me a billion times before the trial and actually sat in my lap. How many fathers can say their fourteen year old son actually willingly sits in their lap. ONE. And its Me.
You're leaning against me. I know you want to be near Remus too, so I make it a point to stand by him. Hell, I missed him as well! He smiles and Lily begins to trim your hair-just above the tip of your ear. She combs it, and shampoos it in the kitchen sink-we won't all fit comfortably in the bathroom and its obvious you have no intent of leaving. I sit by you, rubbing your hand. After your cut, we start to eat.
Dumbledore cast a charm on you that you won't get sick with going from no food to lots. But still, your hesitant. You look at it and I can tell your hungry but its like your scared. 'Not hungry?' I whisper in your ear. You look at me and cling tighter to my robes, twisting them. The terror shows in your eyes. Moony places a hand on your shoulder and you don't flinch. You don't flinch with me and Moony. But its always been like that. You don't like people touching you, with an exception of me and Moony.
I remember you curled up with your head on my knee in seventh year. By that time if someone touched you, you would yelp and squirm towards us. Peter grabbed your arm once and you nearly punched him. You don't like touch. But now, you won't let go of my robes, not that I'm trying to make you. You can hold on as long as you need, Siri. You can hold on forever.
'I...I...' You whimper and look pleadingly to me. Its easy for me to see what you're thinking. Most people can't see past your eyes, they think their like stone. But I see them like oceans. Its hard to get further down past one point, and once your at the bottom its nearly impossible to get up.
^Jamie, I'm scared please please please I don't know what to do and I just want to relax...dinners such a big deal and and and.^
/Shhhhh, Sirius. Don't be scared, no one will ever hurt you again. Just relax, Siri./ I massage a bony shoulder lovingly and you breathe a little.
'Sirius.' Lily says. 'Theres cheese and patatoes...you liked those.'
'I still do.' You say meekly. Your grip on my robes tightens and twists. I start unwinding your fingers from the fabric and you breath deeper and tears well up in your eyes.
^ Sorry, Prongs, didn't mean to annoy you...didn't mean to be clingy^ Its not sardnoic, its pained.
/YOUR NOT! AND YOU HAVE THE FULL RIGHT TO BE CLINGY!/
You jump alittle and unsteadily poke at your cheese and potatoes.
^Please....d-don't scream....^
/Oh god, Sirius, I'm sorry...wanna go lay down? We can eat up there and no one will mind./
^Y-yes...can Remus come?^
/Of course he can!/
-Of course I can-
/Want anything special, Paddy?/
You shiver at that name and look at me oddly, then smile softly. You need to be called Paddy, and Padfoot, and things like that to know we love you. And besides, its natural.
'Lily, can we go upstaires-'
'Of course! Sirius, you must want to lay down. Anything special to eat?' She asks, piling food on a platter.
'These cheese n patatoes things...corn beef....And...Cabbage!' You say it ethusaisticly and I raise an eyebrow. "I want cabbage!' You explain. I nod.
She laughs, piles it up, and sends it up with Remus. Your room is ready. Its right next to Remus's and mine. I won't have you all alone. You have rooms to yourself, but I know you need easy contact.
'Come on.' I say, and help you to your feet. You start to totter, then almost fall but instantly the platters on the table and Remus is holding you and I've got you by the waist, and Harrys half way out of his chair. We help you up the staires to the room and Remus lays you down on the soft bed.
'You.' I say, looking down at your small figure. 'Need diffrent robes. Those are filthy.'
'Oh shut up.' You murmurr, then gasp. You look scared, excpecting to be smacked. I pull you up to a sitting position and the robes off, gently so you know I won't hurt you. 'Sirius...' I whisper. 'I will never, ever, hurt you.'
^I know^
'Oh, and those boxers are how old?'
'Dunno.' Sirius yawned and relaxed and Remus and I undressed him then pulled clothes back over him. I made sure he was wearing silk. Silk or velvet from now on. I thought. Unless you want diffrent.
I walk out and hear a yelp. 'PRONGS!' Remus shouts and I rush back in. Your whimpering, and instantly reach for me. I hold you until you calms down, petting your pretty black hair. Always was jealous of your hair.
'You left.' You whimper.
'Oh I am so sorry.' I whisper, and call for a house elf to get Remus's new silk robes too, then command him to change, his robes are tattered and he deserves the best. He laughs and you smile and reach for him as well.
We both lay gently near you, close enough so you can feel our weight and know we're near, but far enough so you arent squished or trapped. 'Moony? Prongs?' You whimper, ten minutes later.
'Right here.' I say.
'Yes, Padfoot?' Remus asks lovingly.
'I'm sorry I...I'm sorry I'm such a baby...'
'WHAT!?' I shout and You cring. I'm sorry.vI bring my voice down. "Sirius, you are my best friend. I would die for you-and live for you, and do anything for you! I fact that you can still talk and make sense after all this is amazing!'
'You are not a baby.' Remus says in that firm tone that you listen to. 'You're our best friend, and you need to sleep.' He pushes your bangs out of your eyes. 'And then, you need to be held and loved on forever.'
'I agree.' I say, and you smile weakly. 'Sleep now, paddy, no one will ever hurt you again.'
'Don't cry.' Remus murmurrs. 'I don't like it when you cry.'
'I don't either.' I mutter.
'Me neither.' You say and smile.
Sirius. Its all okay now. Sirius? Yeah, Sirius, you're still my best friend.
Sirius, please don't cry. I swear, Siri, Si, Padfoot, I know you didn't-I swear to God-yes Hes real-I swear I KNOW you never meant to hurt anyone. I know you're so sorry but Paddy theres nothing to be sorry about. Please, please don't cry. You're scared and its obvious, and it pisses me off that anyone was allowed to hurt you. Sirius you know if I had ANY choice at all I'd come there and beat them senseless for ever laying a hand of you. God, Sirius, please don't cry. I always felt weak when you cried. You were strong, even if you didn't look it everyone knew. You might not be the strongest guy outwardly but inside you were the strongest of all of us. I know you're terrified, but can't you tell that I'm near you? You just want a sign, don't you? You need prove that you're still my best friend. Remember, when we were going onto the Hogwarts express for the first time and you asked me if we would drift apart in Hogwarts if you wern't in the same house as me and I say never and I'd beat the sorting hat if it put us in diffrent houses? And you smiled? Just smile like that, Sirius. Smile and push all those horrible feeling away from you. I'm still here I swear I am. I'm watching you-you're moving up towards Remus's house in those horrid woods through the snow. You're shivering from the cold and the fear. Don't be scared, Padfoot, Remus knows. He knows your innocent, he always did. He was scared. I watch him, too, when I'm not watching You or Harry. I hate the Dursleys still. If they die I swear I'll take a pipe to their head as soon as they get here and beat them into a hole in the ground. And Sirius, when you come, I'll hug you and I won't stop. We have enternity, and I promise no one will hurt you. I promise. I'm coming back, Siri, I'm coming back because you need me and NOTHING will keep me from you when you need me. Not even death.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Are you indeed James Potter?' The Ministry official asked.
'Yes.' I said. I was looking around. I was pissed. The dumb Ministry Of Magic had Sirius in FILTHY robes and god hes so thin! How can they do this to my best friend!?!?!? MY BEST FRIEND. WHO DIDN'T BETRAY ME.
'And who is that? Do you recongnize that man?' He asks.
Sirius, if I didn't know your eyes so well I'd say no. But their still stormy grey and still need help. 'Yes.' I say, and look intently at you. You look at me and something shines in your eyes-don't cry, Siri, I'll have you free soon. 'Hes my best friend. His name is Sirius Orion Black. Hes thirty-five and innocent.' I say ten add 'And he is in filthy robes and doesn't deserve to be treated like a rat.'
You look at me and you-oh god you smiled! Yes, thats you. Thats you and you're smiling. Remus wipes his eyes and I can tell he wants to be sitting near you. All thats near you is those stupid Ministry Officials. I'll kill them! Lily smiles at you, and you manage to give her a weak nod. She understands, you're terrified.
'Mr. Potter, for the time being he is a criminal and deserves death or worse-'
'SHUT UP!' Thats Harry. He looks like Lily when hes mad. His eyes are dark and he jumped up. Lily glares at the man who said it. 'He. Is. Innocent.' Harry said, near snarling. He really loves you, Sirius.
'Please sit down.' Dumbledore says from his judges chair. Hes the judge, and God I'm glad. He knows, Sirius. He knows. He believes you. I believe you. Harry slowly takes his seat. From the other side of the court room the guards eye you like they're going to kill you. You shrink down and I want to kill them suddenly. How DARE they threaten you, in any way!?
'It is the ruling of this court that Sirius Black is innocent of the charges against him.'
I don't listen to the rest. The pull the shackles off you, and you wobble uncertaintly, then start to fall. I dive out of the witness's stand and catch you, pulling you up.
'Sirius.' I smile down at you. You nod weakly. Harry runs up and throws his arms around the both of us. Lily comes up, tears in her eyes, and hugs you as tight as she knows is safe, with how skinny you are. Remus closes his eyes against you're shoulder and whispers.
'Welcome to freedom, Sirius. Its missed you.'
You smile and close your eyes. I walk you lovingly out of the court room to where a car is waiting to take us to Godrics Hollow, which has been restored. You're too weak for Floo Powder. Normally, even Dumbledore would have had a difficult time getting through the crowds. But Lily and Molly, with their redhead tempers, clear the way and I help you into the Limo. You sit between me and Remus and close your eyes, breathing deeply. You're tired, and therefore everyone in the car says you will sleep.
Harrys friends are with us. Hermoine and Ron. They really love him, like You and Me and Remmie. Remus is holding you lightly, just with his arms drapped around you protectvly. I smile and he smiles back. You're asleep, curled up to us and clucthing both our robes in your small, skinny hands.
The communication between me and Remus takes no words. You know that. We could do that. not Peter, but us.
/He needs sleep/
-He needs more then sleep, James-
/No Prongs?/
-Prongs. He needs more then sleep, Prongs. He needs you to be there..Dumbledore said he'd have nightmares for years-
/I know...I plan to be there, thank you very much. I was away for twelve years and I'm never leaving you guys again/
-You never did.-
I smile and pet your hair. You stir lightly in your slumber and clutch the fabric tighly in your hands. When we get home, an hour later becase Godric's Hollow is a bit out of town, we have to wake you though none were fond of this. You nodded wearily and continued to hold onto my robes, letting Remus go only for a moment as you got out of the car then you reached for him again. He smiled and stepped over willingly, and you continued to clutch both robes.
Harry tentivly puts his hand on your arm and you flinch or a moment. He goes to move it away, but you let go of both me and Remus-the panic shows momentarily in your eyes, but I place my hand on a skinny shoulder and you relax- and hug Harry softly. He smiles and walks close to you, scared like we'll all dissapere. Poor kid.
We manage to get in the house and you realize something. You fling yourself at Lily, hugging her. She laughs and whispers into your ear 'I understood, why you didn't talk to me before, Sirius.' You nod softly and hug her for a moment beofre whispering 'I want a hair cut.'
'Well then, we'll get you one while dinners cooking.' Lily says and smiles lovingly at you, kissing your forehead.
'Oh,uhm, mum...' Harry starts, looking at the house elf that just entered. 'Hermoine-'
'They're paid.' Remus says quickly. 'A galleon a week. Wouldn't take any more then that, we tried.' He smiles at Hermoine. She smiles too. God, todays a smily day.
You detatch yourself from Lily and Harry takes your place. He clings to his mum frantically. He loves her. he loves me too, he makes that apparent. He hugged me a billion times before the trial and actually sat in my lap. How many fathers can say their fourteen year old son actually willingly sits in their lap. ONE. And its Me.
You're leaning against me. I know you want to be near Remus too, so I make it a point to stand by him. Hell, I missed him as well! He smiles and Lily begins to trim your hair-just above the tip of your ear. She combs it, and shampoos it in the kitchen sink-we won't all fit comfortably in the bathroom and its obvious you have no intent of leaving. I sit by you, rubbing your hand. After your cut, we start to eat.
Dumbledore cast a charm on you that you won't get sick with going from no food to lots. But still, your hesitant. You look at it and I can tell your hungry but its like your scared. 'Not hungry?' I whisper in your ear. You look at me and cling tighter to my robes, twisting them. The terror shows in your eyes. Moony places a hand on your shoulder and you don't flinch. You don't flinch with me and Moony. But its always been like that. You don't like people touching you, with an exception of me and Moony.
I remember you curled up with your head on my knee in seventh year. By that time if someone touched you, you would yelp and squirm towards us. Peter grabbed your arm once and you nearly punched him. You don't like touch. But now, you won't let go of my robes, not that I'm trying to make you. You can hold on as long as you need, Siri. You can hold on forever.
'I...I...' You whimper and look pleadingly to me. Its easy for me to see what you're thinking. Most people can't see past your eyes, they think their like stone. But I see them like oceans. Its hard to get further down past one point, and once your at the bottom its nearly impossible to get up.
^Jamie, I'm scared please please please I don't know what to do and I just want to relax...dinners such a big deal and and and.^
/Shhhhh, Sirius. Don't be scared, no one will ever hurt you again. Just relax, Siri./ I massage a bony shoulder lovingly and you breathe a little.
'Sirius.' Lily says. 'Theres cheese and patatoes...you liked those.'
'I still do.' You say meekly. Your grip on my robes tightens and twists. I start unwinding your fingers from the fabric and you breath deeper and tears well up in your eyes.
^ Sorry, Prongs, didn't mean to annoy you...didn't mean to be clingy^ Its not sardnoic, its pained.
/YOUR NOT! AND YOU HAVE THE FULL RIGHT TO BE CLINGY!/
You jump alittle and unsteadily poke at your cheese and potatoes.
^Please....d-don't scream....^
/Oh god, Sirius, I'm sorry...wanna go lay down? We can eat up there and no one will mind./
^Y-yes...can Remus come?^
/Of course he can!/
-Of course I can-
/Want anything special, Paddy?/
You shiver at that name and look at me oddly, then smile softly. You need to be called Paddy, and Padfoot, and things like that to know we love you. And besides, its natural.
'Lily, can we go upstaires-'
'Of course! Sirius, you must want to lay down. Anything special to eat?' She asks, piling food on a platter.
'These cheese n patatoes things...corn beef....And...Cabbage!' You say it ethusaisticly and I raise an eyebrow. "I want cabbage!' You explain. I nod.
She laughs, piles it up, and sends it up with Remus. Your room is ready. Its right next to Remus's and mine. I won't have you all alone. You have rooms to yourself, but I know you need easy contact.
'Come on.' I say, and help you to your feet. You start to totter, then almost fall but instantly the platters on the table and Remus is holding you and I've got you by the waist, and Harrys half way out of his chair. We help you up the staires to the room and Remus lays you down on the soft bed.
'You.' I say, looking down at your small figure. 'Need diffrent robes. Those are filthy.'
'Oh shut up.' You murmurr, then gasp. You look scared, excpecting to be smacked. I pull you up to a sitting position and the robes off, gently so you know I won't hurt you. 'Sirius...' I whisper. 'I will never, ever, hurt you.'
^I know^
'Oh, and those boxers are how old?'
'Dunno.' Sirius yawned and relaxed and Remus and I undressed him then pulled clothes back over him. I made sure he was wearing silk. Silk or velvet from now on. I thought. Unless you want diffrent.
I walk out and hear a yelp. 'PRONGS!' Remus shouts and I rush back in. Your whimpering, and instantly reach for me. I hold you until you calms down, petting your pretty black hair. Always was jealous of your hair.
'You left.' You whimper.
'Oh I am so sorry.' I whisper, and call for a house elf to get Remus's new silk robes too, then command him to change, his robes are tattered and he deserves the best. He laughs and you smile and reach for him as well.
We both lay gently near you, close enough so you can feel our weight and know we're near, but far enough so you arent squished or trapped. 'Moony? Prongs?' You whimper, ten minutes later.
'Right here.' I say.
'Yes, Padfoot?' Remus asks lovingly.
'I'm sorry I...I'm sorry I'm such a baby...'
'WHAT!?' I shout and You cring. I'm sorry.vI bring my voice down. "Sirius, you are my best friend. I would die for you-and live for you, and do anything for you! I fact that you can still talk and make sense after all this is amazing!'
'You are not a baby.' Remus says in that firm tone that you listen to. 'You're our best friend, and you need to sleep.' He pushes your bangs out of your eyes. 'And then, you need to be held and loved on forever.'
'I agree.' I say, and you smile weakly. 'Sleep now, paddy, no one will ever hurt you again.'
'Don't cry.' Remus murmurrs. 'I don't like it when you cry.'
'I don't either.' I mutter.
'Me neither.' You say and smile.
Sirius. Its all okay now. Sirius? Yeah, Sirius, you're still my best friend.