They say I went crazy yesterday.
Is this how you felt when I died, Siri? Did you see blood pouring or was it nice and clean? You slit your wrists. WHY GOD DAMMIT SIRIUS!? You left a note, said you were sorry. Thought you were a burden. You wern't a burden, Padfoot. DO YOU HEAR ME!? YOU WERN'T A BURDEN!!!!!
I get to attend your funeral. Harrys here with Lily and Moony, their making plans. Well, Lily and Moony are. Harry is sitting there looking blank. I want to hug him. I _do_ hug him. And he hugs back, sobbing into my shoulder. Hes talking but I can't hear him. Moony squeezes my shoulder. Lily starts crying and leaves. Harry sits by me, eyes closed in relaxation.
Where are you?
I miss you so much, Padfoot. Why did you kill yourself? I miss you. I wonder, can you hear me? If you can, Siri, listen. I miss you, and I don't hate you. You were my best friend, my baby brother, my teacher and my student, and above all else you were Padfoot.
God, Sirius, I miss you.
I miss your pale skin and skinny arms and hands that used to cling to my robes when you were scared. I miss your big grey eyes, lighting up like a small childs. I miss the way you pouted when Moony said you'd get hurt. I miss the way you snuggled into my lap, head pressed firmly in my neck. I miss pranking with you. I miss laughing with you. I miss crying with you. I miss holding you.
I miss you Pads.
END
Is this how you felt when I died, Siri? Did you see blood pouring or was it nice and clean? You slit your wrists. WHY GOD DAMMIT SIRIUS!? You left a note, said you were sorry. Thought you were a burden. You wern't a burden, Padfoot. DO YOU HEAR ME!? YOU WERN'T A BURDEN!!!!!
I get to attend your funeral. Harrys here with Lily and Moony, their making plans. Well, Lily and Moony are. Harry is sitting there looking blank. I want to hug him. I _do_ hug him. And he hugs back, sobbing into my shoulder. Hes talking but I can't hear him. Moony squeezes my shoulder. Lily starts crying and leaves. Harry sits by me, eyes closed in relaxation.
Where are you?
I miss you so much, Padfoot. Why did you kill yourself? I miss you. I wonder, can you hear me? If you can, Siri, listen. I miss you, and I don't hate you. You were my best friend, my baby brother, my teacher and my student, and above all else you were Padfoot.
God, Sirius, I miss you.
I miss your pale skin and skinny arms and hands that used to cling to my robes when you were scared. I miss your big grey eyes, lighting up like a small childs. I miss the way you pouted when Moony said you'd get hurt. I miss the way you snuggled into my lap, head pressed firmly in my neck. I miss pranking with you. I miss laughing with you. I miss crying with you. I miss holding you.
I miss you Pads.
END