I decided not to sell today. I was sitting at the docks, thinking- trying to make myself feel a little better- when I caught sight of Jack and two other newsies making their way towards me. I started and looked closer. Was-- no. Jack, Boots, and a newsie I'd never seen before were the delegation. I watched Rabbit confront him- he knew I was in no state for dealing with Jack today. He was going to make a great leader- had so much more compassion in him than I did. Or than I showed. All the boys were comfortable around him, respected him for better reasons than his temper and violent tendencies. I shook my head to rid it of thoughts like those. I could deal with them later; I was doing a little better today and couldn't afford to waste that.

What could Jack want to see me about? He looked serious…oh, yes. I remembered now. Rabbit had told me that he and his newsies were trying to go on strike, trying to get the price of the newspapers back to normal. Well, here he was. I pulled a cold mask over my face and my thoughts and climbed down, careful not to let the inside of my wrists show. Jack was my friend, despite everything, and I didn't think I could deal with what he was bound to give me if he saw.

I definitely wasn't prepared for what he told me. It took all my self-control to keep up my act. He wanted me to join the strike- and to come to Manhattan to help him. Manhattan? Now? I didn't think I could survive Manhattan. Because staying in Manhattan meant….

I made up some nonsense about not believing he was serious. Of course he was serious. I knew Jack, I knew him well. When he got an idea like this he was always too serious, almost obsessive. To tell the truth, I would have happily joined him in the strike- selling wasn't doing me much good lately anyway, and I was rather upset by the paper's new price, it just wasn't the first issue on my mind. If I'd told him that, though, he would've had to know why I wouldn't come to Manhattan with him. And he would've realized that something was wrong. And I wouldn't let him.

Sitting here on the roof, though, toying with the razor blade, I wonder if I did the right thing. I honestly don't know if I could handle Manhattan right now, but Jack deserves my help. And my boys deserve the chance to help. What would Rabbit have done? I know the answer, but I don't want to admit it. He would've put aside his problems and gone to Manhattan without a second thought.

I'm not fit to lead here anymore. Time I left off. Where would I go, though? Couldn't stay here. That's like saying "I'm too weak to be your leader, but I'll still take advantage of your kindness". Jack would take me in; I know it, but that means Manhattan, and the Manhattan lodging house, and the Manhattan boys, and that means….

I throw the razor blade in a sudden violent jerk and watch it clatter to the shingles. I'll fix this. I will. I can lead Brooklyn. Maybe not as well as I used to, but I can lead.