FAMILY TIES

CHAPTER TWO

Freedom.

That was the one word repeating over and over again in Buffy's mind as she gleefully slid her time card through its slot and dutifully replacing it right behind Sanders, Jenny. It was only 2:30 and she was actually off. How many times had she been able to say she had gotten off with even a sliver of daylight left?

Of course, she thought as she walked out the door, today wouldn't really count. The rain had been coming down since late last night. She had staked two vamps and deep-fried a piggy-like demon in its own sweat (don't ask) and had come home drenched. Why couldn't things ever work out for her? Just one day was all she wanted. Just one day to sit outside, laying in the grass, welcoming the warm pulse of the sun against her skin.

She sighed at the fleeting memory. It had been too long since she had done that. Doublemeat employee by day; Slayer by night. Go to work and then directly to the slayage, do not pass home, she told herself. There wasn't too much to her life she looked forward to. Spending time with Dawn and Willow was at the top of the list. Then there was also that throbbing feel of him inside of her…

"I am so not going there," she said aloud and forced herself to walk from under the awning and into the rain. She gasped as the cool drops sneaked under her windbreaker. The chills that ran across her skin were very much welcomed. Anything was better for her than thinking about him.

"Don't think about the evil, bloodsucking dead guy. Don't think about the evil, bloodsucking dead guy," she told herself as she started her walk home. She hadn't taken ten steps and her feet were soaked. At least the cool water soothed her aching feet.

"Some Slayer," she said, mocking herself. "She can fight the forces of evil, save the world from Armageddon and even die twice. But make her stand for eight hours straight and what do you have?" She let the thought slide. She knew what was left but didn't want to admit it.

A wreck. That's what she was and though she was able to admit it at times, she was more likely to deny it. She wondered if stubbornness was a Slayer trait. Nope. That was a one hundred percent Summers gene.

Revello Drive was about a twenty-minute walk from Doublemeat Palace. But it was going to be more like a forty-minute trek in this weather. She had walked only two blocks and the liquid chill of the rain had managed to coat every part of her body.

"I know one place it hasn't reached," the voice said. Buffy whirled around, her green eyes pulsating with fear. The voice sounded an awful lot like Spike. But it couldn't have been Spike. He was the last person she wanted to see, though in her mind, he was first in line. She was definitely at the breaking point if Spike's voice was popping up in her head.

"Get a grip, B," she told herself and rolled her eyes at the use of Faith's ever so affectionate nickname for her. Buffy shook her head in disgust. Not at the thought of the second slayer but because she was so flustered. She could blame it on anything she wanted, but the truth was, Spike was inside her in a way that no one had ever been. And that had been before he had fallen in love with her.

Buffy shivered at the thought of it. Spike? In love with her? There was no denying it. She couldn't dismiss it as some trivial demon-smitten lust. No, there was much more to what was in his un-beating heart than that. She saw it in everything she did. The way he looked at her, the way he touched her, the things he did for her. He had nearly gotten himself killed with Glory for the sake of protecting Dawn. For her. There was nothing he would not do for his Slayer.

'His Slayer'. She couldn't think of herself as his. She wouldn't. He didn't have a soul…

Yet he loves you.

He was an evil, malevolent creature of the night…

Though he fights by your side.

He only does that to get lucky…

Yet he held the Scoobies together when you were gone.

He…he's…

Buffy finally gave up. She had run out of excuses. For everything wrong with Spike, there was something equally good thing righting that wrong. Was Spike a vampire? Yes. Was he soulless? Yes. Was he evil? If she asked herself that question a few months ago, the answer would have been a resounding yes. But now, she wasn't so sure. All the things he did, all the times he could have walked away and he never did. Even when he had declared him 'beneath' her, he was there that same night when she was falling to pieces. She was as vulnerable as she had ever been and yet he had only sat by her, silently, while she cried. He never said a word about that night since. She could accredit only a fraction of his reformed behavior to the chip. It only caused him pain when he desired to hurt a human physically. It did nothing to curb his words, which were often more scathing than his formidable fists. It did not force him to stay by their sides fighting the good fight. But still, she was afraid.

Though she dared not speak it aloud, Buffy wanted nothing more than for Spike to be truly reformed. She did not deny his inherently evil disposition. He was not like Angel; he did not have a soul. If Spike could somehow overcome his preternatural instincts toward evil, then his transformation would be even greater. But she would never know, unless the chip was removed. And despite her longing for him to change, she did not want his hands untied, so to speak. It was true that he could harm her and had only done so to prove a point, Buffy could live with that unpredictable nature as long as it was directed toward her. Maybe that's why she felt so alive with him, never letting down her guard. That uneasiness she had always felt toward him was even more pronounced now, and she was ashamed to be attracted because of such base emotions.

However, if he did become 'de-chipped', could she really trust him around others? It wasn't Dawn that she worried him hurting (he loved his 'lil bit' like a sister) nor the Scoobies (though Xander would undoubtedly receive a major beat-down). They were all an extension of who Buffy was and he would never do anything to jeopardize her. But what about those who were not as lucky to be a part of the Slayer's life, what then? Would it be Angel all over again?

Buffy grew cold at the thought and wrapped her arms tightly around her body. Talk about the potential of opening up a healing wound. No, killing your boyfriend and staying sane afterwards was a one-time deal. She couldn't…

She stopped in her tracks. I did not just qualify Spike as my boyfriend…Did I? Buffy threw her hands up in exasperation. She was cursed. Okay, so maybe not cursed, but what was the deal? Every time she tried not to think about Spike, she did. And when she did want to think about him, he was never there. Calculating the odds, she figured that he should be rolling by right…about…now.

"Seeing him is most definitely not what I need right now," she told herself. "Besides," she added, "why would he want to see me right now?"

The Slayer sank to the ground at the thought of their last real conversation.

I am being weak and selfish, she had told him. I'm not complaining, he replied, advancing on her.

And its killing me…those four little words had stopped the vampire in his tracks. She could see the hurt and pain in his eyes and for a moment, she had wanted to take all the bad things she had said and done to him away. She would have done almost anything (no, there was no almost to it) to relieve his aching heart. The tears had welled up in his eyes when she had told him goodbye and she didn't stick around to see him cry. She had to be strong and if she had seen tears run down Spike's cheeks that night, well, there wasn't that much strength in the world.

She absently wiped at the water running down her face and fought back tears that threatened to tear from her eyes. Be strong, Buffy, she told herself. How did she always seem to get into these situations? But she could have asked the same thing of Spike as well. She chuckled at his brazen admittance to being 'Love's bitch', as he so eloquently put it. But her smile quickly faded. Here he was, an undead creature that could love with zest most humans could not fathom. He was an enigma. But she wanted him just the same.

Not liking where her thoughts were going, Buffy glanced down at her watch, covering it with her free hand to see the time. 2:42. At this pace, she'd get home at around 3:10. She'd have about half an hour after that before Dawn was out of school. It made Buffy smile to know that she would be home, waiting for her sister. She couldn't remember the last time she and Dawn had done something together. She and Willow had planned to surprise Dawn and take her little sis out for a change. Dawn would like that and hopefully a little attention would stay her compulsion to steal or make wishes to any more vengeance demons.

Buffy peered down both sides of the street on the off chance that she would see someone driving by that she knew. That was doubtful since most people were still at work (Thank God I'm not one of 'em) and those that weren't had obviously decided that staying in was the best course of action for the day. If it weren't for her plans to take Dawn out, she would have agreed with the staying in thingie.

And whispering the nasties…

Buffy covered her face at her continually sordid thoughts of Spike. Why, why, why? she asked herself repeatedly and had yet to receive a satisfactory answer. What was it with Spike that made her so crazy? She was so glad that he wasn't here now…

Buffy looked behind her on a whim and stopped in her tracks as she spotted a black car in the distance. It looked familiar, but it was so far away, she dismissed it as wishful thinking. She continued walking, turning back every few steps on the fast approaching vehicle. Whoever it was, evidently had some place to be. She was about to turn inward to her thoughts again when she turned and caught the vehicle's tinted windows. And trademark bumper…

"You have got to be kidding me," she said in disbelief, finally identifying the car. There was no doubt about it now. Buffy stopped completely and half turned to the speeding car. "Of all the things I didn't need," she complained as the De Soto closed in on her. "I cannot deal with this right now," she told herself. She pulled the hood of her windbreaker as far over her face as it would allow and stuffed her hands in her pocket. She concentrated on her drenched sneakers, glancing back every few steps.

"He's sure not slowing down," she observed as the De Soto was now within half a block. There was no way that he wasn't going to see her. "Might as well get out the rain," she conceded and hesitantly moved closer to the sidewalk. Still, she would only make a move if he said something to her. And the way he was moving didn't seem like he…

The De Soto flew past her with all the sound a fury of a stock car in need of a tune-up. It never slowed and Buffy was left in its wake. Unbeknownst to her, she had decided to stop in front of a man-sized puddle with what looked like gallons of water filling it. As the De Soto passed her, the puddle was no more. Unfortunately for the Slayer, the water had introduced itself to her head-on.

She held her arms out to her sides in incredulity. It was in part to her becoming even more soaked than she had thought possible after the tidal wave of rainwater had smashed into her. Irritation and anger suspended her disbelief.

How dare he? She thought, incredulously. She looked down the street and caught the break lights of the De Soto flash on before fishtailing around the corner, disappearing from her sight.

"You are so many bits of dust!" she shouted to the departed car and with balled fists, Buffy continued her not-so-short walk home.