Crimson Tears
11.12.2002: This chapter introduces you to Keisuke, deep inside. I'm going to work on character depth for each character. The chapter gives you thoughts about her from a cool and sensible guy-you'll see. In this chapter, I slightly tell about shonen/shonen love-don't be bothered by it. There's a very dark past to Keisuke so watch out. I think I might need to up the rating to R later on because of some masochism. (Do I?) I *believe* I got the Japanese right. ^.^ Which is always good. Does anybody want to volunteer as a beta reader? I think I need one. The paragraphs of my CCS fics always end up short + choppy (as a reviewer pointed out *thank you*). It's perfectly fine in Digimon, but CCS is harder to write. *sigh* One cannot find his/her mistakes. (The characters don't show as much depth in CCS.)
Summary: AU-Sakura is an abused girl, scared and shy of the world, severely depressed. When her best friends, Tomoyo & Shaoran, find out about her cuts and problems......Slowly she gets better, draws to the world, and with that: a boy falls in love with her. *SxS*
~~~
Hitomi o tojite, kokoro no naka o mitsumeteru
Dare o matsu no?
Chiheisen no mukou kara
Kikoete kuru koe o kite iru
Koko ni kite
Close your eyes, the inside heart can be found -
who are you waiting for?
From the horizon's other side,
listen to the voice coming - that is coming...
Come here.
--From "Koko ni Kite" - Tomoyo's song
~~~
Chapter One: Lonely Heart
The light cherry blossoms of the evening trees blossoms during the spring morning, and now with its glory in the small beaming sunset, they rise with a pale white-pink colour. The ponds are dipped into the midnight sky, soaked with a thick blackness that spreads like ink across rice paper, and reflect of what is only there and nothing else. The mist of the morning rises from behind the leaves, the dewdrops sweetly lying there, and disappears slowly. Life is infinite. The lightness and darkness of days rise into the sky, falling upon the cherry blossoms. And the circle begins and ends with light and dark, where the sun shines and the moon beams onto the blossoms, and the sky soaks the whole galaxy into its hand. And the stars twinkle and wink up in the dark sky, every night, making your wishes come true; only if you wish for it, for the key to open the chest of wishes is within your heart. You must find it. The cherry blossoms will still smell sweet.
*
Keisuke sighed, watching the small girl sit on the swing. He noticed that she stared into the broken sunset, as if it had broken her family as well. Clenching his fist, he let his short fury leave him. But he still had to wonder why the girl's family had to have died, and leave her behind all alone. He closed his eyes, shaking his head sadly, But that's how fate is. It's cruel, he thought. "Sakura," Keisuke began, but came to a halt. Something stopped him. His heart stirred, and he became self-conscious. Echoes of his past grew louder in his mind, and his heart beat heavily. It made him wonder why he had chosen to leave the guy he had been younger to the loner he was now. He, too, knew how it was to be left someone he truly cared about. Perhaps he knew too well. Why, he thought, why, why, why . . . . ? Turning away, he could still see the image. Falling, falling, faster and faster, falling, and he could have stopped him. But he had been too late...too late . . . .
*
The brunette teen grasped the railing tightly, with a slight, sad smile. "Keisuke," he said softly, "gomen...ne... Aishiteru. [Sorry......I love you.]" Tears rolled down his cheeks slowly, twinkling and glistening. He parted his lips slowly, breathing his last breaths. He had no doubts about dying. He knew that he'd be living better if he died. He had to leave his Keisuke-chan to his life, because true love brought pain. It was better to be untouched by the red searing love; if you knew love, you would knew true pain. To know tears, to know courage, to come to the world; you had to be able to cry, to be courageous, to be loyal . . . . but Hikaru wanted to be a coward. He wanted his death. He didn't fear it. "Aishiteru," he repeated himself in a softer, feminine, and honey-sweet voice.
Shocked, "W-what do you mean?" the dark haired boy asked, his eyes unfocussed. He laughed nervously, "What do you mean, Hikaru-kun?" nearing to the boy. His eyes searched desperately across the boy's face, for an answer; anything to deny the fact that his best buddy was just about to commit suicide... He laughed again, " 'Aishiteru?' Hikaru-kun..." but from the seriousness of his friend's blue eyes, he stopped. (1) His heartbeat quickened, his legs becoming weak under him. He felt nauseous and confused, his face darkened with the confusion and doubt and embarrassment. It wasn't right to show so much feeling, nor for your best friend to say: "I love you," but it was happening . . . (2) "What do you mean?" he questioned once again, "Why would you fall in love . . . with me?" The intensity of the situation was overwhelming Keisuke.
Hikaru turned around, his blue eyes shining like gems to Keisuke. Hanging tightly to the railing, he leaned in and kissed the boy quickly, soft and sweet and gentle. "Aishiteru, Keisuke," Hikaru said softly, tears burning into his eyes, "but you've never recognised me as more than just a friend." He closed his eyes, remembering his life. He was sorry that it had ended up like this, but he had nothing else, nowhere to turn to now. He had given up all his hope. He would die untouched by the one he dreamed of. But it was better, if Keisuke knew that he loved him. Hikaru didn't like it, not being able to let anybody know his true feelings. "Boku no honto no kimochi [my true feeling]," he whispered, opening his eyes to large, gorgeous dark-blue eyes, sparkling like gems and filled with tears. His eyes were filled with an honesty and purity that was priceless, but almost gone.
Keisuke was completely shocked. It hadn't occurred to him at all, and even so, could he like Hikaru in the same way? Hiding a small frown, he looked down, "Gomen, Hikaru. Ore...daisuki, daisuki, dakedo...dakedo...[Sorry, Hikaru. I...I really, really like you, but...but...]" He lost his heart, knowing that at the moment, maybe he could like Hikaru in that way. "Demo, Aki o suki [But I love Aki]," he said. But thinking of the bright-eyed girl, he didn't feel the same feeling anymore. It was gone. He felt his heart freeze in pain, tears shedding into the dark night's storm. "Demo, Aki," he repeated emptily. He couldn't feel his fingers anymore, but all he could do was stare into the pretty, feminine face in front of him. Long dark brown lashes, thick and curly. Pretty Atlantic blue eyes, rocky and pure. Gentle voice, honey sweet and gently seductive. (3)
Hikaru gave one last kiss, hot and passionate and long. His lips were soft as the leaves of the pure cherry blossoms, soft and gentle to the skin. The kiss felt seductive and luring to Keisuke for a strange reason, burning onto his lips, engraving the scene into Keisuke's mind. With a teary face, "Sayonara [Good-bye]," Hikaru whispered sweetly, and let go of the railing. Falling, falling, falling into the furious blue Pacific Ocean. Tears were still falling down his face, as he was sorry for having loved at all. The first real pain he had ever felt came with the intense love he had ever felt. With love came the pain and hurt.
The next moment was a blur for Keisuke, realising that he had to help his friend. He leaned against the railing, flinging a hand out, but it was too late. His cold and trembling hand was too late. Hikaru had already plunged into the icy ocean. Gone, gone, gone . . . . . "Hikaru!!!!" he yelled, his tears falling too late. He felt his legs weakly crumpling under him, soft hands on him, whispering at him, but all he could remember was that he hurt. "Che [damn/shit]," he swore, his tears rolling down his cheeks slowly, mixing with the rain falling onto his face, "shimatta. D-daisuki, daisuki . . . . anata. Aishiteru . . . kimi [damn. I really, really like you . . . . you. I love you . . . you]."
He let his tears fall down his face as he felt soft hands wrapping around his neck. He knew that the hands were there, but he felt so numb to it, because he was still cold and sad . . . "Damn, Hikaru-chan," he whispered, giving in, "Nande? Nande, nande, nande? [Why? Why, why, why?]" Though the sun had begun to shine again, he couldn't feel it. He could only feel the pain and hurt in him growing, growing, growing. It was absorbing him. And Hikaru was gone, forever, eaten by the ocean. "HIKARU O SUKI!" he cried out in pain, getting up and stumbling over himself. Hikaru was gone. And did he really love Aki?
*
Keisuke glanced down at his wrists, the long red scar faded. He could still remember it, bringing the shiny razor close to his skin, and cutting. He kept cutting, from the craziness of youth, and he didn't know what he had been doing. He felt a faint blush cross his face, but he ignored his feelings inside. He was being selfish. Though he didn't like children very much, he had a heart full of sympathy for the child, Sakura. Why, he thought, why did they leave her? He shook his head, knowing that fate was cruel and cold. It was better to stay untouched by love; that way, you couldn't get hurt. Nothing would hurt, but nothing would be happy either. Wasn't it better to be just satisfied with life, than happy and hurt? Or was it the other way around?
Approaching her slowly, he watched her cry silently into the fading shards of the sunset, her tears glistening and twinkling. He could only watch her, because he had nothing to say. He didn't know what to say, because he had been alone for the last seven years. He had suddenly turned into the sensible rebel, not falling in love keeping him safe from being hurt anymore. And it had worked, but he still felt the sharp pain from his haunting dreams. The only other people he had cared about were Aki and his sister. He had shut the rest of the world out, dressing like the typical rebel and gaining the icy glare of the typical rebel.
He looked up into the fading sun, feeling the disappearing warmth turn into an evening coldness. Do wishes really come true, he thought, really? Can stars really make wishes come true? Looking away, he felt suddenly childish and unusually lonely. He blushed, abruptly becoming like the young shonen he had once been. He softly smiled onto the angelic child. "Dakara...dakara...[so...so...]" he whispered into the darkening sky. "Dakara, Sakura-chan, dakara...ima kimi wa hitori ja nai, [so, Sakura-chan, so...now you aren't alone]" he said confidently with a small smile spreading across his face reassuringly. He remembered who he had once been. At one time, he had forgotten who he was. But he had been searching too hard for an answer, and not for his heart. Feeling the girl's hands curling around his slowly, "Ikou, [Let's go]" he suggested with a shrug.
Sakura looked up at Keisuke. "Doko ikou no? [Where are we going?]" Sakura asked quietly, looking up at Keisuke with a sad face. Still, her eyes sparkled with the innocence she had, the freshness and pureness of the girl shined vibrantly. "Where?" she asked once again, getting off the small swing, tugging his big hand with her small, soft hands. Still a guilt lay in her mind . . .
Keisuke smiled at the small girl's innocence. "Home," he replied, "home..." He lifted the brunette up into his arms, and he began to walk home, to Harumi and his drunken father, to a safe place. He thought wistfully, Maybe if Aki were here with me, she'd know what to do...or if Hikaru were here, he'd make Sakura happy... He shook his thoughts away, though, because it was no use to reminisce of the past that wasn't there. He could live in the past, but the world wouldn't wait for him to catch up. The world would keep going.
There were dancing shadows in the corner of the blue house. " 'Nii-chan, dreaming?" a familiar female asked softly, slipping out of the blue house quietly, the dark shadows making her movements invisible, "Daijobu ka? [Are you fine?]" She was apparently worried about her older brother. She loved him for the brother he had always been, protecting her and caring for her when their drunken father was being abusive. Though she was strong, she lost her sensibility when it came to fighting her own father. She knew that Keisuke liked her much better than their father. She had to smile despite the rather serious atmosphere, in thanks for having such a wonderful brother. She could remember the times they had been together, laughing and running in the fields with Hikaru, when they had been six and eight.
Keisuke wasn't surprised at all by Harumi's sudden appearance. She was as sly and sleek as a cat. "Imouto," Keisuke grinned smoothly, "daijoubu. [I'm fine]" He closed his eyes, breathing in the night air. He was still restless, still regretful, and still alone. But he felt rather enlightened, and perhaps Sakura had something to with it. Yes, Sakura had helped him get over his sadness. He couldn't change the past, but he couldn't live in the past either. He had to move on, but he had to remember it as well. He would never forget Hikaru; he had promised that.
His sister rested her hand on his shoulder, "You can't change the past..." She felt a deep sorrow for her brother, for losing everything in a day. It was almost like she could feel what he was feeling, the deep hurt inside that was hidden. And besides that, Hikaru had been her friend too. "You just can't change the past," she said gently, her hands quickly clenching into two fists. If she had a wish, it might be for her to be able to change the past. If she could do that, maybe her life wouldn't be so bad. And her brother would be happy.
He knew that he couldn't change the past, but he wanted to. He wanted to. He could have changed Hikaru's fate, and Hikaru would probably still be alive now, if he had reacted faster, if he had stopped him . . . but he hadn't. He could have. Searching deep inside himself for an answer to why he had rejected his best friend; he could have saved Hikaru's life from death! Searching deep in his heart for an answer to a question plaguing him: whom did he love? Aki or Hikaru? He liked them both, he knew that, but . . . . had he just lied to Hikaru? Had he just blown his best buddy off so quickly, and killed him with the rejection? Keisuke closed his eyes, trying to find an answer in himself. And suddenly he had the illusion that Hikaru was calling him, like when they were kids: "Kei-suke! Hayaku! Hayaku! Hashiridasou! Hayaku! [Kei-suke! Hurry! Hurry! Let's run! Hurry!]" He could hear his voice coming, closer and closer, just like when they had been little...
"Shiteru [I know]," Keisuke quietly replied, almost in a whisper. He cast a gaze into the dark sun, almost gone, feeling as if he had accomplished some sort of peace within himself. Though he still had a troubled heart, worried about Sakura, he was at ease. It was like he could be happy and love and trust and believe again...except that he had thrown that all away the day Hikaru had thrown his life to the ocean. He could still go on, but he couldn't live in the past he had created. He had to go on and remember; it was all he could do. "I know," he said again, feeling passive and full of peace for the first time in a long time.
The hazel-haired girl looked up in shock. Her expression softened. She was happy that her brother had found an answer in himself; she remembered the rainy day, Keisuke's last words of that day. He had kept saying that he could have stopped Hikaru; he blamed himself for everything. He didn't accept the answer that he couldn't have done anything. He kept saying that he could have. Now he had found peace, she couldn't believe that her brother was letting go of the past, finally. He had found answer... "It's cold, let's go in," she suggested, shivering a little. Still, the past's air lingered in the present day's air... and the cherry blossoms still blossomed.
As you see, the lyrics I chose mirror the chapter and Keisuke's feelings. I'm sorry if you don't like shonen/shonen love, but I'm trying to give each character a perspective and character depth! Besides, if it bothers you so much, then you shouldn't like CCS at all. There are a few obvious gay couplings, and that's how it is Japan!
I'm working on the next chapter as well. I'm going to work on Harumi, and you'll find out some stuff about her and her brother's relationship. Just wait. :) Don't forget to review!!!!! - and would anybody be willing to tell me what AU really stands for? I thought it was alternate universe, meaning without the unordinary things...but I'm having my doubts now.
And anybody want to be my proof read? I want somebody that's very tough and strict about grammar and stuff. Anybody fit? And somebody who can tell me stuff about CCS because I'm not a professional writer for CCS - nor am I professional writer at all. ^.^ If anybody wants to volunteer who can help me, email me. Thanks. *Arigato*
~Kara
(1) - Hikaru can be a girl's name as well as a boy's name. The only way I know that is because Midorikawa-sama is definitely a man. (He's Tamahome's seiyuu, from Fushigi Yuugi.) Shonen/shonen love is actually accepted in Japan. They don't care if anybody's gay.
(2) - In Japan, it is very improper and untraditional to show so much emotion. It is considered rude and impolite to show emotions. It can be *funny* at times. ^_~
(3) - I have to say that this might be either Aki or Hikaru I'm talking about. As you'll see later in the story, I'll reintroduce Aki in the reality of the story. And she'll have the same features as Hikaru. (They aren't twins.) They have uncanny resemblance, and often, resemblance is mistaken in love. Keep that in mind!
(Disclaimer: I do not own CCS or any of their songs. However, I own this plot and the song translation. Please do not plagiarize. Thank you.)
11.12.2002: This chapter introduces you to Keisuke, deep inside. I'm going to work on character depth for each character. The chapter gives you thoughts about her from a cool and sensible guy-you'll see. In this chapter, I slightly tell about shonen/shonen love-don't be bothered by it. There's a very dark past to Keisuke so watch out. I think I might need to up the rating to R later on because of some masochism. (Do I?) I *believe* I got the Japanese right. ^.^ Which is always good. Does anybody want to volunteer as a beta reader? I think I need one. The paragraphs of my CCS fics always end up short + choppy (as a reviewer pointed out *thank you*). It's perfectly fine in Digimon, but CCS is harder to write. *sigh* One cannot find his/her mistakes. (The characters don't show as much depth in CCS.)
Summary: AU-Sakura is an abused girl, scared and shy of the world, severely depressed. When her best friends, Tomoyo & Shaoran, find out about her cuts and problems......Slowly she gets better, draws to the world, and with that: a boy falls in love with her. *SxS*
~~~
Hitomi o tojite, kokoro no naka o mitsumeteru
Dare o matsu no?
Chiheisen no mukou kara
Kikoete kuru koe o kite iru
Koko ni kite
Close your eyes, the inside heart can be found -
who are you waiting for?
From the horizon's other side,
listen to the voice coming - that is coming...
Come here.
--From "Koko ni Kite" - Tomoyo's song
~~~
Chapter One: Lonely Heart
The light cherry blossoms of the evening trees blossoms during the spring morning, and now with its glory in the small beaming sunset, they rise with a pale white-pink colour. The ponds are dipped into the midnight sky, soaked with a thick blackness that spreads like ink across rice paper, and reflect of what is only there and nothing else. The mist of the morning rises from behind the leaves, the dewdrops sweetly lying there, and disappears slowly. Life is infinite. The lightness and darkness of days rise into the sky, falling upon the cherry blossoms. And the circle begins and ends with light and dark, where the sun shines and the moon beams onto the blossoms, and the sky soaks the whole galaxy into its hand. And the stars twinkle and wink up in the dark sky, every night, making your wishes come true; only if you wish for it, for the key to open the chest of wishes is within your heart. You must find it. The cherry blossoms will still smell sweet.
*
Keisuke sighed, watching the small girl sit on the swing. He noticed that she stared into the broken sunset, as if it had broken her family as well. Clenching his fist, he let his short fury leave him. But he still had to wonder why the girl's family had to have died, and leave her behind all alone. He closed his eyes, shaking his head sadly, But that's how fate is. It's cruel, he thought. "Sakura," Keisuke began, but came to a halt. Something stopped him. His heart stirred, and he became self-conscious. Echoes of his past grew louder in his mind, and his heart beat heavily. It made him wonder why he had chosen to leave the guy he had been younger to the loner he was now. He, too, knew how it was to be left someone he truly cared about. Perhaps he knew too well. Why, he thought, why, why, why . . . . ? Turning away, he could still see the image. Falling, falling, faster and faster, falling, and he could have stopped him. But he had been too late...too late . . . .
*
The brunette teen grasped the railing tightly, with a slight, sad smile. "Keisuke," he said softly, "gomen...ne... Aishiteru. [Sorry......I love you.]" Tears rolled down his cheeks slowly, twinkling and glistening. He parted his lips slowly, breathing his last breaths. He had no doubts about dying. He knew that he'd be living better if he died. He had to leave his Keisuke-chan to his life, because true love brought pain. It was better to be untouched by the red searing love; if you knew love, you would knew true pain. To know tears, to know courage, to come to the world; you had to be able to cry, to be courageous, to be loyal . . . . but Hikaru wanted to be a coward. He wanted his death. He didn't fear it. "Aishiteru," he repeated himself in a softer, feminine, and honey-sweet voice.
Shocked, "W-what do you mean?" the dark haired boy asked, his eyes unfocussed. He laughed nervously, "What do you mean, Hikaru-kun?" nearing to the boy. His eyes searched desperately across the boy's face, for an answer; anything to deny the fact that his best buddy was just about to commit suicide... He laughed again, " 'Aishiteru?' Hikaru-kun..." but from the seriousness of his friend's blue eyes, he stopped. (1) His heartbeat quickened, his legs becoming weak under him. He felt nauseous and confused, his face darkened with the confusion and doubt and embarrassment. It wasn't right to show so much feeling, nor for your best friend to say: "I love you," but it was happening . . . (2) "What do you mean?" he questioned once again, "Why would you fall in love . . . with me?" The intensity of the situation was overwhelming Keisuke.
Hikaru turned around, his blue eyes shining like gems to Keisuke. Hanging tightly to the railing, he leaned in and kissed the boy quickly, soft and sweet and gentle. "Aishiteru, Keisuke," Hikaru said softly, tears burning into his eyes, "but you've never recognised me as more than just a friend." He closed his eyes, remembering his life. He was sorry that it had ended up like this, but he had nothing else, nowhere to turn to now. He had given up all his hope. He would die untouched by the one he dreamed of. But it was better, if Keisuke knew that he loved him. Hikaru didn't like it, not being able to let anybody know his true feelings. "Boku no honto no kimochi [my true feeling]," he whispered, opening his eyes to large, gorgeous dark-blue eyes, sparkling like gems and filled with tears. His eyes were filled with an honesty and purity that was priceless, but almost gone.
Keisuke was completely shocked. It hadn't occurred to him at all, and even so, could he like Hikaru in the same way? Hiding a small frown, he looked down, "Gomen, Hikaru. Ore...daisuki, daisuki, dakedo...dakedo...[Sorry, Hikaru. I...I really, really like you, but...but...]" He lost his heart, knowing that at the moment, maybe he could like Hikaru in that way. "Demo, Aki o suki [But I love Aki]," he said. But thinking of the bright-eyed girl, he didn't feel the same feeling anymore. It was gone. He felt his heart freeze in pain, tears shedding into the dark night's storm. "Demo, Aki," he repeated emptily. He couldn't feel his fingers anymore, but all he could do was stare into the pretty, feminine face in front of him. Long dark brown lashes, thick and curly. Pretty Atlantic blue eyes, rocky and pure. Gentle voice, honey sweet and gently seductive. (3)
Hikaru gave one last kiss, hot and passionate and long. His lips were soft as the leaves of the pure cherry blossoms, soft and gentle to the skin. The kiss felt seductive and luring to Keisuke for a strange reason, burning onto his lips, engraving the scene into Keisuke's mind. With a teary face, "Sayonara [Good-bye]," Hikaru whispered sweetly, and let go of the railing. Falling, falling, falling into the furious blue Pacific Ocean. Tears were still falling down his face, as he was sorry for having loved at all. The first real pain he had ever felt came with the intense love he had ever felt. With love came the pain and hurt.
The next moment was a blur for Keisuke, realising that he had to help his friend. He leaned against the railing, flinging a hand out, but it was too late. His cold and trembling hand was too late. Hikaru had already plunged into the icy ocean. Gone, gone, gone . . . . . "Hikaru!!!!" he yelled, his tears falling too late. He felt his legs weakly crumpling under him, soft hands on him, whispering at him, but all he could remember was that he hurt. "Che [damn/shit]," he swore, his tears rolling down his cheeks slowly, mixing with the rain falling onto his face, "shimatta. D-daisuki, daisuki . . . . anata. Aishiteru . . . kimi [damn. I really, really like you . . . . you. I love you . . . you]."
He let his tears fall down his face as he felt soft hands wrapping around his neck. He knew that the hands were there, but he felt so numb to it, because he was still cold and sad . . . "Damn, Hikaru-chan," he whispered, giving in, "Nande? Nande, nande, nande? [Why? Why, why, why?]" Though the sun had begun to shine again, he couldn't feel it. He could only feel the pain and hurt in him growing, growing, growing. It was absorbing him. And Hikaru was gone, forever, eaten by the ocean. "HIKARU O SUKI!" he cried out in pain, getting up and stumbling over himself. Hikaru was gone. And did he really love Aki?
*
Keisuke glanced down at his wrists, the long red scar faded. He could still remember it, bringing the shiny razor close to his skin, and cutting. He kept cutting, from the craziness of youth, and he didn't know what he had been doing. He felt a faint blush cross his face, but he ignored his feelings inside. He was being selfish. Though he didn't like children very much, he had a heart full of sympathy for the child, Sakura. Why, he thought, why did they leave her? He shook his head, knowing that fate was cruel and cold. It was better to stay untouched by love; that way, you couldn't get hurt. Nothing would hurt, but nothing would be happy either. Wasn't it better to be just satisfied with life, than happy and hurt? Or was it the other way around?
Approaching her slowly, he watched her cry silently into the fading shards of the sunset, her tears glistening and twinkling. He could only watch her, because he had nothing to say. He didn't know what to say, because he had been alone for the last seven years. He had suddenly turned into the sensible rebel, not falling in love keeping him safe from being hurt anymore. And it had worked, but he still felt the sharp pain from his haunting dreams. The only other people he had cared about were Aki and his sister. He had shut the rest of the world out, dressing like the typical rebel and gaining the icy glare of the typical rebel.
He looked up into the fading sun, feeling the disappearing warmth turn into an evening coldness. Do wishes really come true, he thought, really? Can stars really make wishes come true? Looking away, he felt suddenly childish and unusually lonely. He blushed, abruptly becoming like the young shonen he had once been. He softly smiled onto the angelic child. "Dakara...dakara...[so...so...]" he whispered into the darkening sky. "Dakara, Sakura-chan, dakara...ima kimi wa hitori ja nai, [so, Sakura-chan, so...now you aren't alone]" he said confidently with a small smile spreading across his face reassuringly. He remembered who he had once been. At one time, he had forgotten who he was. But he had been searching too hard for an answer, and not for his heart. Feeling the girl's hands curling around his slowly, "Ikou, [Let's go]" he suggested with a shrug.
Sakura looked up at Keisuke. "Doko ikou no? [Where are we going?]" Sakura asked quietly, looking up at Keisuke with a sad face. Still, her eyes sparkled with the innocence she had, the freshness and pureness of the girl shined vibrantly. "Where?" she asked once again, getting off the small swing, tugging his big hand with her small, soft hands. Still a guilt lay in her mind . . .
Keisuke smiled at the small girl's innocence. "Home," he replied, "home..." He lifted the brunette up into his arms, and he began to walk home, to Harumi and his drunken father, to a safe place. He thought wistfully, Maybe if Aki were here with me, she'd know what to do...or if Hikaru were here, he'd make Sakura happy... He shook his thoughts away, though, because it was no use to reminisce of the past that wasn't there. He could live in the past, but the world wouldn't wait for him to catch up. The world would keep going.
There were dancing shadows in the corner of the blue house. " 'Nii-chan, dreaming?" a familiar female asked softly, slipping out of the blue house quietly, the dark shadows making her movements invisible, "Daijobu ka? [Are you fine?]" She was apparently worried about her older brother. She loved him for the brother he had always been, protecting her and caring for her when their drunken father was being abusive. Though she was strong, she lost her sensibility when it came to fighting her own father. She knew that Keisuke liked her much better than their father. She had to smile despite the rather serious atmosphere, in thanks for having such a wonderful brother. She could remember the times they had been together, laughing and running in the fields with Hikaru, when they had been six and eight.
Keisuke wasn't surprised at all by Harumi's sudden appearance. She was as sly and sleek as a cat. "Imouto," Keisuke grinned smoothly, "daijoubu. [I'm fine]" He closed his eyes, breathing in the night air. He was still restless, still regretful, and still alone. But he felt rather enlightened, and perhaps Sakura had something to with it. Yes, Sakura had helped him get over his sadness. He couldn't change the past, but he couldn't live in the past either. He had to move on, but he had to remember it as well. He would never forget Hikaru; he had promised that.
His sister rested her hand on his shoulder, "You can't change the past..." She felt a deep sorrow for her brother, for losing everything in a day. It was almost like she could feel what he was feeling, the deep hurt inside that was hidden. And besides that, Hikaru had been her friend too. "You just can't change the past," she said gently, her hands quickly clenching into two fists. If she had a wish, it might be for her to be able to change the past. If she could do that, maybe her life wouldn't be so bad. And her brother would be happy.
He knew that he couldn't change the past, but he wanted to. He wanted to. He could have changed Hikaru's fate, and Hikaru would probably still be alive now, if he had reacted faster, if he had stopped him . . . but he hadn't. He could have. Searching deep inside himself for an answer to why he had rejected his best friend; he could have saved Hikaru's life from death! Searching deep in his heart for an answer to a question plaguing him: whom did he love? Aki or Hikaru? He liked them both, he knew that, but . . . . had he just lied to Hikaru? Had he just blown his best buddy off so quickly, and killed him with the rejection? Keisuke closed his eyes, trying to find an answer in himself. And suddenly he had the illusion that Hikaru was calling him, like when they were kids: "Kei-suke! Hayaku! Hayaku! Hashiridasou! Hayaku! [Kei-suke! Hurry! Hurry! Let's run! Hurry!]" He could hear his voice coming, closer and closer, just like when they had been little...
"Shiteru [I know]," Keisuke quietly replied, almost in a whisper. He cast a gaze into the dark sun, almost gone, feeling as if he had accomplished some sort of peace within himself. Though he still had a troubled heart, worried about Sakura, he was at ease. It was like he could be happy and love and trust and believe again...except that he had thrown that all away the day Hikaru had thrown his life to the ocean. He could still go on, but he couldn't live in the past he had created. He had to go on and remember; it was all he could do. "I know," he said again, feeling passive and full of peace for the first time in a long time.
The hazel-haired girl looked up in shock. Her expression softened. She was happy that her brother had found an answer in himself; she remembered the rainy day, Keisuke's last words of that day. He had kept saying that he could have stopped Hikaru; he blamed himself for everything. He didn't accept the answer that he couldn't have done anything. He kept saying that he could have. Now he had found peace, she couldn't believe that her brother was letting go of the past, finally. He had found answer... "It's cold, let's go in," she suggested, shivering a little. Still, the past's air lingered in the present day's air... and the cherry blossoms still blossomed.
As you see, the lyrics I chose mirror the chapter and Keisuke's feelings. I'm sorry if you don't like shonen/shonen love, but I'm trying to give each character a perspective and character depth! Besides, if it bothers you so much, then you shouldn't like CCS at all. There are a few obvious gay couplings, and that's how it is Japan!
I'm working on the next chapter as well. I'm going to work on Harumi, and you'll find out some stuff about her and her brother's relationship. Just wait. :) Don't forget to review!!!!! - and would anybody be willing to tell me what AU really stands for? I thought it was alternate universe, meaning without the unordinary things...but I'm having my doubts now.
And anybody want to be my proof read? I want somebody that's very tough and strict about grammar and stuff. Anybody fit? And somebody who can tell me stuff about CCS because I'm not a professional writer for CCS - nor am I professional writer at all. ^.^ If anybody wants to volunteer who can help me, email me. Thanks. *Arigato*
~Kara
(1) - Hikaru can be a girl's name as well as a boy's name. The only way I know that is because Midorikawa-sama is definitely a man. (He's Tamahome's seiyuu, from Fushigi Yuugi.) Shonen/shonen love is actually accepted in Japan. They don't care if anybody's gay.
(2) - In Japan, it is very improper and untraditional to show so much emotion. It is considered rude and impolite to show emotions. It can be *funny* at times. ^_~
(3) - I have to say that this might be either Aki or Hikaru I'm talking about. As you'll see later in the story, I'll reintroduce Aki in the reality of the story. And she'll have the same features as Hikaru. (They aren't twins.) They have uncanny resemblance, and often, resemblance is mistaken in love. Keep that in mind!
(Disclaimer: I do not own CCS or any of their songs. However, I own this plot and the song translation. Please do not plagiarize. Thank you.)