Author's note: I love Woody Allen's movies, but I can't help but notice some repetitive tendencies in almost all of them, so...
[on-screen graphic] coming from Sweetland Films
NARRATOR: From Woody Allen, director of Bullets Over Broadway, Manhattan Murder Mystery, and Manhattan, comes a brand new film about a Manhattan-area professional...
[dialogue cut]
ALLEN: I realize I make five million dollars a year at a job I love to do and that my hot new wife is only twenty-six years old, but I'm miserable!
NARRATOR: His new wife...
[dialogue cut]
WIFE: Let's stay in today and make love!
ALLEN: I'm miserable! Don't you understand me?
WIFE: (suggestively) I can...cheer you up.
ALEN: Don't you dare!
NARRATOR: His ex-wife...
[dialogue cut]
EX: You miserable bastard! She's less than half your age! It's like sleeping with your daughter!
ALLEN: I would never do something like that! Unless she was my adopted Korean stepdaughter.
NARRATOR: His shrink...
[dialogue cut]
SHRINK: Considering your large salary and your gorgeous new wife, I'd say the reason you're miserable is that you have a profound fear of success.
ALLEN: Yeah. What I fear is the success you're having off of my sessions.
NARRATOR: And an all-star cast...
[rolling graphic]
Alan Alda
Woody Allen
Mia Farrow
Julie Kavner
Diane Keaton
Tony Roberts
David Ogden Stiers
Dianne Wiest
NARRATOR: In Woody Allen's...
[graphic]
TOTALLY MISERABLE IN NEW YORK
[dialogue cut]
EX: And you're a self-hating Jew, to boot!
ALLEN: I don't hate that I'm a Jew. I hate that I'm miserable.
NARRATOR: Watch the hijinx ensue after a story that was apparently about life among New York professionals turn into what it was all along - a story about love and relationships.
[dialogue cut]
ALLEN: What does all of this matter? Any of it? The money, the job, who cares? What it comes down to is, can I find someone to love? Someone who will love me back?
SHRINK: Your ex-wife loved you and you cheated on her.
ALLEN: Well, I was absolutely miserable at the time.
NARRATOR: And be sure to check out the sneak preview of Allen's next film as he takes us back to 1930's Brooklyn in...
[graphic]
DEPRESSION IN NEW YORK DURING THE DEPRESSION
[dialogue cut]
ALLEN: I'm so depressed.
SHRINK: Well, we are in the Great Depression.
ALLEN: At least I have a reason this time.
NARRATOR: Look for one or more of these fine actors in
Depression in New York During The Depression:
[rolling graphic]
Alan Alda
Woody Allen
Mia Farrow
Julie Kavner
Diane Keaton
Tony Roberts
David Ogden Stiers
Dianne Wiest
NARRATOR: Coming soon to a theater near you - if you live in one of the five boroughs.