Well I've returned with chapter 2 of my fic. More in to the depths of angst. Go Ye!!!
" Home"
- Zakarias Faust ( Bloody Brit)
" I'm sorry Shinji. Calm down, just relax and take a deep breath. I won't mention your father. I won't mention that man again. I know that you had problems. And I knew that I could help you get over them. And I thought I did." Shinji heard this and was sated by the promise. He was also pleased with this statement of support but was still agitated. He sat down again and turned and turned back toward the window, one of the few places where he felt comfortable.
It was level with the ground, and Shinji could look out and watch the people walk on by. " You know Dr. Yamaoka, I love watching them, watching the people, watching them walk by. I'm always amazed that they can do that. I mean, that they can just live like that. They just keep on walking."
" Of course they do, Shinji. They live their lives normally. They go through every day. Sometimes they have a plan, sometimes they don't. But they're just going throughout their days. They never know what could come with the next step, but they always take the next step and everything that could come with it."
Shinji stood up again, taking a step toward the doctor. "Exactly! Exactly!" Shinji quieted down, speaking almost to himself. " How can they do it? I just don't know, I don't understand. Not knowing what's going to happen with each second. It seems impossible." He muttered openly. " It has to be scheduled. It can't be random. I have to... I have to know what's going to happen, I have to know what will come with each and every step I take." He paused for a brief moment. " I have to know what is yet to come!"
" You know, I never realized that about you Shinji. I knew you were a creature of habit, but I thought I varied my visits enough to see that you could function out of your schedule." Shinji snickers. He was very proud of himself for his feat, figuring out the scheme. " You came on a rotating schedule." Shinji stated. " Every five days except for every third, then it was the fourth."
" You always were good at math weren't you, Shinji?"
" A A... Asuka said she would sink to my level of understanding and help me with it, if I were to assist her with her Kanji."
" No, Shinji, you were always smart. You were good at many things, you could have been nearly anything. You're a hard worker and have integrity. You could have done anything hadn't it been for-" He stops himself, not wanting to upset Shinji. But the look on his face showed that Shinji knew what he was about to say.
Slowly choosing his words Shinji began to speak. " I, I could have been many things had I been able to. Had I been given a choice." Shinji waited eagerly for a response.
" Yes, you could have been. You could have been anything, done anything with your life. When you left the ward I thought you would do something spectacular, and I think you thought the same."
" You know something, Doc?" With a bit of joy in his voice Shinji continued. " I think you're right, I thought I could." With the joy slipping away with every word he spoke he continued. " I thought I could do anything. I think I could have even made a good schedule I could have lived with. I thought could live, I thought I could live like they do." Shinji pointed to the window.
" Yes, I never anticipated your other problem though." Shinji walked back toward the window.
" That's the other thing that amazes me. About them, about all those people out there. I mean, they, they, you know what I mean, right Doc?"
" Yes, I now know about your problem. And I know that that is why I never should have had you released. But I didn't see it." Shinji looked at the doctor smugly and waited for him to continue.
Well that's chapter 2. I know it's another fragment. But hey! I'm a lazy sod... -Zakarias Faust