Summary: This is post " Selfless", but Anya goes back with Xander instead of leaving. He tries to help her ease her pain, but he also has to live with his friends and what they think about this.

Pairings: mostly X/A

Rating: ummmm not sure between PG- PG13

A/N: I've tired fan fiction before but it never goes well lol. So I would really like you to read and review so I can approve my writing and maybe actually keep this story going.

Disclaimer: we all know what this means right? But if ya don't here it is I don't own the characters the people that write Buffy do so don't go suing me.

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Xander awoke on his couch early in the morning with Anya in his arms still asleep. He didn't want to wake her but he had to call in sick for work since he was obviously going to stay here with her. He lifted her up in his arms and started carrying her into the bedroom. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck making herself comfortable. He laid her in bed and pulled the covers over her. The first thing he had to do was get her some clothes since she wasn't going to wear his all day and he had to tell Buffy and the others sometime or another but right now he wanted to keep it his little secret more like their little secret.
Anya tossed and turned in her sleep the comfort of Xander's body against her was gone and the nightmares returned. Her first nightmare wasn't that bad just Halfreck telling her she was sorry for letting her down, but now Halfreck was calling her a murderer. The words danced in her mind as she screamed out her name and cried.

Xander was long gone when Anya had her second nightmare and wasn't there to comfort her. He walked into her apartment where he saw two teacups laying on the coffee table. One of then had to be Hallie's and the other Anya's. His mind traced back to the face of Hallie's when D'Hyffroyn killed her. He walked back into the bedroom and started grabbing some of her personal things like clothes. Toothbrush, make up, hair appliances, and magazines. As he walked back into the living room he saw a picture of him and her and as he walked further he saw pictures of her and Hallie, and the Scooby gang. He smiled and grabbed the pictures figuring that she probably would want them and he left.

Anya dug her nails into the pillow screaming her lung off repeated " I'm sorry ...I'm sorry" over and over again as tears were wetting her face. All of the sudden she felt sick to her stomach and ran into the bathroom shutting the door behind her. Blood appeared on her hands as she clutched her chest. She looked down and a huge bloodstain was there, or so she thought, where Buffy had stabbed her. She threw up again and sat there crying as she thought she was dying remembering the things she had done in the past and all the people she had hurt when she heard the front door open.

Xander entered the apartment and her chocked sobs. He walked in and sat the bags down and saw Anya sitting there near the toilet her hair all sweaty and tears streaming down her face.

" Oh...Ahn..." he ran over to her and cradled her in his arms and started rocking her.

" There's so much blood Xander" she said between sniffles

" There's no blood Anya your hallucinating" he stroked her hair trying to shush her as much as possible.

"It hurts so much...so much blood...so much loss...I'm a murderer" she trembled in his arms.

" Ahn there's no blood...your not a murderer" he pulled her away and put his hands on her shoulders and shook her " listen to me...it's not your fault"

" But.." She tried to speak but he put a finger to her lips and shushed her.

Xander kissed her on the forehead and helped her up and to the couch.

"Today I'm your entertainer anything you want I will get" he took a bow and started messaging her shoulders as she lay into him.

Anya felt her eyelids become heavy and tried so hard not to fall asleep, but she had failed as she closed her eyes.

Xander kept on rubbing her back until he looked at her face and saw she had fallen asleep. He lowered her head onto his lap and covered her with his sweatshirt. He had to almost fallen asleep when he had heard the phone ring. He looked at Anya hurriedly, but she was still asleep and he picked up the phone.

" Hello?" He said almost in a whisper.

Willow lay on her bed the door shut tight and whispered back into the phone.

" Xander?"

" Will? Is that you? Why are you whispering?" He had a puzzled look on his face.

" Because I know you have Anya over there... I can sense it and if Buffy found out...she would.." Her voice trailed off not wanting to say the words.

" I know I know...you should see her Will she's devastated. All she talks about is blood and loss"

" I won't tell anyone Xander as long as you let me help her too..." she bit her lip wondering if Xander was going to yell at her.

" B-But I thought you didn't like her" he said even more puzzled then before.

" I do Xander and I want to help...please?" She pleaded into the phone.

" Ok you can come over to dinner tonight..." he said smiling. His love and his best friend were actually going to get along.

" Thank you..." she hung up the phone and started gathering up some candles.

Xander hung up the phone and looked down at Anya. What is Willow up to? He thought. But whatever it was has to be better then seeing Anya cry all day.