Egypt Talk Show
Episode Four
Disclaimer: I'm really getting annoyed by this but the damned lawyers won't stop following me for Ra's sake! Lawyer: Just say it damn it! Mai: It damn it! Happy? *Points gun at my eye* Okay, so you're not happy. I don't own the damn movies!! Now it's not live from somewhere in my imagination it's Egypt Talk Show!! *Whole Saturday Night Live music* I don't own this either.
Announcer voice: Starring:
Ardeth Bay, Lock-Nah, Meela/Ankc-su-namun, Imhotep (the bald one), Rick O'Connell, Evelyn O'Connell, Alexander O'Connell, musical guest Offspring, and your host Mai Fraseeerrrrrr!!
Mai: *Walks on stage where everyone is the bands cuts* Hello everyone and welcome to Egypt Talk Show not live from somewhere in my empty head. Today we talk of many important issues like how "hot" Imhotep is, *Imhotep fans scream their hearts out* and how hot Rick is and how hot Ardeth Bay is. *Their fans scream the bloody hearts out as well* We have also other people here and Offspring, Once I find their lyrics and so we have a great show coming up so stick around. *Exits stage*
*Room darkens then is lightened up again as a talk show set with the stars and host there*
Mai: Imhotep, crazed evil killer, or a really really hot man? Or a really really hot man that is a crazed killer? Tonight right now we find that out. Imhotep, care to enlighten us?
Imhotep: Sure, Mai, my life goes like this. *Stands up with a microphone* Mistro.
Cut my Life into pieces
This is my last resort,
Ack-su-namun, a hot bitch
One I want to bang all night
Want to fuck her all night!
This is what I want
Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Anck-su-namun, a hot bitch
One I want to bang all night
I'll give her a fuck each night
Does she really care for me though?
To run our me is it wrong or is it right
I threw my self of the ledge that night,
Chances are that I was right
Mutilation out of sight
And I have committed suicide
Cause I'm losing my sight losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my site losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
Crying
I Can't Go On Live Ing This Way!
Mai: Okay shut up that explained nothing but you're suicide! Okay what about the fact that you are hot?
Imhotep: Oh, I thought you wanted to know how I committed suicide.
Mai: We know how you did it.
Imhotep: I mean why I did it.
Mai: We also know that
Imhotep: Okay, I just wanted to sing. You see, I love to sing, but people don't like it when I do. I don't know why.
Mai: What?
Imhotep: I said I don't know why people don't like it when I sing.
Mai: Because you suck at it.
Imhotep: I do not!
Anck: Yes you do. Why do you think I committed suicide?
Imhotep: So we could be together. I mean you seemed a little bit enthusiastic about being brought back in TMR and you were willing to kill Evelyn to be with me.
Anck: First off, I forced myself to look enthusiastic, second off, I had a score to settle with that bitch!
Evy: Watch, or I'll kick your ass through the nine rings of hell!
Anck: *gets up ready to fight* Bring it bitch! You whore!
Evy: Slutty hoe! Fucking bitch!!
Imhotep: *Sobbing* What about that look you gave me at the fight?
Anck: That was just daydreaming about Zanick having six pack of which you lack. Baldy!
Imhotep: I fell really bad.
*Stage hands try holding back Imhotep fans from killing Anck.*
Imhotep: Then why did you raise me from the dead?
Anck: I wanted to rule the world. I had to kill the Scorpion King somehow and Rick wasn't interested.
Imhotep: Those kisses?
Anck: Just to make you believe I wanted you.
Mai: *pats Imhotep on the back comforting him* Poor Imhotep, it's alright. We'll deal with that bitch-o-rama now. Stagehands, let the Imhotep fans free.
Anxk: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! *Is taken away by the fans of Imhotep to be tortured backstage.
Mai: Please clean up the mess that you make!!
Imhotep fans: Okay!!
Mai: Poor Imhotep you need a hug?
Imhotep nods and we hug.
Mai: It's okay, there's still fans out there for you. Here reviewers, I'll make you a deal you review and give us a GOOD topic then I'll let you have Imhotep for yourselves. Deal? I hope so. Now on with the show.
Rick, you are extremely hot. How did you get your good looks?
Rick: Awe, it comes naturally. I was born handsome! See my chest and six pack! *takes off his shirt and flexes his finely toned muscles.*
Mai: *drooling* WOW!! And you Ardeth?
He takes off his shirt and has six pack and other really finely toned muscles.
Mai: *drools more* Oh la la!! I love this! Flex them! *Ardeth does and so does Rick and every girl practically faints.* Wow, too hot to handle almost!!
Well now we'll be back sometime that's all the time I have today. Reviewers think about my offer and do it! Have a KICK ASS LIFE BYE BYE!
End Credits with SNL music