Egypt Talk Show
Episode four continued.
Disclaimer: Oh I am getting tired of these but these lawyers stick to ya like leeches, they suck your blood too. Ain't that a shame? Well here it goes. I don't own jackshit. I don't even own my own clothes!! The bed the TV the whole house even my dog is my mum's. But TM and TMR are universal's stuff. Happy you brain sucking lawyers?? *They nod* Damn them, I never will become a lawyer when I grow up.
Mai: I can still feel my head throbbing from slapping it. Ow, anyone got some Tylenol? No? Fine, I'll live with the pain.
Evy: Here, have some Advil, it works better. *hands me Advil.*
Mai: If you see Anck anytime soon give her this Midol.
Evy: Sure, she'll need it.
Imhotep: It was all a lie!! A lie! The kisses the sex!! ALL LIES!!
Mai: Shut up about that already! Hearing her damned name gives me a headache.
Rick: I'm bored, there's nothing to do here now that you've taken away the only fun Evy and I could have!!
Mai: Okay, we had to cut short yesterday but today I promise Offspring will be here. In that long commercial break we got a couple of topics. What the hell do they mean? I don't know, I don't understand Jackshit!! But first more about Rick and Ardeth. We found out where Rick gets his great looks, flex them some more baby. *Rick does so* Now you Ardeth, where did you inherit your hot looks?
Ardeth: I don't know, perhaps it's because I'm Egyptian, and part Jewish. I think it's mostly my Jewish side though. My grandpa was said to be very hot even though he was eighty. *Shows a pic of his grandpa*
Evy: Hell yes he was. He looks like a young Sean Connery!!
Mai: Alright first we have musical guest Offspring, so everyone shut-up because they are singing my favorite song, Kids aren't Alright.
Alex: With parents like these it's true.
Mai: I said shut up you little shit faced fucker!
Camera is on the music stage where Offspring is.
(Cool guitar music)
when we were young our futures were so bright
the old neighborhood was so alive life
and every kid of the whole damn street
was gonna make it big and not be beat
now the neighborhood is cracked and torn
The kids are grown up but their lives are worn
How Can one little street swallow so many lives?
Chorus:
Chances thrown
nothing's free
longing for what used to be
still it's hard
hard to see
fragile lives
shattered dreams
GO!
Jannie had a chance, well she really did
instead she dropped out and had a couple of kids
mark still lives at home cuz he's got no job
he just plays guitar and smokes a lot of pot
Jay committed suicide
Brandon ODed and died
What the hell is goin on?
The cruelest dream, reality
Chorus x2
Music ends everyone cheers and camera goes back to us.
Mai: Now first topic is the impact of diverting rivers from its natural courses. What the fuck does that mean? I warned you people, I'm stoned, I don't understand jackshit!! Okay let's try it anyway.
Ardeth: Well if you diverted the Nile the impact would be that the people in lower Egypt and where the delta is the people would starve because they'd be in a famine practically. The crocs would either die or mutate to eat humans and look different or just be smart and go where ever the damn river goes.
Mai: Good point. Evy, Rick what do you think?
Evy I think I'll have two hickeys by tomorrow. *Giggle as Rick nibbles her ear*
Mai: That I didn't need to know. I don't even want to know what Rick is thinking. Alex?
Alex: Z.z
Mai: is asleep. Alex is asleep. I know this show sucks, okay how about another topic? Introduction of exotic species into fragile habitats.
Rick: Erotic?
Mai: NO! NO! NO! NO! EXOTIC! Don't ever do that again around me.
Rick: Fine, down boy, down!
Mai: *Covers her ears* That isn't needed either you ex crazed bastard. Don't you get tired of banging the same woman each night?
Rick: No, she always has new surprises, somehow.
Mai: Probably watched you porno tapes.
Rick: What's porn?
Mai: Or maybe she's a sex goddess.
Rick: I'm willing to bet that she is.
Mai: Okay forget that topic lets go to the next one, How funny Bush is.
Ardeth: The person-
Mai: Oh I'm sorry the one who submitted the topics is Allauhna.
Ardeth: Right, Allauhna wants us to talk about a bush?
Mai: Yeah that's right current Bush or his damn father? WE'll suppose that it's The current Bush. He's name is funny I must admit. And the accent, not too far from Clinton's there!! Pah! But then again I don't like talking shit about the POA. Don't seem right so next topic is how Ardeth is one sexy Bitch.
Ardeth: *shirt is still off* Why thank you. I know I am.
Mai: So do we, I have an idea, next reviewer gets to have sexy Ardeth. Huh? What's that joe? NO way! No fucking way? Really? Okay.
Ardeth: What did he say?
Mai: He wants you to go back stage with him there's a surprise for you.
Ardeth: okay* walks backstage*
Two beats
We hear Ardeth scream: AAAAAHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOO! A PORNO VIDEO IS LIKE THAT!! I DON"T WANT TO DO IT!!
Joe: you have to, so then we can have more reviewers come!
Ardeth: No!! Fuck them! I don't care!
Joe: Oh, Good! You'll fuck them right when they get here? Great shake on it! *Forcibly shakes Ardeth's hand* Now get out there and fuck them!
Ardeth: NO!! *sits down wearing only camel boxers.*
Mai: That was interesting. Now another topic, The Vampyrically Undead Chickens who run the Blood Drives at High School. Well, I don't go to high school so I don't know what the hell that is. But my mind pictures little chickens that run around madly with oversized shot needles full of blood sicking it in any poor bitch or ass hole (Literal term there) they can get there little wings on. OH, I shudder with fear at the thought. Let's hope Central doesn't do that.
Alex: That is crazy! Little chickens with crazed blood red eyes with oversized shot needles.
Mai: That's why I smoke, I don't stick needles in my skin, hurts me too much.
Ardeth: I take it you're a virgin if you don't let thing s enter you that is for a high. Except food water and smoke through your mouth.
Mai: I do practice abstinence and Am proud of it. If you have a problem with that Ardeth I'll have you know that I am too young to have sex! I am only 13 for Ra's sake!! You pompous retarded bastard!!
Ardeth: Okay, I was just asking. Sorry.
Mai: Apology accepted. Now that we have covered the topics or at least we think we did which is what really counts, I leave you with SNL music.
END CREDITS