Egypt Talk Show
Episode Five
Disclaimer: *Yawn*ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.*In Dream* I own it all! It's all mine!! I'm rich!! I'm rich and I have met Brendan!Yay! *BOOM!!* *decapitated head falls down* Lawyer: Not even your damn dreams!! *Wakes up* AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! OH, what? I'm alive? Yay! Okay, I don't own it, I'm not rich, how sad!! *Turns to lawyers* You fucked up assholes! You ruin my dreams you shit faced fuckers!! I hate you all!!
Mai: So we're back with another boring episode of Egypt Talk Show. And the people rejoiced.
Everyone: *incredibly bored tone, not loud* Yay…
Mai: *rolls up joint and smokes it* So today, we have no topics. Absolutely none. How horrible. And we're missing about half the audience since the Imhotep fans went to kill Anck-su-namun. Shouldn't they be dine?
*Joe walks up and whispers something to me*
Mai: I can't believe this, they bailed!! After killing the bitch they left, and they didn't clean up the mess!! How perfect!! I guess we'll be cleaning the mess since they custodians decided to go on strike for volunteering to be here as non-profit custodians! Lets go people.
Everyone: ahh, do we have to?
Mai: You want to smell a dead body of a bitch?
Everyone: No.
Mai: Then let's get working.
*Everyone gets up to go clean up the mess.*
Alex: Wow! That's gross! It's even more gross then when Anck-su-namun kiss a rotting Imhotep!!
Imhotep: I should of asked her about that one!!
Mai: *looks around* Anyone see Evelyn and Rick?
Ardeth: Nope.
Lock-nah: Don't know don't care.
Mai: Oh great! You peps stay here and clean this mess I'll go find our little sex crazed friends. *leaves*
Alex: Can I have a joint?
Mai: NO!!
*walks into a dark corner hearing heavy panting.*
Mai: I didn't know we had a saint Bernard here.
Male Voice: God, more, give me more!!
Mai: *covers ears* I knew I should have gotten earplugs! *Walks in one Rick and Evy right before intercourse. Covers eyes and turns around* OH MY RA!! I'M TRAUMATIZED!! I'M BLINDED!! OH MY RA!! THAT IS JUST NOT RIGHT FOR A FOUR TEEN YEAR OLD TO SEE FOR THE LOVE ISIS!!
*Rick and Evy quickly get dressed (properly)*
Evy: God, you are so rude! You don't just barge over here without giving some sort of warning!
Rick: Yeah! That is just rude!
Mai: Well excuse me for looking for you! I said you weren't to do that in here! On this set or around me for the love of Ra!! You were suppose to be working damn it!!
Rick: I was working!!
Mai: Not that kind of working! Cleaning up working!!
Rick: Whatever. Just this once please? It won't take long.
Mai: No!!
Evy: Please?
Mai: Never!! Not even if you threaten to take away my DVD player!! Now get up and start cleaning!!
*Walks behind them to make sure that don't do anything bad.*
Mai: *hands them a mop and bucket* Start cleaning. Alex, what have you been doing?
Alex: nothing!
Mai: Why don't I believe you? Ardeth, has Alex been good?
Ardeth: No, he found your marijuana stash.
Mai: He what??? You little retarded pompous bastard!! How dare you!! Give me my marijuana!! NOW!!!!!!
Alex: Yes ma'am! *hands over the marijuana*
Mai: You little Biliygana Chihedy!! You shall have to clean this up yourself! Everyone els, back on set. Ardeth make sure they don't do anything funny I have to hide my marijuana again. Imhotep, stop sobbing and start walking!! *Everyone but Alex and I leave to the set*
Ardeth: Will you to stop going at each other already!!
*Mai goes off to hide the marijuana in the dark corner she found Rick and Evy while Alex is cussing his life away cleaning up the bitch.*
*Mai hides marijuana and goes onto the stage*
Mai: Everything alright?
Ardeth: Yeah, we separated those two sex crazed idiots.
Voice that sounds like jude law's: Did someone say sex? I will make the girls here real women with my pleasure.
Mai: Hey Joe, what s'ya know?
Joe (the stage hand): I'm over here Mai.
Mai: No, the other Joe. The one from A.I. I invited him here. I liked him. Because he was the sex crazed android!! Evy, he's for you. Now you won't get pregnant, just pleasure. I hear he's good at it.
Joe: *To Evy. Kisses her hand* Ah yes, you must bet the very beautiful and charming Evelyn O'Connell! *Does something that looks like he popped his neck then good omantic music starts to play.* I hope you will enjoy my company, and I am sure that I will enjoy yours.
Evy: *nervous* uh..
Joe: Are you scared? There is nothing to be scared of. Is it because I am an android? Well, I'll have you know that I'm as good as any orga. Prehaps even better, by far. You have nothing to be afraid of, I spread no diseases, and I don't get you pregnant. I am not small either, I am large, as big as you want. *He is kissing you hand all over.*
Evy: *to me* The room?
Mai: Right. *Waves hand and the sound proof room appears they go in and of course never ending supply of oxygen. They're gonna need it.*
Rick: what about me?
Mai: I'm sorry you're just SOL my friend. Unless you want a prostitute.
Rick: No, no. I'll just be SOL.
Mai: I just back from watching Road to Perdition and I thought that Jude Law was excellent. He ranks number ten on my top ten hot list.
Rick: Who are the other nine?
Mai: Nine is Brendan Fraser. Eight is Brendan Fraser. Seven is Brendan Fraser. Six is Brendan Fraser. Five is Brendan Fraser. Four is Brendan Fraser. Three is Brendan Fraser. Two is Brendan Fraser. And number one is Brendan Fraser!! Brendan Fraser reigns supreme in my hot list!!
Rick: Lucky me, he plays me!!
Mai: Yeah, why do you think I like you in the first place? Do you hear that?
Rick: Hear what?
*puts finger to lips indicating for everyone to shut-up. A faint yell is heard, a yell full of pain and pleasure. Everyone hears it*
Mai: Oh my Ra, I thought those walls were sound proof!! We can hear them.
Rick: *sadden with the fact Evy is getting more pleasure out of an android than him* Why, why did she accept his offer? How horrible!! I can't stand to hear it! I never gave her such pleasure as him.
Mai: Probably because your dick can't change sizes when she wants it too.
Ardeth: I wish I could have that, a pleasure android.
Mai: You want one? I mean if you don't mind a dick being stuck up your ass I can get you a gay one.
Ardeth: NO!! NO WAY!!
Mai: How about those girls that Stage hand Joe has?
Ardeth: Sure!! *runs out*
Mai: You want one Rick?
Rick: No, I'm just going to wallow in self pity.
Imhotep: Welcome to the club. You are the second member in the club. They other fifty people in the club are girls, so you are literally the second member in the club.
Mai: Oh my Ra, Imhotep, shut-up, please!!
*The wallow in self-pity.*
Mai: Well it looks as though you and I are the only sane people left, Lock-nah. Want a joint? *Hands him a joint*
Lock-nah: No thanks, I don't smoke, it can kill you.
Mai: *shrugs* Okay. But I am going to have one. Wanna drink?
Lock-nah: I don't drink alcohol if that's what you're asking.
Mai: Nah, I mean Sprite. I don't drink alcohol, it kills. *hands Lock-nah Sprite*
Lock-nah: Okay, you somke, but you don't drink because it kills?
*nods*
Lock-nah: I think that I am the only sane one left.
Mai: Wanna help me choose the next musical guest reviewers?
The choices are:
P.O.D.- Youth of the Nation
Live-Forever may not be long enough
Ozzy Osbourne- Mr. Crowley
N*SYNC-Bye Bye Bye
Or Linkin' Park- One Step Closer. Good Bye
End Credits