Egypt Talk Show
Episode Ten.
Disclaimer: New Lawyers are even more of a pain in the ass!! I don't own anything!!
G. Joe: *walks on set a single wild cheer can be heard from Alex and then more follow. He smiles at Alex, in a very sexy way, and bows. Waving to everyone, mostly Alex, just to Alex. Boy G. Joe do need me to write that?!? YES!! Fine. Cheering dies down as he begins to speak. * Hello Alex. How are you today, my love? I hope you're doing great. To day is the tenth episode of Egypt Talk Show and I have the pride, the privilege nay, the pleasure of introducing to you the maker of Egypt Talk Show, the girl who is a bitch on screen but is always of help off screen the one, the only Maiiiiiiiii Frrrrrrrraaaaaaseerrrrrrr!! *Points to entrance*
Mai: *comes in as much cheering is heard* Hello, and thank you all for being here, Alex, Katie, and my imagination. Today we have the topic called "Rick's old flings/ ex-girlfriends/ one-night-stands." We have on the show today, Rick O'Connell, Ardeth Bay, Imhotep, Lock-nah, G. Joe, Evy and of course, me. So we talk to Rick. How many old girlfriends, flings, and/or one-night-stands did you have?
Rick: Oh, I don't know.
G. Joe: Do you really not know or do you just not want to say because it is too low of a number?
Evy: Low is good.
Mai: It's too high isn't it?
Rick: *nervous* Y-yeah, about say over four years worth of one day girlfriends but all I only went out for two weeks. Until I met Evy-
Mai: Yes, but Evy isn't he subject here. On with the story man!
Rick: I have had one-night stands every night from when I turned fourteen until I was twenty-three. Then I have had only Fifty-seven flings per year for about three years when I was still a teenager.
Evy: OH MY GOD!!
Mai: *slaps Evy* don't you dare take God's name in vain again bitch!!
Evy: Bring it Hoe!!
Mai: No you pissing me off get over you little skank!! No one calls me a hoe to my face a gets away with it!! I'll kill you!! *Runs after Evy with a chain saw and a couple of electric wires*
G. Joe: Looks like I'm stuck being the host for now. Which sucks since now I can't make out with Alex. Don't worry babe, we will later. *Sexily winks at Alex giving you her sexy smile with. *
Rick: What happens after you take over?
G. Joe: Now, we have contacted only five old flings, two one-night-stands, the rest were killed by men who hated them, and five ex-girlfriends too! Let's bring out the one-night-stands!!
ONS#1: You ass!! You said you loved me!!
ONS#2: Hey there cowboy. Been awhile hunk. *Sits on his lap seductively. Mai and Evy stop in mid chase a little vein showing in both our foreheads at the sight of a whore on Rick. *
Mai: *turns to Evy. * Truce for now; first get rid of that skanky bitch!
Evy: Deal, let's kill her!!
*Grabs the whore from Rick and go downstairs to the basement laughing like insane evil maniacs*
Rick: That was close.
ONS#1: You said you loved me!!
Rick: I did not that was probably John, he looks like me but tells every girls he meets that he loves them to get in bed with 'em. So I did sleep with you but you sucked and I just thought you were a major bitch. Shut-up now and just leave!!
G. Joe: *looking down the stairs to the dark basement. Screams are heard. * What are they doing? Torturing her?
*In the dark gloomy basement where the power controls are something evil is a foot. *
Mai: Okay, now that we've connected her with the electric currents to the light switches she should be electrocuted each time a light switch is turned on and off. It will be extremely painful, I know let's hook it up to the pluming electric system and the doorbell too! Then when ever someone operates the things they'll hear the whore scream. Mwahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Evelyn: My my, Mai, you are absolutely evil!! Where did you get the idea?
Mai: Johnny the Homicidal Maniac Comic books. Johhen Vasquez is a genius!!
Evy: Let's try it!!
Mai: Sure! HEY G. JOE!! TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, HAVE SOMEONE FLUSH THE TOILET AND SOMEONE RING THE DOORBELL!! THEN DO IT AGAIN!!
*Upstairs*
G. Joe: WHY???
Mai: JUST DO WHAT I SAY!!
G. Joe: OKAY!! Lock-nah-flush the toilet twice, Rick-turn off the light, then back on then off and then turn it back on again. Imhotep go ring the doorbell twice but not all in a row, count to twenty before you repeat what you're suppose to do, all of you. GO!! *Go do what they were told and everyone hears loud agonizing screaming. *
Mai: *walks back with Evy* that was great!!
Evy: You are an evil genius!!
Mai: I know! Now, what we were doing. *starts to chase Evy for calling her a hoe.*
Ardeth: *turns off cd player and takes off earphones* That is one cool cd Mai!
Mai: *still chasing Evy.* Thanks!
G. Joe: Now the ONS can leave, we bring now the old flings!!
*old Flings come out.*
Old Flings: We hate you you lying piece of shit that is worse than the scum on our vaginas!!
Rick: I don't want to go through this!!
*Mai and Evy hear what they call Rick*
Mai: There is still more room downstairs want to?
Evy: Sure, I'm sure that whore would like some friends!
*Mai and Evy grab the old flings and take them down to the basement. Mwahahahahaha!!*
G. Joe: For the safety of our guest we'll bring out the ex- girlfriends now!!
Rick: Please don't.
*Stage hand Joe comes and whispers something into G. Joe's ear, G. Joe laughs quietly, it sounds like a giggle, taking this as a bad omen of homosexuality towards G. Joe from S. Joe Alex kills S. Joe I mean she hurts him really really badly, near death.*
G. Joe: I love you Alex!! I as only laughing because he sad that the girls wouldn't come on stage because they were afraid of Mai and Evy, they didn't want their tits wired.
Alex: Oops, sorry S. Joe!! May be you should just tell everyone that next time instead of making it look as though you were flirting with him!! *takes seat. G. Joe gives her a sexy smile.*
Mai: *comes up with Evy* Well, I don't fell like killing you so I won't. Truce for now.
Evy: Okay.
Mai: Okay, so due to the fact that I couldn't have G. Joe, and Evy dumped Vassili and Ardeth (because he's Alex's now, clones are on the way) I decided that I would have Vassili for myself here. He is here now!!
*Vassili enters and there is much cheering and screaming.*
Vassili: Hey Mia!
Mai: H-hey V-Vassili. You hot!! Oh, uh Alex, the Beatles are here and they're going to sing Hey Jude. Give it up for the Beatles!! *MUCH CHEERING IS HEARD* *whispers to G. Joe* You have time off if you want you can make out with Alex now.
Hey Jude
Don't Make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start, to make it better
Hey Jude
Don't be Afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The Minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better
and any time you feel the pain
Hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulder
For Well you know tht it's a fool
Who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder
Hey Jude
Don't let me down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
So let it out and let it in
Hey Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with.
and don't you know that it's just you
Hey Jude, you'll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder
Hey Jude
Don't make it bad
Take a sad song, and make it better
Remember to let her under your skin
Then you'll begin to make it better, better, better.....
Mai: I just used the lyrics Alex sent. Thank you!!
*Alex and G. Joe haven't been listening. My my, what were they doing? Hm…*
Mai: G. Joe! You're back on duty, in the next epy. Now a Q: Coke or Pepsi?
Rick: Pepsi
Evy: Pepsi
Lock-nah: Pepsi
Ardeth: Whatever Alex wants me to say, I don't mind either of them.
G. Joe: ditto, that tickles Alex…hehe..
Imhotep: Pepsi.
Mai: Pepsi. So now that's all for today folks, tomorrow's issue is "I want to have a teary eyed reunion with my dad." I don't, don't know how to make it teary eyed, I don't cry at all. I don't like my dad either. So tata!
Rick: Hey wait a minute!! Why do you let them make out and not me and Evy?
Mai: Because I favor them. Here's a condom you two!! *tosses them condom and puts them in sound proof room. Turns to Vassili* Now, hello, you hottie, tell me about yourself.
End Credits as Mai and Vassili converse.
An: NO ONE TAKES VASSILI!!!! NO TRADES OR ANYTHING!! VASSILI IS MINE!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!