Fire in the Mind

By Adalanta

Disclaimer: All characters in this story, with the exception of Dr. Miller and Tony Rivetti, are the property of NBC and those affiliated with Third Watch.

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews, everyone! I'm still working on this story, and I promise it will get finished – I just don't know how long that will take. Please, take a second to leave a review or email me at adalanta14@yahoo.com. Thanks!

Chapter Six

One week later…

"Daddy! Daddy!"

Jimmy Doherty raised his head off of the hospital bed just in time to see his son, Joey, bolting through the door, his small body hurtling towards him at full speed. The elation he felt at seeing his son for the first time in several weeks quickly morphed in apprehension. He and Joey loved to roughhouse whenever they got together, and one of their favorite things to do was see how hard they could hug each other. As an eight year old, Joey didn't have that much strength, but if he tried to hug him right now - in his condition - he knew it would really hurt.

Jimmy winced, then closed his eyes and tried to steel himself for the mass of pain that was about to occur. Oh, man. This is gonna hurt, he thought, bracing for impact. He accidentally drew in a deep breath and was barely able to stifle a moan at the pain the action caused in his chest and lungs.

"Joey, stop!"

Thank you, god. As Kim's voice rang out through the room, Jimmy knew he had been saved and slowly let his taut body relax, releasing the air trapped in his lungs. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes again was his ex-wife, kneeling on the floor of his room, holding their son in a tight grip by the shoulder. He watched as she turned the young boy around to face her.

"Joey," she said in a quiet voice, running a hand through his dark hair. "What did I tell you? You can't just run in and tackle your daddy right now. He's hurt, and if you do that, he'll hurt even more. We have to be very careful, okay?"

"Okay, mommy," Joey replied in a disappointed voice.

Poor Joey, Jimmy couldn't help thinking sadly. He hasn't seen me in almost three weeks and now he has to treat me like I'm made of glass. The frustration he felt at his weakened, injured state increased until he felt like he would explode. A light touch on his right hand startled him, and he looked up to see Joey standing beside his bed, his own small hand cautiously covering Jimmy's.

Joey stared at him, fear evident in his large brown eyes. "Hi, Daddy."

"Hey, little man," Jimmy whispered, his voice still slightly scratchy and hoarse. "How you doing?"

"I'm okay," the little boy replied, glancing down at the white tiled floor. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, kiddo. I'm feeling a lot better." He was forced to pause for a few seconds to give his lungs a break. He still wasn't used to talking, yet. At least I don't have to wear that oxygen mask anymore, though. Except for early this morning, he reminded himself grimly. "Have you been good for your grandma?" he asked, his voice getting weaker with every word. He could feel Kim's gaze on him, watching him with concern, making sure that he didn't push himself and have a relapse.

"Yeah." Joey's eyes were still glued to the floor.

Puzzled by his son's behavior, Jimmy carefully reached out his right arm and took Joey by the chin, lifting it up to face him. He was shocked to see tears welling up in his dark eyes, glistening like crystals in the low light of the room. Joey blinked, his chin quivering, and the tears began to stream down his small, round cheeks, leaving behind twin trails of dampness. "Joey, what's wrong?"

For a minute, Joey remained silent, staring silently at his father. Then, he began to cry harder and whimpered, "I'm sorry, daddy! I'm sorry!" The little boy kept repeating the words over and over.

His heart aching, he pulled Joey closer to his side, gently rubbing his small back, and then glanced up at Kim to see if she understood what was wrong with their son. She met his gaze with wide eyes, obviously as confused as he. Turning back to his son, he tried to sooth him. "Shhh, it's okay, Joey. Everything's all right. Shhh." After a few minutes, the little body's tears finally ran out, and he laid his head on his father's bed, eyes closed, sniffling wetly every now and then.

"Joey, what's wrong? Why are you sorry?" he asked softly, hoping he could get an answer this time and not cause a fresh bout of tears.

Joey raised his head up and scrubbed at his face with both hands before answering his father. "Mommy wouldn't let me go."

"Go where?" Frowning, he glanced at Kim again. He saw her face drain of color, becoming a sickly white, and knew somewhere in the back of his mind that he didn't want to hear Joey's answer.

"To say goodbye to Uncle Tony."

Jimmy's hand dropped to the bed as a wave of agonizing pain shot through him; it felt as if a gigantic hand had thrust into his chest and ripped his heart out, and then held it up for him to see with his dying eyes. It hurt so badly that he wanted to throw his head back and scream in misery, to show the world how much he missed his best friend.

But in the end, all he could do was close his eyes and try to regain control of his raging emotions. I can't fall apart now - not in front of Joey, he thought, mind numbly pressing forward despite his emotional pain. It…it would terrify him to see me like that. I will not hurt him.

When he finally opened his eyes, Joey was still standing beside him, staring at the floor, wiping his eyes and nose with the back of his hand. He saw that Kim had moved even closer to him, her eyes full of fear and concern. She's probably afraid of my reaction. For once, Kim, I'll do the right thing - for Joey's sake. He raised the hand that had fallen limply to the mattress to his son's face, smoothing back the unruly black hair. "Hey…hey, Joey, that's okay. I - I didn't go either. It's okay. I'm sure Uncle Tony…" his voice broke, and he was forced to pause a second to regain his composure. "I'm sure Uncle Tony would understand." This said, he sank weakly back into his bed, waiting, watching to see if his words had helped ease his son's pain and misplaced guilt.

Joey sniffed, then spoke in a trembling voice. "Do you really think so, Daddy?"

"Yeah. I do." He wanted more than anything just to be able to hug his son at that moment, but he couldn't. Not yet, anyway. Maybe in a few more days. The words failed to console him.

" All right, Joey," Kim interrupted gently. "That's enough for today. Why don't you go outside and wait with Grandma for a few minutes so I can talk to Daddy? I'll be out in just a little bit, okay?" She added, seeing his look of disbelief.

"Okay, Mommy." He glanced back at Jimmy and gave his father a quick smile. "Bye, Daddy. I love you."

"I love you, too, Joey." He said softly, smiling. "Now, go on before your mother gets mad at me."

Kim waited until the boy was out of the room before she spoke again. "I am so sorry, Jimmy. I never imagined - "

"Did you go?" he interrupted, staring at the wall behind her, unable to meet her expressive eyes.

There was a brief pause, then she admitted, hesitantly, "Yes."

Jimmy swallowed. "Was it a nice service?"

"Yes."

"Who were the pall bearers?" he asked, his voice devoid of emotion, remembering with pain the pact that he and Tony had made one night after a firefighter from another ladder had been killed in a fierce midnight blaze. They had both been there - had, in fact, been the ones who had pulled his lifeless body from the building.

Tony'd looked up at him from his seat on the curb, his face covered with smoke and soot. "I've never seen someone die before, Jimmy," he had admitted, his dark eyes filled with the terrible knowledge of his own mortality. "That could have been us in there instead of him."

Jimmy had sighed and dropped down to sit beside his friend. "But it wasn't."

"No, but it could have been."

"Yeah. But it wasn't," he'd repeated firmly.

"Jimmy…I want you to promise me somethin'."

He hadn't hesitated. "Sure, man. Anything."

Rivetti'd taken a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Now, look…I don't intend on dyin' or anythin' but…if something does happen, I want you to be one of my pall bearers."

"Tony, are you crazy?!" he'd blurted out, completely unnerved by the morbid request. "Don't say that!"

"I'm serious, Jimmy."

"So am I! Don't talk like that!" He'd quickly stood up, ready to bolt, unwilling to think about the possible death of his best friend. "I'm not gonna stand around here talkin' about this."

Tony'd leaped up and grabbed his arm, twisting him around. "Promise me, Doherty! Swear you'll be there for me if that time ever comes."

Jimmy had stood there, staring at his best friend. He could tell Tony was serious, but he still balked at making such a commitment.

"Please, Jimmy."

He'd looked into his friend's sweaty, blackened face, seeing the horrible vulnerability in his eyes. "Only if you promise me the same thing, Tony."

Tony had nodded. "I promise, Jimmy," he'd said, his voice thick with emotion. "I'll always be there for you."

Jimmy'd swallowed. "I promise, Tony." He'd removed his arm from the other man's grasp. "Now, c'mon. Let's get this mess cleaned up." Together, they moved towards the burned out building.

"Don't do this to yourself, Jimmy." The words penetrated his mind, bringing him back to the present. "Not now. It'll only make things worse."

A long silence followed. Kim cleared her throat and spoke, changing the subject. "So. I talked to Doctor Miller before we came in to see you. He's says you're doing better than he expected."

He looked up, meeting her eyes for the first time since Joey had left. "And?"

She smiled. "And he said that he's thinking of releasing you soon."

"How soon?"

Shrugging, she replied, "He's not sure yet - maybe three or four days. It depends on how that test on your lungs goes tomorrow. If it turns out well, then you'll be out of here in a few days. If not…well, he wasn't really sure what they'd do then."

Damn! I forgot about that! He cringed inwardly at the thought of the upcoming test. Dr. Miller had talked to him a couple of days earlier about it. Apparently, they were going to insert a tube down his throat to examine his lungs and take a small scraping of the lining to see if it was growing back like it should. Normally, the procedure wouldn't be too painful, but in Jimmy's case, it would most likely be excruciatingly so, due to the rawness of his throat and lungs. Thankfully, the doctor was going to sedate him before they began and would keep him that way for the remainder of the day to spare him the immediate pain. He didn't like the idea of someone poking around in his lungs, but he didn't have a choice - Dr. Miller said that he wouldn't be discharged the hospital until the procedure was performed.

"Ummm…there's one other thing you should know."

Jimmy frowned, not liking the hesitant tone of her voice and the uneasy expression she wore on her face. "What?"

"Dr. Miller is willing to release you…only if you stay with me."

Now that made him pause. I should have expected somthin' that, he thought, once his shocked mind could function again. There's no way he's going to let me go home by myself.

He was torn – one part of him desperately wanted to leave the hospital. He'd been there nearly three weeks, and that was more than enough. The other part of him, though, was nervous – it had been over five years since he'd moved out of the apartment. And even though Kim had constantly been by his side since this whole nightmare began, it would still be…awkward. And Joey. What will Joey think? If he sees the two of us living together just like we used to before the divorce…

"What about Joey?"

"What about him?" was her puzzled answer.

"Now look, Kim. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't want to get out of here but…well, think about it. If Joey sees the two of us together like we used to be, he's gonna think we're getting back together." He shook his head, shifting his gaze down to the white sheet covering his body. "I don't want to put him through that, to crush his hopes again. It wouldn't be fair to him. He's gone through enough all ready."

He heard Kim sigh and begin to pace around the small room, unable to hide her agitation from her ex-husband. He watched her out of the corner of his eye as she bit her lower lip and absently twirled her long brown hair in her right hand. He couldn't help but smile faintly at the familiar sight. Old habits are hard to break. But it was also those same familiar mannerisms that had endeared her to him and made him love her even more. She stopped unexpectedly and whirled around, having solved the problem. Unfortunately, he was unable to wipe the smile off of his face in time. Noticing his bemused expression, she tilted her head to one side, frowning slightly, yet another of her habits.

Jimmy laughed aloud, but his laughter quickly changed into a groan of pain as his bruised and broken ribs protested the violent movement. "Ohhh," he moaned, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to curl up on his side to ease the pain, but was unable to accomplish even that because of the cast encasing his dislocated left shoulder. Through the stabbing pain, he was vaguely aware of Kim's hands; one holding his right hand, keeping it from clutching his chest, the other smoothing back the damp hair from his forehead. As the sharp pains receded, he relaxed his rigid body, his eyes fluttering open.

Kim stood there, staring down at him in concern, still holding his right hand in her own. "Are you okay? Do you need me to get the nurse?"

"No," he mumbled. "I'm fine." He shifted cautiously in the bed to find a more comfortable position. I should have known better. That was a stupid thing to do, Jimmy! he chastised himself. Keep that up, and she won't think you're ready to be released.

"Really." The single word was infused with all of the doubt and sarcasm she could muster. She shook her head. "Back to Joey – I think I've got a solution to the problem."

"What?"

"I'll ask my mom to take him. He's been practically living with her since…well…I don't think she'll mind. She loves having him with her, you know, especially now that she's retired."

"I don't know how long it'll be before Miller releases me to be on my own; it could be several weeks. Are you sure she'll be okay with this? That you'll be okay with it?"

She squirmed a bit at that. "I'll talk to her about it. And just because Joey's living with her doesn't mean I won't see him at all. I can go over there or – or he can come over to visit for the day." She smiled reassuringly at him. "Don't worry, Jimmy. It'll all work out."

"Yeah. That's what I'm afraid of," he muttered under his breath.