Spider Man: Between Heaven and Hell

Chapter Two: You Know…

New York City, April 23rd, 2003

*****

Peter stared at her from across the street, huddled in the corner of the alley, people walking about and around him. Not seeing him, even though he was not in costume, he could still blend in to his surroundings, another neat little perk that was his gift…and his curse.

The curse aspect is far outweighing the gift part, he thought to himself bitterly.

Mary Jane wouldn't be able to see him unless he wanted her to, of that much he was sure. Her hair was pulled up into neat bun, with a few stray tendrils falling loosely around her angelically sculpted face. The mere sight of her, even from 20 yards away, caused his heart to increase to nearly double its normal rate. He could already feel the sweat begin to form on his palms as well.

Her pink uniform hugged her curves tightly, and he had to hold back a moan at the heat it ignited in his body.

His intention of coming here was to get to talk to her face to face, without the mask between them. Peter had suspected that Mary Jane might have some suspicions about him being Spider Man, but it was only that, a suspicion, because she had never voiced it to him directly or even subtly, that she knew. He also knew that she was an extremely bright woman, and that he had given her enough clues to hang on to, all of them purposefully of course, he considered a sort of game, a way of showing off.

Peter's suspicions about the extent of her knowledge came back tenfold as he remembered the afternoon they sat and talked in the warehouse where he had killed the man who murdered Uncle Ben.

*****

"You were here that night?" she asked, her eyes wide with disbelief.

Spider Man nodded, his hand gently intertwining their fingers.

"I saw Peter holding his Uncle's dead body, right there in the middle of the sidewalk, in front of the downtown library. It was horrible."

Mary Jane turned her head away, wiping the tears from her face, not wanting to admit that the image of Peter there all alone holding his Uncle as he died, was completely heartbreaking. She couldn't begin to imagine what he must have gone through.

Spider Man took a breath and continued, "I followed them to this place." He paused and looked around. "To this day, this place is the living embodiment of my failure."

Mary Jane's head snapped up to look at him, her brows drawn in confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

"I followed the son of a bitch to this spot, MJ." He emphasized by hitting the wall beside the window. "Right here I saw his face, and it was the same man who I had let go not an hour earlier as he robbed the cash cage of a wrestling promoter who had ripped me off."

Her breath caught in her throat, her free hand immediately grabbing his.

"Oh my God. You can't blame yourself for that! You mustn't blame yourself!"

Spider Man looked up at her, the tenderness and hope that shined through in her eyes nearly blinding him. Her undying faith in him was amazing.

It didn't reflect in his voice though, as it turned bitter and self-deprecating, "Tell that to Peter…He blames me, everyday he blames me. Everyday I blame myself because of what I am, and what I have become. Everyday I see what I want and even with all the power I have, I can't have it. I can never have it."

Mary Jane choked on her sobs as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him to her, her eyes closing in contentment as his arms followed suit and wrapped around her waist, his head buried in her hair.

"It's okay…let it out."

His heartbreaking sobs pushed her over the edge, she cried along with him. He clung to her tightly, and she knew that later she would have bruises, but it didn't matter right now. What mattered was that this man, this hero who had obviously sacrificed nearly everything in his life to keep her and everyone else in this Godforsaken city safe, for once needed her protection as much as she had come to rely on his.

"What's her name? This woman you had to let go because of who you are."

His chuckle was one of irony as he pulled away from her and slowly rose to his feet, gripping the wall for support.

"It's not important anymore. It's a decision that will haunt me for the rest of my life, and I will have to live with that."

Mary Jane's eyes gazed over his wounded body, her heart breaking once again at the punishment he took to stop that rampaging beast. She stood, their hands still intertwined, she placed her other hand on his bare chest, the blood beginning to dry, a horrible scratch over his heart that still bled.

"Does she love you?" she whispered.

He nodded, his voice breaking.

"Yeah…and I love her…I don't think I'll ever love anyone as much as I love her. I hope one day, she'll be able to forgive me…to find someone else more deserving to fill the hole in her heart."

More tears came to her eyes as he spoke those words, "Don't say that. Maybe she is willing to live with who you are. Did you ever just think about telling her?"

His gaze was once again set on her eyes, "Everyday, but I can't and won't be responsible for her death, if anything happened to her it would destroy me. If anyone found out who I am, and used her to get to me, there isn't anything I wouldn't do to keep her safe."

"What's her name?" she asked again, praying that she was right.

Spider Man raised is arm and shot a strand of webbing through the broken window. He looked at her then, his eyes filled with tears, behind the barrier that was his mask.

His voice trembled with emotion, "You know her name…"

Then he was gone.

She stood there staring off into the sunset, his figure quickly disappearing, his words echoing in her mind, the taste of his kiss in the rain, his voice.

"You know who I am…"

"Trust me!"

"You know her name…"

His taste on her lips, as she kissed him in the cemetery, his words as he left her standing there.

"I will always be there for you, I will always be there to take care of you. I promise you that."

Her fingers rose to touch her lips as the final realization seeped its way through.

"Peter…"

She choked out his name, the emotion and truth overwhelming her; she sank to the ground, her tears washing away the dust and blood that surrounded her…his blood.

*****

Mary Jane could feel him, for some reason unknown to her, she could feel Peter's presence all around her.

Leaving the tray of food on the counter, she rushed to the window and looked out into the darkness, people, everywhere, walking along without a care in the world. She ran to another window, the one that looked directly into the alley across the street.

The crystalline eyes were there, glowing in the darkness, staring back at her, the agony and guilt radiated from them like some malevolent storm. Her heart in her throat, she ran to the door and threw it open, carelessly running into the street, her only goal to reach the man in the alley, to see him, feel his arms around her, take comfort in his touch.

She reached the alley, her body trembling with emotion.

"Peter." She whispered.

He was still there, not moving, but still there. From the darkness he watched her, the feeling of wanting to hold her, to kiss her, to make love to her nearly made him double over in agony. She took another step, close, but still so far.

"Don't." he choked out. "Please…"

"Peter…just…please, come here." Her voice breaking, tears cascading down her rose colored cheeks.

"I can't…it's too hard. Just…just listen to what I have to say."

He stepped out of the shadows then, her eyes widening at seeing his handsome face, and lean body once again. She smiled tenderly at him, her desire to rush into his arms overwhelming her. His hair was longer, brown, wistful bangs pushed back behind his ears, his face unshaven, making him look far older than he actually was.

"I wanted…to…umm…to tell you that. Since before I knew what love was…I have loved you. Everyday…for most of our lives, you didn't pay me any attention, and I accepted and understood that."

She sobbed as his words hit home, not only because he had finally said the words she had been longing to hear from him, but because he was speaking the truth. For too long, she ignored him, so much time wasted on Flash, and Harry. So much time wasted on hiding behind her own masks, time that could have been spent being genuinely loved by this wonderful man.

She had to say something, to make him understand how stupid she had been all those years.

"Peter…I'm so sorry…I was blind then."

He smiled sadly, "It's okay, MJ. I know…I understand."

She shook her head defiantly, "No you don't. Peter I was in love with long before I admitted to myself. Long before I told you that day in the cemetery. I have loved you, more than I have ever loved someone, and I will you more than I will ever love anyone else."

Peter's body trembled again, "I feel the same way. But…I can't let you in completely; I don't know how, MJ. If I do…I'm scared. I almost lost you up on that bridge."

Another step, she was getting closer.

"But you didn't, Peter. You saved me…you always save me."

She knows…dammit…why do you have to be so smart, Mary Jane? Why did I have to be so stupid?

Reacting to his expression she nodded.

"Yes…I know, Peter. I think I've always known. You don't have to be worried about that…not anymore."

Peter shook his head violently, "No!"

He stepped forward, they were only a foot apart now, it would be so easy to wrap her arms around him, and to breath is scent in, to bask in his strength.

"I always have to worry about…everyday I worry about losing you, about seeing you lying there on the ground like Uncle Ben was, not being able to save you, not being able to see your face again…of living this life knowing that you are no longer here with me."

Mary Jane reached out to him then, her hand softly touching his arm.

"Peter…don't shut me out…give us a chance…" she pleaded.

He could feel his resolve breaking, along with his heart. Looking into her eyes, the way they saw right through him, to his soul.

"I want to, Mary Jane…so much that it's killing me…I want you…but I'm scared. What if…?"

She poked him in the chest, hard.

"No! Dammit, Peter. I. Love. You. Okay? All of you, everything about you. I can accept a lot of things, but I will not accept, nor will I ever forgive you for at least not giving us the chance of being together, not when you say you love me too."

She didn't want to be angry with him, for being so stubborn, because she understood his reasoning, why he wanted to keep her at arms length. To protect her, and she loved him even more for wanting to keep her safe. But he had to understand that she wasn't going to give up on him, or them, not after what he had just told her.

She cocked her head to the side and crossed her arms over her chest. Not fighting the tears that streamed down her face, or the way her lips were trembling.

"Well? What's it gonna be, Tiger?"

*****

To Be Continued….

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