Disclaimer: This is tiresome, everybody already knows that I don't own DA or its characters.
Summary: After the events in "Hello/Goodbye", Max's wish is granted and she gets to taste life without Logan.
Rating: PG-13
A/N: Okay, so here's the 8th and final chapter of my very dark fic, this chapter is very risky, it will definitely settle your opinion about my fic, some may think it's a perfect end while others will think the end screwed the whole fic, let's see. I want to thank every one that remained with me throughout the entire fic and reviewed. I hope the fic doesn't die after I stop posting and other people who haven't read yet may come to read in the future. So thanks everyone, thanks for reading.
To Giuliana: I'm from Brazil! J
Chapter 8: Back from the dead?*****
[1 year since Logan's death]
//Seattle...the city where I lived the best and worst periodes of my whole life. Manticore? Nah, it wasn't even near. Back at Manticore I was still a child so I had no idea of what I was missing, how other people lived or anything so I didn't suffer as much as I could, but the things that happened this last year here in Seattle were the worst possible. After years in a life of running from place to place, never getting attached to anyone or anything I finally found a place where I could stay put, I found a job, a place to crash, very loyal friends and the most important people in my life...I found it all here, but just to lose everything in a period of six doomed months, the trigger was the death of the love of my life, my most cared and important person ...Logan.
After the massacre at Jam Pony I finally decided to leave this town, I just couldn't take it any longer, all the memories from the "past" life, a life where I could at least smile, a life that I could call good. I had nothing left here only memories and those hurt to much to relieve, so I left. For another six months in stayed on the run, going from place to place just like I used to, at least some good came from that, I got to know lots of new places, mostly I stayed on Canada, Vancouver, Winnipeg, Toronto, Quebec, never spending more than one month on each. Then I made my way back to Seattle stopping only barely on the way, and here I am once again, back to this place who will forever be encraved on the history of my life. Why am I back? I don't really know, one day I just woke up and needed to come back, the irony is that coincidently I got here just on the exact day Logan died one year ago...\\
Max is driving through the dark and cold streets of Seattle on her new ninja 1200. The night suits her mood, dark, cold and gloomy, with a light rain giving a nice touch. Every street she pass, every corner she turns, every place she goes a picture flashes her memory, so different from her actual reality that looks unbelievable, something that happened on another life. During these six months Max has been running around, White managed to eliminate lots of transgenics, the mutants are nearly exticts, but somehow Max stopped caring, she dropped the responsability and began to look after herself and herself only.
Passing through the streets she sees lots of posters and graffitis about Eyes Only, it looks like things got really tough around here without him but maybe that's because people are spoiled from the long time Eyes Only was there to look after them and now that he is not anymore it takes time to get used to life without him once again.
Max finds herself heading towards the space needle, she parks at the base and quickly makes her way to the top, there on the highest point of the city she finds the privace and security to say out loud all her thoughts,
"Sometimes it seems like it happened to someone else—like maybe it was a story I heard. Even though I know what happened, sometimes I can't help feeling that he is not really gone, that he is still out there...somewhere..."
She says in a far away voice and a lonely tear slides down Max's cheek. Just when she is about to drown herself on the memory land once again a familiar voice startles her, a soft and calming voice that for what she knows shouldn't be heard ever again,
"Ah the irony...I once said the same thing, two years ago, when you "died"."
Max slowly turns around afraid of the reality, that she won't find anything behind her and that this voice is just a product of her mind, but as she turn around she is utterly surprised, there stands someone she thought she would never see again, with the same pair of brilliant and gorgeous blue eyes...Logan.
"And you know, just like before, you ended up not being dead...",
Max's brain is on overload, unable to form any kind of noise she stands there completely still with her mouth hanging open and her brown eyes wide open,
"Don't worry Max, you are not dreaming, nor you are crazy, I'm no illusion I'm really here."
Logan says in a calm voice taking a few steps closer, but still Max remains like that, and like that they stay for long moments, both staring deeply into each other eyes, Max looking for the reality of the situation and Logan looking into Max's souls trying to know her feelings. Finally, feeling able to form some coherent sentence Max says,
"But what....how...when...?"
Logan diverts his fixed gaze on Max's eyes and stares at the floor then says sadly,
"Of course, I knew you would want to know... The truth Max, is that I was never dead, I never killed myself." – Logan takes a quick look at Max to watch her reaction and there she stands with no apparent change, only that now her complete attention is focused at him. – "The body you found wasn't me Max, just someone that fits my characteristics." – he stops for a moment and takes a deep breath, staring at the dark infinite in front of him for a moment before continuing. – "Why I did that you must want to know. That's quite simple Max...anger and sadness. After you said that you and Alec were together I was in a pretty chaotic state, for nearly a week I did nothing but drink like crazy, torturing myself with questions like "Why?","How long?", "How could she?", and others, 'till one day while I was looking at your picture I finally realized I had nothing left, there was no reason left for me to live, so I seriously though about killing myself, I almost did, I would really have done it, I had the gun loaded and pointed at my head, but in the last second just before I finished pulling the trigger something came to my mind, if I did that what would really change? Nothing. And after all, death is something so definitive. So I had a plan. I got a body just like me at the morgue, wrote the letter and left him there, deleted the informant net and disappeared. The letter was real Max, I meant everything I wrote there, I meant the whole action, that was my desire...to kill myself. But for some reason I just couldn't so I did that but only not with my body, theoretically Logan Cale is dead for everyone."
The whole story was told in a sad far away voice, Logan not once stared Max in the eye and she listened to him attentionaly. Once he finished they remained silence for minutes, Logan's story sinking in on Max 'till she whispered,
"But why...how could you?",
Logan turns his back to her and with a voice mixed with anger and sadness says,
"Why Max?! My life was ruined, I lost the only remaining important thing on my life, you were the reason I woke up in the morning, you were the reason I kept fighting, I kept trying to overcame everything my life threw at me, all the obstacles we had, you were the reason I kept with my endless crusade to save this broken world...you Max, you. But then the only and most important thing on my life, you, left me, and that was my breaking point, added with all the screwed up things on my life, that was the trigger to send everything crashing down, and I wanted to hurt you, to make you suffer, like you did to me...",
A mix of feelings clouds Max's mind, relief and joy from seeing him alive, guilty from doing that to him, sadness from their situation, anger for what he did and something much stronger, the strongest feeling she ever experienced, and something exclusive to this man and only him...love.
"What you did Logan...was awful...you are not right and never will be, but I can understand your reasons, I can understand and I am sorry I truly am, but I have to confess that there was never something between me and Alec, I did what I did because I wanted to keep you away, because I couldn't stand having you by my side but unable to touch, to see you suffer for me and because of me, I didn't want to hurt you anymore...",
Max couldn't see but Logan's face fell in surprise and shock, her revelation hitting him hard, after a few seconds and deep breaths to recompose he repplied trying to sound casual,
"I see...well Max, you succeded. I'm also not going to find excuses for what I did because at the moment I really wanted to do that and I did it with conscience, or take my actions back because that's not possible, what's done is done. And I can't help but feel relieved with what you said, but nevertheless you lied to me.",
he turns around and their eyes finally met, blue and brown clashing and mixing together, souls being shared with looks, 'till Max says with a smirk.
"Well, then I guess we are even.... So tell me, what have you been up to this past year?",
Logan manages to curve the side of his lip into a tiny smile and answers,
"Well, I went to Tokyo to cool down. There I found the doctor Vertes indicated, still with Joshua's blood from the transfusion he managed to stop the rejection, and after four months of treatment the spinal damage was completely healed so I fully recovered all my movements." – Max takes a slightly look at his legs and the fact that he is standing finally sinks in – "Also, taking advantage of the hyper-charged Manticore blood the doctor managed to do his magic and make sure that a particular nasty bug wouldn't be a problem any longer.",
Max's eyes glow with contentment but her face is a mask of calm, and with equal false calmness she answers,
"So...we can touch?",
as an answer she receives a slight nod from Logan as he takes a few steps and extends his hands. Max remains still for a few moments before tentatively reaching for Logan's hand, at the first touch Max holds her breath, only releasing after minutes of stillness and nothing happening to Logan, and then opening a broad smile, the first one in more than a year.
"Logan...do you...do you think we can start over?",
Logan grips her hand tight and smiles,
"So Max, as I'm dead here and I plan to stay that way, I was thinking that maybe we could go to Tokyo, after all I lived the last year there...",
Max pulls him and together they start todescend the space needle, hands linked tightly together and light smiles on both their faces, two people that were denied the simple previlege of touching for more than two years and were deprived of the ability of smiling, now will take fully advantage of the possibility of doing both...//Things are far from perfect and rough paths will always appear, but now I really am aware that with him anything and everything is possible, with him by my side I can overcome any obstacle. After all I can see a warm light on the end of this dark tunnel that is my life. And just as he said...I will love him forever.\\
THE END
*****
OBS: between // \\ are Max's thoughts.
A/N2: So there it is, the conclusion to my dark and cruel fic, I hope everyone enjoyed my torture and especially my conclusion, it's not quite a happy end 'cause it wouldn't fit, but certainly is M/L. Please I would really like to know what you all thought about my ending, and if you have any question or doubt don't hesitate to write me an e-mail. And once again, thanks for reading.