Broken Wings

By Trish.

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon nor the chapter titles which belong to a song from the '80s Broken Wings by Mr Mister.

A/N: This final chapter is dedicated to all those who are afflicted with MND and their families. For your bravery, courage and ability to smile through the tears, I salute you.

~*~

Chapter Three: Learn to live so free

Clunk.

Gary, Penny and Misty winced as the sound reverberated through the house. There was a pause, then another clunk, followed by swear word or two. Obviously Ash was having difficulty manoeuvring around.

Two weeks had passed since the doctors confirmed that MND had now deprived Ash of the use of his legs. The Pokémon Grand Master now had to adjust to life confined to a wheelchair.

It had not been easy for him or his family. Misty had to face the fact that her husband's condition had deteriorated and that she could no longer rely on his continuance as the main breadwinner and handyman about the house.

Matthew and Ciara, had accepted the change in their family situation surprisingly well. The first two days immediately after had been awkward. No one could forget the sight of four-year-old Ciara taking Ash by the hand and imploring her daddy to get up and walk. James had had to quickly wheel Ash out of the room before the child saw her father burst into tears.

But then the two children adjusted and made sure they thought of games where their dad didn't have to be mobile to join in. Gary thought that most admirable, but then it was a well-known fact that children accepted things more readily than adults.

As for Ash himself, he had gone under a marked personality change. He had become more withdrawn after the doctor's visit and would not speak much to anyone. This was so much unlike the Ash they knew, but the counsellor reassured them that social withdrawal was the average reaction of sufferers at this stage of the disease. Not only was it a total shock to lose the use of their legs, it was a jarring reminder of their body's rapid deterioration and their impending mortality. Ash just needed space to be able to come to terms with MND in his own way and own time.

There was another thunk and a few more swear words. Gary grinned wryly at the two women. "I'd better go and see if he's okay before he ruins the woodwork."

The Viridian Gym Leader walked into the living room where his friend was. The dark-haired man had gone to a corner bookshelf but a sofa made the passageway out rather difficult. "Need help?" he asked.

Ash looked up at his words and Gary could see the frustration in his eyes. "If you would," he mumbled.

The chestnut-haired trainer moved the sofa away and then wheeled his friend out, and was startled when Ash began crying. Gary dropped to his knees beside his friend and gathered him into a hug. "What's wrong?"

"I can't seem to do anything right! I can't move around properly in this damn wheelchair yet.." the exasperation was clear in his voice. "I...I just wish I could do the things I could before..."

"You just need time to get used to the chair, Ash. It's only been two weeks..." Gary gave him another hug, as there was nothing else he could say to alleviate his friend's pain.

~*~

The phone rang, startling Ash from where he was catnapping in his wheelchair. "I'll get it," he called out to the kitchen where Misty was preparing lunch.

"Bulba". Bulbasaur, who had been closest, brought the cordless phone over to Ash in its vines.

The Pokémon Master grinned at his Pokémon. "Thanks, Bulbasaur." He scratched the small dinosaur-like Pokémon behind the ears which Bulbasaur adored.

"Buul."

Twenty minutes later, Misty looked up from the kitchen counter to see her husband wheel himself into the room. It had been one and a half months since he had been confined to a wheelchair and he was now extremely proficient at getting around. In fact his young friend Becky had taught him how to do wheelies and other stuff, and the two often held races in the large backyard.

"Who was that?" she asked as she arranged the sandwiches on a platter.

"Betty Johnson. Sam died in his sleep last night."

"Oh no.." Misty put a hand to her mouth. "I'm sorry to hear that..."

"Me too. She told me that at least..at least he's no longer in any pain.."

"True."

Ash hesitated before he said the next part. "Betty asked us to Sam's funeral to be held next week."

The redhead stared at her husband. "Do..you want to go? I can go by myself if you don't want to."

"No, I'll go too." Ash shook his head. "Our group at the hospital have a vow. That we'll stand by each other until the end. And that those of us who can, will go to the funerals."

But later that night after going to bed, Ash found himself unable to sleep and full of doubts. Do I really want to go? Would it be wise for me to go? I mean, wouldn't it be rather like going to a rehearsal of my own funeral? Would it be too uncomfortable to see the coffin, knowing that could be me in a few years?

Would it be wrong for him not to go and just send Misty in his place?

But he had promised. And Ash always tried to keep his promises.

Plus Sam was his friend.

And so he would go.

~*~

A week later…

The day for the funeral came, and Misty noticed Ash baulked for a bit before wheeling himself into the church by the side entrance.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked in concern.

A familiar look of determination came over his face and he nodded. "I need to do this."

Daniel gave a moving and beautiful eulogy for his father, saying that he would always admire his courage and bravery in facing the disease. That his father would try to find something positive from having MND. "He said to me one day that the only good thing to come from this, was that it brought us closer together as a family. He also said that MND made him appreciate life, family and friends like never before."

He ended by saying that he would not remember his father as he was during the last two years of his life, but as he was before the disease entered his life. "You can shed tears that he has gone. Or you can smile that he has lived."

~*~

Two months have passed…

It was a fine warm afternoon and the sounds of children's laughter floating in from the garden was pleasant music to Gary Oak's ears. He was sitting with Ash on the back patio of the Ketchum's house watching the two kids play chasings while Misty was out for coffee with her sisters.

A slight squeaking of wheels reminded Gary that his friend was now confined to a wheelchair.

Ash was watching his children playing, allowing Gary to discreetly scrutinise his face and try to imagine what the dark-haired man must be thinking.

It had to be extremely difficult for him, to watch them playing and to know that he couldn't play with them like other fathers could.

The entire situation must be hellish for him. The Grand Master could no longer walk, and was finding it increasingly difficult to control the movements of his hands, arms and upper body. So, last week he had submitted his resignation as the Pokémon Grand Master, effective immediately. Further progression of the disease left him unable to do his job properly and he wanted to spend as much quality time with his family as he could.

Ash broke the silence, gently stroking a slumbering Pikachu. "Must be nice to be able to run around like that." His voice was wistful and with an undertone of resignation.

"Ash," Gary blurted out. "How can you be like that?"

"Be like what?"

"So calm, so accepting of the situation! If that was me, I'd be raging and yelling and screaming at the injustice of it all!" The Viridian City Gym Leader gestured at his friend. "People make fun of you, call you a cripple and shun you for having this disease. You're in a wheelchair and you need someone to change your diapers."

Gary winced at his bluntness when Ash flinched slightly at the last sentence. "Sorry about that, Ash..."

"That's okay," Ash waved it off, and gave a hollow laugh. "As for how can I be so accepting....well there's not much I can do about it. There's no cure..."

He sighed. "Believe me, at first I raged and screamed about it in private. Why me and all that."

The Pokémon Master looked down, then up at his friend. "Yes it does hurt when people shun me. It is humiliating and degrading that I can't look after myself...but there is nothing that I can do about it."

"What really is the hardest thing for me, is how this will affect Misty and the kids. Misty will have to raise them all by herself...and she'll have a complete invalid for a husband. As for the kids...it's hard for me to hear them talk about what they're going to do in the future."

Gary nodded and patted his friend's hand comfortingly for tears glimmered in the dark brown eyes.

"Because I won't be there," Ash continued. "I won't see them grow up, I won't get to walk Ciara down the aisle..." he took a deep breath. "But I decided not long after I knew...that despite whatever happens to me, I'm still Ash Ketchum. I am still a human being with feelings and rights and dignity."

"I want to make the most of my life while I still can."

~*~

Ash was true to his word. Since physical activity was becoming increasingly out of the question, he kept himself mentally active. He arranged for a best selling novelist to collaborate on his biography, which he had put off until now despite numerous requests.

He listened to audio books, and kept himself abreast of developments regarding disabled trainers through Becky.

He made speeches on what it was like to live with MND.

He took great delight in spending time with his children, and Gary's little one. Listening intently to their visions of the future, and encouraging them to aspire to be the very best they can be. Never letting on how much it hurt to know that he would not be around to see it.

~*~

Misty walked into the office of Dr Ridgeway for the meeting that he had rung her about two days ago. She had left for Viridian after Delia had offered to come over and look after Ash and the kids.

"Misty!" Dr Ridgeway boomed cheerfully. "How are you?"

"Well thank you, Doctor," Misty smiled as she slipped into the chair in front of his desk.

The doctor sighed melodramatically. "Ah, we've known each other more than a year and you still forget to call me Joe."

"Sorry," Misty grinned.

"Yeah right," the doctor snorted. "Anyway, I'd like to introduce you to Angela Duncan, a social worker who's attached to the hospital."

He indicated a middle-aged woman who was sitting just to the side of his desk. "Misty, this is Angela. Angela, I'd like you to meet Misty Ketchum."

"Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too."

Dr Ridgeway leaned forward on his desk. "What we wanted to discuss with you was...have you thought about the future yet?"

"The..future?" Misty was confused.

"What I mean," the doctor explained. "Is that have you given a thought to what you are going to do if and when Ash's condition proceeds to the next stage?"

She shook her head. "No...I haven't."

"That's quite okay," Dr Ridgeway said kindly. "I know that its not something that you want to think about, but it does need to be addressed. You are aware that as the disease progresses that Ash will lose more of his mobility and come to rely on you more and more? That eventually, he will be as helpless as a newborn infant?"

Misty nodded mutely.

"You have two young children, is that correct?" Angela enquired.

"That's right. Matthew is six and Ciara is four."

"You must also take them into account," the woman continued. "Eventually you may need to place your husband into a nursing home or a palliative care unit."

The redhead gasped at the suggestion. "I couldn't do…"

"I think its something you should seriously consider," Angela urged gently. "Ash may soon need full-time care to help feed him, bathe him, give him massages. Your children are still at the stage where they crave their mother's attention. Could you possibly give equal time to them all? Is it fair to your children if you are spending all your time looking after their father? They may even come to resent him."

Misty was silent.

"In a nursing home, they will be able to provide your husband with all the care that he needs, around the clock."

"I think we should leave it there," Dr Ridgeway interrupted. "This is not a decision to be made lightly. Misty needs to go home and think about it carefully. And…" he held up a finger, "most importantly she needs to discuss it with Ash. As the patient he has every right to be involved in any decisions involving his future. Sometimes I'm afraid that we, in the medical profession, lose sight of the fact that patients are human beings and not objects."

~*~

"I don't know what to do," Misty confessed a half hour later as she sat clutching a cup of coffee. She was sitting in the living room with Delia and Delia's older brother Peter (who was Ash's favourite uncle) discussing the meeting while Ash was having a rest.

"I really don't like what she says, but I can also see she has a good point when it comes to the children," the redhead buried her head in her hands. "I just don't know what to do.."

"Sometimes children can surprise us with how well they can cope," Delia ventured. "But really, I think the decision should be left to Ash.."

"How are your finances?" Uncle Peter wanted to know.

"I've talked with the accountant," Misty shrugged. "And he says that with the earnings Ash has made over the years and the investments we've made - we're set for life. And then there's Ash's life insurance which I thought we'd never have to use until we were in our late eighties…"

Just then Pikachu came scampering out to let them know that Ash was awake. The three walked in and sat around the bed.

"Ash," Misty began. "Dr Ridgeway and the social worker said that we should discuss what happens when the disease progresses to the next stage. The social worker suggested that you go into a nursing home…but the doctor said that it was up to you."

The dark-haired man was silent for a few moments. "Could we afford everything I need?"

"Yes. We have more than enough."

"Could you cope?"

"I…don't really know," his wife admitted truthfully. "But I will do my best."

"Then…I would like to die at home."

~*~

Two months later…

Gary walked into the house for his daily visit with Ash, when Misty rushed up to him.

"Thank God you're here!" the redhead cried in relief. "Could you go and speak to him? He's been down in the dumps saying that he wants out and he won't talk to me!"

The Viridian Gym Leader nodded and entered the bedroom. Ash was there in a special chair designed for invalids. The Pokémon Master now required a full-time nurse, MND now having progressed to denying him the use of his arms and upper body.

Pikachu peeped up from where she was snuggled on his lap. "Pika!" she chirped.

"Hey Ash," Gary greeted carefully.

The dark-haired man moved his head to see him and said three words. "I want out."

Gary sighed and sat down beside his friend. "In other words you want to commit suicide…"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Why?" Ash stared at him in disbelief. "Why? Just look at me, Gary! I can't do anything for myself now. I need to be fed, to be changed, to be bathed. I'm helpless!"

He continued on in a bitter tone. "I'm a worthless invalid now, of no use to anyone. And soon I'll be almost a complete vegetable! What's the use…"

It was obvious to his friend that the psychological toll on Ash was beginning to show. He had always been such a 'get up and go' person, to whom everything had to be done immediately and with great enthusiasm. The ruthlessness and unpredictability with which MND took away his abilities would have been a real crushing blow, even to such a strong-willed person as Ash.

Whatever he felt about his situation though, he mostly kept to himself. The only clue as to how he felt, was when his voice sometimes betrayed his sense of frustration. Or in the combined look of humiliation and indignation that burned in his eyes when he had to be changed or bathed.

"Now listen here," Gary said firmly. "You are NOT worthless. And what is it that you once told me. That despite everything you are still Ash Ketchum?"

"And you shouldn't listen to what some people are saying. You have done more things than many other people will ever do in their lifetime. You have made a difference to countless of people's lives. People look up to you. I look up to you. And you know how hard it is for me to admit that?

Ash managed a small smile. "Thanks."

Gary grinned. "No problem. You've become like a brother over the years. Not that I blame you for flipping out like this. I could not even begin to imagine what you must be going through…"

~*~

One month later

Misty ushered in Gary and Tracey into the bedroom where Ash lay and then closed the door softly as she left. Pikachu was curled up next to the former Pokémon Grand Master where his arms lay limply on the covers. The bed had been adjusted so that Ash was in a more upright position. He was now experiencing breathing and swallowing difficulties and sitting more upright helped to alleviate the pressure on his chest.

Tracey was the first to break the silence. "Hey Ash. Misty said that you wanted to see us."

"I did." Ash nodded. "I wanted to discuss with you guys....about...you know...after I go."

"Don't talk like that," Tracey said quickly. "You don't know when that will be..It may be years away..."

"The exact reason why it needs to be discussed now," the dark-haired Trainer insisted. "While I still can..."

He paused. "It may be years away...but honestly who would want to stay like this? Trapped in their own body...completely aware of their physical deterioration and how the disease seeks to strip you of every last shred of human dignity?"

"I'm tired. I am getting so damn tired. Its becoming such a major effort just to get through each day. My strength is sapped come nightfall. I don't know how much longer I can continue to fight this disease ... I'm not sure that I want to. Where's the quality of life? My body has become like a prison now ... .death would be a blessed release."

The former Master then fixed them with a dark gaze. "Promise me..."

"Promise me that you'll look after Misty and my mother? Promise me that you'll be there for my children as they grow up? That you'll be there when they start their journeys? That you'll be there to walk Ciara down the aisle?"

Ash took a deep breath to control himself. "Promise me...that you won't let them forget me.. "

Both men nodded and each grasped one of his hands. "We promise."

Ash smiled once and then closed his eyes. A few minutes later he was sound asleep, with a peaceful look on his face that came with the lifting of a great burden from his mind.

Gary exchanged a glance with Tracey.

"We won't let you down," the artist vowed softly.

Gary nodded. "Those kids are going to make you proud."

~*~

The second anniversary of Ash's diagnosis soon came and went. Two years of constant stress, but everyone involved appeared to be coping well. Or so it seemed…

Gary put the book down with a sigh when the study phone rang. His wife had gone over to drop off some home-made cake at the Ketchum's and so, he was the only one there.

"Hello?"

"Honey?" It was Penny and she sounded frantic. "You must come over here right now!"

"What? What's happened?" Gary felt the alarm creeping into his voice. Had something happened to Ash?

"Its Misty. She's packing a suitcase and grabbing stuff for the kids...I'm afraid she's going to run out on Ash..."

"Oh god...I'll be right there."

"I've already rung Delia....the girl just won't listen."

A few minutes later Gary reached the Ketchum's at the same time as Delia, and together the two raced into the house and into the upstairs bedroom where Misty was frantically packing.

"Misty! What the hell are you doing???" Gary gasped.

The redhead glared at him as she threw in a few more clothes. "What does it look like I'm doing??? The kids and I are leaving and that's that!"

"You can't just abandon Ash!" Delia pleaded with her daughter-in-law.

"Yes I can! And its not as if this concerns any of you!" Misty shot back.

"That's where you're wrong, Misty," Delia said firmly. "You may think you're the only one who's involved in this tragedy, but you're not. Ash is my son, and anything to do with my son is my concern."

"And Ash is my best friend," Gary added.

Misty started to say something but then crumpled onto the bed in tears. "I just can't take it anymore," she sobbed. "The disease is just getting worse and he can't do anything except just lie there. He can't move his legs or his arms, he can't feed himself....heck he can't even talk or stay awake for very long. "

She buried her face in her hands. "It hurts so much to see him like this...I remember what he was like....I just can't watch him slowly waste away...and to know there's nothing I can do to save him!"

Delia sat down and drew the distraught young woman to her. "It's okay, Honey. And I know what you're going through....Don't you think that its just as hard for me to see him like this? Ash is my only child...and I look at him now and remember what a happy, energetic, sweet little toddler he was...

The older woman's voice cracked a bit. "I also remember how he told me, just a few years ago...that he'd always be there to look after me when I got old...You never ever dream that you just might bury your child first..."

Misty hugged her mother-in-law tightly.

"It may not be fair to you," Gary spoke up quietly when Delia did not continue. "But did you also consider that it may not be fair to Ash?"

"Huh?"

"Knowing Ash, the last thing that he would want is to be a helpless burden on people. And yet MND has reduced him to such a state...It's not his fault, yet by abandoning him you're implying that it is. And had the situations been reversed...Ash would never consider walking out on you. He's never given up on anyone or anything."

Delia spoke up again. "And remember what you promised in your wedding vows all those years ago? For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…"

"From this day forward til death do us part," Misty finished in a whisper. "Oh…" she choked out then ran out of the room. The redhead rushed downstairs and threw herself down on her husband's bed. "Ash, I'm so sorry," she sobbed out. "I'm so sorry."

Ash who had been sleeping until she rushed in, felt completely confused and utterly helpless at the same time. He had no idea why Misty was so upset, but he gathered that it was about him. He wanted nothing more than to be able to take his wife into his arms and give her the comfort she needed. But he couldn't.

Misty finally raised her head and looked at him with tear-filled blue eyes. "Please forgive me?" she whispered.

One look at her husband's eyes told her all she needed to know.

~*~

One month later, Ash Ketchum slipped into a coma, MND entering its final stage. The disease had so ravaged his motor neurones that hardly any were left to activate the muscles needed for vital organs such as the lungs. Deprived of the oxygen needed to survive, his organs began shutting down.

~*~

Two weeks later…

The first light of dawn began to creep through the sky over Pallet. In the Ketchum household, the only sound that could be heard was the ticking of the grandfather clock in the hallway.

In their bedrooms, the children slept soundly, clutching their favourite soft toy to their chest as they slept. In another room, Misty turned over fitfully, relaxing once she had found a more comfortable position.

In the downstairs bedroom, the only sound was the steady beeping of a heart monitor, and the snoring of a small pikachu curled up beside the prone figure in the bed.

As the first rays of light began to creep in the windows, Ash's rate of breathing slowed considerably, the covers on the bed barely rising with each respiration.

The heart monitor slowed to a crawl, a beep only coming every two minutes.

The pikachu's ear flickered and she opened one little black eye. "Pi?"

His chest rose once and then stilled, the machine displayed a flat line and let loose a monotonous beep.

The tiny mouse nosed her trainer's hand but received no response. Pikachu whimpered in distress then crawled under his lifeless hand and curled into a small ball.

Pikapi was finally free from his suffering. Pikapi's soul had been finally set free...

~*~

Gary rushed into the house. He had come as soon he had received the phone call from a distraught Misty.

He enveloped the redhead into a comforting hug. He really felt for her, she was now a young widow with two young children to care for. He released her before noticing two small pairs of wide, frightened eyes looking at him from the corner of the room.

He walked over to the two kids, Matthew and Ciara and knelt down. "Hey, you two..." he said softly.

The seven-year-old Matthew spoke up first. "We're scared Unca Gary...."

"Yeah," his five-year-old sister piped up, clutching her teddy bear.

"Why can't we see Daddy? Why is Grandma and Mommy crying so much?" Matt asked gazing at him with big brown eyes. Ash's eyes...

Gary enveloped the two of them into a hug, his heart breaking. How could he tell them that their father was dead?

"Why are you crying, Unca Gary?" Gary was startled to see Ciara looking at him solemnly before raising a little hand and gently brushing away some tears that he didn't know had been there.

What could he say to them? That he was crying for them, children who were left without their father. That he was crying for his best friend, who would never see his children grow up, would never see them get married.

"I'm..crying..because your Daddy's finally not sick anymore...that your Daddy's gone to Heaven," he explained haltingly.

"Daddy's not hurting anymore?" Matt asked wide-eyed. Fresh tears came to the older man's eyes as he marvelled at how much Matt resembled his father at the same age. Tousled black hair and expressive brown eyes with an insatiable curiosity for the world and all that was in it.

"No he isn't..."

"Does that mean Daddy has angel's wings?"

Gary smiled. "Yes he does..."

~*~

Gary walked up to the pulpit and faced the packed cathedral at Ash's funeral. Misty had asked him to give the eulogy and he had worked on it steadily through the week. This was the most important speech that he would ever have to give, and he wanted it to be true to the spirit of the man they were honouring. Sincere and straight from the heart.

He looked out over the sea of faces, amazed at how many people had turned up. Sure a lot were to be expected, as Ash was Grand Master for so long..but he had never realised how many people Ash had helped over the years. How many lives he had touched.

The Viridian Gym Leader's eyes fell on the flower-draped coffin, bathed in rays of soft sunlight streaming in through the cathedral windows. He took a deep breath and began.

"It is an honour to stand here and pay tribute to one of the most remarkable men I have ever known. Ash and I grew up together in Pallet, and with the exception of a few years of intense rivalry - were the best of friends. We had the same goals and the same dreams."

"Nobody who met Ash could deny that he had an exuberance for life and an positive outlook on everything. He also had one of the biggest hearts I have ever known. His love for his fellow humans and his Pokémon saw him risk his life time and time again, much to the chagrin of his family and friends."

"Nobody can deny his passion for and his undeniable talent for Pokémon training. His courage and determination were boundless, he just refused to give up no matter how the odds were stacked against him. His bond with his Pokémon, especially Pikachu, were the strongest anyone has ever seen. They would do anything for him and vice versa.."

"Well Ashy Boy. You did it. You learnt to 'fly' again just as you said you would. From the first diagnosis two years ago until the final two weeks, you refused to let the disease curb your spirit and remarkable zest for life. You taught us all what real courage was, what it took to face and come to terms with, such a debilitating condition. You taught us how terminally ill people should be treated with dignity and respect."

 "Most importantly of all, that though the body may be failing and weak, the spirit within can still be strong and full of fire. It is not the body that makes a man, but the mind and spirit."

 "It was an honour to know you."

~*~

After the service, the procession proceeded to the cemetery, where Ash was laid to rest beside the grave of his father. Misty sobbed onto the shoulder of Delia, clutching the hands of Matthew and Ciara as the coffin was lowered into the ground.

Gary watched as Ash's uncle stepped forward and released a white dove from his hands. The bird fluttered over the crowd of mourners for a bit, then flew off, going in ever widening spirals towards the heavens until it disappeared from view.

The symbolism was not lost on the Viridian Gym Leader as the words of a song that became one of Ash's favourites not long after the diagnosis came to mind.

Take these broken wings

And learn to fly again

Learn to live so free

When we hear the voices sing

The book of love will open up

And let us in


The End

Author's Note: And so, the ending to a story which has been a labour of love. I hope that this has helped to create more awareness of a terrible disease which is relatively unknown. If it has, or it encourages someone to make a donation towards potentially lifesaving research – then I shall consider this a job well done.

I do not claim to be an expert on MND. All I know is what I found out from research on the internet as well as information I received from the MND association in Australia. MND may have many different manifestations in different patients. The severity and longevity after the diagnosis also varies from patient to patient. I hope that I have managed to give the subject the justice it deserves.