'You're looking down again, and then you look me over. We're lying down
again on a blanket in the clover. The same boy you've always known; well I
guess I haven't grown. The same boy you've always known. Think of what the
past did. It could've lasted.'
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and all of its characters are property and copyright Disney Interactive and Square. Any and all song lyrics are copyright their respective owners. I do not claim them to be my own. Yep.
Maybe you won't have to wait as long as I thought. I'm bored, so I'ma write. I have the computer's volume turned up all the way and all the windows open, blasting Garbage, the Vines, KH, and White Stripes. Whee! BTW, Ch. 4 had my first ever kissing scene. +blushes+ I hope they get better. . Lalala...
BTW: I changed the rating to PG-13 for two reasons. 1. I don't think I'd ever actually write anything R-rated cuz I'm shy and don't want people to think I'm a total perv. : B and B. It'll reach more readers this way. Why, yes, I /am/ greedy.
+++
Sora lay in Riku's strong, comforting arms. His cheeks showed the paths of old tears. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he was happy. Everything was right with the world. Everything was perfect...
'If I should die this very moment, I wouldn't fear, for I've never known completeness like being here. Wrapped in the warmth of you, loving every breath of you. Be still my heart this moment, or it might burst... I've found the one I've waited for.'
"This is everything I hoped it'd be..." Sora breathed into Riku's bare chest.
"So you've thought about it." Riku remarked jokingly. Sora looked away, blushing. "So have I." He brushed a few stray locks of hair out of Sora's eyes.
Sora half-smirked, half-smiled up into Riku's tranquil blue-green eyes. "Riku..." he crooned softly. "When did you realize you loved me?"
Riku let out a long sigh. His expression changed slightly, but barely enough to notice. "Maybe it was six years ago..." He took a deep breath. "This may be a bit of a long story.
"When we were still on the island, I had no idea that what I felt was love. I thought it was a deep friendship. My thoughts of you as anything else were suppressed and just dismissed as hormones. I tried to direct my attention to Kairi.
"This may have been a mistake. The more I thought of having any relationship with Kairi, the more I skewed it into another competition with you. I know this sounds weird, but... I lived to be better than you were. If I were better than you, you'd need me. And I needed to be needed, Sora. Especially by you. If I won Kairi's heart, I'd have beaten you again; and even better, your attention would be back on me.
"I'd always viewed her as a wedge that someone was hammering between us. I didn't know why, but, I just wanted her out of the way so we could be together again, like we were. Every adoring glance you gave her was like putting pressure on the hilt of an invisible knife being slowly driven into my heart. I just wanted your attention back. I tried to win her to keep her from distracting you.
"But I couldn't do it. Remember the race we had, the day before... Everything? When I beat you, and I saw your face after telling you that I would share a Paopu with Kairi, I just... I couldn't bear to see you so sad. I just wanted you to be happy, Sora. I still do.
"It was then that I knew that no matter what I could offer you, she could always give you more. That hurt. It hurts me even now. You wanted her, and not me. I've always been good about hiding my emotions, but... I had to try really hard that day. The realization was so hard. I could never be with you like I was in those idle daydreams. I could only be a friend. Your eyes told me that that day."
"Did you consider that maybe I was afraid of losing /you/? Maybe my intentions were the same. Maybe... Maybe Kairi's been nothing but a distraction for both of us... All along." Sora's voice sounded strangely hopeful as he looked at Riku with his large, round eyes.
Riku paused for a moment and thought. His expression softened and he stroked Sora's hair. "No. That doesn't sound like you at all. You've always worn your feelings on your sleeve. Your attraction to Kairi was all too obvious."
Sora looked down. Riku was right. He, Sora, had loved Kairi since they first met. Riku was a more complicated issue. Sora had also had strange feelings toward his best friend. He did his best to mask them, but the crimson blush of his cheek was still noticeable from time to time. Sora laid his head down on Riku's chest again while wrapping an arm around his waist. "Ok," he sighed, "Continue."
Riku smiled and kissed the top of Sora's head. "Where was I? Oh, yes.
"That night, when the heartless came, somehow I knew what was going to happen. I knew we were going to be separated. To this day I still don't know why.
"I was waiting for you to come that night. I was hoping that you'd look for me first. You knew I'd be there. I was so glad when you came.
"I wasn't worried about Kairi. I didn't really think much of her then. I still don't know what I think of her. I told you that she was coming to so you would just let it go and come with me. Even though it didn't look like it, I was panicking when you didn't grab my hand in time. 'Oh, God,' I thought, 'don't let me lose him.' But you were gone. And everything has been darkness ever since.
"I woke up in a strange room. I was scared to death. I met Maleficent there. And Ansem..." Riku gave a slight shudder. "I'd rather not think about him.
"They knew my heart was strong. They didn't tell me that, though. I figured that out when I was completely gone. They said they needed me. They said I was 'important.' I needed to surrender myself to them.
"I, of course, flatly refused. Why would I do anything like that for two complete strangers? Then they fed me full of lies about you and Kairi abandoning me. They said that neither of you cared for me. You had already replaced me. My closest friends had forgotten me, they said. I knew this was a lie. I told them that I wouldn't believe a word they said. Maleficent thought I needed convincing.
"She took me to Traverse town. 'See how he talks to his new companions? Like he's known them forever. Look at the key he holds. That was a gift from them. They chose him, and he has been most gracious in accepting it.' My heart sank. I decided I needed to talk to you myself. But that made it worse.
"Maleficent's words seemed more and more true as I talked to you. You seemed very... Close to your new friends. I tried to get you to come with me, but... When you killed that heartless it killed me. 'Leave it to who?' Everything fell apart. You didn't need me anymore. I took that key from you just so I could see what a fine 'gift' these companions had given you. It was beautiful. Nothing I could give you could ever compare.
"So I left. I succumbed to Maleficent's gentle coaxing. If I couldn't have you, then why not ruin myself? Why not kill my heart, if it would never love? I let Ansem use me. I let him use me to destroy you.
"But I couldn't do that, either. Even though the words coming out of my mouth were not my own, even though the reactions of every muscle in my body were his, I could still see what was happening. I could see the terror and determination in your eyes. It scared me.
"I was almost completely gone when Ansem no longer needed my body. He only really needed my heart after that. But my mind clung on. When he took his true form, I knew he was much too strong for you to handle. I knew he could've crushed you with his little finger. I summoned all of what was left of my strength to stop him. I had to. I couldn't bear to see you die.
"After that, I was dead. I was nothing. With my strength gone, I couldn't see what Ansem saw anymore. I couldn't hear anything from the outside. The only feeling I had was in my heart. And that told me everything I needed to know.
"You see, we're connected, you and I, through our hearts. I could feel what you were feeling. I knew you were scared. I knew you wouldn't give up. Then you fell. I thought... For the briefest instant I thought you'd lost all hope. So I used our connection to tell you to go on.
"After all the bullshit Ansem put me through, I wanted to see him die. And I wanted you to be the one who killed him. I could feel every penetrating slice of the keyblade. It hurt like hell, but it was a good hurt. I knew that I only had to endure the pain for a while. Then Ansem would be gone. Then I would be free.
"Letting you lock me inside Kingdom Hearts was a bit stupid. I may have been better off, hell, we /all/ may have been better off if I'd stayed on the outside, but... I had to do it. After realizing that I'd let my jealousy consume me enough to nearly kill you, I figured I should go away for awhile. My mind is weak. I'm easily manipulated. However, my heart is strong. This is a bad combination. It means that if a person can convince me to do something, no matter how awful or wrong it is, I'll stick by it, with just that little thread of moral conscience in the back of my mind screaming 'stop it.' I needed to think. I needed to be free of distractions.
"Kingdom Hearts gave me what I needed. Near-complete solitude. Lots of time to think. My thoughts always rested on you. Memories of your voice became my strength. After a year in there, I realized that it was not an obsession, but love. I /loved/ you. It didn't make sense at first, but... Dammit, it was just... Right. And I was afraid. I was afraid that I'd never get out, and these newly discovered feelings could never be put into action."
Riku sighed deeply. His gaze drifted to the stars above. How many worlds had Ansem destroyed? If Ansem hadn't died, how had he, Riku, escaped his clutches? He guessed that without his tremendous strength, Ansem had no hope of holding onto Riku's heart.
"Now that I've found you, I don't know that I'd live very long if I lost you again." He hugged Sora tightly to him and kissed him deeply. Sora surrendered himself to the close contact and made no attempts to resist Riku's tongue.
When they broke, Sora looked up at Riku curiously, noticing that Riku looked much paler than he had when they were young. Seven years in darkness. Sora could only imagine. "Was it horrible in there?"
"Yes." A silver tear slid down Riku's cheek.
'Something that you did will destroy me, something that you said will stay with me, long after you're dead and gone.'
+++
Ch. 6 Fin
+++
I'm going to end this story on a sad note. Why? Because it's not angst without unspeakable emotional pain... And they're easier to write. So, I'm going to leave you wondering what I'm gonna do. Am I gonna kill someone? Am I gonna send someone away? Am I going to make someone go horribly insane? That is for you to ponder. And I'm not ending it that quickly. Don't think you're rid of me yet. There'll be a couple more chapters. How many? No clue. Stay tuned.
What a season To be beautiful Without a reason
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and all of its characters are property and copyright Disney Interactive and Square. Any and all song lyrics are copyright their respective owners. I do not claim them to be my own. Yep.
Maybe you won't have to wait as long as I thought. I'm bored, so I'ma write. I have the computer's volume turned up all the way and all the windows open, blasting Garbage, the Vines, KH, and White Stripes. Whee! BTW, Ch. 4 had my first ever kissing scene. +blushes+ I hope they get better. . Lalala...
BTW: I changed the rating to PG-13 for two reasons. 1. I don't think I'd ever actually write anything R-rated cuz I'm shy and don't want people to think I'm a total perv. : B and B. It'll reach more readers this way. Why, yes, I /am/ greedy.
+++
Sora lay in Riku's strong, comforting arms. His cheeks showed the paths of old tears. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he was happy. Everything was right with the world. Everything was perfect...
'If I should die this very moment, I wouldn't fear, for I've never known completeness like being here. Wrapped in the warmth of you, loving every breath of you. Be still my heart this moment, or it might burst... I've found the one I've waited for.'
"This is everything I hoped it'd be..." Sora breathed into Riku's bare chest.
"So you've thought about it." Riku remarked jokingly. Sora looked away, blushing. "So have I." He brushed a few stray locks of hair out of Sora's eyes.
Sora half-smirked, half-smiled up into Riku's tranquil blue-green eyes. "Riku..." he crooned softly. "When did you realize you loved me?"
Riku let out a long sigh. His expression changed slightly, but barely enough to notice. "Maybe it was six years ago..." He took a deep breath. "This may be a bit of a long story.
"When we were still on the island, I had no idea that what I felt was love. I thought it was a deep friendship. My thoughts of you as anything else were suppressed and just dismissed as hormones. I tried to direct my attention to Kairi.
"This may have been a mistake. The more I thought of having any relationship with Kairi, the more I skewed it into another competition with you. I know this sounds weird, but... I lived to be better than you were. If I were better than you, you'd need me. And I needed to be needed, Sora. Especially by you. If I won Kairi's heart, I'd have beaten you again; and even better, your attention would be back on me.
"I'd always viewed her as a wedge that someone was hammering between us. I didn't know why, but, I just wanted her out of the way so we could be together again, like we were. Every adoring glance you gave her was like putting pressure on the hilt of an invisible knife being slowly driven into my heart. I just wanted your attention back. I tried to win her to keep her from distracting you.
"But I couldn't do it. Remember the race we had, the day before... Everything? When I beat you, and I saw your face after telling you that I would share a Paopu with Kairi, I just... I couldn't bear to see you so sad. I just wanted you to be happy, Sora. I still do.
"It was then that I knew that no matter what I could offer you, she could always give you more. That hurt. It hurts me even now. You wanted her, and not me. I've always been good about hiding my emotions, but... I had to try really hard that day. The realization was so hard. I could never be with you like I was in those idle daydreams. I could only be a friend. Your eyes told me that that day."
"Did you consider that maybe I was afraid of losing /you/? Maybe my intentions were the same. Maybe... Maybe Kairi's been nothing but a distraction for both of us... All along." Sora's voice sounded strangely hopeful as he looked at Riku with his large, round eyes.
Riku paused for a moment and thought. His expression softened and he stroked Sora's hair. "No. That doesn't sound like you at all. You've always worn your feelings on your sleeve. Your attraction to Kairi was all too obvious."
Sora looked down. Riku was right. He, Sora, had loved Kairi since they first met. Riku was a more complicated issue. Sora had also had strange feelings toward his best friend. He did his best to mask them, but the crimson blush of his cheek was still noticeable from time to time. Sora laid his head down on Riku's chest again while wrapping an arm around his waist. "Ok," he sighed, "Continue."
Riku smiled and kissed the top of Sora's head. "Where was I? Oh, yes.
"That night, when the heartless came, somehow I knew what was going to happen. I knew we were going to be separated. To this day I still don't know why.
"I was waiting for you to come that night. I was hoping that you'd look for me first. You knew I'd be there. I was so glad when you came.
"I wasn't worried about Kairi. I didn't really think much of her then. I still don't know what I think of her. I told you that she was coming to so you would just let it go and come with me. Even though it didn't look like it, I was panicking when you didn't grab my hand in time. 'Oh, God,' I thought, 'don't let me lose him.' But you were gone. And everything has been darkness ever since.
"I woke up in a strange room. I was scared to death. I met Maleficent there. And Ansem..." Riku gave a slight shudder. "I'd rather not think about him.
"They knew my heart was strong. They didn't tell me that, though. I figured that out when I was completely gone. They said they needed me. They said I was 'important.' I needed to surrender myself to them.
"I, of course, flatly refused. Why would I do anything like that for two complete strangers? Then they fed me full of lies about you and Kairi abandoning me. They said that neither of you cared for me. You had already replaced me. My closest friends had forgotten me, they said. I knew this was a lie. I told them that I wouldn't believe a word they said. Maleficent thought I needed convincing.
"She took me to Traverse town. 'See how he talks to his new companions? Like he's known them forever. Look at the key he holds. That was a gift from them. They chose him, and he has been most gracious in accepting it.' My heart sank. I decided I needed to talk to you myself. But that made it worse.
"Maleficent's words seemed more and more true as I talked to you. You seemed very... Close to your new friends. I tried to get you to come with me, but... When you killed that heartless it killed me. 'Leave it to who?' Everything fell apart. You didn't need me anymore. I took that key from you just so I could see what a fine 'gift' these companions had given you. It was beautiful. Nothing I could give you could ever compare.
"So I left. I succumbed to Maleficent's gentle coaxing. If I couldn't have you, then why not ruin myself? Why not kill my heart, if it would never love? I let Ansem use me. I let him use me to destroy you.
"But I couldn't do that, either. Even though the words coming out of my mouth were not my own, even though the reactions of every muscle in my body were his, I could still see what was happening. I could see the terror and determination in your eyes. It scared me.
"I was almost completely gone when Ansem no longer needed my body. He only really needed my heart after that. But my mind clung on. When he took his true form, I knew he was much too strong for you to handle. I knew he could've crushed you with his little finger. I summoned all of what was left of my strength to stop him. I had to. I couldn't bear to see you die.
"After that, I was dead. I was nothing. With my strength gone, I couldn't see what Ansem saw anymore. I couldn't hear anything from the outside. The only feeling I had was in my heart. And that told me everything I needed to know.
"You see, we're connected, you and I, through our hearts. I could feel what you were feeling. I knew you were scared. I knew you wouldn't give up. Then you fell. I thought... For the briefest instant I thought you'd lost all hope. So I used our connection to tell you to go on.
"After all the bullshit Ansem put me through, I wanted to see him die. And I wanted you to be the one who killed him. I could feel every penetrating slice of the keyblade. It hurt like hell, but it was a good hurt. I knew that I only had to endure the pain for a while. Then Ansem would be gone. Then I would be free.
"Letting you lock me inside Kingdom Hearts was a bit stupid. I may have been better off, hell, we /all/ may have been better off if I'd stayed on the outside, but... I had to do it. After realizing that I'd let my jealousy consume me enough to nearly kill you, I figured I should go away for awhile. My mind is weak. I'm easily manipulated. However, my heart is strong. This is a bad combination. It means that if a person can convince me to do something, no matter how awful or wrong it is, I'll stick by it, with just that little thread of moral conscience in the back of my mind screaming 'stop it.' I needed to think. I needed to be free of distractions.
"Kingdom Hearts gave me what I needed. Near-complete solitude. Lots of time to think. My thoughts always rested on you. Memories of your voice became my strength. After a year in there, I realized that it was not an obsession, but love. I /loved/ you. It didn't make sense at first, but... Dammit, it was just... Right. And I was afraid. I was afraid that I'd never get out, and these newly discovered feelings could never be put into action."
Riku sighed deeply. His gaze drifted to the stars above. How many worlds had Ansem destroyed? If Ansem hadn't died, how had he, Riku, escaped his clutches? He guessed that without his tremendous strength, Ansem had no hope of holding onto Riku's heart.
"Now that I've found you, I don't know that I'd live very long if I lost you again." He hugged Sora tightly to him and kissed him deeply. Sora surrendered himself to the close contact and made no attempts to resist Riku's tongue.
When they broke, Sora looked up at Riku curiously, noticing that Riku looked much paler than he had when they were young. Seven years in darkness. Sora could only imagine. "Was it horrible in there?"
"Yes." A silver tear slid down Riku's cheek.
'Something that you did will destroy me, something that you said will stay with me, long after you're dead and gone.'
+++
Ch. 6 Fin
+++
I'm going to end this story on a sad note. Why? Because it's not angst without unspeakable emotional pain... And they're easier to write. So, I'm going to leave you wondering what I'm gonna do. Am I gonna kill someone? Am I gonna send someone away? Am I going to make someone go horribly insane? That is for you to ponder. And I'm not ending it that quickly. Don't think you're rid of me yet. There'll be a couple more chapters. How many? No clue. Stay tuned.
What a season To be beautiful Without a reason