This was a one-shot CCS fic that I wrote when I was in a depression a few years ago. Writing really helps express your own feelings and emotions. It's like telling someone else via words on paper. There was a Yellow Ribbon campaign at my school this year and I learnt the true meaning of telling someone. Depression isn't a great thing. It isn't nice being down in the dumps and feeling like no one else cares about you. If anyone you know seems like they're in a depression, be there for them. You never know how much they might just need a friend around. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have my family or friends to depend on, so here it is.
Summary: April 1, eight years ago, they died and it seems like I died with them... yet here I am. They died on my birthday, I was four years old. S+S friendship fic *one-shot*
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Please no flames, also, check out my editor's stories at http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=167786 they're really good! ^_^ Anyway, I better finish up here, ne, and get on with the fic.
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Healing of a Cherry Blossom
Such little things have such big consequences. Whoever thought that after the rest of my family died, I'd be here. Working. 'kaa-san, 'tou-san, even onii-chan, they're all gone. A tear trickled down the girl's cheek and she didn't even bother to swipe it away. They all left me; I'm all alone. The girl sank down into a chair, her shoulders shivering, tears staining her pale cheeks. Her auburn hair shimmered in the sunlight, as it always had, but something was different about her. Why did they have to die? I miss all of you. Her green eyes used to sparkle like emeralds in light, but now the twinkle seemed to have gone out. Instead, there was a dull look in her eyes. None of the other help could barely even look at her. No one. No one at all.
[You once were here
But now you're gone
You've left me in this world
To carry on]
She was in with a foster family; they were taking care of her now, and had been ever since she was at least four years old. They all think that they can help me by just sending me to some counsellor. That's not true. Sure, it helps to have someone to talk to, but they don't know what I'm truly going through. No one does. Only those who have lost their entire family know what I'm going through and I haven't met any of them yet. They don't have any idea, none, none at all. Do they think they can help me? Yes. Can they help me? No. The only thing that will help me is if I can see them again. My family. 'kaa-san, 'tou-san and even my baka onii-chan, she thought with a small smile. It quickly vanished from her face when her foster mother entered the room.
"Sakura..."
The girl looked sharply at her foster mother with hard eyes. "What?!" the voice and tone penetrated the woman's skin like an ice blade and the woman flinched. They even flinch at the sound and look of me.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Sakura," a voice said and knocked at her door. "Come on honey, get out of bed so you can get ready for school."
She didn't move, just was lying in bed still, rubbing at her red tear-stained cheeks. Another day of school to bear. Don't they have anything better to do with their spare time than send me to try and mend my bruised and battered social life? Guess not. She dragged herself out of bed and pulled a brush through her long auburn hair before tying it carelessly in an untidy ponytail. She had inherited her mother's long wavy hair, but also her father's auburn hair colour. The fact remained, Sakura Kinomoto's birth parents were deceased and her older brother was the same way. Her fringe was down to her eyes and she blew a puff of breath up to get it out of her eyes. She pulled on her school uniform for Tomoeda Elementary. As she walked down the stairs on her way to breakfast, she realised it was her family's anniversary today, and also her birthday. April 1st. It was this day, eight years ago, her family had died. The same terrible day was brought in front of her eyes.
~*Flashback*~
Diary!!!
I'm four years old today!!! Can you believe it?! I'll be heading off to school in a couple of years!! 'kaa-san said that we can go out for tea tonight and that I can bring a friend, because it's my birthday. Onii-chan is probably going to be working, but with my luck, he'll probably be working at the place where we're going to the night we're going. He calls me Kaijuu even once and he won't even have a foot left.
So much has happened lately, 'kaa-san told me that my name means "cherry blossom" I'm named after such a pretty flower. 'kaa-san also told me that she's always wanted a daughter named Sakura and she was thrilled when I was born. I couldn't agree more!!!! After all, where would I be if I wasn't? Definitely not alive!! That's for sure!! Anyway, I better get a move on, otherwise I'm going to miss out on all the presents!!
Bye bye Diary!!!
Sakura Kinomoto
April 1st
Sakura bounded down the stairs, a bright smile on her face, her green eyes sparkling happily. "Well, here's the Kaijuu!!" said a voice that Sakura instantly recognised.
"TOUYA!!!!! SAKURA NO KAIJUU!!!!" she yelled, throwing a marble, which hit him right in the head.
"You sure sound like one though when you yell like that," Touya commented, rubbing the side of his head where the marble had hit it. "I think we should stop leaving stuff lying around the house that she can throw or pelt at me."
"You mean you'd rather have me stamp on your feet?" Sakura asked innocently, a smile coming over her four-year-old face.
"Uhh, lemme think on that one and I'll get back to ya, ok Kaijuu?"
"I have a baka for a brother," Sakura remarked, watching her brother run off in the direction of his room. She turned back to her parents.
"Ohayo, 'kaa-san, 'tou-san," she greeted with a smile.
"Good morning to you too, Sakura, and Happy Birthday."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I'm finally here!! Sakura thought, her eyes twinkling as the starlight shone down from where she was skipping away from the swings. A crescent moon hung in the sky, giving off its small amount of moonlight and lighting up the park where a young girl was playing. Only cool breezes floated by her, and leaves whirled and swirled around on winds. Sakura didn't notice the cold at all.
"Sakura-chan!! Come on, it's time to go!!" she heard a voice calling for her.
Sakura looked up with pleading eyes when her brother came nearer. "Can we just have a little bit longer?? Just a tiny bit?? Please please?"
"Sorry Kaijuu, 'kaa-san and 'tou-san want us there now."
"Oh." She cast her gaze down sadly.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sakura sat down quietly in the car, not saying much. She seemed quiet, when she was usually so lively.
"Is there anything wrong, Sakura-chan?" Nadeshiko asked, her eyes full of worry for her daughter.
"Nothing, 'kaa-san. Don't worry." And she cast her eyes out to the window again. Fujitaka, Nadeshiko and Touya all locked eyes and then turned their gazes all upon Sakura.
A flicker of orange caught Sakura's attention. "OTOU-SAN!!!!" she screamed. "LOOK OUT!!!!" she yelled, pointing at the flaming truck that was in front of them.
Somehow, Touya knew that they weren't going to be stopped in time and reached over and pulled the latch on Sakura's door, flinging it open, and pushing her out. Be safe Kaijuu. Don't worry about us. We'll be fine. he thought with a small smile before their car smashed into the truck and was engulfed in flames.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sakura awoke with a thumping headache and she felt dizzy. But then she smelt smoke and felt heat from somewhere near her. Bright colours were blinding her behind her eyes and when she opened them, the colours revealed themselves to be towering flames of fire. When her memories came back to her, tears began streaming down her cheeks as she screamed in anguish before fainting and falling to the ground, "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I'm alone now... was the last thought, the last thought of a four-year-old, who in her life never forgave herself.
~*End of Flashback*~
April first, eight years ago, my parents died. 6pm tonight officially. I have to go to the park tonight.
"Sakura, you're up!! Do you want breakfast?"
She just looked at her foster parents listlessly before saying in a quiet voice, "No."
Her foster mother heaved a sigh. She's never going to change... she still blames herself for something that wasn't even her fault.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sakura stumbled across the footpath, her head hung and her facial expression looking dejected and sad. Their anniversary, I always hate this day now, she thought. A few cherry blossom petals landed in her auburn hair, which was left loose to hide her face. She slowly lifted a hand and brushed them out, looking at the delicate petals as tears welled up in her eyes. Why does everything I see remind me of my family? she thought. Tears trickled down her already-red cheeks, and she didn't bother swiping them out. There wasn't a use, she knew it, others knew it, she wasn't going to stop crying anytime soon. No use.
[When I hear the wind
I hear your voice
And now that you've gone
I gotta make a choice]
Her eyes held their now familiar dullness; the dullness which was just a cover-up for the true emotions that were churning around inside of her. Sadness, sorrow, loss, she was feeling all of them. And for some strange reason, annoyance. She was annoyed that they had left her in this world alone, with no one to depend on. No one at all.
As she was walking, now fully absorbed in her thoughts and her own world, she stumbled and fell onto the ground. Everything has it in for me today. Nothing is helping me, but as soon as she had that thought, she looked up and a hand was offered to help her up. Looking up at the owner of the hand, she saw that it was the boy who sat behind her in class. He was a transfer student from Hong Kong, she noted and his cousin was in their class also, sitting next to Tomoyo Daidouiji. She took his hand and he helped her up, smiling slightly as he did so.
Sakura lifted her head and looked at him, but as she spoke, her voice wavered. "Li Syaoran right? Transfer student?"
When he nodded, she thought, Thought so. "I'm-" but he cut her off before she could tell him.
"Kinomoto Sakura, I already know. I do sit behind you in class."
Thank god, I didn't have to go through the whole introduction process again, Sakura thought.
When he cocked his head at her, she frowned a bit, "What?"
She seems like she's upset about something, Syaoran thought as he studied the girl.
Sakura's soft voice interrupted his thoughts. "I have to get to school," she whispered before side-stepping him and hurrying to school, wiping away the last of the cherry blossom petals out of her hair.
[Here and gone, now and forever
You're gone for eternity
There's this choice, this decision
I gotta make just now for me]
Syaoran watched her until she ran around the corner, out of his sight and then he bent down and picked up a few of the petals that she had discarded. They're so much like her, he thought. The pink petals lay in his open palm until the cool wind whipped them out and into the breeze, circling around the trees and then blowing through the park.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sakura walked out of class for the lunchtime bell. Her green eyes fixed upon the usual tree that she sat in, away from everyone. She began making her way over and placed her hands on two of the lower branches. She pulled herself up and made her way into the higher part of the tree, but someone... was already there. Sakura noticed and began making her way down when the boy noticed her and said, "Don't go. Come on up."
Sakura looked him directly in the eyes and saw that it was the boy from earlier. Li Syaoran.
[When I look in the mirror
I see your face
When I look around
I feel out of place]
Sakura sighed barely audibly. She climbed up on the branch next to the boy and clutched and unclutched her hand in the skirt of her uniform.
Syaoran looked sideways at the girl. She still seemed sad.
I bet... Sakura broke off her thought there as she turned to look Syaoran in the face. "Li, you've got a family haven't you? Sisters? Brothers? Parents?"
Syaoran was surprised at the question. "Yes I do, four sisters, one mother. I don't know about my father."
"Just as I thought," Sakura whispered.
"Why? Sakura, you seem down about something, is anything wrong?"
"Li, something has been affecting me for the past eight years and no one else has bothered to ask."
"What's been affecting you?"
Sakura couldn't bear to look at him anymore, so she turned her face away.
[I see happy people
A family
Two kids, dad, mum
Just not for me]
"What is it?" he asked again, more softly, looking at her with concern.
"This is really hard," she began, speaking quietly. "I lost my parents and brother in a car accident when I was four. It was April 1, my birthday," her eyes narrowed as she spoke on. "They were worried about me and weren't looking where they were driving because they were watching me. 'tou-san didn't see in time and the car swerved. All I remember is a door flinging open and me being pushed out, I woke up on the ground with a pounding headache to see a car in flames. There were no survivors, and somehow..." her voice caught in her throat for a minute while a few tears dripped down her cheeks.
"Your brother saved you," Syaoran stated.
Sakura looked at him and nodded. "Yes, he did. Although, why, I don't know... I'm not special..." she said.
"Sakura, everyone's special in their own way, including you."
"How can you know that?"
"I just do."
Sakura contemplated what he said.
[Here and gone, now and forever
You're gone for eternity
There's this choice, this decision
I gotta make just now for me]
What's the matter with me? The answer to this whole thing has been staring me in the face the whole time. I just too dense and depressed to realise it.
[Here and gone
Until the end of time
We'll be united again]
"Thanks for talking to me... Syaoran," she used his first name in a sign of friendship.
"That's no problem, Sakura. If you want to talk, I'm here."
For the first time in eight years, Sakura Kinomoto truly smiled a happy smile. "I have a life to renew," and with those last words, she climbed down the tree, leaving a smiling Syaoran watching over her.
Her green eyes sparkled brightly and the dullness was now gone. "You're back, Kinomoto Sakura, you're back," he whispered as he watched cherry blossoms blow off the tree he was sitting in and swirl around her on the wind.
[I've made my choice
But now that you're gone
I wanna let you know
I'm gonna carry on]
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Also- the song belongs to me. It's called "Here and Gone" and I made it up to fit in with this fic. So, if you want to use the song, please email me at starfire1246@yahoo.com.au
Thanks again!!
Wow, it's truly finished. I actually finished it. After two days of editing, it's finally done and I'm happy with it ^_^
Please review!! ^_^
Hikari Kamiya