Title: The Observer
Author: Jane McCartney
Feedback: Don't make me beg for it. Oh hell, whatever: pleeeease? Pretty please? It'll just take a sec from ya! I really wanna know what you think about this particular fic.
Acknowledgments: Every beloved reviewer, and my beloved Theo. My fics are practically his work too. But probably not half as good as his own fics.
Author's note: This fic takes the movie "The Watcher", the one with James Spader and Keanu Reeves, as a reference - but you don't need to have watched the movie in order to follow this fic. It's probably better if you don't watch it after all, because you'll have more surprises that way.
Summary: After a tragedy hits home for Xander, he moves to Los Angeles and becomes a shadow of his old self, shoving his friends away in his new life. Two years later, the pain and quarrel of his past is back to catch up with him. (BtVS/AtS crossover)
***
Right now, Cordelia Chase was trying to keep her cool exterior. But the truth was that this whole situation was almost too scary, and the nervousness she was feeling deep inside was obviously clear to her male companion.
The brunette was afraid of saying the wrong thing, that'd push Xander away from his friends once and for all. She couldn't help but think that it should had been Willow or Buffy here in her place, trying to reach him again - they were his best friends and, in every way that really counted, his true family after all.
But destiny had had other plans, and thus Cordelia had been charged with this responsibility. And after all the losses both the Scooby and Fang gang had suffered in the last few years, it was a truly scary position to occupy.
But, despite the great insecurity crawling about in her belly, she wouldn't give up: because she was Cordelia Chase, and that expression wasn't exactly compatible with her vocabulary after all.
And because of that, it'd led them to where they were now.
At a restaurant, busy-looking waiters walked with silver trays containing custom-made foods and very expensive drinks masterfully balanced on their shiny surfaces. The tables, containing silky white covers, had a unique arrangement of flowers in their middle; along with porcelain plates, accompanied by an almost absurd number of knives and forks.
However, it was at a stand which was located in front of said fancy restaurant that Cordelia and Xander were being served by a bearded, smiling hot-dog vendor, working in an improvised establishment in the middle of the street.
"Ketchup, ma'am?" the old man asked, already turning the condiment bottle upside down and impetuously shoving the red fluid onto the woman's 'dog, drenching it with the tomato flavoring.
Cordelia winced helplessly, and muttered awkwardly, "Guess so..." The brunette girl then paid the bill, a forced grin on her lips.
"Thanks, sugarlips - and don't forget to recommend me to all your friends!" the bearded man yelled as the two former Sunnydalers walked away, offering them a thumbs-up and a wide grin.
"Did he say friends? 'Cause for some reason I think I pretty clearly heard mortal enemies," Cordelia commented, eyeing her sausage confection strangely.
Xander also had his brown eyes laid, with a hint of amused incredulity, on the hygienically doubtful hot dog he held in his hands - the sausage and bread lost in a tangle of mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup and some other bits and pieces the dark-haired guy couldn't quite identify yet.
"Cordy?" his voice questioned her, but his odd glance kept on the hot dog.
The brunette girl replied in the same absent-minded way, "Hmm?"
He gave her a sideways look. "Are you subconsciously trying to tell me to never again ask you to pay for dinner? 'Cause if you did, I think you succeeded, ya know..."
Cordelia snorted, looking beat. "At least I win *something*."
Inside her mind though, the brunette knew that what she had actually won tonight might be simply priceless. Because she knew Xander was trying to avoid any substantial conversation with her - after so many months without contacting any of his friends, the dark-haired guy was trying to avoid anything that could be too personal, and thus break his firmly placed shields.
"Nah, don't be too hard on yourself," Xander's helpful voice made her snap out of her thoughts, while they kept on walking along the darkened streets of the City of Angels.
The young woman looked at the hot dog for a long second, and then helplessly back at her companion. "I can only see a serving of evil, in the form of a hot dog here. And I may be speaking literally, 'cause there's something definitely moving in this sea of ketchup right over here," she frowned with a wrinkle of her nose and pointed at it with a glance, cringing in disgust.
"Doesn't seem like demon sauce to me," Xander shrugged, and then frowned. "But it sure does look like a fly is fighting for its life, close to the big brunette's mouth."
"Ew, ew, ew," Cordelia automatically cringed, finally trashing her hot dog into a container that they were passing by, an action quickly mirrored by her friend.
Remembering something, Cordy then sent a sideways glance at him. "And hey, I resent the big brunette mouth bit!"
"I'm only saying, from the poor little fly's point of view," the guy defended himself, his voice suddenly innocent and accented with a hint of amusement.
If looks could kill, Xander would have instantly dropped dead from the one the brunette sent at him. "Could you see me caring less for the fly that presents big fat Cordy to the world?"
"Now, that's hardly the behavior of a higher being," her dark-haired ex- boyfriend muttered with a hint of sarcasm.
And to Cordelia, the reference to that time of her life brought back a specific memory, a selective remembrance destined to soon fade away in the tangle of her daily thoughts.
~ Flashback ~
If Cordelia Chase had still had a physical form, the color would have completely drained from her face. The higher being slowly and absent- mindedly started shaking her metaphysical head back and forth, trying to take in the information she had just received.
Her voice was baffled when she asked, "Is this...?"
"The only way. You've gotta go back. Save the Champion," Skip answered the never-finished question promptly.
"Is that like even possible?" Cordelia managed to choke out the words, confused. "And what about the thing about work to be done in the higher realms? I thought I was needed..."
The demon took a step further, glancing at her meaningfully. "And you are. But this is an important decision; and we haven't been able to come up with anything better. The world will need Angel in the upcoming fight, and that might get a litttttle complicated if he's a mindless drone in the middle of a Vegas desert casino."
Cordelia seemed a little offended. "Gee, couldn't they've just labeled my butt with a stamp that says, 'expendable'?"
"You don't have a butt anymore," Skip retorted helpfully.
Cordelia scowled at the demon. "Right, why don't we all mention that. The girl with the glowy ass. Real sexy," she hissed, her features holding a sarcastic smirk for a moment.
"Your ascension to a higher level was part of a vital plan, and your leaving? It'll disrupt the balance. But at some point, you have to know when to cut your losses. Their level's weaker for now, and the Powers have chosen the Champion, and thus, they'll still have you too," Skip elucidated.
There was a moment of meditative silence.
"Powerless again, huh? No more nasty headaches. And no more exchanging the nasty headaches for glowy powers and demony freakiness," Cordelia thought out loud contemplatively, and snapped her head to the being at her side, confused. "My visions...?"
The answer was instantaneous. "Given to another person. A demon girl in Ecuador. Lot going on there; a cult may be trying to open a Hellmouth in that country. And the Powers are not very happy with the idea."
"What's this girl like?" the former head cheerleader inquired, a little overprotective about her powers being given to a seer in South America.
"She's fairly cute, but kinda on the skinny side though," Skip replied, after a reflective moment.
The female-looking higher being rolled her metaphysical eyes. "Duh, I meant 'will-she-be-able-to-handle-it' what's this girl like!"
"Oh, that. Gotcha. She's a Larian demon, and they're a pretty decent crowd. Nonviolent, the do-gooder kind. She'll handle it."
"And what about us? I won't be looking out for LA anymore - how's the city supposed to hold its own, without the visions or my higher being's lookout thingy? Won't we, like, be in super-deadly danger? There is a Hellmouth pretty close by, after all," Cordy considered worriedly.
"Which is why a Slayer is on duty there," Skip replied pointedly. "Cordelia, please; in your heart, you've got no doubts about the matter. You know what you have to do - and what you want to do - so what's the problem? Sometimes, I just don't get you. Humans always do tend to complicate things..."
Cordelia's rebuttal was surprisingly direct. "Fear. Dumb denial thing too. That was pretty simple actually," she frowned at this.
She sighed deeply, "The whole higher being thingy was cool. I mean, it was different and confusing at first, but the way I was sometimes able to help... that was just, wow. Okay, kinda boring at times too, but I mean gee, I was like the gorgeous head cheerleader of the team," this comment caused Skip's eyes to go wide.
"But you needed the closure," the demon guide understood. "You're feeling guilty because you think you're abandoning your post for some stupid selfish need."
Cordelia nodded slowly, her features showing a hint of shame. "And am I?" her voice was low, and almost scared.
Skip shrugged. "Yeah, maybe. But who knows, maybe you're also destined to do something bigger than the former plan and you somehow feel it. It happens sometimes."
"That's not very helpful," the female higher being scoffed with a sideways glance.
There was a pause, and the words came more serious, in a solemn tone. "You've surpassed every expectation the Powers That Be had of you; overcome every barrier, Cordelia. You've grown so much and so quickly in your life that, as far as I'm concerned, you're an amazing person. You've got an immense potential to do good, no matter where."
After a moment of introspection, Cordelia raised her immaterial head and grinned a heartfelt grin. "Now that was a lot better."
"It had a little spark, huh?" Skip looked proud for a moment, but his features quickly returned to a more somber expression. "If your heart's telling you that you don't belong here, then you should listen because I'm sure there's a reason for it."
"Will it be painful?" she asked, slightly fearfully.
"Painless," the demon guide rapidly replied. "You'll just have to close your eyes."
Her voice was now small, and she looked like a scared little child, "What do I do now?"
The question was futile though, as Cordelia already knew the answer inside her heart. Skip put a hand on her shoulder, his demon mouth twisting into an amicable smile. "Now you do the right thing."
Cordelia smiled as well, and vanished from the higher realms.
~ End of Flashback ~
As the memory faded away, the woman glanced at Xander. "Former higher being. As far as I know, I'm now just your good old average booooring ordinary girl-next-door Cordelia."
"And you don't even have the hot cheerleader outfit. That must suck," the guy contributed to her misery, his lips sporting a small grin.
"Yeah, feel free to plunge the knife into my back a little deeper any time," the young woman said sarcastically, with a mocking grimace.
"Won't forget that advice, Cor," Xander replied with a hint of amusement.
But despite the mocking, somehow her ex-boyfriend seemed distant to Cordelia - obviously, there had to be a lot going on in his mind right now, with the return of the mysterious killer who had made him the man he was today, a mere shade of his old self.
The truth was, the brunette girl had no idea what was going on inside his head. It was like he was there, but another part of him wasn't, and that scared the hell out of Cordelia Chase. Xander had accepted her invitation to dinner, but he seemed inwardly conflicted - about letting her in, letting his past in again.
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted as Xander abruptly stopped walking, turning to glance at her. After a moment of silence, as if he was trying to find the right words, he said, obviously hesitant, "Maybe... maybe we should call it a night then."
"But it's still so early," a surprised Cordelia said lamely, as they both briefly glanced up at the dark sky. She frowned, looking beat, and amended, "In, in Japan maybe. But, hey, remember the whole globalization thing? It's the wave of the new century, really."
Despite himself, Xander smiled for a second. But the small grin rapidly died on his lips; he glanced down and then back at her, a sad expression on his features.
The former higher being understood immediately - this was gonna take some time still. And, even if it wasn't enough for her, Xander had taken a big step in the right direction today, after so much time completely shoving all them away.
Cordelia smiled wordlessly too; like Xander, it was a sad smile, but also a comprehending one. There was no need to exchange any further words, as the former cheerleader simply knew that pushing him on this would only mean actually pushing him away.
"See ya tomorrow?" the former seer said tentatively.
Xander grinned enigmatically, before turning and disappearing into the faceless crowd walking along LA's streets. "Weather permitting..."
Cordelia watched him walking away, and after another sigh simply headed off home.
***
Hidden in a dark alley, a dark-haired man reaching his thirties saw the couple drifting apart, and, waiting for the brunette girl to reach a safe distance, quickly and cautiously started to follow Xander Harris.
***
Please, review and tell me what you think! Just one thing: I'm not intending to turn this into a C/X, actually, I still have no idea what I'm truly intending in the pairing stuff. Give me your ideas!
Author: Jane McCartney
Feedback: Don't make me beg for it. Oh hell, whatever: pleeeease? Pretty please? It'll just take a sec from ya! I really wanna know what you think about this particular fic.
Acknowledgments: Every beloved reviewer, and my beloved Theo. My fics are practically his work too. But probably not half as good as his own fics.
Author's note: This fic takes the movie "The Watcher", the one with James Spader and Keanu Reeves, as a reference - but you don't need to have watched the movie in order to follow this fic. It's probably better if you don't watch it after all, because you'll have more surprises that way.
Summary: After a tragedy hits home for Xander, he moves to Los Angeles and becomes a shadow of his old self, shoving his friends away in his new life. Two years later, the pain and quarrel of his past is back to catch up with him. (BtVS/AtS crossover)
***
Right now, Cordelia Chase was trying to keep her cool exterior. But the truth was that this whole situation was almost too scary, and the nervousness she was feeling deep inside was obviously clear to her male companion.
The brunette was afraid of saying the wrong thing, that'd push Xander away from his friends once and for all. She couldn't help but think that it should had been Willow or Buffy here in her place, trying to reach him again - they were his best friends and, in every way that really counted, his true family after all.
But destiny had had other plans, and thus Cordelia had been charged with this responsibility. And after all the losses both the Scooby and Fang gang had suffered in the last few years, it was a truly scary position to occupy.
But, despite the great insecurity crawling about in her belly, she wouldn't give up: because she was Cordelia Chase, and that expression wasn't exactly compatible with her vocabulary after all.
And because of that, it'd led them to where they were now.
At a restaurant, busy-looking waiters walked with silver trays containing custom-made foods and very expensive drinks masterfully balanced on their shiny surfaces. The tables, containing silky white covers, had a unique arrangement of flowers in their middle; along with porcelain plates, accompanied by an almost absurd number of knives and forks.
However, it was at a stand which was located in front of said fancy restaurant that Cordelia and Xander were being served by a bearded, smiling hot-dog vendor, working in an improvised establishment in the middle of the street.
"Ketchup, ma'am?" the old man asked, already turning the condiment bottle upside down and impetuously shoving the red fluid onto the woman's 'dog, drenching it with the tomato flavoring.
Cordelia winced helplessly, and muttered awkwardly, "Guess so..." The brunette girl then paid the bill, a forced grin on her lips.
"Thanks, sugarlips - and don't forget to recommend me to all your friends!" the bearded man yelled as the two former Sunnydalers walked away, offering them a thumbs-up and a wide grin.
"Did he say friends? 'Cause for some reason I think I pretty clearly heard mortal enemies," Cordelia commented, eyeing her sausage confection strangely.
Xander also had his brown eyes laid, with a hint of amused incredulity, on the hygienically doubtful hot dog he held in his hands - the sausage and bread lost in a tangle of mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup and some other bits and pieces the dark-haired guy couldn't quite identify yet.
"Cordy?" his voice questioned her, but his odd glance kept on the hot dog.
The brunette girl replied in the same absent-minded way, "Hmm?"
He gave her a sideways look. "Are you subconsciously trying to tell me to never again ask you to pay for dinner? 'Cause if you did, I think you succeeded, ya know..."
Cordelia snorted, looking beat. "At least I win *something*."
Inside her mind though, the brunette knew that what she had actually won tonight might be simply priceless. Because she knew Xander was trying to avoid any substantial conversation with her - after so many months without contacting any of his friends, the dark-haired guy was trying to avoid anything that could be too personal, and thus break his firmly placed shields.
"Nah, don't be too hard on yourself," Xander's helpful voice made her snap out of her thoughts, while they kept on walking along the darkened streets of the City of Angels.
The young woman looked at the hot dog for a long second, and then helplessly back at her companion. "I can only see a serving of evil, in the form of a hot dog here. And I may be speaking literally, 'cause there's something definitely moving in this sea of ketchup right over here," she frowned with a wrinkle of her nose and pointed at it with a glance, cringing in disgust.
"Doesn't seem like demon sauce to me," Xander shrugged, and then frowned. "But it sure does look like a fly is fighting for its life, close to the big brunette's mouth."
"Ew, ew, ew," Cordelia automatically cringed, finally trashing her hot dog into a container that they were passing by, an action quickly mirrored by her friend.
Remembering something, Cordy then sent a sideways glance at him. "And hey, I resent the big brunette mouth bit!"
"I'm only saying, from the poor little fly's point of view," the guy defended himself, his voice suddenly innocent and accented with a hint of amusement.
If looks could kill, Xander would have instantly dropped dead from the one the brunette sent at him. "Could you see me caring less for the fly that presents big fat Cordy to the world?"
"Now, that's hardly the behavior of a higher being," her dark-haired ex- boyfriend muttered with a hint of sarcasm.
And to Cordelia, the reference to that time of her life brought back a specific memory, a selective remembrance destined to soon fade away in the tangle of her daily thoughts.
~ Flashback ~
If Cordelia Chase had still had a physical form, the color would have completely drained from her face. The higher being slowly and absent- mindedly started shaking her metaphysical head back and forth, trying to take in the information she had just received.
Her voice was baffled when she asked, "Is this...?"
"The only way. You've gotta go back. Save the Champion," Skip answered the never-finished question promptly.
"Is that like even possible?" Cordelia managed to choke out the words, confused. "And what about the thing about work to be done in the higher realms? I thought I was needed..."
The demon took a step further, glancing at her meaningfully. "And you are. But this is an important decision; and we haven't been able to come up with anything better. The world will need Angel in the upcoming fight, and that might get a litttttle complicated if he's a mindless drone in the middle of a Vegas desert casino."
Cordelia seemed a little offended. "Gee, couldn't they've just labeled my butt with a stamp that says, 'expendable'?"
"You don't have a butt anymore," Skip retorted helpfully.
Cordelia scowled at the demon. "Right, why don't we all mention that. The girl with the glowy ass. Real sexy," she hissed, her features holding a sarcastic smirk for a moment.
"Your ascension to a higher level was part of a vital plan, and your leaving? It'll disrupt the balance. But at some point, you have to know when to cut your losses. Their level's weaker for now, and the Powers have chosen the Champion, and thus, they'll still have you too," Skip elucidated.
There was a moment of meditative silence.
"Powerless again, huh? No more nasty headaches. And no more exchanging the nasty headaches for glowy powers and demony freakiness," Cordelia thought out loud contemplatively, and snapped her head to the being at her side, confused. "My visions...?"
The answer was instantaneous. "Given to another person. A demon girl in Ecuador. Lot going on there; a cult may be trying to open a Hellmouth in that country. And the Powers are not very happy with the idea."
"What's this girl like?" the former head cheerleader inquired, a little overprotective about her powers being given to a seer in South America.
"She's fairly cute, but kinda on the skinny side though," Skip replied, after a reflective moment.
The female-looking higher being rolled her metaphysical eyes. "Duh, I meant 'will-she-be-able-to-handle-it' what's this girl like!"
"Oh, that. Gotcha. She's a Larian demon, and they're a pretty decent crowd. Nonviolent, the do-gooder kind. She'll handle it."
"And what about us? I won't be looking out for LA anymore - how's the city supposed to hold its own, without the visions or my higher being's lookout thingy? Won't we, like, be in super-deadly danger? There is a Hellmouth pretty close by, after all," Cordy considered worriedly.
"Which is why a Slayer is on duty there," Skip replied pointedly. "Cordelia, please; in your heart, you've got no doubts about the matter. You know what you have to do - and what you want to do - so what's the problem? Sometimes, I just don't get you. Humans always do tend to complicate things..."
Cordelia's rebuttal was surprisingly direct. "Fear. Dumb denial thing too. That was pretty simple actually," she frowned at this.
She sighed deeply, "The whole higher being thingy was cool. I mean, it was different and confusing at first, but the way I was sometimes able to help... that was just, wow. Okay, kinda boring at times too, but I mean gee, I was like the gorgeous head cheerleader of the team," this comment caused Skip's eyes to go wide.
"But you needed the closure," the demon guide understood. "You're feeling guilty because you think you're abandoning your post for some stupid selfish need."
Cordelia nodded slowly, her features showing a hint of shame. "And am I?" her voice was low, and almost scared.
Skip shrugged. "Yeah, maybe. But who knows, maybe you're also destined to do something bigger than the former plan and you somehow feel it. It happens sometimes."
"That's not very helpful," the female higher being scoffed with a sideways glance.
There was a pause, and the words came more serious, in a solemn tone. "You've surpassed every expectation the Powers That Be had of you; overcome every barrier, Cordelia. You've grown so much and so quickly in your life that, as far as I'm concerned, you're an amazing person. You've got an immense potential to do good, no matter where."
After a moment of introspection, Cordelia raised her immaterial head and grinned a heartfelt grin. "Now that was a lot better."
"It had a little spark, huh?" Skip looked proud for a moment, but his features quickly returned to a more somber expression. "If your heart's telling you that you don't belong here, then you should listen because I'm sure there's a reason for it."
"Will it be painful?" she asked, slightly fearfully.
"Painless," the demon guide rapidly replied. "You'll just have to close your eyes."
Her voice was now small, and she looked like a scared little child, "What do I do now?"
The question was futile though, as Cordelia already knew the answer inside her heart. Skip put a hand on her shoulder, his demon mouth twisting into an amicable smile. "Now you do the right thing."
Cordelia smiled as well, and vanished from the higher realms.
~ End of Flashback ~
As the memory faded away, the woman glanced at Xander. "Former higher being. As far as I know, I'm now just your good old average booooring ordinary girl-next-door Cordelia."
"And you don't even have the hot cheerleader outfit. That must suck," the guy contributed to her misery, his lips sporting a small grin.
"Yeah, feel free to plunge the knife into my back a little deeper any time," the young woman said sarcastically, with a mocking grimace.
"Won't forget that advice, Cor," Xander replied with a hint of amusement.
But despite the mocking, somehow her ex-boyfriend seemed distant to Cordelia - obviously, there had to be a lot going on in his mind right now, with the return of the mysterious killer who had made him the man he was today, a mere shade of his old self.
The truth was, the brunette girl had no idea what was going on inside his head. It was like he was there, but another part of him wasn't, and that scared the hell out of Cordelia Chase. Xander had accepted her invitation to dinner, but he seemed inwardly conflicted - about letting her in, letting his past in again.
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted as Xander abruptly stopped walking, turning to glance at her. After a moment of silence, as if he was trying to find the right words, he said, obviously hesitant, "Maybe... maybe we should call it a night then."
"But it's still so early," a surprised Cordelia said lamely, as they both briefly glanced up at the dark sky. She frowned, looking beat, and amended, "In, in Japan maybe. But, hey, remember the whole globalization thing? It's the wave of the new century, really."
Despite himself, Xander smiled for a second. But the small grin rapidly died on his lips; he glanced down and then back at her, a sad expression on his features.
The former higher being understood immediately - this was gonna take some time still. And, even if it wasn't enough for her, Xander had taken a big step in the right direction today, after so much time completely shoving all them away.
Cordelia smiled wordlessly too; like Xander, it was a sad smile, but also a comprehending one. There was no need to exchange any further words, as the former cheerleader simply knew that pushing him on this would only mean actually pushing him away.
"See ya tomorrow?" the former seer said tentatively.
Xander grinned enigmatically, before turning and disappearing into the faceless crowd walking along LA's streets. "Weather permitting..."
Cordelia watched him walking away, and after another sigh simply headed off home.
***
Hidden in a dark alley, a dark-haired man reaching his thirties saw the couple drifting apart, and, waiting for the brunette girl to reach a safe distance, quickly and cautiously started to follow Xander Harris.
***
Please, review and tell me what you think! Just one thing: I'm not intending to turn this into a C/X, actually, I still have no idea what I'm truly intending in the pairing stuff. Give me your ideas!