Title: Answers
Author: The Zeppo Rating: PG 13 (possible adult situations) - I'm not really going to tell you if it's angsty or not, I don't wanna give away the story Summary: When Angel finds out about Spike and his newly restored soul, he heads to Sunnydale for some explanations. Totally B/A...or is it? Hehe. I'll also have different characters pov's expressed, so, keep that in mind. Spoilers: BtVS season 7, AtS season 4. This story takes place after Cordelia gets her memory back, yada, yada, yada. But don't worry, she's not really in any of the story. Feedback: Always wanted and welcome. For any of the previous chapters, just email me: slayage@hotmail.com Author's Note: All lyrics are by Avril Lavigne, off her album 'Let Go'
CHAPTER 3
Buffy:
"So, you're saying that this is all my fault?!" he yells. "You were sleeping with a murderer because we broke up? Gimme a break Buffy. You can't lay all this on me."
"I'm not blaming you!" I yell back. "And Spike is different now, okay? He has a soul. There was never much difference between the two of you, was there?" I cross my arms across my chest and stare at him defiantly, trying to keep my cool as much as I possibly can. He's silent for a moment, just looks at me. I wait for his response with dread.
"No, I guess not," he whispers, and I can hear anguish in his voice at my words.
"Angel, I didn't mean-" I desperately begin to explain but he cuts me off harshly.
"It doesn't matter," he says, and I close my eyes for a moment, not believing that I actually just compared him to Spike. "Well," he continues, "I'm glad you're over me and you've moved on to the next mass murderer," he says sarcastically. "You're not the only one who's moved on though." I'm wondering what he means by that, and he doesn't disappoint.
"I have a son."
The silence in the room is deafening, and I almost shudder. I stare blankly at the floor of my room and try to comprehend the words that have just been spoken but fall flat. I'm completely and utterly speechless and want so badly to make my hurt and confusion go away. Perhaps thirty seconds later, he continues, and despite the feeling that a panic attack is about to overcome me, I try my best to listen. "A lot has happened in the past two years, and it's a very long story, but it's true." I hardly hear a word he's saying, I just concentrate on keeping my breathing even. How is this possible? I think to myself, and now I do begin to tremble slightly.
"That's part of the long story," he says, and I realize I must have spoken aloud. "Too long. Maybe one day I'll tell you." I don't reply, but I finally bring my gaze up to look at him once again. I finally find my voice again, not bothering to cover up the agony I feel.
"What do you want me to say?" I cry. "Congratulations? Angel, what the hell is going on?!" I want to know desperately, but he doesn't look inclined to tell me the tale. When I realize he's not about to explain, I ask him another question. "Anything else you'd like to tell me? Cuz I personally don't think anything else you say could shock me more right now."
"I'm in love with Cordelia."
I stand corrected. I feel my heart shatter into another million pieces, and I think Angel must've heard it, because he looks like he regrets telling me that the second the words left his lips. A long silence overcomes the room once again, and this time, I'm the first to speak.
"I want you to leave." I say it so quietly he probably wouldn't have heard me had it not been for his vampiric hearing. Angel looks at me and whispers my name. He tries to walk to me, reaching out his hand to touch me, and I flinch away roughly, not wanting to be anywhere near him right now. After a few moments, he leaves the room without another word. The second I hear the door close behind him, my sobs wrack my entire body as I fall back on my bed, and I don't think I'll ever be able to stop.
I cry myself to sleep.
//Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, Like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms Around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there Grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip And I'm in this thing alone
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there
when I was scared I was so alone Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care We're not going anywhere //
**********************************
The morning comes too soon, and I squint at the sunlight pouring in through the window. My eyes hurt from crying, and when I get up and look at myself in the mirror, I notice how red they are. As much as I'd like to stay in bed and wallow in my own misery, I instead change into some jeans and a black tank top and head downstairs at the sound of Willow's seemingly frantic voice as she speaks to someone on the phone.
"Are you sure? Well, maybe he'll be back tonight, cuz he left kinda late from here. What? Well, there was a lot of yelling, so maybe he was just upset." I listen to Willow as I reach the bottom of the stairs and hope she doesn't notice me. It's pretty obvious whom she's talking about, and I feel the worry wash over me in an instant. I enter the kitchen quickly to find out what's going on, and when Willow sees me, she tries to wrap up her phone call.
"Okay, well, we'll let you know if we hear anything. Yeah, she's right here. I'll tell her right away. Okay, bye Cordy."
As soon as she hangs up, I speak. "What's going on?" Willow sees the concern in my features and she explains immediately, putting on her 'sympathetic face' once more.
"Cordy said Angel didn't come back last night. He told her before he left that he'd be back before sunrise, so she's a little worried. And so am I after all the yelling and screaming and crying I heard last night. I told her that he probably just needed to blow off some steam."
I don't respond, my thoughts, as usual, filled with Angel. God, what if he's hurt? What if he did something stupid?
"I have to find him, Will. I have to find him." Willow is not about to argue, and she pulls me into a hug. I accept gratefully, and once again, my tears flow freely.
Please be okay. I silently pray for Angel's safety, knowing that if something did happen to him, I'll never be able to forgive myself.
Please be okay.
*********************************TBC
Author: The Zeppo Rating: PG 13 (possible adult situations) - I'm not really going to tell you if it's angsty or not, I don't wanna give away the story Summary: When Angel finds out about Spike and his newly restored soul, he heads to Sunnydale for some explanations. Totally B/A...or is it? Hehe. I'll also have different characters pov's expressed, so, keep that in mind. Spoilers: BtVS season 7, AtS season 4. This story takes place after Cordelia gets her memory back, yada, yada, yada. But don't worry, she's not really in any of the story. Feedback: Always wanted and welcome. For any of the previous chapters, just email me: slayage@hotmail.com Author's Note: All lyrics are by Avril Lavigne, off her album 'Let Go'
CHAPTER 3
Buffy:
"So, you're saying that this is all my fault?!" he yells. "You were sleeping with a murderer because we broke up? Gimme a break Buffy. You can't lay all this on me."
"I'm not blaming you!" I yell back. "And Spike is different now, okay? He has a soul. There was never much difference between the two of you, was there?" I cross my arms across my chest and stare at him defiantly, trying to keep my cool as much as I possibly can. He's silent for a moment, just looks at me. I wait for his response with dread.
"No, I guess not," he whispers, and I can hear anguish in his voice at my words.
"Angel, I didn't mean-" I desperately begin to explain but he cuts me off harshly.
"It doesn't matter," he says, and I close my eyes for a moment, not believing that I actually just compared him to Spike. "Well," he continues, "I'm glad you're over me and you've moved on to the next mass murderer," he says sarcastically. "You're not the only one who's moved on though." I'm wondering what he means by that, and he doesn't disappoint.
"I have a son."
The silence in the room is deafening, and I almost shudder. I stare blankly at the floor of my room and try to comprehend the words that have just been spoken but fall flat. I'm completely and utterly speechless and want so badly to make my hurt and confusion go away. Perhaps thirty seconds later, he continues, and despite the feeling that a panic attack is about to overcome me, I try my best to listen. "A lot has happened in the past two years, and it's a very long story, but it's true." I hardly hear a word he's saying, I just concentrate on keeping my breathing even. How is this possible? I think to myself, and now I do begin to tremble slightly.
"That's part of the long story," he says, and I realize I must have spoken aloud. "Too long. Maybe one day I'll tell you." I don't reply, but I finally bring my gaze up to look at him once again. I finally find my voice again, not bothering to cover up the agony I feel.
"What do you want me to say?" I cry. "Congratulations? Angel, what the hell is going on?!" I want to know desperately, but he doesn't look inclined to tell me the tale. When I realize he's not about to explain, I ask him another question. "Anything else you'd like to tell me? Cuz I personally don't think anything else you say could shock me more right now."
"I'm in love with Cordelia."
I stand corrected. I feel my heart shatter into another million pieces, and I think Angel must've heard it, because he looks like he regrets telling me that the second the words left his lips. A long silence overcomes the room once again, and this time, I'm the first to speak.
"I want you to leave." I say it so quietly he probably wouldn't have heard me had it not been for his vampiric hearing. Angel looks at me and whispers my name. He tries to walk to me, reaching out his hand to touch me, and I flinch away roughly, not wanting to be anywhere near him right now. After a few moments, he leaves the room without another word. The second I hear the door close behind him, my sobs wrack my entire body as I fall back on my bed, and I don't think I'll ever be able to stop.
I cry myself to sleep.
//Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, Like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms Around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there Grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip And I'm in this thing alone
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there
when I was scared I was so alone Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care We're not going anywhere //
**********************************
The morning comes too soon, and I squint at the sunlight pouring in through the window. My eyes hurt from crying, and when I get up and look at myself in the mirror, I notice how red they are. As much as I'd like to stay in bed and wallow in my own misery, I instead change into some jeans and a black tank top and head downstairs at the sound of Willow's seemingly frantic voice as she speaks to someone on the phone.
"Are you sure? Well, maybe he'll be back tonight, cuz he left kinda late from here. What? Well, there was a lot of yelling, so maybe he was just upset." I listen to Willow as I reach the bottom of the stairs and hope she doesn't notice me. It's pretty obvious whom she's talking about, and I feel the worry wash over me in an instant. I enter the kitchen quickly to find out what's going on, and when Willow sees me, she tries to wrap up her phone call.
"Okay, well, we'll let you know if we hear anything. Yeah, she's right here. I'll tell her right away. Okay, bye Cordy."
As soon as she hangs up, I speak. "What's going on?" Willow sees the concern in my features and she explains immediately, putting on her 'sympathetic face' once more.
"Cordy said Angel didn't come back last night. He told her before he left that he'd be back before sunrise, so she's a little worried. And so am I after all the yelling and screaming and crying I heard last night. I told her that he probably just needed to blow off some steam."
I don't respond, my thoughts, as usual, filled with Angel. God, what if he's hurt? What if he did something stupid?
"I have to find him, Will. I have to find him." Willow is not about to argue, and she pulls me into a hug. I accept gratefully, and once again, my tears flow freely.
Please be okay. I silently pray for Angel's safety, knowing that if something did happen to him, I'll never be able to forgive myself.
Please be okay.
*********************************TBC