~*Everything You Want*~
Chapter Six: Everything You Want
Dove: And we're back! Miss us? Sorry, Dove's having a rough time-the first week of college is just over and I already want to die. The Music Literature people think we're all idiots and simpletons, and the Music Theory people think we're all geniuses. No one can find the balance. Furthermore, the vocal department and the dance department hate each other, I don't know why, but since I'm in both, I get caught in the crossfire. But I'm sure you didn't care to know… anyway. There will be more updates now that I'm settled in. Hallelujah.
Thalia: Yay! A new chapter from us! And through the hell of move-in and whatnot too! Be proud of us! Dove has auditions night and day, and I have eighteen freaking honors credits to ace this term, and we're still ficcying for you! In this chapter, we have more of the wonderful, fantabulous ANGST!! Yayness! *grins* Okay, I'll stop my inane babbling right now, just read on and enjoy! And leave us reviews!!
Disclaimer: If we owned Harry Potter, I would personally set the experimental charms department on figuring out a way for my Music Theory homework to do itself. Guess we don't have it yet.
"I'm everything you want
I'm everything you need
I'm everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you
And I don't know why
Why?"
-Vertical Horizon, "Everything You Want"
Cho stood shell-shocked in the blood-red light of the rising sun, perfectly still even after the sound of his rage had faded away. He might have slapped her and she'd have taken it better. Cho's heart was bleeding like the sky, for she had no idea what she had done, and even the points she had lost for her house, which had had a decent chance in the House Cup until now, were pushed out of her mind with the numbing realization.
Roger hated her.
She had seen him enraged before, furious, on the verge of violence, even. But she had never seen his blue eyes turn icy, so cold she had wanted to hug herself to keep her teeth from chattering. There was no mistaking that look in his eyes. The only time she had seen him nearly this far gone was the time she had gotten hit in the head with a bludger. From that point on, every time the Hufflepuff Beater's name who had hit her was brought up, Roger's eyes would glint in a similar emotion. She had been scared he would murder the boy then, but even that paled compared to now.
That was how Penelope found her, walking down the stairs in hopes of understanding the yelling of only minutes ago: pale as a sheet, washed in the crimson light of the dawn, her eyes wide and turned inward as though carefully examining her own mind.
"Cho?" Penelope said softly. Cho didn't respond. "Cho. Come on, Cho, snap out of it. Wake up." Penelope gently touched the other girl's shoulder, and Cho, suddenly made aware of the world around her and the passing time which had been standing still, felt her knees shake. Penelope felt it too, and looked concerned. "Do you need to sit down?"
Wordlessly, Cho nodded and dropped onto the nearest couch, still wondering what this floating, horrible, frightening feeling was. She still couldn't make herself talk. The tears came then, and she started shaking silently, only half aware that a concerned Penelope had put an arm around her for comfort. Finally, she managed a sentence. "He hates me," she whispered. "He… hates me."
Penelope looked confused, but stroked Cho's hair in a conciliatory manner. "Who hates you? Was that Roger down here just now?" Cho nodded. "Nonsense, you goose. He doesn't hate you. Don't cry."
Cho shook her head emphatically. "No, Penny, you don't understand. Roger hates me. I saw it in his eyes."
Penelope, seeing Cho would not be convinced otherwise, sat in silence and let the younger girl cry.
Penny waited until the younger girl had calmed somewhat, before asking her, "Now, why do you think that Roger hates you?"
Cho took a deep, shaky breath before starting softly, "I was going to talk to him. I swear I was! I promised that I would, but Cedric had to tell me something really important, and so I decided to go and hear what Cedric had to say, but then I fell asleep! When I got back here he was awake, and I tried to apologize, but he wouldn't listen at all and basically told me that he didn't believe me story, and took off fifty points! Fifty points!!! Now, can you still deny that he hates me?!" the girl was practically screaming in anguish now, her eyes huge on her pallid face. Penny sighed to herself.
"Well, I'll make sure that the points are regained. I'm sure I'll think of a way to get them back, but as for Roger... he'll hopefully calm down soon... then maybe he'll listen to your explanation."
Cho's voice only grew more hysterical. "POINTS?! I don't even care about the bloody points right now! He hates me! You don't understand, Penny, I've known him nearly all my life, he's never looked at me like that before... this isn't temper... he hates me... he hates me..."
At that moment, Penny was fervently glad that she was not in either their positions right now. However, her job was also unpleasant. "I'll go talk to him, maybe find out what's wrong. Do you want to come to breakfast, Cho?"
The younger girl shook her head forlornly. "He hates me... I'm not hungry, Penny. I think I'll just wait here until classes are going to begin."
Penelope sighed, but knew when she had lost. "Go on to bed, Cho," she said. "I'll tell Professor Flitwick you didn't feel well." Cho didn't get up. "Please, honey, get some rest."
"I have an Arithmancy exam this afternoon," Cho mumbled. "I had best go."
"Rest until lunch then. Come on, or I won't give back the points after all."
"I don't care about the stupid points."
"Well, the rest of the house will," Penelope said practically.
"You'll remember to tell Flitwick?" Cho sighed.
"Yes," Penny assured. "I'll ask Melissa to get your homework as well. Will you go to bed now?"
"Yes, I suppose I should." Cho got up and hugged Penelope. "Thanks, Penny."
Penelope smiled. "That's what your friendly neighborhood Prefect is for." She watched the younger girl ascend the stairs, then set about reporting a gain in points. Finally, she grinned and ran to the hourglasses that counted points. "Penelope Clearwater, sixth year Ravenclaw Prefect," she said identifying herself to make the spell take effect. "Forty points to Cho Chang of Ravenclaw due to her excellent handling of panicking first years during Sirius Black's breach."
The hourglass shifted and she nodded at a job well done before heading down to breakfast, where she waited patiently for a confused Roger to come down. "Morning, Penny," he said tersely.
"Good morning, Roger," she said pleasantly. "How are you?"
"Someone's been tampering with the points," he scowled. "I went to take fifty from Chang for her inexcusable behavior, but someone had already added forty."
"That's because you can't take points off for a lover's spat," Penelope said briskly.
"It was you?" Roger said, with a very betrayed look.
"Your temper gets ahead of you," Penelope said, picking up her books. "Shouldn't breaking the poor girl's heart be enough for you? Now excuse me, I have class."
Roger glared down at his plate. "I was justified. And it was not a lover's spat!" But Penelope was already gone.
***
For the next few days, although Cho tried time and again to talk to him, Roger would not talk to her. Gone were the friendly study sessions in the evenings. Gone were the chats to and from Quidditch practice. He started sitting with the other members of the Quidditch team, and would never speak to Cho unless absolutely necessary. In short, she was now invisible as far as he was concerned, and in the ensuing uncomfortable coldness of his behavior, Cho almost wished he would storm at her again, just to show that he felt any emotion towards her at all besides stony indifference.
The others in the house quickly noticed. It was possible that Roger had said something to them, for Cho noticed Robin Harrison and the other Quidditch players give her very strange looks whenever they saw her. Penelope was at her wit's end, trying to act as a go-between for the two. The first year girls who idolized Cho started carrying sad looks, as if their favorite fairy tale had been dashed to pieces.
By the time the game with Hufflepuff rolled around, Cho had just about given up on trying to make him talk to her. The night before the game, she had a long talk with Cedric, pouring out her lamentations to him. Cedric, too, got a strange look on his face, but did not say anything besides wishing her luck, and, to her great surprise, apologizing.
"I'm so sorry this happened, Cho; it's all my fault."
"What? No, its not... how can you say that?" Cho exclaimed, a confused expression on her face.
"I shouldn't have kept you so long. I should have known that this would happen..." Cedric muttered, almost as if speaking to himself, "I knew that things were already tense between us, this was just the final straw..."
"What? What final straw? There's no tension between us, Cedric, and I don't see what you have to do with Roger not talking to me." Cho said, bewildered.
Cedric smiled wryly, "Never mind. That's not what I meant. But I really don't know what to tell you, Cho. Whatever is bothering Roger is not for me to say, but for him. I just hope he will tell you before it's too late," Cedric said enigmatically, "Now, I won't keep you here any longer. That would just infuriate Roger even more, wouldn't it? Go to bed, and good luck tomorrow during the game!" He gave her a hug, then shooed her away.
"Infuriate him even more? He doesn't even care about me!" Cho muttered, indignation rising within her heart.
Cedric heard her words as she walked out, and chuckled to himself. "Oh, but he does care. He cares much, much more than you can even fathom. I just hope you realize it soon."
Cho made it back into her common room just before curfew, her heart giving a pang at Roger's making it very obvious he was ignoring her. She raised her chin a fraction of an inch and mentally told herself she would not look upset. Instead, she picked up her Charms textbook and, plopping down in her favorite windowseat, began to read ahead. She wasn't at all tired, despite the game the next morning. She worked late into the night until her mind was too exhausted to think about Roger anymore. Only then did she sleep, too tired to dream.
She woke just in time to run downstairs for toast before having to dash to the locker rooms and into her blue uniform robes. Robin asked her if she was all right, and she sighed and told him she was just fine. It was just odd that, for the first time since she had played Quidditch, Roger hadn't sent his owl with a flower and a note of encouragement to wake her up.
"You sure you're all right, Cho?" Robin asked, very concerned. "You look half-dead."
"I feel half-dead," she said, "but I'll still win this game. So don't worry about it."
"I care more about you than I do about the game," Robin said, glaring at her. "Not all of us are being prats."
"Who's being a prat?" she asked tiredly.
"Roger."
She grimaced. "Roger bloody flaming Davies is none of my concern."
Robin looked at her curiously. "Are you mad at him too, now? I thought he was the only stupid one."
Cho sighed. "No, not really… confused. Hurt. He hates me suddenly, and I don't know why. But I barely slept and I think I'm sick and I've got a monster headache, so cursing him seemed the thing to do at the time."
Just then Roger entered the room, looked over them and spoke very hollowly and emotionlessly. "We need this victory in order for Slytherin to fall behind, since we've no chance at the Cup unless we push them behind Gryffindor. Let's play a neat game." With that, he began to study his broomstick, avidly ignoring everyone else.
"See, what did I tell you? A prat."
Cho snorted but didn't say anything to disagree.
The team, with Roger in the front and Cho bringing up the rear, flew out onto the pitch. Robin, Cho and the others all took positions in the air, along with the Hufflepuff team, but Roger and Cedric landed on the ground to shake hands.
Roger's face was stony as he faced the Hufflepuff captain. Giving Cedric's hand a cold, loose shake, he said not a word, although his eyes were cold as chips of blue ice. Cedric bit his lip, then said, "Look Davies, that night, I was only telling Cho-" Roger scowled, and flew into the air before the other boy could continue. Cedric sighed heavily, and took to the air as well.
The game began. The Chasers, unburdened by troubles of the heart, played as a seamless team, putting many goals past the Hufflepuff Keeper. Cho determinedly put Roger out of her mind, and scanned the pitch resolutely for the snitch. No sign of it yet. She flew in circles in the pitch, cheering half-heartedly whenever Ravenclaw scored. Now and then she glanced wistfully at the young man in blue robes, Beater club in hand, black hair blowing in the wind, before scolding herself and forcing herself to search for the snitch again.
Then, just as Lee Jordan announced, "Harrison scores again! 110 to 50, Ravenclaw," she saw a glimmer of gold near the ground. Immediately pointing her broomstick downward, she entered a steep nose-dive, seeing out of the corner of her eye that Cedric was at her tail. However, she did not see the bludger that the same Hufflepuff Beater who had caught her in the head one time headed towards her.
It did not hit. She caught the snitch five feet away from the ground, winning the game 260 to 50, and looked up to see Roger pelting the bludger out of her path. Ravenclaw cheers filled the air as the teams dismounted, and Cho ran up to Roger.
"Thank you."
He merely shrugged, a scowl on his face, and walked off without a backwards glance, leaving Cho standing on the Quidditch pitch looking after him sadly, and the rest of the team sighing behind her.
They got back to their common room exhausted and triumphant. Everyone on the team congratulated Cho, and even Roger told her, his voice rather emotionless, that she had done rather well. He didn't look at her while he said it, but rather over her shoulder, and she could tell that he hadn't wanted to say it, and had only done it for the sake of the team, all of whom were so excited.
That hurt more than a slap would have too.
That's how life went. Every once in a while, Cho would try to talk to him, and he would brush her off. With a very Hufflepuff sort of doggedness, she kept at it. As she told Cedric, she had very few friends she could trust, and she refused to give up one of the best so easily. Still, the attempts at friendly conversation came more and more rarely. She couldn't work up the will to try only to be looked through as though she was as boring and generally useless as Professor Binns. She looked at him often, especially when he was immersed in a book and not likely to look up.
Penelope tried to reason with him once or twice. After being told to sod off for the second time, she glared at Roger, and commented, "You were much better when you weren't in love, you dimwit. Certainly more polite." Then she swept off before he could tell her she was being ridiculous. She didn't tell Cho anything for fear of upsetting her.
Ravenclaw played Slytherin, and was slaughtered. Cho had been up all night, wrestling with Herbology and hopelessness with Roger, and had had utterly no energy when it came time to fly. Her eyes wouldn't stay open, and besides, the Snitch had been on the other end of the field and it was common knowledge Malfoy's broom was faster. No one was upset with her except Roger, who brooded and looked for all the world like a tragic hero. She decided it would be best to just ignore him, and studied for end of term exams as the Christmas holidays approached.
Almost all of the students were looking forward to the holidays and a break from schoolwork, but Cho was not. At least when she had homework, she could force herself to think of other things besides Roger, whose coldness towards her nowadays made the winter weather outside seem like the tropics in comparison.
This day, she was at Hogsmeade buying presents for her friends. She had gotten a box of candy apiece for her roommates for politeness' sake, a book for Penelope, and now... she had twenty Galleons left. Enough to buy someone a very nice present and have a few galleons left for one last additional gift. She walked into the Quidditch store, and took a look around. Finally, she picked up a copy of Quidditch Through The Ages, and a deluxe broomstick servicing kit. The former for Cedric, the latter for Roger. Even though he was not speaking to her. It was Christmas... and even he would know that it was a time for forgiveness. She would give him his present, and try to talk to him, ask him what was wrong. And... if he still refused to talk to her... Cho sighed... she would give up for good. She lifted her chin defiantly, not that he was anywhere close by to see her. If he still would not forgive her for whatever crime she committed to anger him so much, then he was a stupid git and she... she would be better without him! "Christmas is the season for forgiveness..." she muttered to herself, almost like a prayer.
However, at the moment, Roger Davies was not feeling very forgiving at all. He was sitting at a table in the Three Broomsticks, scowling like a thundercloud. Both Penelope and her boyfriend Percy were lecturing him at once. Penelope was looking especially furious with him, and Percy, having a natural propensity for lecturing people besides his inclination to agree with whatever Penelope had to say, was rebuking him as well.
"Look here, Davies, I'm not trying to mind your business, but Penelope is right. You cannot just start ignoring your friend without any explanation. It is horribly impolite and obviously hurts her feelings. Plus, you're a Prefect and you must set a good example for your housemates and not hold such childish grudges." Percy said, his "I'm-Head-Boy-so-listen-to-what-I-have-to-say" look in place on his face.
Roger remained silent. He would not be bossed around by Percy Weasley in this instance, and saying anything would just encourage the Head Boy.
"Roger, she cries! Cho cries at night... sobs herself to sleep. Even those twits of roommates are noticing and getting concerned. You know better than all of us that she practically never cries for any reason. Just what are you trying to accomplish by treating her like she's not a person? I told you at the beginning of the year not to do anything to hurt her. She's a wonderful girl, and you're only going to lose her forever, if you persist in doing this!" Penelope exclaimed vehemently, her face flushed with frustrated annoyance at her fellow Ravenclaw Prefect.
At Penny's last words, Roger could not stand it any more. Blue eyes narrowing in anguished fury, he hissed, "You don't understand, Penelope! You can't lose something you never had!" Then, as Percy and Penelope watched, wide-eyed, he stalked out of the Three Broomsticks.