Title: Answers
Author: The Zeppo Disclaimer: Characters belong to Mr. Joss Whedon and Twentieth Century Fox Rating: PG 13 (possible adult situations) - I'm not really going to tell you if it's angsty or not, I don't wanna give away the story Summary: When Angel finds out about Spike and his newly restored soul, he heads to Sunnydale for some explanations. Totally B/A...or is it? Hehe. I'll also have different characters pov's expressed, so, keep that in mind. Spoilers: BtVS season 7, AtS season 4. This story takes place after Cordelia gets her memory back, yada, yada, yada. But don't worry, she's not really in any of the story. Feedback: Always wanted and welcome. For any of the previous chapters, just email me: slayage@hotmail.com Author's Note: All lyrics are by Avril Lavigne, off her album 'Let Go'
CHAPTER 4
Angel:
I don't know what I'm doing.
I've been here for hours, just sitting by the fire, and thinking. Well, I guess the technical term would be 'brooding', as everyone likes to so often call it. I don't know why I'm still here. I should be back in L.A., trying to forget about my interaction with Buffy, and just get on with my miserable existence.
But I just can't do that, not without making things right with her. I was an idiot to tell her all those things. I know that I should have told her about Connor right away, but Cordelia? I am mentally kicking myself for being so foolish, still so willing to hurt the woman who was once the most important thing to me in the world. She was my redemption, my salvation, and now it's almost as if she's just a memory. I don't understand how I could've let our separation get this far, how I went almost a year without looking into the depths of those green eyes of hers.
How did I not see how lost she was?
When I saw her after she came back from heaven, I knew how badly she was hurting and I tried to comfort her as much as I could while we were together for those few hours. I just figured that she'd be okay though, because she was Buffy, the strongest woman I've ever known. I think I forgot somewhere along the way how young she still was, and that she wasn't only the Slayer, she was a girl as well. I told her that night that I loved her. I swore to her that I would be there whenever she needed me.
I lied.
Buffy:
I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm just driving. Well, shaking and driving. I have no idea where to even begin looking. I patrolled Restfield Cemetery and Weatherly Park and a whole bunch of other graveyards, but Angel was no where to be found. And then I realized how stupid that was, seeing as how it was day, and...you know, Angel's allergic to sunlight.
I can't shake this feeling that something's happened to him. Something bad, and it's entirely my fault. I yelled at him, and cried and made him feel guilty. But then I remind myself that I wasn't the only one doing the yelling. He hurt me, too. Well, there was lot of hurt, but mostly just confusion. I was more confused after his visit than I think I've ever been in my entire life.
And he was only there for about 20 minutes.
I put on my blinker and pull the car over to the shoulder, stopping completely. I grasp the steering wheel tightly, then drop my head to it, defeated. I have no idea where to go. Angel could be anywhere between here and L.A., and that's a hell of a lot of ground to cover. //Where are you, Angel?// I think to myself, perhaps believing for a split second that he would magically answer.
Then it hits me.
I put the car in drive, and make a screeching U-turn.
**********************************
As I step up the driveway to the entrance of the mansion, I begin doubting myself. The two voices in my head begin to quarrel. //What if he's not here?// //Don't be an idiot, Summers. You're just chickening out cuz you know he's in there//
My mind is made up. I know he's here, and I just have to suck it up and face him. In essence, face my fears. I slowly open the door and slip through, into the darkness and emptiness of what was once Angel's home. I walk through right into the living room, and our eyes meet. He's sitting by the fire, the buttons of his black shirt open. When he sees me he immediately gets up, looks at me, and then looks at the ground.
"You found me," he says to me.
"I'll always find you," I reply with a sad smile. Slowly, I walk towards him, then sit on the arm of one of the couches of the room. My eyes never leave him. "I was worried. I thought something happened to you."
"Sorry," he whispers. After a moment, he adds, "Something did happen to me." I am startled by his comment, not sure I understand. My silence lets him know that I need more to go on. He exhales a deep, unnecessary breath, and explains. "It hurt, Buffy. It hurt to find out that you could only find solace in Spike, that he was the only one." I look down as well now, not being able to look him in the eye as he talks about Spike. "And I know how stupid it was of me to tell you about my life like that. I never wanted it to be like that. I thought, when the time was right to tell you about my son, then I would, and it would be special. I'm sorry, Buffy." Our eyes meet once again, and I can see the tears forming in his eyes.
"I know," I state. "I'm sorry, too." A long moment of silence passes between us. "What's his name?" I inquire quietly. Angel looks slightly surprised at my question, but gives me a small, grateful smile.
"Connor." I smile as well as a tear rolls down my cheek. Despite the pain I feel, I am also indescribably happy for Angel. "That's a beautiful name," I say. He nods his appreciation, and I can see a tinge of pride in his eyes.
He tells me about his son, describes in vivid detail the long story of what he went through, with a vampire hunter named Holtz and the kidnapping of his son. I can't believe all that has gone on his life.
And can't believe that I wasn't there for any of it.
When Angel tells me everything I want to know about his son, I decide to start up an extremely tense conversation.
"Tell me about Cordelia."
****************************************TBC
Author: The Zeppo Disclaimer: Characters belong to Mr. Joss Whedon and Twentieth Century Fox Rating: PG 13 (possible adult situations) - I'm not really going to tell you if it's angsty or not, I don't wanna give away the story Summary: When Angel finds out about Spike and his newly restored soul, he heads to Sunnydale for some explanations. Totally B/A...or is it? Hehe. I'll also have different characters pov's expressed, so, keep that in mind. Spoilers: BtVS season 7, AtS season 4. This story takes place after Cordelia gets her memory back, yada, yada, yada. But don't worry, she's not really in any of the story. Feedback: Always wanted and welcome. For any of the previous chapters, just email me: slayage@hotmail.com Author's Note: All lyrics are by Avril Lavigne, off her album 'Let Go'
CHAPTER 4
Angel:
I don't know what I'm doing.
I've been here for hours, just sitting by the fire, and thinking. Well, I guess the technical term would be 'brooding', as everyone likes to so often call it. I don't know why I'm still here. I should be back in L.A., trying to forget about my interaction with Buffy, and just get on with my miserable existence.
But I just can't do that, not without making things right with her. I was an idiot to tell her all those things. I know that I should have told her about Connor right away, but Cordelia? I am mentally kicking myself for being so foolish, still so willing to hurt the woman who was once the most important thing to me in the world. She was my redemption, my salvation, and now it's almost as if she's just a memory. I don't understand how I could've let our separation get this far, how I went almost a year without looking into the depths of those green eyes of hers.
How did I not see how lost she was?
When I saw her after she came back from heaven, I knew how badly she was hurting and I tried to comfort her as much as I could while we were together for those few hours. I just figured that she'd be okay though, because she was Buffy, the strongest woman I've ever known. I think I forgot somewhere along the way how young she still was, and that she wasn't only the Slayer, she was a girl as well. I told her that night that I loved her. I swore to her that I would be there whenever she needed me.
I lied.
Buffy:
I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm just driving. Well, shaking and driving. I have no idea where to even begin looking. I patrolled Restfield Cemetery and Weatherly Park and a whole bunch of other graveyards, but Angel was no where to be found. And then I realized how stupid that was, seeing as how it was day, and...you know, Angel's allergic to sunlight.
I can't shake this feeling that something's happened to him. Something bad, and it's entirely my fault. I yelled at him, and cried and made him feel guilty. But then I remind myself that I wasn't the only one doing the yelling. He hurt me, too. Well, there was lot of hurt, but mostly just confusion. I was more confused after his visit than I think I've ever been in my entire life.
And he was only there for about 20 minutes.
I put on my blinker and pull the car over to the shoulder, stopping completely. I grasp the steering wheel tightly, then drop my head to it, defeated. I have no idea where to go. Angel could be anywhere between here and L.A., and that's a hell of a lot of ground to cover. //Where are you, Angel?// I think to myself, perhaps believing for a split second that he would magically answer.
Then it hits me.
I put the car in drive, and make a screeching U-turn.
**********************************
As I step up the driveway to the entrance of the mansion, I begin doubting myself. The two voices in my head begin to quarrel. //What if he's not here?// //Don't be an idiot, Summers. You're just chickening out cuz you know he's in there//
My mind is made up. I know he's here, and I just have to suck it up and face him. In essence, face my fears. I slowly open the door and slip through, into the darkness and emptiness of what was once Angel's home. I walk through right into the living room, and our eyes meet. He's sitting by the fire, the buttons of his black shirt open. When he sees me he immediately gets up, looks at me, and then looks at the ground.
"You found me," he says to me.
"I'll always find you," I reply with a sad smile. Slowly, I walk towards him, then sit on the arm of one of the couches of the room. My eyes never leave him. "I was worried. I thought something happened to you."
"Sorry," he whispers. After a moment, he adds, "Something did happen to me." I am startled by his comment, not sure I understand. My silence lets him know that I need more to go on. He exhales a deep, unnecessary breath, and explains. "It hurt, Buffy. It hurt to find out that you could only find solace in Spike, that he was the only one." I look down as well now, not being able to look him in the eye as he talks about Spike. "And I know how stupid it was of me to tell you about my life like that. I never wanted it to be like that. I thought, when the time was right to tell you about my son, then I would, and it would be special. I'm sorry, Buffy." Our eyes meet once again, and I can see the tears forming in his eyes.
"I know," I state. "I'm sorry, too." A long moment of silence passes between us. "What's his name?" I inquire quietly. Angel looks slightly surprised at my question, but gives me a small, grateful smile.
"Connor." I smile as well as a tear rolls down my cheek. Despite the pain I feel, I am also indescribably happy for Angel. "That's a beautiful name," I say. He nods his appreciation, and I can see a tinge of pride in his eyes.
He tells me about his son, describes in vivid detail the long story of what he went through, with a vampire hunter named Holtz and the kidnapping of his son. I can't believe all that has gone on his life.
And can't believe that I wasn't there for any of it.
When Angel tells me everything I want to know about his son, I decide to start up an extremely tense conversation.
"Tell me about Cordelia."
****************************************TBC