AN: We're finally getting to the end of the road =) Hehehe! Yay!! Well hope if you guys have time, you can drop by my other fic when you're bored =P Tee-hee! Thank you for all the support and comments!

Disclaimer: Not much to say in a disclaimer, just that I don't own CCS and its characters since good ol' CLAMP does.

" Speech
( ) Translation
Thinking in italics










Tears as Streams of Stars
Chapter Nine: Diary of the Past
2nd CCS fic by Fizzalicious Cherri










Sae sighed in defeat as she closed her phonebook while yawning into one hand. "That took me the longest time!" She flopped back onto her chair and stared at the ticking clock up on the wall and was surprised that it was quite late already.

"I guess...I'll go check if those people are there..." She stood up slowly and grabbed her jacket on the way to the door.



Syaoran felt his heart thumping as he gripped onto the precious piece of paper that had the Kinomoto's new address written on it messily with purple ink from Tomoyo.

They were at the subway station ready to board the next train and all he could think of was the surprised voice of Touya and his fluttering stomach.

"It's me, Li Syaoran."

"NANI???!!"

He had chuckled actually and nodded to himself. "Yes, it's me."

"The gaki?! What?! How did you...and why...what?!" He could tell that Touya was confused, and Syaoran surely wasn't surprised.

"I would like to...visit you guys..." Syaoran had said uneasily, unsure of how to put it into words.

There had been a pause before Touya had sadly replied, "She's not here, if you're looking for her."

"I know," Syaoran replied with the same voice of stone and no emotion at all.

"Oh.." Although Touya acted as if he wasn't surprised, yet Syaoran could tell he was.

And now he was standing here, watching the train approach. And with every step onwards, he was getting closer to solving the mystery of his lost cherry blossom.



She stood quietly against the wall as she waited for any sign of noise of approaching people. At the current second, it was silence except for her soft breathing and the sound of insects singing in the night. She hugged her arms tightly around herself, trying to calm her own speeding heart.

"God, tonight sucked!" She heard a male's voice cry out in annoyance.

She recognized that voice, it was the same voice as the person with the spiky hair from yesterday. Sae quickly stepped out of the shadows and was met by the surprised young man.

"What the hell! Kinomoto! Are you stalking me or what?!" He smirked, yet Sae could see the pure alarm written in his eyes.

"I wanted to ask you some questions," She tried to hide the fear that she was feeling in the depths of her mind as she approached him calmly with her head held high.

The boy looked amused, "Questions? Of what?"

"My past," She stated simply, feeling her voice shake. Iie (no) Sae! Don't let them know you're scared...

"What?!" Some of his gang stared at her as if she was crazy, but she didn't care.

The spiked hair guy waved his hand at his gang and they retreated back to where they had crept out from. Leaving only him and Sae standing in the night's cool breeze.

"What? You want to get at it again?" The young man winked.

Sae frowned, "No...and I don't get what you mean."

"You seriously don't?"

"No."

The young man looked more than amused, almost as if he was silently laughing at her through his menacing eyes. He smiled broadly. "Five years ago, we had sex." He stated simply.

Sae gripped her fists inside her pocket as she shook her head wildly. "NO WE DIDN'T!! I NEVER DID! I don't even remember my life five years ago! I wasn't ALIVE!!" She shrieked.

The boy's eyes widened and stared at her in disbelief. "Holy shit, Kinomoto's gone nuts! What is wrong with you?!"

"NOTHING!! Why do you keep saying that?!" Sae felt so confused, she could feel her heart pounding loudly against her chest and the blood rushing to her ears.

"It was during the night of the party, Satoshi's party. Remember him? We were celebrating the end of the year, and then we decided to do what we did." He stated matter of factly.

Sae didn't believe what she was hearing. Even if she couldn't remember her past self, she couldn't have been such a...slut could she? She just wouldn't accept it, and she would not believe it.

"No, you're lying!!" She hollered at him.

The young man shrugged his shoulders, "If you want to deny it Sakura, then so be it. And stop wasting my time and stalking my gang and I like that. You freak us out." He laughed as he rejoined his group that was farther down the street.

Sae stood alone on the street for quite a while, trying to fit her endless and confused mind together. It seemed like it was an impossible jigsaw puzzle with endless pieces that weren't meant to fit. And all she could do was cry.



"I can't wait..!!" Tomoyo looked at the trees and buildings zipping by as she leaned back against the seat of the cab.

Syaoran was staring intently at the scenery also, but he didn't feel like talking. He knew Sakura wasn't there waiting for him, but knowing that he was going to see the girl's family made his happiness soar into an endless sky of emotions.

Kero popped out of Tomoyo's jacket once again and sneezed. "Mou! I'm not getting enough air!"

"Shh Kero-chan! We're almost there," Tomoyo giggled slightly. Her mood had lifted too, and she no longer thought that finding Sakura was an impossible task.

Syaoran noticed the cab was slowing down in front of a peaceful vanilla pink house with a beautiful front yard. He stared at it in awe. Although it wasn't large, it looked cozy and friendly, giving Syaoran a remindance of Sakura's beautiful nature.

Tomoyo hopped out and was running up the pathway that led to the dark oak door while Syaoran decided to catch up to her.

They waited anxiously for someone to answer, when finally a familiar looking man answered and actually smiled at them sheepishly. "Hey."

"Ohayo Kinomoto-san!" Tomoyo greeted Touya warmly.

Syaoran merily nodded, remembering his awkward past with Touya. At least they were no longer glaring at each other. "Ohayo."

Touya moved aside to let them in as suddenly a pang of sadness hit him. They reminded him so much of the old times, when Sakura was still with them, alive and happy as ever. Now she just disappeared, without a trace or clue. "My father is out, but he will be back around dinner time. I guess you guys can hang around here until he gets back if you want."

"Arigatou! That would be great," Tomoyo replied as she walked into the green carpeted living room.

Syaoran followed closely behind and at once spotted the photographs in frames sitting on the counter ontop of the fireplace. His eyes watered, but he refused to let them spill. There was a picture of Sakura, back when they were in elementary school. It was the day of the school bazaar, and she was dressed in the cute little waitress outfit designed by the one and only Tomoyo Daidouji.

There was also another one that sent more waves of emotions through him. He was in it also. They were at the carnival, and Sakura was holding onto a bunch of balloons while he was paying all his attetention on his cone of ice cream.

He sighed, and Tomoyo glanced at him. "Daijoubu (it's ok) Li-kun." Tomoyo said with a smile. "We're at her house now, we're so close."

Touya came into the room with a tray of tea and pastries and a stack of books. "I guess you two must be hungry by now. And if you get bored waiting you can look through these photo albums. They were Sakura's."

And then he left them once again, and Tomoyo could tell that Sakura's beloved onii-chan was saddened by the reminder of the lost of his dear sister. Syaoran sat down at once, grabbing one of the photo album books and turning the covers slowly as if they would disappear if he flipped too hard.

At once he was greeted by Sakura's cheerful smile, and he could almost hear her voice again in his head calling to him.

Syaoran-kun!

He sighed contently as he raised the book a bit higher, yet suddenly a thump was heard that caught both his and Tomoyo's attention.

Both pair of eyes scanned the floor until they both hit the small item that had fell from the album. A small pink book with cherry blossoms printed on it. A diary.

Tomoyo stared at Syaoran, and Syaoran stared back.

They had found a diary of Sakura's. And they knew it was strictly rude to go through anyone's diary, but somehow, they felt like it was the book that would answer all their endless questions.

Tomoyo at once plopped herself down beside Syaoran as he picked up the book slowly with shaking hands and flipped open the cover.

"Sakura Kinomoto's Diary." It was printed in pink sparkly pen neatly on the first blank white page.

"I think...maybe we should just jump to the last entry and not envade into Sakura's thoughts," Tomoyo suggested.

Syaoran nodded and flipped through quickly until he hit blank pages again. The last entry was dated during the third week of summer vacation five years ago.

July 29.

Dear diary...

I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I don't know how to put it into words how screwed up my life is now! I hate it all! I so badly wish..someone was here with me now. To hold me, and to comfort me...but that someone isn't here. He's somewhere in some other land, and I think he has forgotton about me. He has never replied to my mails...none at all.
But now I'm alone, and even Tomoyo-chan can't help. No one can erase the mistakes I've made. I should have never gone to that party. I really shouldn't have. I hate myself. I HATE SAKURA KINOMOTO! I am a worthless stupid teenager that doesn't know not to leave a drink unwatched and drinking it again after leaving it for fifteen minutes. Who would have spiked my drink? I was just an innocent little girl, well not little, but who would?! I had the best life, I was the captain of the cheerleading team, and I guess...I had friends that truly cared for me. And after this one simple night, everything was ruined. Everything.
I found out that I'm pregnant. Everything changed...I didn't know it would happen, I didn't even want it to happen! During that night of the party, all I remember was drinking my drink and then feeling all queezy. I remember that...someone familiar...I can't remember who exactly for it was all blurred, but they lead me somewhere. And I fainted. The next day I found myself sprawled on a bed with only the blankets over me. I knew what had happened, and all at once I felt like dying. I told no one. I was to ashamed of my carelessness, and I didn't want to worry or hear what my family or friends would say. Would they all hate me? And now I have another human being in my body. I can't take it. I really can't. Life is cruel, and it's all my fault. I guess it is my fault that my life is so messed up now...and I guess I am a coward, even if I am the card mistress, I can't be strong forever. I'm breaking down, but I think I've already broken and shattered. It's my turn to flee. Life isn't unfair if you make the right choices...and I haven't.

-Sakura-


Syaoran felt his grip tighten on the book as his face turned emotionless and stone cold. The hope in his eyes flared to anger as he stared upwards and knew that he had to find Sakura, and tell her that everything was ok. No one would hate her, no one would be mad at her. He had so many things to tell and express to her.

And that he would always be there for her.