Disclaimer: SquareSoft owns all things Final Fantasy. That's how it is.
Chapter 13: Life After…
Setting: The Flower Field at the Kramer Orphanage
Two Days Later
Squall sat in his seat, Alexa at his side. He was clad in his full dress uniform, complete with medals and citations. He hardly ever wore the full dress uniform, but had remembered how much Rinoa had loved seeing him in it. She'd always asked him to wear it all, just for her. The medals had all been simple trinkets to him, but to Rinoa, they had been symbols of her knight's courage, dedication, and compassion. For her funeral, Squall had decided to honor her by wearing them. Only his black armband disturbed the perfect lines of the well-tailored suit.
He clutched Alexa's hand. The little girl swiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her midnight blue dress, but made no sound. Squall looked down at her, and felt his heart break once again. I don't know if I can raise you right, without your mother. But I swear I'll try.
He shook his head, trying to deactivate his thinking. He knew that thinking would only cause him to lose his mental strength, and he'd promised Rinoa that he'd be strong for their daughter. He scanned the area, taking in the sights for the first time in months.
While the orphans' home was being rebuilt, Edea had masterfully tended the vast flower garden. It had grown there since Squall and his friends had lived there as children, and held great meaning for them. Rinoa had also fallen in love with the field, and had taken many special trips to Centra just to see it and bask in its delicious fragrance. Squall thought it only fitting that the funeral should be held there. Afterward, she and their unborn son Jett would be laid to rest in the adjoining grassy hill, where they could always be near the flowers. I can't think of a better resting place for a pair of angels, thought Squall.
Now becoming desperate to suppress his thoughts, he turned and glanced over the crowd. It was growing by the minute, but there were so few people that he recognized. Some of them, like him, were sitting in their folding chairs, while others stood and chatted, some about Rinoa, others about their own business. By the time the service would start, he knew there would only be standing room in the back for many of them.
I wonder how many are here because they knew her, and how many because she's one of the "Heroes of Time Compression". How many of them actually ever saw her in person? How many of them actually belong here?
Squall and Alexa were sitting in the front row, which only consisted of two chairs on their side of the center aisle, and a third on the opposite side. That chair was vacant; its occupant would either be late, or too busy to come at all. Squall felt his stomach twist as he began to wonder how he would explain to Rinoa's father what happened to her. President Caraway had had virtually no communication with them since their wedding, and they had likewise not made any great attempt to contact him. A small part of Squall wished they had. Squall had learned to tolerate, even love, the father he hadn't known until his late teens. He always felt sorry that Rinoa, who had grown up under her father's care, had so little contact with him. He regretted even more the fact that both had seemed to prefer things that way.
Squall continued scanning the crowd. He then noticed Quistis and Seifer sitting directly behind him, both also wearing their full dress uniforms. Quistis had been looking at him intently. Squall wanted to avoid eye contact with her, but couldn't help locking gazes for a moment. When that happened, they both turned away, Quistis toward her husband, and Squall back out toward the crowd.
She looks as if she wants to tell me something, he thought. I think I know what it is, but I don't want to hear it right now.
He noticed Selphie and Irvine, both also watching him, sitting a few aisles back. They were the only friends he hadn't spoken to, or even seen in person, since the accident. He felt that they understood, better than anyone else, that he needed his privacy for now. He nodded at them thankfully, and saw as Selphie leaned forward and started crying. Irvine wrapped his arm around her, and looked back at Squall sorrowfully.
Thanks for coming, guys. And, thanks for letting me have my time to myself. He gave a depressed smile and nodded again, before looking back out into the crowd in the back. He saw a small commotion as the throng of people was split down the middle. Two men in suits, wearing sunglasses, were spreading the crowd apart. Just behind them, Squall saw the one man he'd truly hoped he wouldn't see.
President Fury Caraway, in his black Galbadian suit, marched toward the front of the makeshift chapel. He caught Squall's eye, and stared menacingly at him as he continued storming down the aisle. Squall stood up at attention, preparing to take whatever verbal blows Caraway would throw at him. He started, "Sir, I…"
Suddenly, his world turned red, and the next thing he felt was the hard ground under his backside and elbows. The young SeeD shook his head, trying to clear his vision. When he could see again, he stared at Caraway, his fists clenched and ready, towering over him. "You son of a bitch!" shouted Caraway through clenched teeth. "You were supposed to watch over her! You were supposed to give her a good life! Now look where she is!"
Caraway's suited guards suddenly grabbed him by the arms and tried to drag him away. Caraway resisted, obviously wanting to pounce on Squall and beat him within an inch of his life. Squall's fighting instinct told him to get up and attack, but his common sense forced him to stay down. Even if the guards didn't arrest him for attacking the president of Galbadia, Squall wouldn't have been able to live with himself for attacking the man. He knew Caraway only decked him because Squall's earlier inaction had cost his only daughter her life. He would have done the same if Alexa had died.
Quistis, Seifer, Zell, Xu, Selphie, Irvine, and Nida all rushed to Squall, shielding him from the enraged politician and former General. Squall would have rather they'd let Caraway beat on him some more, because then he could concentrate on his wounds, instead of the reason why they were all there to begin with.
"Daddy!" shouted Alexa, running up to her father. She clutched him around the neck, also trying to protect him from the grandfather she'd never met.
Once Caraway had regained his composure and marched away, Squall's friends all turned around and offered to help him to his feet. He ignored them all, standing up under his own power.
"Whoa, easy there, man," said Irvine. "He hit you pretty hard, your eye's all puffed up."
Squall did notice the throbbing in his left eye, and the fact that he couldn't open it more than halfway. He ignored their inquiries into his condition, shook his head, and returned to his seat. A look of shame crossed his otherwise deadpan countenance, but he made no effort to vocalize his feelings. He helped Alexa back into her seat, and then leaned over, his elbows resting on his knees. As he looked at the ground, he heard only the blood rushing in his ears, and the disturbed murmurs of the guests as they discussed the incident they'd just witnessed.
After a few minutes, Squall's friends dispersed in pairs, returning to their seats. Eventually, only Quistis and Seifer remained, both watching Squall with concerned eyes. Quistis quietly said, "Cure". Instantly, Squall's swelling subsided, and his pain vanished. Squall gritted his teeth. I wanted that pain. I deserve it.
"Squall," said Quistis, "he's wrong. It wasn't your fault."
Squall desperately wanted to look up at her. Something in her voice touched his soul, and momentarily broke through the wall of ice he'd wrapped around his heart. Quistis had always been there for him, and besides Rinoa, she'd always been the one that understood him best. Even Seifer, his long-time counterpart, didn't know him nearly as well as Quistis did. Squall knew he needed someone; he had Alexa, but she was still too young to fully understand, or fill, the void in his soul.
Yet, there was something else about Quistis, ever since the accident that had claimed his beloved's life. He couldn't put his finger on it, but whenever he was near her, he felt a great weight being lifted off his chest. Then, however, the guilt of feeling anything other than grief drove him away from Quistis, from all his friends. He knew he deserved punishment for not protecting her. That was why he hadn't tried to defend himself against Caraway's attack.
Finally, though, he could no longer resist his need for eye contact. Looking up, he found a blue sky dotted with cottony white clouds. He had been so preoccupied with his own emotional pain that he hadn't noticed Quistis and Seifer return to their seats. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, gripping Alexa's hand tightly.
Just then, Cid appeared and, kneeling down in front of him, said, "Squall, are you all right? Looks like he hit you pretty hard."
Squall continued looking up at the sky, his expression unchanged. "I'm fine."
Just then, Edea knelt down right next to Cid and placed her hand on Squall's arm. That got Squall's attention. He looked into her eyes, and saw they were raw, glassy, and tear-soaked.
"Squall…" she started. She couldn't think of anything to say that would not upset her surrogate son. She just looked into his eyes, communicating with feelings instead of words.
Squall suddenly found himself feeling sympathetic for Edea. He had lost his wife, and she had lost the closest thing she'd ever had to an actual daughter. Although she'd only known Rinoa for a few years, she'd taken the young Sorceress under her wing and helped Squall keep her safe. He could tell that she felt as guilty for Rinoa's death as he did.
He placed his hand on top of hers and nodded. "Thank you."
"We should…talk later, when you can."
Squall nodded again. He then looked to his left as he saw the one sight he truly feared. A mahogany casket was being wheeled to the front of the congregation. He felt Edea withdraw her hand as she and Cid took their seats just behind Squall and Alexa, next to Quistis and Seifer.
His eyes were locked on the shadowy black box; he knew full well what was inside. The empty shell that once held Rinoa's spirit. It's ironic how you can be making love to a body, and then less than a day later, that body is cold and lifeless. But it was her spirit, her true self, that I loved, not her body. And that spirit is gone.
When the casket reached the front of the center aisle, Squall noticed out of the corner of his eye that President Caraway's seat was still empty. He didn't come here to say goodbye to her, he came here to punish me for my failure. Squall's disgust for the man deepened intensely in those few seconds.
He then felt his heart once again tear open as the lid of the cask was removed. He could hear the quiet sobs from various people in the crowd, but the only one that concerned him was the one from the seat next to him. He looked down at Alexa, and said, "Do you want to go say goodbye to Mommy?"
Alexa rubbed her eyes with her left hand, gripping Squall's hand tightly with her right. She nodded, unable to vocalize her agreement. They stood up together, and walked to the casket. Squall gasped when he saw the figure before him.
Rinoa's body had been nearly restored to its lifelike beauty. There were no traces of the shrapnel wounds, and aside from the fact that she laid perfectly still, she looked to be peacefully sleeping. She was clad in a pure white gown, clutching a long stem red rose in her hands, which were crossed over her chest. Instinctively, Squall bent down and kissed her lips. He placed his hand on top of hers, and involuntarily shivered. She's so cold. Dear God, this is just like my nightmares. I can't believe she's gone for real.Maybe...maybe I'll wake up soon and this will have all been a dream.
Quistis watched Squall, hugging herself to try to stop her trembling. She could plainly see the look of disbelief in Squall's face. For the moment, she forgot where she was, and whom she was with. Her heart silently poured itself out with love and sorrow for Squall. She could not bear to see him in this much pain. Even worse, she still could not get over the feeling that this was all her fault. Edea herself had said she wasn't to blame, but the Instructor still couldn't accept it.
Squall looked down at Alexa. She held her arms up, and Squall lifted her off the ground. The little girl looked down at the corpse, but her tears had strangely disappeared.
"Mommy, I can still feel you. You're gone, but not far, I know." She smiled lightly. "I'm glad you'll always be with us. Daddy needs you a lot." She leaned forward, and Squall held her over the body so she could kiss her mother. "I know, but it's still gonna be hard. I'll try. I promise."
Quistis heard the little girl loud and clear, and also heard another, faint voice that seemed to be conversing the child.
It wasn't Squall's voice, and no one else was up there with them. She looked around, but she couldn't pinpoint the voice's source with her ears. It felt omnipresent, as if the wind itself spoke to the child. Then, as suddenly as the voice had come into being, it ceased. At that moment, Alexa looked up to her father, who set her back down on the ground. She stood there, her hands folded in front of her, waiting for Squall to say his final goodbyes.
Squall reached around the back of his neck, and undid some sort of clasp. He removed a chain from around his neck, the one with the Griever pendant. He laid it on Rinoa's chest, and pressed it into her cold flesh. His hand then went to the now open spot on his chest, and his head bowed in either prayer or grief. When he finally turned around to head back to his seat, his eyes caught Quistis'. They looked at each other for a few seconds, before Squall and Alexa sat down in their seats.
Seifer patted her arm, snapping her out of her trancelike state. Quistis looked at him, and he motioned for her to stand up. Edea and Cid had already stood, and were making their way toward the open casket. She complied, following Seifer's lead. She could not, however, help but watch Squall, who now sat slumped over in his seat.
Hang in there, Squall, she thought. I'm here for you.
As she walked toward the casket, she became more and more aware of a strange feeling inside herself. She tried to ignore it, but it buzzed inside her head more loudly with each step. She brought her fingers up to her temple, which immediately got Seifer's attention.
"Quisty, are you okay?"
"Yeah," she replied. "I…just have a headache."
Seifer nodded understandingly. "I'll get you a painkiller from the house."
"Thanks, in a few minutes," replied Quistis. When they reached the casket, Quistis gazed down on her friend's face. She looks so peaceful, she thought. Then, before her incredulous eyes, Rinoa's face began to change. Quistis stared down as she saw the corpse's relaxed visage morph into a mirror image of her own. Quistis gasped, clasped her hand over her mouth, and shut her eyes tightly. Unhindered tears started running down her cheeks.
Seifer, assuming she was grieving, clutched Quistis close. He fought hard to keep his own tears from leaving his eyes.
When Quistis opened her eyes again, she saw only Rinoa's face, as before. Yet, she still couldn't shake the feeling that she was looking at her own body in the casket, not that of someone else.
As Seifer led her back to their seats, Quistis' anxiety began to grow.
What's happening to me?
*The rest of the funeral had gone uneventfully. President Caraway had returned, no longer violent, but not acknowledging Squall to any degree. Garden's Chaplain Victor had given a sermon on the tragedy of loss, and that God's will, though seemingly cruel sometimes, had an ultimate purpose for the good of all.
Squall hadn't believed a word of it. He had never considered himself very religious, but he felt even less so now than he ever could have before. God doesn't bother with us, he thought. If he did, there wouldn't be so much pain in the world, so much loss. And Rinoa would still be here with Lexie and me.
Selphie and Quistis had taken Alexa out into the flower field, showing her the different flowers Edea had planted over the years. They had done so partially to help Alexa get her mind off her mother's death, but more so to give Squall a chance to meet with the other guests without having the child in tow. He had chatted a little with Ellone and Laguna, but he only had a desire to actually speak to one person: the hostess, who'd generously allowed Rinoa's funeral to be held in her own backyard. He fortunately didn't have to look far; she apparently was seeking him out as well.
"Squall, do you have a minute to talk in private?"
"Yeah," he replied. "I don't really want to talk to any of these people anyway."
"Come on inside." Edea led him through a marble archway into the large stone building near the makeshift outdoor chapel.
Squall couldn't help but marvel at how his childhood home, which he remembered more of every day, was nearly restored to its previous glory. Actually, even better that he'd remembered.They went into one of the completed bedrooms, and Squall closed the door behind them. He could see various pictured and crayon drawings scattered about the room's walls. Four small beds lined one wall. The distinct scent of crayon wax and pencil dust filled the room.
"Squall," said Edea, sitting on one of the beds. "First, I just want to say how truly sorry I am about what happened. She was like a daughter to me, and there'll always be an empty place in my heart."
"Yeah," was all Squall could reply. In mine, too.
"I'm also sorry that I have to bring this up now, but it's very important. Do you know how Rinoa got to the Infirmary?"
Squall crossed his arms and hung his head. Do I have to relive this again? "Yeah."
"And you know who was with her when she…passed away?"
Squall sighed. "Yeah, Quistis was." Get to the point already.
Edea motioned for him to sit down next to her. Reluctantly, he complied, leaning with his elbows on his knees. "Squall, I know how much you're hurting inside, and I wish I didn't have to bring this up. But…you know that when a Sorceress dies, she automatically passes on her powers to the woman in closest proximity to her."
"I don't really care," said Squall. "Rinoa's powers were just that: powers. Her spirit, her soul, is gone. That was all I cared about. Her powers were something she had. They didn't define her."
Edea sighed. "Quistis spoke to me this morning, and told me that Rinoa passed her powers on to her."
Squall felt as if she expected him to be surprised. This had occurred to him, but he hadn't cared to bother himself with it. "I figured that," he replied. "I've felt something about her since then, but I really haven't been in the mood to talk."
Edea placed her hand on his shoulder. "I wouldn't have brought it up if it weren't so important. I'd like to talk with you again soon. I'd love it…no, I'd be honored, if you and Lexie would come stay at the orphanage for a few days. The guest room is just about finished, and Lexie can stay with the other children."
Squall focused his eyes on the floor. He really wanted to accept her offer. "I don't want to impose."
"Squall, you're like a son to me. You wouldn't be imposing."
"Okay," said Squall. "I think it would do both me and Lexie good to get out of Garden for a while."
Edea smiled and stood. "Good. After the wake, I'll get the room ready for you. Oh, one more thing…"
Squall looked up at her, causing a tear to run down his cheek. Edea knew how hard Squall fought to keep his emotions in check, and how difficult it was for him to have to release them. She sighed in her motherly way, knelt down, and hugged Squall warmly. Squall wrapped his arms around her, unsurely at first. Then, he squeezed her more tightly, realizing how much he already missed this feeling. "Thank you, Matron. For always helping us."
"You're welcome, Squall. Rinoa was truly blessed to have you in her life."
Squall gave no reply. The words stung his soul. If she were so blessed, I would have been there to protect her.
"Don't tell Seifer," Edea said.
"Huh?" said Squall.
"Quistis asked me to tell you about her powers, because she was too afraid to tell you herself. But she doesn't want Seifer to know yet. She's doesn't know how he'll take it, and she's afraid he might reject her."
"I won't tell him," Squall replied, "though I doubt he'll reject her." He released the hug, and stood up. Edea followed suit and clasped her hands in front of her.
"It wasn't your fault," she said, after about minute of silence.
Squall gave her a questioning look.
"Your face is showing the blame you've placed on yourself. It has every time I've seen you today."
Squall turned away. As much as he loved his Matron, he didn't want to continue this conversation. "When would you like Lexie and me to come?"
Edea sighed. She'd expected Squall to avoid that subject, but it still broke her heart. "You can stay tonight, if you'd like."
Squall nodded. "I think we'd both like that. Thank you, Matron." With that, Squall strode back toward the wake, trying to blank out his mind in preparation for more attempted conversation.
*"Squall?"
Squall spun around in the fog. He could just barely see the distorted silhouette of a woman, approaching him slowly.
"Who's there?" he asked.
"It's me, Squall. Have you already forgotten me?"
Squall started running toward her. As he did so, her features became more visible and clearer. That voice. Can it be…?
"I'm here, Squall. Please, I need to talk to you."
When Squall finally reached her, he stopped cold. There she stood in front of him. The woman of his dreams, that had been so violently torn from him only days ago. But something was strange about her. Her body was translucent, and her features seemed to be swirling with the fog.
"Rin? Is it…really you?" He reached out his hand to her. She likewise reached out her hand, but when they met, his hand passed right through hers. He drew his hand back in shock. Her touch was like sticking his hand in an ice mist.
"I need to touch you so much, Squall. But I can't yet." Her eyes, forlorn and distant, blinked back tears.
"Why? What's going on? Where are we?"
"I'm stuck here, Squall, and I need your help." Rinoa started to back away. Her legs didn't move; she was floating away from him.
"Wait, Rin! Don't go!" Squall ran after her, but she vanished before he could reach her.
"I'll be here," came her voice, "but if you push everyone away, you'll always be alone. Even from me." She sounded sad, as if she were crying.
"Please, Rin, come back to me! I can't live without you!"
"None of us can make it alone." Rinoa's voice faded into the ether as she spoke the last sentence.
"Rin, come back! Please!"
Only the silence of the mist answered his plea.
"Rinoa!"
Squall's eyes shot open. He became disoriented as he realized he wasn't in a familiar room. He sat up quickly, frantically scanning the room around him. Moonlight shone in through the far window, illuminating the room in its pale glow.
I'm at the orphanage, he thought. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. His eyes burned with exhaustion, so he closed them again. He then reached for his pillow, clutched it to his chest, and collapsed back onto the bed.
That's the first dream I've had about her that wasn't like some kind of violent omen. It was almost like…like she was alive, and trying to talk to me. What does it all mean?
*Quistis opened her eyes and took a deep breath. I'll be back, Squall. I promise.
Quistis reached her hand out into the darkness, and felt it brush against something smooth and warm. She brought it down onto the object, and felt it rise and lower slightly under her touch. She heard a quiet, deep purr coming from the object.
Seifer? Where's Squall? Her mind fought to reorient itself to the waking world. I was...dreaming. She sighed. What does this mean? Why was I dreaming that I was Rinoa?
Maybe I should talk to Edea about this, she concluded.
She turned over onto her other side, facing the alarm clock. Just after midnight, she thought. Hard to believe that just eight hours ago, we put Rinny's body into the ground. God, I miss her so much.
I'm with you now, a voice replied.
That thought hadn't been hers. She gasped and whispered, "Who…who's there?"
You'll know soon, I promise.
She definitely heard a voice, but it had come from inside her mind. Who are you? What are you doing in my head? Quistis' consciousness told her she should be afraid, but her instincts made her remain calm. The presence felt more like a warm, soothing blanket than an invasion.
Please watch after Squall. Hopefully, I'll be with you all soon.
Quistis sat up, throwing the covers off herself. Tell me who you are! Are you the one putting all these strange feelings in my head?
The voice did not reply. The warm blanket was slowly lifting off her mind, and she felt that she was alone again. Quistis dug the heels of her hands into her eyes as she tried to make sense of what just happened.
"Uh," came a voice behind her. Quistis turned around, and saw her husband stirring. "Quisty?"
"Ssh," said Quistis, "Go back to sleep."
Seifer rolled over and saw her sitting up on the bed. "Y'ok?" he asked sleepily.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied. "Bad dream."
"Aww," said Seifer, taking her hand in his. "I'm sorry, honey."
"Don't worry about it," she said, lying back down. She kissed his hand and cuddled into his chest. "You're here to protect me, and that's all I need."
Despite her husband's strong, warm embrace, she trembled with fear at what she seemed to be becoming.
*That morning, Quistis rose early from bed and quickly dressed. Seifer, awakened by the noise, sat up. "Quisty? Where you going?"
"I have to go talk to Edea again," she replied, buttoning her blouse.
"Well, hang on a few minutes," he said, starting to get out of bed. "I'll go with you."
"No, Seifer," Quistis said. "Please, I just need to talk to her alone."
"Well, why? What's wrong? If there's anything I can do…"
Quistis sighed. She walked over to Seifer and kissed him on the forehead, just above his scar. "Everything will be fine, trust me. I just…there's something personal I need to talk to her about." She only wished she believed everything would be fine.
Seifer bit his lip. "Ok, fine. How long will you be gone?"
"Just a few hours," Quistis replied. "Garden's not due to leave for FH until tomorrow anyway."
"Well, tell Matron I said hi," Seifer said before lying back down.
"I will. See you later, sweetheart." She kissed Seifer full on the lips. He only half-heartedly returned the kiss.
I have to tell him sometime soon, she thought, turning away. I can't keep hiding from him. He'll start to resent me, and I need his love, and his help, now more than ever. She then pulled on her boots and tiptoed of the apartment.
*After Quistis exited Balamb Garden's front entrance, she took a deep breath. The cool, salty morning air of the Cape of Good Hope usually brought so many warm feelings of forgotten memories. Now, however, the smell felt unusual, even alien, to her.
The walk was short, so she decided against junctioning any GFs. Lately, she'd been using GFs less and less. She told everyone that it was because she wanted to set them aside for active SeeDs that might need them, but she knew that she was trying to preserve her existing memories. Now more than ever, she'd learned that memories would eventually be all you have of the ones you love.
When she arrived at the front walk of the orphanage, she stopped and marveled at the work that had already been done. There was still visible scaffolding on the outside of the building, and several workmen were busy sanding the stone fascia, but the building already looked very attractive. It felt so much like home to her. And yet, also very unfamiliar…
"Quistis, so good to see you!"
Quistis turned toward the flower garden. Edea, in a pale yellow sundress, straw hat and thong sandals, approached her with a smile on her face. Quistis smiled and wrapped her arms around the elder woman. "Hi, Matron, you're out early. Sorry to just drop in like this."
"Oh, don't even think about it. I love having visitors. Especially when they're my children."
"I'm sorry if you're busy, but I just needed to talk some more." Edea nodded, and led her toward the house.
"Of course," replied Edea, raising her voice to be heard over the noise of the workmen's power tools. "You know…that Squall's still here, don't you?"
Quistis nodded. "I'll only be able to stay for a little bit, so hopefully I can stay out of his way." They reached the front doorway of the orphanage.
"Actually," said Edea, closing the door behind them, "Something tells me that you want to see him, as well."
Quistis sighed and brought her hand to her face. "Why am I so easy to read?"
"Centuries of practice, dear," replied Edea, pointing to her eyes. "Centuries of practice."
Quistis smiled at her, and took a moment to study her features. Edea had become a sorceress at five years of age, and once she reached full physical adulthood, her aging process had practically stopped. For several hundred years, up until her powers were transferred to Rinoa, she had appeared to be about twenty-two. Since then, her body had aged only a few years, gaining some headway on the immense maturity of her mind. Quistis thought it ironic that her Matron only looked a few years older than she was.
"Can I get you something to drink? Some tea perhaps?" Edea gestured toward a small sofa with a brown wicker coffee table in front of it.
"Yes, thank you Matron. That would be great." She sat down as Edea glided into the kitchen. As she waited for Edea's return, Quistis studied the room. She could barely remember what it had looked like when she was a child, but this is how she imagined it would have been.
As she reminisced, a child walked into the room. He caught her attention, at the same moment he noticed her. To her, he didn't seem more than five. They looked at each other for a second, and Quistis said, "Hi, there."
"Uh, hi," said the little boy, before running into the kitchen. "Matron? Who's the lady in the living room?" Quistis chuckled at how loud the child spoke, even though Edea was in the same room as he.
"She's one of the first children to live here, many years ago," came Edea's gentle voice. Quistis heard the clinking of teacups, and Edea glided back into the room, with a teapot in one hand, and a tray with two teacups and a bowl of sugar in the other. The little boy peeked out of the kitchen at Quistis, and then hid himself from her view.
Quistis couldn't help but giggle at the boy's shyness. Edea smiled and shook her head. "Oh, Jarod, come on out and meet our guest. She's a very nice person."
Quistis blushed at the compliment. Edea handed her a steaming teacup, and she lifted it to her lips. The tea was hot, but not unbearably so, and its sweetness was just right.
"You always liked it with a little more sugar, and a bit of lemon," said Edea.
"You remembered, even though I forgot." She took another sip, savoring the cleansing warmth that it washed down the inside of her chest.
Edea shrugged. "It can be confusing, the things we remember and the things we forget. Jarod, come on now, she isn't going to bite you."
Slowly, the boy peeked out the kitchen doorway. He slowly walked into full view of the women.
"Hi, Jarod. My name is Quistis." Quistis smiled at him with the least threatening expression she could muster.
"Hi, Quistis. I…I gotta go now!" Jarod broke into a run out the side door, toward the beach. Quistis noticed for the first time that other children's voices were coming from that direction.
Edea sighed. "He's the shy one. A lot like Squall was, really."
Quistis nodded, and took a sip of her tea. Squall's just the thing on my mind. I keep having strange thoughts about him, and those dreams…
"I've been having some…strange feelings," said Quistis finally. She lowered her teacup to her lap. "And then last night, I had this dream…I don't know what to make of it."
"Strange in what way?" asked Edea, sitting down close to her.
"I'm not sure how to describe them. They're just confusing me to no end." Quistis sighed and took one more sip of her tea. Her tea is so soothing. I wonder how many centuries I'll live before I learn to make tea like this.
"Well, I'm not a psychologist, but I'll do the best I can to help."
Quistis smiled. "Thank you, Matron. Well, I guess I should start with the night after Rinny died. I told you about how she pulled me into that 'crossroads', and then gave me her powers. Well, ever since then, I've had…I don't know…peculiar thoughts and feelings. Some of them don't even feel like they're my own. One time, I was thinking about Squall, and for a second, I thought he was my husband, not Seifer. Then, at the funeral yesterday, when I looked down at Rinoa's body, I could have sworn I saw me lying there, dead." She stared down at her teacup, trying to sort out her thoughts as these experiences pushed themselves back into her consciousness.
"Hmm," said Edea. "What about the dream?"
"I don't remember a lot of the specifics," started Quistis, "but I was in this thick white fog, a lot like the one in the 'crossroads'. I saw Squall there, and I started talking to him. But…it was with Rinny's voice! And I didn't really have control over what I was saying; it was kind of like I was under a spell."
Edea opened her mouth, but said nothing. Quistis looked up at her. "What is it, Matron?"
"I…nothing. I'm just, thinking, is all. Do you remember anything about what you said?"
"Well, just things like 'I'm here Squall,' and 'I need to touch you, but I can't'. And something about being 'stuck here'. Then I moved away from him, and woke up." Quistis took another sip of her tea, and set it down on the table. "But the strangest part was after I woke up. I heard a voice in my head, telling me that it would be with us soon. Do you know anything about what's happening? It's all starting to frighten me, Matron."
Edea glanced around the room, apparently making sure they were alone. Then, she pulled in closer to Quistis and said, "I think I do, my dear. But we need to go somewhere else to talk about it. Would you like to walk with me at the beach?"
"Uh, sure," replied Quistis. "What's wrong, Matron? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"I haven't," she replied. "But I think someone else has."
*Squall walked into the kitchen and filled a glass of water. As he drank it, he looked out the window at the children playing on the beach. Alexa was out there with them, enjoying herself, and basically being a child. "Don't give your childhood up too soon, dear," said Squall under his breath.
He reflected back on the dream he had had that night. He'd had plenty of nightmares where he'd seen Rinoa dead, or somehow unreachable. This time, though, it was completely different. He'd almost felt a real presence with him, not some reflection of his anxiety. Maybe the afterlife isn't as far away as we think. Could that really have been Rinoa, or was it just another dream?
When he'd described the dream to Edea, she couldn't answer that question. Although she was very knowledgeable about Sorcery and its implications, Rinoa's experience had been so new to her. She'd seen things in Rinoa that no other Sorceress had ever possessed. She once told him that Rinoa was the most powerful Sorceress that had ever lived, and that there would be things that even Edea would not know about her.
Maybe that's Rin's spirit watching over me, he thought. If she is, maybe I'm not so alone after all. Just then, he caught sight of Edea down on the beach, walking with someone. He squinted his eyes against the glare of the sunlight, and saw a head of brilliant golden hair on the other person.
"Quisty? Why are you here?" he said to himself. He set his glass down, and tried to decide if he should go meet her, or leave her alone for now. Finally, he made up his mind. He quickly headed out the door and down to the beach, hoping to catch Quistis before she left. Rinoa said I need to stop pushing my friends away, and that I should talk to them. I only hope Quistis'll let me, after how I've treated her.
As he approached, they both turned to him; Quistis did so with a slight start. He waved his hand and said, "Quisty! What are you doing here?"
"Oh, Squall, hi. I, uh…needed to talk to Matron." Quistis chewed her lower lip and dug into the sand with the toe of her boot.
Squall stopped in front of Quistis, and spoke just barely over the crashing waves. "Look, Quisty, I've been thinking about how I've acted, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so cross with you the past few days. I just…this has been so hard…I still can't believe she's gone." He caught himself beginning to ramble, and drew his apology to a quick close.
Quistis looked at Edea, who raised her brows and tilted her head. "Squall, I…I'm sorry, I have to get back to Garden." Quistis started to walk past him. Then, she stopped, turned around, and gave him a quick hug. Squall didn't have time to return it before she pulled away. "I'll see you when you get back. I hope…" she stopped, unable to think of anything further to say. Then, she started back up the hill toward the house in a hurried pace.
Squall turned to Edea. "What was that all about?"
Edea sighed. "She's just having trouble, getting used to her powers, and all she's gone through since that day."
"Oh," said Squall. "I hope she understands I don't hate her. It's just been to hard for me to talk to my friends lately."
Edea smiled. "She knows, Squall. And she cares for you. A great deal."