Disclaimer: I still don't own Final Fantasy. That honor belongs to SquareSoft.
Chapter 14: Crossroad
Setting: Balamb Garden Classroom 204
One Week Later
Quistis set the exam papers down, pulled off her glasses, and rubbed her eyes. She had not been able to sleep very much lately. Between Rinoa's death, her becoming a Sorceress, and the strange voice that had spoken to her inside her head, she'd become a nervous wreck. Seifer had done what he could to help her, but she was still afraid to tell him the truth. Every day this week she'd tried to embolden herself and come clean with him, but each time she had the opportunity, she'd lost her nerve.
She checked her wristwatch. It was getting late, and she didn't want to be overdue for her nightly tossing-and-turning session. She figured she'd be up enough times during the night to finish grading these papers well before class in the morning. She gathered her work, slid it into her briefcase, and stood up on her tired legs. She felt the joints in her feet pop as she walked out the classroom door, briefcase in hand, and down the hall toward her apartment.
When she arrived there, she tossed her briefcase onto the sofa and collapsed into the easy chair. She pulled off her knee-length boots and leaned back into the chair, enjoying the support it gave her tired back. Rinoa never seemed to be in this much discomfort when she was pregnant with Lexie, she thought. Maybe it'll be the same with me after I get used to these powers.
She closed her eyes and felt herself drifting off into sleep. She hoped it would be a longer nap that the ones she'd been having this past week. With her exhaustion, she was having a difficult time keeping up with her students. As she slipped into her catnap, she had brief images of what she feared would become of her and her unborn child.
Alienated.
Ostracized.
Banished.
God help us, she thought.
Minutes later, the apartment door opened and Seifer stepped inside. When he saw her in the chair, he nodded lightly. I figured she'd be here, since she wasn't in her classroom, he thought. He pulled off his boots and walked quietly to the sofa. He sat down, watching Quistis' face. Her brow furrowed as she stirred slightly. Seifer rubbed the bridge of his nose. You're hiding something from me, something that's causing you a lot of pain. Why? All I wanna do is help you.
Quistis took a deep breath, and opened her eyes. "Seifer. I thought I felt...heard you come in."
"Sorry," replied Seifer. "I tried to be as quiet as possible."
"I just can't sleep lately. It's not your fault."
Seifer sighed, and slid off the sofa onto the floor in front of Quistis. He slipped her socks off, and began to rub one of her bare feet with his fingers. The red polish on her nails was chipped and worn, indicating she hadn't touched up the enamel for some time. He knew making herself up had been the least of her concerns recently, although he didn't know what many of those more important issues were.
Quistis purred under Seifer's strong, yet gentle touch. That feels so good, she thought. Until I got pregnant, I never would have thought Seifer would be one to give foot rubs.
Seifer usually enjoyed massaging her feet. He not only liked the fact that Quistis enjoyed them, but he also suspected he might have a slight fetish. He'd never said anything to Quistis about it, figuring she'd think he was weird. Not that she could push me away much more, he thought.
This time, he was getting very little enjoyment from giving the massage. He was far too preoccupied with Quistis' condition, and her lack of sleep. It was obvious to him that something was literally tearing her up inside, but she wouldn't tell him what it was. The fact that she kept it from him was what tore him up inside.
Seifer decided that it was finally time to confront her about it. If he waited until she was well rested and lucid, he'd end up waiting forever. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Quisty, you've been like a walking zombie lately. You keep saying that whatever it is, it isn't my fault." Quistis looked at him, her expression suddenly haunted. "Well, something keeps telling me that it is. Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" He tried to hold eye contact with his wife, but she quickly looked away.
Quistis rubbed her temples. Not now, Seifer. Please not now.
"When we got married," he continued, "it was 'in sickness and in health, better or worse.' Well, there's a 'worse' going on here, and I need to know about it. Look, is this because of what I said to you about Squall last week? That came out wrong. I didn't mean it like I said it. I just...I felt like you were more worried about comforting Squall than you were me. You know, I cared for Rinoa a lot too."
Seifer, you're not very good at tact, so I hope you don't mean what it sounds like you're saying. Quistis shook her head.
"Look," said Seifer, softening his voice, "I'm just feeling like you don't trust me."
"Seifer, it's not that I don't trust you. I'm trying to protect you from..." She froze, realizing she may have already said too much.
"From what?" asked Seifer. "Look, I'm a big boy, Instructor, and I can take care of myself."
Quistis frowned and gritted her teeth. He was grating on her last nerve. "Yeah, we've seen a lot of that from you, haven't we?"
That comment lit his fuse. Seifer put her foot down and stood up, his arms crossed. "Just what is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Look, Seifer, I'm just really tired, and I'm not sure what I'm saying." Quistis inwardly slapped herself for having opened her mouth.
"I don't know, sounds like something you've been holding in for a while. I wonder what else you think of me that you won't say." Seifer started walking toward the kitchen.
"Seifer, stop it! It's not anything against you. I just don't want to tell you because of your past experience with Sorceresses..." She shut her mouth quickly. Oh shit. I can't turn back now, can I?
Seifer spun on his heel. He returned to her chair, knelt in front of her and said, "What about Sorceresses? Tell me!"
Quistis sighed. She had rehearsed so many speeches, hoping to give Seifer the news lightly. In her currently exhausted mental state, she couldn't remember any of them. After silently reciting a quick prayer, she said, "Okay, Seifer, I'll tell you. But first, I want you to know that the reason I didn't tell you before was because I was trying to protect you. I know how much you regret the things that happened to you in the past, and the last thing I want is for you to be afraid you'll experience those things again."
"Quisty, please. Please tell me what it is. Whatever it is, we can get through it." Seifer placed his hands on her shoulders and squeezed, trying to strengthen her.
Quistis took a deep breath. "Seifer, I'm a Sorceress."
Seifer pulled his hands away. "Wha...? Quisty, that's not funny."
"I'm dead serious, Seifer." She stared into his eyes, cringing at the sudden betrayal she saw reflected back at her.
Seifer sat motionless on his heels, unbelieving of what he had just heard. It was much worse than he'd feared. "Quisty. Wh...how?"
Quistis sighed. "I'll explain as best I can. You weren't with us back then, but right after the battle with Ultimecia, Rinoa told us all that her powers had somehow been sealed away from her. In truth, though, she still had them, and she, Squall, and Edea hid that from us. She was afraid of being hated because of them, and didn't want anyone to see her as anything other than who she was. She kept the secret from us all until she died. But since I was the one with her in the Infirmary when she passed away, her powers fell onto me. That's when I became a Sorceress."
Seifer continued staring at her. The color had completely drained from his face, and his body was so still Quistis wasn't sure he was breathing.
"Seifer, don't look at me like that, like I'm some kind of monster," she begged, taking his hands. "I am so frightened of myself that I can't sleep, I'm having trouble concentrating, and I'm worried sick about our baby." Quistis trembled with the emotional exertion of her confession. Please say you still love me, Seifer. Please. I can't make it without you. I can't do this all alone.
My God, Seifer thought. I'm...I'm a Sorceress' knight all over again. He stared into her eyes, like a Mesmerize caught in the floodlights of an approaching hovercar. He had imagined her news would be surprising, but not this much. Lowering his head, he stood up and turned away from her. The hairs on his neck stood on end as he began to imagine the consequences of what she had revealed.
"Seifer, say something, please," Quistis begged. "I need you. I need you...to be my knight."
Seifer remained silent for a few more heartbeats. Finally, he turned, nodded, and said, "Yes, I'll be your knight."
Quistis blinked with relief, tears stinging her bloodshot eyes. "Thank you," she said, her voice shaky. Then, as Seifer started heading for the door, "Where are you going?"
Seifer stopped but did not look back at her. "I...I just have to...to sort some things out. I'll be back in a little while."
"Seifer, wait, please. Please tell me that you still love me. That you still want me. I can't make it without you." Quistis pushed herself up out of the chair and headed after him.
Still facing away from her, Seifer replied, "I do love you, Quistis. I always will, you know that. I just need some time alone to think this all out. Don't follow me, please." He walked out of the apartment, gently closing the door behind him.
Quistis covered her mouth with her hands and started to cry. A moment later, she then turned to a wall mirror, and saw herself. Her hair was frazzled and stuck out in all directions. Her face was oily, and what little makeup she wore was running. Although her stomach had just been beginning to grow, her cheeks were surprisingly bony and thin. She felt so ugly, and silently wished she could just curl up and die. She ran back to her easy chair and flopped down, her face buried in her hands.
As she wept, she felt an unusual, yet familiar warmth wrap itself around her heart. She recognized its source when she once again began to hear a voice in her head.
He'll be back, Quisty. With all he went through with Ultimecia, he just needs to think for a while.
Quistis looked up. Rinoa? Is that you? She scanned the room, but saw nothing out of the ordinary.
Yes. I knew you'd figure it out, replied Rinoa's voice.
Where are you? Are you in my mind? Quistis shuddered at the thought of her friend being trapped in her tortured psyche.
No, Rinoa answered. I don't have a whole lot of time. I'm not even totally sure what's happened to me, but I'll try to explain it. Do you remember the place where we last spoke, as I died?
Yes, replied Quistis. I could never forget it.
I called it a Crossroad, because I couldn't think of any other word to describe it. Anyway, when my link with my body was severed, you were going back to the living world and Jett and I were pulled toward the afterlife. Then I felt something tug back at me. Before I could cross the threshold into Heaven, I was snapped back like a rubber band. Jett was pulled out of my arms and taken away from me.
Quistis gasped. So...you're stuck in the Crossroad? Alone?
Yes, the deceased Sorceress said. I think I was kept here because of the strong bond you and I shared. I think you unconsciously wanted me to stay, so you tried to pull me back into the living world. But since I don't have a body there that can sustain my life, I couldn't get back all the way. The only way I'm able to visit like this is by riding the link your powers have connected between us. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense.
Quistis leaned back in her chair. To her, it actually was making sense. How did you figure all this out?
Rinoa's reply was plaintive and emotionally drained. I've had a long time with nothing to do but think. I can't even sleep here.
Quistis chewed her lip as she felt her stomach sink to her ankles. It's my fault.
No. You couldn't help it, Quisty. Please don't blame yourself.
Quistis took a moment to absorb this news that she had received from her best friend. This whole sequence of events was beginning to overwhelm her. But...wait a second. Why was I having those feelings that I was you?
She heard Rinoa sigh. I learned soon after I died about the link between you and me. When I first tried to use it to talk to you, I didn't know how. I projected my thoughts into you, but I did something wrong and ended up caught in your conscious mind for a short time. I think that's what caused you to have those confusing thoughts. Whenever it happened I tried to pull back and go another route. I wasn't always successful, though. I'm sorry.
It's okay, Quistis replied. I'm just so glad that you're back with us.
I can't go anywhere but the Crossroad. I can't get into the real world under my own power for very long, and I can't move toward Heaven without being pulled back here.
Quistis' mouth opened wide, and she began to feel even more guilt pile onto her heart. But there's gotta be something we can do! Oh, God, Rinny, I'm so sorry!
Don't be, Quisty, you couldn't help it. You've helped me a lot already. I was able to use our link to talk to Squall and Lexie, in their dreams.
So the dreams I had...I was talking to Squall. He seemed to be doing much better the last time I saw him. Quistis rubbed her eyes. Lexie seemed to be having fun with the other children at the orphanage.
She heard Rinoa sigh again, but it was almost a sigh of relief. I'm glad they're doing well. I want to keep coming back. For longer, if possible. If I spend too long communicating with the real world, I get tired and slip back here. I've been practicing since I've been here, and I think I'm doing better.
I'll find a way to help you stay longer, Rinny, said Quistis. I owe you that, and so much more.
Thank you. I...I miss Squall and Lexie so much. All I want is to be with them. I never wanted to leave...oh...
Rinny? Are you okay?
I'm getting tired, Quisty. I have to let go for now. I'll be back, though. I promise.
Quistis nodded. I'll talk to you again soon, Rinny. I love you. I miss you.
I love you and miss you too, Quisty.
As had happened the week before, the soothing presence withdrew itself from her mind, leaving her alone with her own thoughts. Rinoa, I'm so sorry. That's something nobody should have to go through. At least I can talk to you again. I promise I'll do everything I can to get you back with Squall and Lexie.
Quistis wanted to get up, run out of the apartment, and tell everyone that Rinoa wasn't totally gone. That she was doing everything she could to be back with them all. But the Sorceress decided this wasn't the time. If Quistis were the only one that could hear her, they'd all think she was losing her mind.
Quistis let her hands fall to her sides. On the one hand, she felt a newfound excitement in the chance of having her best friend back from the dead. On the other hand, she knew it was her powers that had trapped her friend's soul in limbo, and that weighed great despair on her heart. The combination of the two emotions only served to wipe out the nervous energy to which she'd clung for over a week.
Having temporarily forgotten about Seifer, and about the papers she needed to grade, she closed her eyes. As she drifted off into the deepest sleep she'd had in a week, she swore that somehow she would bring Rinoa back for good.
*At the Esthar Airstation, a small airship touched down. This airship was of similar design, but was sleeker and more advanced than the Ragnarok. As its engines shut down, the rear egress ramp lowered to the deck.
On the deck, Laguna Loire ran up to the ramp, his arms wide open. He smiled when he saw the airship's two passengers descending the ramp. "Hey, Squall! Hey Lexie! Welcome back to Esthar!"
"Hi, Dad," said Squall, carrying Alexa on his shoulders.
"Hi, Grandpa!" shouted Alexa excitedly.
"Don't worry about your bags," said Laguna. "My chauffeur'll get them to the Presidential Residence. That...is where you want to stay, right?"
"If it's okay with you," said Squall. "Not that I could say no to you after all you've done for us."
Laguna gave a half smile and scratched the back of his head. "Well, come on then. Kiros and Ward are waiting there." He held his arms out, and Squall placed Alexa into them. Laguna bounced her in the air a few times, saying, "Wow, you're getting to be a big girl!"
Alexa giggled. Squall couldn't help but smile, a reaction that got Laguna smiling even wider. "If I had a gil for every time I've seen you smile, son, I'd have almost enough for a soft drink."
"Tell you what, I'll make up the difference," said Squall.
"A joke? You never cease to amaze me!" Laguna laughed out loud.
The three of them walked off toward Laguna's hover limousine, Laguna rambling on about any subject that came to his mind. Squall, though still finding his father to be an incorrigible goofball, was starting to believe that the man knew more about people than he let on. He's keeping the conversation light, and hasn't even mentioned Rinoa. I'm glad for that. Whether or not that was really her I talked to a week ago, I want to try to concentrate on helping Lexie think about other things.
On the ride to the Presidential Residence, Laguna and Alexa talked up a storm. Squall, on the other hand, gazed out at Esthar City. The largest city in the world awed him, no matter how many times he'd seen it. Sometimes, he found it hard to believe that his formerly estranged father was its leader.
Once they arrived at the Residence, the three got out of the limousine and were greeted by the thin, dark-skinned Kiros, and the bulky, silent Ward. Squall gave polite hellos, and followed Laguna into the building.
"Hey, Ward, Kiros," said Laguna. "Could you guys, uh, show Lexie her room? I...you know..."
Ward nodded understandingly. Kiros said, "Sure, Laguna. C'mon, Lexie, we've got your room all set up for you."
"Cool!" said Alexa, as Ward hoisted her up onto his shoulders. The three disappeared down one of the many corridors branching off the Residence's main hall.
Laguna led Squall into a large room whose walls were stacked almost five meters high with books. Laguna motioned to a thickly cushioned leather chair, and Squall sat down, slouching in his usual manner.
Laguna sighed and opened a panel in the wall. From it he produced a bottle of amber liquid and two glasses. He walked over to Squall, set the glasses on a nearby table, and filled them both. Then, setting the bottle down, he handed one glass to Squall, taking the other as he sat in his own plush seat.
Squall examined the liquid for a second, and then let his attention wander away. Laguna spoke up, "Try it. Esthar makes some of the best brandy I've ever had. It really breaks the ice and warms you up." He smirked at his own attempt at wit.
Squall looked up at his father. "I get the feeling you've got a lot of experience with bad puns."
"Well..." said Laguna, straightening his collar. He took a sip from his glass. "I didn't think it was that bad."
Squall gave a small smile and took a drink. He raised his eyebrows as the brandy warmed his throat, and sent a heating sensation all the way down to his stomach. He closed his eyes, allowing the warmth to penetrate him.
"See, I told you it's good," said Laguna, taking another sip.
Squall nodded. After a few seconds of silence, he said, "I don't know if I can do it." His voice was slightly rough from the alcohol in his throat.
"Do what?"
"Raise Lexie on my own," said Squall grimly. "Rinoa was so...so caring, and so kind, and so loving. She was the perfect mother and the perfect wife. And look at me. I spent my whole life pushing everyone away, learning to deal with things on my own. What kind of way is that to raise a person as wonderful as Lexie?"
"Squall, you are a great person," said Laguna. "Rinoa always saw that in you. You stuck by her, even when things got tough, and you did everything you could to make her happy. And she was happy; she always told me so."
Squall nodded slowly, taking a second sip of his drink. It bothered him how everyone, even he, was talking about Rinoa in the past tense. She'd become nothing more than a memory. He sat silently for a few seconds, before saying, "Tell me about Mom."
That request caught Laguna completely off guard. Not that he'd never expected Squall to ask about Raine, but he'd never been able to figure out what to say about her. "Raine? Well, she was, uh...she was wonderful. I guess I can't think of another word for her. Wonderful just fit her in every way."
"What was she like?" persisted Squall. "I got to see her a little bit, through your eyes, but I didn't really get to know her."
Laguna set his glass down and rubbed the back of his head. "I nearly forgot about that whole thing. Well, what was she like? She was strong, stubborn, caring. I guess she had to be stubborn to put up with me, eh?
"She took care of me, from the moment we met. I was just kind of a screw-up back then, but she must've seen something in me. She nursed me back to health, and I just never went away. Man, she had to have been stubborn to put up with me. Even when I proposed, I hardly did that right. I nearly choked on myself and ran away."
"Huh," said Squall, with a slight smile on his face. "Yeah, I know what you mean about proposals. When I asked Rinoa to marry..." he trailed off as he realized that he was about to start rambling.
Laguna looked at him, his head cocked slightly.
"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt," said Squall, his tone a shade darker.
"No, go on," pushed Laguna.
Squall shook his head. "Maybe later. Tell me more. How did you two get married? How long had you been together? Do you think..." Squall trailed off again, but decided to finish his query, "do you think she'd be...happy with me, with what I am?"
"You bet she would!" said Laguna excitedly. "I mean, she once told me how she wanted her kids to be strong and to have good heads on their shoulders. Look at you. You're only 22, and you're the Commander of the most skilled army in the world, you have a wonderful family of your own, and a lot of friends that care about you. I know that Raine's looking down at you from Heaven, and is just so proud of you she'd burst!"
Squall's cheeks turned a light shade of red as he took another sip. He was beginning to feel his skin grow warm as the alcohol buzz kicked in. Not wanting to become intoxicated, Squall set the glass down on the table. "I wish I'd known her," he said.
"Me too," said Laguna. "Honestly, she would be a lot better mother than I've been a father."
Squall sighed. If he didn't know better, he'd think Laguna were fishing for compliments.
"Every day since I've known you were alive, I wish I'd looked for you just a little bit harder, when you needed me. When Raine died from that illness, just after you were born, the people of Winhill sent you to live at the Kramers' orphanage in Centra. When I returned to Winhill to look for Raine, they told me she'd already passed away. They never mentioned anything about us having had a child. I never even knew she was pregnant. All I could do was mourn for her. Squall, if I'd known then that you'd been born..."
"Laguna. Dad, don't. Please," said Squall. His voice shook, just barely. "There was more you could have done, but there was a lot that you couldn't. I've come to accept that, and I don't want to hear you put yourself down any more."
"Then you stop it, too," said Laguna. "Like it or not, you've become a better man than me. And I won't sit here and listen to you insult yourself, because if you are a better man than me, that reflects on me too. I'm not saying things will be easy, but you can be a good father. You already are one. Lexie loves you to death. So just deal with it."
Squall stared at Laguna for a minute. Then, he began to chuckle. "You know, when I first met you, I never imagined you'd have turned out as wise as you did."
"Hey, thanks, I think," said Laguna.
"I've been seeing her in my sleep," said Squall, changing the subject.
"Seeing...who? Raine?"
Squall shook his head. "Rinoa. Almost like she's talking to me from the afterlife."
Laguna nodded slowly. "Every now and then, even today, I have a dream where I'm talking to Raine from beyond the grave. It almost feels like being back with her."
"It's more that just feeling like it," said Squall. "It's like it was her spirit, actually talking to me."
Laguna stroked his chin. "Well, you know, maybe it was."
Squall cocked his head. "Don't patronize me."
Laguna shrugged. "I'm serious. I honestly don't know much about Sorceresses or their powers. Maybe her powers are allowing her to come back and see you."
Squall glanced over at his drink. He really wanted to take another sip, but he was afraid that if he did, he might get a little too tipsy and would lose control over his emotions. "She passed them on before she died. Quistis, our friend, has them now."
Laguna nodded. "Quistis is the...blonde one, right? She's pretty."
Squall sighed. Laguna had slipped back into his "kid mode."
"Well, hey," said Laguna, "maybe she's kind of, I don't know, talking to you through Quistis. Kind of like a relay?"
Squall looked at Laguna, but was speechless. That...could that be it? Maybe that's why Quistis avoided me back at the orphanage. Now I really need to talk to her.
Laguna noticed Squall's reaction and smiled. "Hey, I must be on to something," he said, finishing his drink. His words were beginning to slur.
"Yeah, if she'll even talk to me," Squall said darkly. "She ran away from me the last time I saw her."
"Well, if she's going through the same things that Rinoa did when she was new with her powers, then it makes sense. Maybe she knows about it, and is afraid to tell you. Or maybe she doesn't know how to tell you. Or, maybe she doesn't know, and she's just confused. Women can be funny like that. They need to talk to someone so much, but when that someone is there, they run away. It's just like..." Laguna continued on, pausing only to take breaths periodically.
Squall half-listened to Laguna's monologue, which persisted for the next ten minutes. He tried getting a word in edgewise a couple times, but was drowned out by the elder's ramblings. I forgot what he's like when he gets going, thought Squall. I might as well just wait, and eventually he'll...
Laguna's speech faded off into silence. Squall examined his father, and determined he'd fallen asleep in his chair. He hasn't changed since that time with Julia Heartilly, thought Squall. He considered waking Laguna up and then retiring to his guest room. Instead he sat there, watching the middle-aged man sleep.
My father, Squall thought. What would I have been like if I'd been raised by him, instead of by Matron? He looked at his half-full glass on the table next to him. Shrugging, he thought, I'd probably be a spoiled little rich kid, and I never would have met Rinoa. I guess things worked out for the better. No offense, Dad. He downed the remaining contents of his glass and set it back down. Then, as the alcohol warmed his stomach, he leaned back in the chair and uneasily dozed off.
*Quistis opened her eyes as an alarm sounded. The sunrise peeked through the window blinds and gave the room an early-morning glow. She took in a deep breath, and relished in how refreshed she felt. That must be the longest I've slept in a week.
She then noticed that a blanket had been placed over her and wrapped around her legs. She looked over at the sofa and saw Seifer lying there, covered with his own blanket. He was hiding his head underneath a pillow, trying to drown out the constant buzzing of the alarm clock.
She sighed and pulled the blanket off herself. At least he came back, she thought. She pushed herself up out of the chair, her back and neck protesting the motion. She instantly regretted having fallen asleep in the chair, but realized that, as tired as she was last night, she probably wouldn't have made it to the bedroom. She grimaced as she rubbed her neck, trying to loosen the knot inside it.
She walked over to the clock and silenced it. Oh-seven hundred, she read from the clock's face. Thanks, Seifer. I probably would have slept a few more hours, and completely missed my class this morning. Then, she glanced at her briefcase, set neatly on top of the coffee table. Damn, forgot about those.
She quietly picked up the briefcase, watching Seifer for any sign of life. Either he had fallen back asleep, or he was trying to do so. Giving him a grateful smile, she took her briefcase into the kitchen. She figured she had about a half-hour to work on finishing the papers, and then had to get ready for class. As much as she hated skipping breakfast, it looked like she'd be doing it once again.
Seifer's awareness slowly came to him as he realized the alarm had been silenced. He lifted the pillow from his head slightly, to see Quistis walking into the kitchen with her briefcase. He sighed, and tried to decide when would be the right time to go talk to her.
The night before, he had gone straight to the Training Center and slaughtered hordes of the newest, most powerful creatures there. Afterward, he'd gone to the "secret place" in the back of the Center and just stood there, gazing back at Garden. He'd never told anyone, not even Quistis, but he found the outside view of Garden at night to be very soothing. Indeed, it had helped calm the knot that had formed in his stomach when Quistis made her confession.
Seifer had asked himself so many questions. Why didn't she tell me? Why did this happen to her? Why me? Indeed, Quistis's worries were justified. He did become afraid of her after she told him. How could she have expected him not to? After he'd recovered from Ultimecia taking over his mind and warping it to her own needs and desires, he'd had no wish to ever see a Sorceress again. Now he was married to one.
However, after having had a chance to sleep on it, he decided that he would do his best not to let anything change between himself and his wife. Quistis may have new, even frightening abilities now, but she was still the same person that he'd married. He'd sworn back then to love, honor and cherish her, and he swore to himself again that he would follow through on that vow. No matter what.
All that thinking had started Seifer's heart beating at a mile a minute. He pushed the pillow off his head and sat up on the sofa. After rubbing his head roughly, he stood up and strode into the kitchen. There he saw Quistis, toiling hard at some work she must have had left over from the night before.
"'Morning," he said.
Quistis glanced up quickly out of reflex, but quickly looked back down. "Good morning."
"Is that stuff from yesterday?"
Quistis nodded.
"Will you be able to get it done?" asked Seifer.
"I'll try."
Seifer nodded. Then after watching her for a second, he walked over to the refrigerator and opened it. "What do you feel like this morning? Eggs and toast? Cereal? Or do you want something from the cafeteria?"
Not stopping her work, Quistis said, "No, I'm fine."
Seifer closed the fridge and sat down at the kitchen table. "Quisty, look, I've made a decision. I don't want anything to change between us. You're the same person you were when I fell in love with you. I'm not going to let this thing about you being a Sorceress hurt our relationship. I love you, and I want us to have a family together, just like we planned. And I'll be your knight, for as long as we live."
Quistis stopped her work and looked up at Seifer. Her eyes seemed brighter and more confident than they had been during the past week. She smiled and said, "Thank you, Seifer. That's all I needed to hear."
Seifer smiled and took her hand. It was quite warm to his touch. "I'll go grab you something from the cafeteria. You shouldn't go without eating, you know."
Quistis' first instinct was to turn him down, but she decided that she was actually quite hungry. "Sure. Make it quick, though, because I have to start getting ready in twenty minutes."
Seifer winked at her. "You got it, Instructor." He got up and walked out of the kitchen. He then grabbed his boots and walked out of the apartment with them in his hand.
Quistis smiled and looked back down at her work. You were right, Rinny. You were right.
*Daddy?
Squall stirred from his slumber, his back and neck protesting. Damn, did I fall asleep in the chair? He rubbed his neck and looked over at his father, still fast asleep in his chair. I wonder what time it is.
Daddy, where are you?
Squall stood up and looked at the door back to the main hall. He had been hearing Alexa's voice in his head much more often as of late. In a way, he welcomed it. Ever since he and Rinoa had learned to communicate telepathically, Squall had become accustomed to, even dependent on, hearing his wife's voice in his head. Now that she was gone...
Daddy?
I'm coming, sweetie, he thought back.
Okay, came the child's reply.
Squall wasn't sure whether or not he was glad that he and his three-year-old daughter were starting to share the same telepathic link. Although it was comforting to not be alone in his mind, he wondered how much of his tormented thoughts she could overhear.
He headed out into the main hall and down the opposite corridor. The blue and white decorations of the Presidential Residence fit Esthar's design scheme perfectly. He gazed at the extraordinary tapestries hanging on the walls, as well as the portraits of Esthar's great leaders, from before Adel's time. He remembered Laguna telling him that Adel had once lived in this very same mansion. The thought gave him chills, as it brought back memories of the battle they had waged against her at Lunatic Pandora.
And one of the may times Rinoa almost died, he thought. He had been so happy to talk to her, even if just in his dream. But a week had passed since then, and he hadn't had any more dreams about her at all. No conversations with her, and no strange, violent ones where he was responsible for her death. In fact, he couldn't remember having dreamed at all since that night.
Maybe I'm just going crazy, he thought. He stopped in his tracks, and turned back around. He'd been so preoccupied with himself that he'd walked past Alexa's room. He went back up the hall two doors and touched a wall panel. The nearby door lifted with a sigh, allowing him to enter.
When Squall noticed the piles of toys and stuffed animals illuminated dimly by the nightlight, he shook his head. He's gonna spoil her if we stay here too long.
I'm not spoiled, argued Alexa's voice.
Squall walked over to the bed, where Alexa was sitting up, clutching a plush moogle to her chest. "What's wrong, Lexie?" he asked.
"I had a bad dream," she replied.
Squall picked her up into his arms and began rocking the child gently. "I've been having bad dreams too," he fibbed. "But that's all they are, dreams. They can't hurt you."
"They can hurt Mommy."
Squall stopped rocking, and looked deep into the girl's eyes. "What do you mean? Mommy can't be hurt anymore. She's in Heaven now."
Alexa shook her head. "She can't get there. She's stuck somewhere, but I can't find her."
Squall stared at her, unable to believe what she'd just said. "Mommy was a good person. She's in Heaven, Lexie."
"Heaven tried to take her, but she was pulled back. Aunt Quisty didn't want her to go." Alexa wiped an eye with the back of her hand.
"Honey, it was just a dream," said Squall trying to sound soothing. In reality, his voice was shaking. As much of a little child as she was, he knew how powerful she was, even if she didn't know how to use those powers yet. And part of him suspected that, somehow, she knew what she was talking about.
Alexa shook her head again.
"Lexie, please, just try to go back to sleep," he said, his emotions strained. "We'll call Aunt Quisty tomorrow and talk to her about it if you want, okay?"
Lexie frowned, but nodded. Squall laid her back down in the bed and tucked her in.
"Daddy, tell me a story, please. Tell me how you met Mommy," she begged.
Squall rubbed the back of his neck. Of all the stories they had told Alexa in her three years of life, the one she seemed to love the most was how he and Rinoa had first met at the SeeD Graduation Ball. He couldn't blame the child for liking the story; looking back, it seemed very much like a fairy tale to him. He actually enjoyed telling it to Alexa, each time making it sound more and more like an actual fairy tale. She didn't need to know Squall was put off by the whole dancing thing. Or that Rinoa was only there to hire SeeD to help her kidnap Vinzer Deling.
"Okay," Squall said. Drawing on his emotional reserves, he started, "It was a night of happiness. Uncle Zell, Aunt Selphie, and I had just graduated and become SeeDs. There was a great big party that night, because everyone was so happy for us. There were balloons and streamers and..."
As he continued telling the story, embellishing everything that he could, Alexa's eyes slowly drooped closed. Once he reached the part where their dance ended, he slowly covered his daughter with her blanket. She purred and turned onto her side.
Good night, he thought, doing his best to keep that thought private. He turned and walked back out the door, touching the wall outside. The door hissed closed, leaving Squall alone in the corridor with his thoughts.
Rin, if you're not really gone, then why haven't you talked to me again? If I have to, I can get by without you, but I don't want to. Please, if you're there, say something to me.
He was greeted only by silence. There was no audible voice, nor was there one inside his head. With a heavy sigh, he headed one more door down to the guest room he and Rinoa had occupied the last time they'd visited. Upon entering, he saw his bags had been set on the floor, but were untouched otherwise.
I'll be waiting, he thought. If you come here, you'll find me. I promise.
He took of his new blue jacket and kicked off his boots. As he lay in the bed, he crossed one arm over his eyes. If you don't come, then I'm going to go find you. If Lexie's right, and you are stuck somewhere between Heaven and Earth, I'm going to find a way to bring you back. I swear it.
Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. I've been very busy with some personal business. I'll try to get new chapters up sooner. Enjoy :)