Disclaimer: Final Fantasy is owned by SquareSoft. This fic is not authorzed by them, nor is the author receiving any sort of financial rewards for writing and/or publishing this fic. He is also poor, so please don't sue him.
Chapter 15: Reunion of Souls
Setting: Esthar Airstation
One Week Later
"Hey, Squall! How ya doing?"
Squall looked up and saw Zell running down the Ragnarok's landing ramp. "Hey, Zell. What are you doing here?"
"Well, I pulled rank and made the pilot let me come along. It's been a while since I've seen ya, and I just wanted to see how you, ya know…how you're doing."
Squall turned back to his companions. Laguna gave one of his trademark half-smiles and patted him on the shoulder. Ellone gave him a warm smile. "Better," he said to Zell, who had walked in front of him.
"Good, glad to hear it, 'cause everyone was worried about ya, you know!"
Squall looked at Zell for a minute. Then, he stuck his hand out. Zell, confused for a moment, just looked at the hand. Then, he took it in his hand and gave it a firm shake.
"Thanks for taking over for me, Zell," Squall said. "I'm…sorry I was being such an ass."
"Hey, don't worry," said Zell. "We all expected it."
Squall raised an eyebrow.
"Uh, I mean…uh," stammered Zell, "You know, with what happened and all…damn."
Squall shook his head. "It's all right, don't worry about it." Then, to Laguna, "Hey, where's Lexie?"
They all turned to see Ward, Laguna's tall, hulking partner, jogging onto the landing platform with Alexa on his shoulder. The little girl squealed with delight at her bucking bronco.
"C'mon, time to go home," Squall called out to her.
"Now Squall," said Ellone, taking Squall's hand, "you know you can call on me if you ever need to talk. You don't have to deal with everything by yourself. Sometimes we all need someone else."
"That's something Rinoa always said to me." When Squall saw the concerned look on Ellone's face, he quickly said, "I'm doing better. But I promise I'll call if I need to talk."
Ellone smiled at him, but the smile was more of sympathy than happiness at Squall's accepting of her help. She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him on the cheek. "Don't be a stranger, Commander."
"Thanks, I won't."
When they broke the embrace, Laguna stepped in, his hand playing with his ponytail behind his head. "Well, son, the same goes with me. Call me any time of the day or night, if you want to. And if you just want to come back and forget about things, just drop in. Things will probably be tough for you, but just remember you've always got us. You can…"
"Laguna."
Laguna turned his head toward Kiros. Both he and Ward had one eyebrow raised, and Ward was shaking his head slightly.
"Oh, sorry," said Laguna. "You do have to get going. Well, anyway, have a good trip, and we'll see ya later!"
"Bye Grandpa!" said Alexa. Laguna knelt down and ruffled Alexa's hair.
"Byee Lexee! See yoo later!" said Laguna in his heaviest "little kid" accent. Squall, Kiros, and Ward all put their hands to their foreheads.
"I don't talk like that," said Alexa, pouting.
"I was just…uh…"
Alexa smiled deviously. "Made ya nervous!"
Kiros, Ward, and Zell all laughed. Squall smiled and placed his hand on Alexa's back. "Come on, sweetie, time to get aboard."
*Quistis lay on the sofa, her head in Seifer's lap. Her eyes were closed, and her rhythmic breathing told him she had finally gone to sleep. As Seifer looked down at her flawless porcelain features, he felt a sense of uneasiness.
He was not fearful that Quistis would use him like Ultimecia had. Ultimecia was purely self-serving, plain and simple. Quistis cared about others as much, if not more, than she did herself. That was one quality that, until they had found love in each other, he could not have said he possessed.
His fear was for her. According to Quistis, Rinoa had been frightened both of the consequences against her, and against her friends, if the world had known she was still a Sorceress. Seifer knew better than anyone that Galbadia in particular would have hunted her down and persecuted her, just for possessing a power she never wanted to begin with.
Now Quistis was in that same position. Perhaps his guilt was part of his drive, but Seifer swore that he would protect her to the end.
He studied every feature of her sleeping face and burned it into his memory. Even if it costs me my life, I'll protect you. He stroked her cheek, and his heart warmed as she smiled with his touch.
Another thought that had been troubling him forced its way into his consciousness. What about our son? Will Quisty's powers hurt him, somehow? Or, even worse, will my own selfishness make him turn into me? Although Seifer had never pictured himself as a father, he had begun to accept the role ever since Quistis told him she was pregnant. When she'd broken the news, he nearly had a heart attack. He'd wondered just what kind of father he'd become.
As much as he tried to put it past him, he still felt like a tool of evil. He had been used to attack his home and try to kill those with whom he grew up. He prayed that their son would have more strength of character than he did. Seifer had decided that he would do his best to guide Tracker down a better path than he took. Despite that, however, he could not help worrying every now and then. But he also knew that some things would be beyond his control, and he just needed to deal with them as they came. Whatever happened, happened.
Besides, Alexa turned out fine. I'm sure Tracker'll be all right.
Seifer grumbed at himself. Too much damn thinking. I'm becoming like Squall. And speak of Diablos, he thought, changing the subject in his own mind, Squall gets back in the morning. If Quisty's right, he's gonna have one hell of a surprise waiting for him.
At first, he hadn't believed Quistis when she'd told him that not only was she able to communicate with Rinoa's spirit, but that Rinoa was actually visiting the living world every now and then. I hope she knows when not to look, Seifer had joked. I'm no peep show.
Seifer was tired. Tired of worrying, and tired of thinking. He leaned his head back and shut his eyes, trying to force all conscious thought out of his head. The one thing he had learned at Garden, in the many years he'd lived there, was that things always get more complicated. All you can do is sleep at night and deal with it in the morning.
*Squall walked into Alexa's room, the toddler sleeping soundly in his arms. She had expended so much energy playing with Zell on the trip back that he had to carry her all the way from the landing platform back to their apartment. Once he'd laid her in bed and tucked her in, he stood over her and stared down at her. I grew up an orphan, so knowing my mother was dead didn't affect me much. I can't even imagine how bad it is for her. Can I do it? Can I really take Rin's place?
Squall felt far too tired to dwell on his worries. Although it was mid-morning, it felt like late evening to him. He'd gotten a serious case of jet lag on the trip back, and his body felt like a sack of wet flour. He tiptoed into the living room and looked down at the suitcases that Zell had brought in for him. He didn't particularly feel like unpacking them. The past two weeks had been refreshing, to a degree, but it felt so good to be home that all he wanted to do was rest his weary body on the sofa. He didn't want to face the empty bed quite yet.
He was glad Zell had come with them on the flight back from Esthar. It had given Squall a chance to patch things up with his friend, and to catch up on Garden's status. He planned to take this day off to reorient himself and Alexa to living at home again, especially with it being a home without Rinoa. After that, he would get back in the saddle and take over his command duties again. He hated having nothing to do almost as much as he hated being without his wife.
A glint of metal caught his eye. Squall glanced over at an end table and discovered several items he wished he could have skipped over this morning. He picked them up and, after rubbing them between his fingers, examined them closely. A simple thin platinum ring, a second platinum ring etched with the image of a lion, and a two foot silver chain linking them together. He couldn't remember a time that Rinoa had not worn this necklace. She originally had only the thin ring on it, but had later added Squall's own Griever ring. After some time, she'd returned Squall's ring and replaced it with a copy Zell made for her.
Upon examining the thinner ring, Squall noticed writing etched inside it. He suddenly realized he'd never actually looked at the ring, which had once been Julia Heartilly's wedding band. He felt a knot tighten in his stomach. Rinoa had lost her mother when she was not much older than Alexa.
Squall shook his head, refusing to give in to depression just yet. He examined the ring and was just able to make out the writing:
"Share With Me Your Love."
He recognized it instantly to be a paraphrased quote from Eyes On Me. He found it hard to imagine General Caraway as a romantic, but understood that if this ring were Julia's, Caraway must have chosen the engraving. Squall rubbed his left brow, where Caraway had punched him two weeks earlier. The wound was long since healed, but it still stuck needles into his brain, as his guilt over Rinoa's death slashed its way through his heart. Caraway had already lost a wife, and then Squall had lost him his daughter.
Squall glanced back at the table. He saw another ring, this one gold with a modest diamond adorning the top, surrounded by tiny sapphires. Rinoa's wedding ring. Squall had almost let it be buried with her, but decided at the last minute that it should be passed on to Alexa. As a replacement, he had given Rinoa the beloved Griever pendant that he had always worn, even into battle. He'd wanted his last gift to her to be something special.
Squall picked up the wedding ring, and glanced at the gold band on the third finger of his left hand. His had no jewels on it, but was embossed with an intricate pattern that resembled a pair of wings. He had always loved the design, because it reminded him of how much of a true angel Rinoa was. He'd also thought it was appropriate symbolism; whenever Rinoa used her Sorceress powers, white wings would magically grow from her back.
Squall opened the chain's clasp, slid the wedding ring onto it, and closed it again. He let the gold ring slide down, joining the others, and examined the trio of rings. He then glanced at the Griever ring on his right hand, middle finger. Squall closed his eyes for a second, bringing back images of the time Rinoa had first borrowed the ring. Balamb and Galbadia Garden were locked in battle; that battle had ended in Squall's first failure as SeeD Commander, and had nearly cost Rinoa her life. It was the first...no, second time he'd nearly killed her by either his actions, or his inactions.
When he opened his eyes again, he undid the clasp of the chain, placed it around his neck, and closed it. He looked down at his chest as the three rings came to a rest on his breastbone. Somehow, wearing this necklace made him feel that much closer to his beloved wife.
Finally giving in to his body's cries for relief, Squall flopped down on the sofa in a reclining position. Seconds later, as suddenly as his body had fallen, his eyelids followed suit.
As he drifted from consciousness, images floated in front of his mind's eye. Rinoa, dead, lying in the casket. Rinoa in her wedding gown, very much alive and smiling tenderly at him. Alexa as a newborn, being held by her sweaty, flushed-faced mother.
Quistis trembling as she hugged herself, covered in blood. Quistis, walking down the aisle at his wedding, with Zell at her arm. Seifer, giving Squall a grudging but respectful handshake at their first meeting since his return from exile. Zell, standing petrified as Squall barked orders to him. Selphie and Irvine, the two most cheerful people he knew, forlorn and weary at the funeral. Quistis crying at the funeral, next to a stone-faced Seifer. Edea crying, being comforted by a Cid that wasn't even able to contain his own tears. Xu crying. Hordes of other SeeDs and Garden students weeping.
So many sad faces, came a voice from nowhere in particular.
Squall nodded, figuring that he was beginning to dream. "Yes. And they're all my fault."
"Squall, please don't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault."
That voice…Rinoa? He looked up, and his jaw dropped when he saw his wife standing there in front of him, looking very much alive. She was in her SeeD uniform, the same outfit she was wearing when she died. Her body had a white glow at its edges, as if she were standing between Squall and the sun.
"Hello, Squall. I've missed you so much." Her hands hung at her sides, and her head tilted to her left, a sad smile on her face.
"R…Rinoa…" Squall said, standing up. "Is this…a dream?"
"That depends on what you'd call a dream, my love."
Squall lunged forward, attempting to wrap his arms around Rinoa. Instead, he passed right through her, as if she were only a warm breeze. Squall barely stopped himself from crashing to the carpet, grabbing onto a chair for leverage. He looked at his hands for a second, and then back at Rinoa. She turned to face him, her smile melting into a frown.
"Squall, I'm only partly here," she whispered. Her words seemed to echo slightly, as if she were in a large cavern.
"Rin? No, this can't be real. I have to be hallucinating. I've been losing too much sleep. That's it." Squall backed away from her, literally falling into the chair he had leaned on seconds before.
"It's a long story, Squall, but I am here," she said. "I wish I could touch you. At least I can see you, and you can see me."
"It can't be, can it? Are you really here?" Squall stared at Rinoa as he shakily rose to his feet.
Rinoa nodded and hugged herself. Her eyes reflected the sadness she had felt in the eternity since she'd left their world, only to be trapped before crossing into Heaven.
Squall approached her, looking deeply into her eyes. As he neared her, her form began to waver and become slightly translucent. Squall gasped when he saw it, but calmed when her appearance stabilized.
"Rinoa? Are you okay? What…what is this? What's happening to you?" he asked.
"That would take a lot of time to explain. Time I don't have. Quisty…she'll be able to tell you."
Squall nodded slowly, and lifted his hands to Rinoa's face. He held them against where her skin would be, to a least mimic that he was able to touch her.
Rinoa smiled again as a tear dripped out of her eye. "I like that jacket, Squall. This is the first time I've seen you wear it since it got it for you. What happened to your old one?"
Squall closed his eyes, begging himself to not bring up the images from his memory. As if responding on-cue, they returned to him in full-force. Squall shivered uncontrollably as he spoke. "I was wearing it when I…visited you…your…body in the Infirmary. I got your blood all over it, and I j-just didn't want to have it cleaned. A big part of me died that day, and I guess I just wanted to let it go. It hurt too much." He drew his arms into his chest in an attempt to calm himself.
"Squall. My dear, sweet husband," Rinoa said, tears streaming from her eyes, "I hope the part you lost will be coming back with me. With Quisty's help, I can come back and see you like this. Hopefully soon I'll be able to spend longer with you."
Squall opened his eyes and looked into Rinoa's. The last time he had seen that look on her face, the two of them were lost in Time Compression. He had just regained consciousness after being stranded in a temporal wasteland, and Rinoa had used her power to bring them back to the flower field near Edea's house. Her face had been a mix of grief and joy; grief from believing he had died, and joy after seeing that she had revived him. Minutes later, they had met their friends, all very much alive, and returned to Garden.
But she's not coming back, he thought. Not for real. "Lexie misses you so much. So do I." At the reminder of his daughter growing up motherless, Squall's emotional wall cracked open, allowing a family of tears down his cheeks. "Why didn't you come back again at the orphanage, or when we were in Esthar? I...we needed you then, more than ever. Why?"
Rinoa shook her head. "I tried. But I have to rely on Quistis if I'm to return to this world, so I can't go very far away from her."
Squall lowered his eyes. He understood. The last time she'd appeared to him, Garden was still parked near the orphanage, where he was staying. Garden had returned to Balamb the next day, tearing Rinoa away from Squall once again.
"I want to see Lexie, before I go," Rinoa begged.
"Go? You…you have to leave again?"
Rinoa shook her head. "I can't stay here much longer. I'll be able to come back again soon. I promise."
As Rinoa turned to head into Alexa's room, she kept her watery gaze on Squall. When she finally turned her eyes away, Squall followed her. She walked into Alexa's bedroom, making no sound as she strode across the carpet and through the closed door. Squall pushed the door open behind her slightly, just enough to see her shimmering form standing over Alexa's bed.
"Lexie, sweetie," Rinoa cooed, wiping her eyes. "Lexie, it's me."
Squall heard his daughter stir in her bed. After a gentle yawn, he heard her say, "Mommy? I knew you'd come back."
As Squall eavesdropped on the conversation, he was suddenly reminded of Alexa's dream from a week before, during their first night at Laguna's home. She'd told him that Rinoa was trapped somewhere between Heaven and Earth, and that, somehow, Quistis was responsible. At the time, he'd given her "vision" a little credit, but he later believed that was because of his physical and emotional exhaustion.
Now, however, it wasn't just plausible. As much as Squall had tried to tell himself it couldn't be true, here was Rinoa, speaking to Alexa. Now his only fear was that this was all an elaborate dream, one that would rend his heart in two once he awoke.
"Lexie," he heard Rinoa's voice again, "I have to leave now. I'll be back to see you soon, okay?"
Alexa sniffled. "No, Mommy, please don't go. I miss you, Mommy."
The pain in Rinoa's voice was definite, and it tore Squall's heart in half to hear it. "I promise I'll be back. I never broke a promise to you, and I won't break this one. Goodbye, love." Her voice faded away into the air.
Squall suddenly became very aware of the ambient noises of Garden. The resonant hum of the gravity rings that operated even when Garden was on the ground. The air handling system that constantly circulated fresh, comfortable air into every room. The humming of the wall clock in the living room.
They were sounds he hadn't noticed before, until the cold absence of voice made them eerily apparent. The absence of Rinoa's voice. As it had the night of her death, his mind wandered, contemplating all the things that would never be the same without Rinoa there to share in all his joy, frustration, contentment, and anger. The only difference this time was the glimmer of hope that somehow, some way, she was going to return.
His thoughts were disturbed by the light sobbing coming from Alexa's room. It sounded as gentle and fragile as the cooing of a dove, and once again forced open the floodgates that had again tried holding Squall's emotions in check. He stepped into the room and stood over Alexa's bed, locking gazes with his daughter as she wiped water from her cheeks. She held out her arms in a silent plea, and Squall gladly lifted her up, hugging her tightly, crying with her.
"Will Mommy really come back?" the young Sorceress asked.
"If she promised, then she will," Squall said, trying hardest to convince himself. If she promised… he thought.
I promise, echoed the familiar, gorgeous voice in his mind.
Don't leave us alone, he begged the voice.
Sleep well, my darlings. I'll be back.
"Daddy, did you hear her just now?"
Squall blinked, and took a deep breath. How long had he been daydreaming? Was he daydreaming? "Yeah, I heard Mommy. You were right."
"I want her back, Daddy." Alexa laid her head on his shoulder.
"Me too, Lexie. Me too."
*Quistis stood in the Crossroad, watching as Rinoa faded back into view. She saw a glimmer in the younger woman's eye; an unshed tear that betrayed both her newfound hope and her quiet despair.
"Thank you, Quisty," said Rinoa, sitting down on the ground. She hugged her knees to her chest and rocked slightly.
"I'm sorry I couldn't help you hold on longer," said Quistis. "I'm still really new with these powers."
"Don't be sorry, Quisty," said Rinoa, glancing up at her friend. "I got to talk to Squall and Lexie again, and I'm not going to give up until I can stay with them forever." She looked down and studied her booted feet.
Quistis sat down next to the apparition. For a second, neither spoke, listening only to the sounds of the gentle metaphysical chimes ringing through the dimension that existed outside the living world. Finally, Quistis put an arm around Rinoa's shoulder. Much to her delight, she was able to touch Rinoa as if both were sitting together in the real world. Rinoa felt warm to her touch, as the aura that surrounded her penetrated through Quistis' sleeve.
Rinoa finally looked back at Quistis and smiled. "This must be pretty hard for you," she said. "When I first got my powers from Edea, I was so afraid of what would happen to me and the ones I love. All of you helped me realize that I had nothing to worry about, because I had the most wonderful friends a girl could ask for." She looked away and hung her head. "I shouldn't have kept my secret from you. I wasn't a very good friend, was I?"
"Don't say that, Rinny," said Quistis, hugging Rinoa's shoulder. "You were afraid of what the world would do to you and anyone that knowingly protected you. You were more worried about our safety than anything else. But, we would have done everything in our power to protect you, if your fears had come true. You're one of us. You've been since the time we tried to…uh…"
Rinoa knew what she meant, and finished the sentence. "…since the first time we were together in Deling City? Thank you. I know that you and I had words then, but I was really glad that we made up. You were right, I didn't take things seriously enough. But then, when I got my powers, everything changed. I started having these strange feelings, like hundreds of years of experiences creeping in on my mind. I felt so much different. By the time I had absorbed Adel's powers, I was already feeling much older, and not carefree like I was before. Edea explained that the powers carry echoes of past Sorceresses. Not enough to even feel like you've led a past life, but enough to quickly become mentally and emotionally mature, even if you're a seventeen-year-old spoiled brat. And don't say I wasn't," Rinoa continued, interrupting Quistis' attempted argument.
Quistis' closed her mouth slowly, giving up on her argument, and nodded. "To be honest, we did notice a change in you since we got back from Time Compression. We figured that since you'd literally been to hell and back, unlike you'd ever been before, that you'd come to appreciate how serious things can be, and that you'd…well, grown up. I can't believe I just said that."
Rinoa chuckled. "It's okay, Quisty. Really. I changed for the better. I learned how much of a struggle you all have gone through your whole lives, and that you didn't get a chance to be like regular teenagers because the whole world depended on you. The more time I spent with you, the more I realized not only that you had a true purpose, but when I was with you, I had one too. If I had it all to do over, I would have done everything the same. Except, I think I would have told you all the truth about my powers. You deserved to know."
Quistis looked away into the mist and thought for a second. Her biggest hang-up about her powers had been the fact that Rinoa didn't want everyone to know about them, when they had belonged to her. Now, it felt to her as if Rinoa were basically giving her permission to tell their friends.
Rinoa tilted her head. "Quisty?"
Quistis nodded to herself. "I'm going to tell them, Rinny. Not right now, but sometime soon."
Rinoa smiled lightly. "I figured you would."
"I can't imagine how difficult it was, keeping all the worry and anxiety to yourself." Quistis squeezed her trembling hands together.
Rinoa's head bobbed gently on her shoulders as she half-agreed with Quistis. "I did have Squall and Edea. They both were a great help. But…I don't know…I guess when you're going through that kind of thing, you can really use all the help you can get."
Quistis rocked herself and smiled hesitantly. "Yeah."
"Squall's going to come see you very soon," Rinoa said. "You know how much he cares for you. He's confused right now, but after he's had time to sort things out, and I'm able to be around more, he'll probably be able to give you, and Seifer, the most help you could hope for."
Just then, a dull knocking penetrated the calm Crossroad. Quistis felt her perception slip, as if she had suddenly become drunk. "I…do you think that's him now?"
Rinoa nodded. "Probably. I told him he should come see you, although I forgot to say he should let you sleep."
Quistis shrugged, her thoughts becoming more distant every second. "He wouldn't let a little thing like sleep get between you and him." She gave a wide smile to Rinoa. Rinoa's face burst into its own smile, and she giggled quietly.
Quistis began to fade from view. Just before she vanished completely, Rinoa called, "I'll be here, Quisty. See you soon."
"Bye, Rinny. I promise…I'll be…back…soon…" Her words became slurred as she faded away into the nothingness surrounding them
Rinoa clutched her knees to her chest and propped her chin on them. Now, she had nothing to do but to practice, and to wait.
*Quistis' eyes opened as she felt Seifer tapping her on the shoulder. It took her a moment to remember where she was. I was really back in the Crossroad, in my dream, she thought.
"Quisty, babe," said Seifer, patting her shoulder, "Someone's at the door. I need to get up for a second and tell 'em to go away."
Quistis quickly remembered that she was laying in Seifer's lap, and that he was quite immobilized with her on top of him. She yawned and said, "No, Seifer, let Squall in. He wants to talk to me, I bet."
Seifer raised an eyebrow. "You know it's him?"
"Rinoa was pretty sure it's him," she replied, trying to push herself up into a sitting position. Seifer helped her a little, but she was able to do most of it under her own power.
"So," he said, "you were talking to her again? In your dream?"
"Yeah," answered Quistis. "She and I must be closely linked."
Seifer nodded, and then stood up. "Well, better let the Commander in before he breaks a hole in the door." He walked away from Quistis' quiet giggle toward the door and opened it.
Surely enough, there stood Squall, bags under his bloodshot eyes, but otherwise looking healthy. He had thrown his blue jacket over clothes that looked as if they were slept in several nights in a row.
Squall looked at Seifer and froze. Shit, what do I do now? "Seifer," he started, hesitantly. "Is…is Quistis…awake?"
Seifer almost smirked at the smaller man's discomfort. He doesn't know that I know, he thought. "Yeah, come on in. She's waiting for you." As much as Seifer wanted to help Squall, he couldn't help but feel a bit of resentment against the SeeD Commander. Squall was what had, indirectly, caused his whole world to turn upside-down in only a few days' time.
Squall nodded, pretending he understood Seifer's reply. He stepped inside and saw Quistis sitting on the sofa.
As he walked toward the chair opposite her, Seifer grabbed his gunblade from the corner and said, "I think I'm going to hit the Training Center. I'll let you two sort things out."
Quistis looked up at him, and thought she saw a flicker of pain in his eyes. When she tried to find it again, however, she only saw the supportive expression of a loving husband. "Thanks, Seifer," she said. "Have fun."
Once Seifer had disappeared out the door, Squall said, "Sorry, Quisty. I hope I didn't…"
Quistis held up a hand. "Before you put yourself on a guilt trip, he already knows. About my powers, about Rinoa, everything."
Squall crossed his arms, visibly relieved. "Oh."
Quistis sighed. "You don't have to wait for an invitation to sit down, you know. Be at home."
Squall nodded lightly and sat down in the chair. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, in his customary slouch.
Quistis looked away, unsure what to say next. The last time she'd seen him, she ran away out of fear. Fear of the moment where she had to explain how she was channeling his dead wife. That wasn't the kind of thing you could easily explain to a widower.
Squall was likewise at a loss for words. He had planned so many things to say to his former Instructor, so many questions, yet he couldn't make his mouth operate to properly vocalize them.
Quistis was the one to finally break the awkward silence. "So, Squall, I'd imagine you have a lot of questions."
"Yeah," Squall said. And I can't think of a damn one right now.
"That's…a nice jacket," Quistis uttered, trying to break the ice. "I was with Rinoa when she got it for you."
"Mmhmm," Squall said, rubbing his arm. Why's everyone so concerned with my clothes? Enough with the small talk, Quist.
"Well, why don't I start?" asked Quistis, detecting Squall's distaste for her flattery. "I guess I'll tell you how we think everything happened, from my perspective."
Squall's silence indicated to her that he agreed.
Quistis started, "When I was with Rinoa in the Infirmary, just before she passed away, she pulled my spirit into a place she calls the 'Crossroad', a place between life and afterlife. There she told me the truth about her powers, and asked me…asked me to help you move on without her."
Squall shifted in his seat, becoming more nervous about Quistis' relaying of her experience.
The Instructor continued, more quietly, "Then she passed her powers onto me. While that was happening, though, I somehow subconsciously pulled her back from the afterlife, and trapped her in the Crossroad. The only way she can communicate with the living world is through me and my powers."
Squall leaned back in his chair, feeling his spine sigh with relief as he allowed it into a more natural position. "'None of us can make it alone'," he said, seemingly transfixed with a spot on the wall to Quistis' left.
"What?"
Squall looked at Quistis. "Rinoa told me that the first time she spoke to me. After she died, I mean. The night of the funeral. It was something you told me once, too."
Quistis stroked her chin as she studied Squall's expression. For the first time in a very long time, she truly could not read his feelings through his face. Even when she was his instructor, and he was perpetually morose and aloof, she could tell when he was getting shy, annoyed, or even contented. Now, however, he was totally opaque.
Squall continued, in an even tone, "She reminded me that I needed you, all of you, because I couldn't make it alone. Being a lone wolf nearly destroyed me when I was a teenager. When I saw you the next morning, I wanted to talk to you, to let you know I didn't blame you, and…and how sorry I was that you had to lose your friend right in front of your eyes…"
"Squall," Quistis interrupted.
Continuing unabated, Squall said, "…but you ran off, and even Edea wouldn't tell me the truth as to why. Now I know."
Quistis sighed. Squall's voice had an edge of anger in it, but his eyes were now simultaneously sympathetic and desperate. Taking a deep breath, Quistis said, "I didn't know what to do. I was scared about what was happening to me, just with becoming a Sorceress. Then, when I found out I was channeling Rinoa's spirit, I just couldn't handle it. I especially couldn't handle talking to you, because I didn't want to make you constantly relive your pain." She closed her eyes, again feeling tired. "I didn't mean to make you angry."
Squall opened his mouth, and then closed it again. Was I angry at her? I don't think so. Just confused, wasn't I?
Quistis opened her eyes, resuming her recount of the situation. "Rinoa is working on being able to stay in this world longer, so she can spend more time with you. I think she's hoping to find a way to stay here permanently, although I…honestly don't know how. If I loan her some of my powers, she can stay a bit longer, and appear to you while you're awake, but doing that wears both of us out."
Squall leaned forward again, his tired back protesting the motion. "Rinoa took some time to get used to her powers. After a while, she didn't even feel the exertion."
Quistis tilted her head. "Maybe."
Squall sighed, not wanting the conversation regress into silence. "Well, anyway, one thing I came here to say was that I have a pretty good idea what you're going through. And… I want to say that if you need anything, don't hesitate to call on me."
Quistis stared blankly at him for a moment, thensmiled. If this were anyone but Squall, I'd think he had an ulterior motive in wanting to help me.
Squall stood up, drawing in a deep breath as he did so. "Well, I'm going to head back home. Lexie had a chance to talk to Rinoa, too, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's woken herself up crying again."
Quistis nodded. She moved to get up, but the sudden motion made her head spin. Damn. I'm tired.
"Here," Squall said, offering his hand. Quistis accepted it, and Squall pulled her into a standing position. "You should probably take a nap."
"Yes, Mother," Quistis quipped, chuckling. To her great surprise, Squall responded with a small half-smile. Nodding, he started for the door.
"Just one thing, Squall," Quistis said. "Come here, please."
Squall returned to her and looked in her face. He was unexpectedly struck by the beauty of the woman in front of him. Not more beautiful that Rinoa, certainly, but with a definite comeliness all her own.
Quistis leaned forward and planted a chaste kiss on Squall's cheek. Squall looked at her with surprise, and placed his hand on the spot that her lips had touched.
"Thank you for your concern," she said. "I will need your help, just because I'm still so very scared for myself and my baby. But I promise you I'll do everything I can to get you and Rinoa back together again, permanently."
Then, Squall gave an expression she never remembered seeing on his face. He was smiling widely, with tears forming up in his eyes.
"Thank you, Quisty. You are such a good friend. Rinoa always loved you a lot, and I can see why."
Quistis looked away, suddenly feeling very shy seeing the tears of her Commander.
"Tell Seifer I said thanks, too," Squall said, breaking the silence before it could begin. "And also, that if he needs someone to talk to, about being the husband of a Sorceress and all, he can come to me. I promise I won't tell Zell if he cries."
Quistis laughed out loud, then quickly stifled it. She nodded and replied, "I will."
Without another word, Squall walked out of the apartment and closed the door behind him. Quistis stood there, staring at the door for a few minutes. Finally, she headed toward the bedroom, feeling a large weight lifting from her chest.
*Squall sat at his desk, sorting through yet another pile of paperwork. Zell had done his best to handle Squall's workload while he was gone, but in these six days since he'd returned from bereavement leave, he'd had to catch up on more work than he'd remembered doing in the previous month. He adjusted the front of his black uniform, also managing to scratch a persistent itch on his chest.
This is why I never used to wear this uniform, he thought. Damn thing itches like crazy.
His desktop pager chimed. Pressing the button, he said, "Yes?"
"Instructor Markson is reporting as ordered, sir," came Bowler Fisk's voice.
"Send her in," said Squall. I hope this is the right thing to do, he thought as he shoved the papers to one side of his desk. He quickly buttoned the top of his uniform jacket, straightening it.
His door slowly opened, and a redheaded woman's head poked in. "C-Commander?"
"Come in, Instructor," said Squall, standing up straight.
The woman stepped in nervously and closed the door behind her. She stood at attention for a few seconds before approaching Squall's desk, hesitantly. As she marched toward him, she did her best to avoid looking at him. After their previous encounter, she was scared to death of the man.
"Sit down, Laceel," ordered Squall, gesturing to the chair at the front of his desk. Her hands shaking, Markson lowered herself into the seat. Squall also sat down, his hands folded on the desk in front of him.
With a heavy sigh, Squall started, "Instructor, I want to…apologize, for the way I treated you after the incident involving Instructor Leonhart. What I said to you was not only inappropriate, it was dead wrong." Squall paused for a second. Apologies were always difficult for him, especially those going out to someone he wasn't very close with. "I understand Headmaster Cid gave you a reprimand on your record, and allowed you to continue teaching, after taking the training course on emergency procedures." He raised her eyebrows at her, indicating he expected a confirmation from the young woman.
Slowly, Markson nodded. Some color had returned to her face, but she was still on edge, unsure what else the Commander had in store for her.
"I don't blame you anymore," Squall said. "At the time, I was…angry, and…upset…" Damn, I hate sharing my feelings like this, "but after I've had time to look at the situation, you made a mistake that anyone else could have made. This probably doesn't mean anything to you, but I just want to say…I'm sorry. You've been a good Instructor, and a great asset to the children of Garden."
Markson blinked at Squall's sudden tenderness. Moments earlier, she'd feared he would pull out his gunblade and cleave her in two. Instead, he'd done the one thing she'd never imagined he'd do. Apologized sincerely. Her lower lip trembling, she whispered, "Thank you, sir."
Squall nodded, trying to adopt the least threatening look he could. "Now, I'm sorry to rush you out, but I still have a lot to catch up on from my…absence. If there's nothing you need to talk to me about…?"
Markson shook her head slightly.
"Dismissed, Instructor. Have a good day."
Markson stood from her seat and looked at Squall for a second, half expecting him to, once she turned her back, morph into a monster and gut her with razor-sharp claws. She did an about-face and, when she found her intestines were still inside her abdomen, she walked briskly toward the door.
Once Markson had closed the door behind her, Squall leaned back in his chair and undid the top two buttons of his uniform jacket. He rubbed his left temple and closed his eyes.
"You did that very well, Squall."
Squall's heart leapt in his chest, and he spun his chair around. There stood Rinoa's ghostly apparition, her hands folded behind her back, and her mouth smiling widely at him. "I knew you were made for this Commander thing, dear."
"Rinoa," said Squall as he stood up. He resisted the urge to reach out and embrace her, for he knew he would get nothing but air in his arms. "God, it's so good to see you."
Rinoa giggled. "You're acting like you haven't seen me in a week."
"I haven't," Squall murmured.
"Oh, yeah…sorry," Rinoa sighed. "I can't tell how time passes from the Crossroad."
"Now that I know what it's like to not have you here, I want you all the more," said Squall, absently fiddling with the buttons on his jacket. "How are you doing?"
"Better," answered Rinoa. "Quisty's running a study hall now, so she thought it would be good to send me some of her power so I could come see you."
Squall sighed and looked Rinoa over. She was there. She was really there, looking at him, talking to him. It seemed more than he could have ever hoped for.
"Rinoa…Rin…" Squall started, his mind jumbled with the words he wanted to say.
Rinoa smiled. "I know, sweetheart, I know."
"No, you don't," said Squall. "I…I took you for granted, Rin. I mean, I tried to spend time with you and Lexie, but I always got too busy with work. I should have tried harder to spend time with you. You deserved more than I gave…I'm sorry…"
"Squall, don't say that!" said Rinoa, stepping forward until her face was less than an inch from his. "You love me and Lexie, and you always showed us that you did. But you have responsibilities to Garden and SeeD, too. Although I always wanted to be able to spend more time with you, I never felt shortchanged by you."
Squall felt the strange sensation that he was speaking to a communication device, not a woman. Although her mouth was less than an inch away from his face, he felt no breath from her mouth when she talked. It was an eerie reminder that Rinoa was no longer of this world.
"Do you really mean that?" asked Squall.
"Yes, with all my heart," said Rinoa. She raised a hand to Squall's face. She held it in position so close to his cheek that it looked as if she were actually touching it.
Squall likewise raised his hand, holding it in position over Rinoa's cheek. He saw her smile, and smiled back.
Can you hear me? came her voice in his head.
Yes, I can, he replied, feeling great relief wash over him. God, I've missed hearing you in my mind.
They stood there in silence, staring into each other's eyes, communicating without words, or even thoughts. Their feelings spoke volumes. Time stopped for them, as each bathed in the other's presence.
"Squall? Hey, Squall, what are ya doing?"
Squall snapped out of his love-induced trance and dropped his hand in shock, passing it right through Rinoa's shoulder. He spun around to see Zell, in his uniform, standing there with a confused look on his face.
"Hey, Squall…what were you just doing?"
"Uh…nothing…" Squall said, his eyes wide but his brows furrowed.
Zell raised his eyebrows. "Dude, ya look like you've just seen a ghost!"
Squall stammered a reply, but couldn't find anything believable to say. He was surprised that Zell hadn't seen Rinoa. Maybe she'd ducked down behind his desk…
Squall looked behind him, and saw nothing but air between him and the window. Outside, the sun shone brightly through the clouds, sending beams of light into the office.
"I…I was just…" Squall turned back to Zell. "I was just…thinking, that's all."
"Oh," said Zell, scratching the back of his head. "Oh. Well, anyway...uh...I figured ya'd want these, it being the end of the month and all." He held out a stack of papers about two inches thick.
"Great, more paperwork. Annual reviews, right?" Squall took the papers and began flipping through them as casually as he could.
"Yeah," said Zell. "Look, I, uh…I'm pretty much done with that stuff ya gave me, so I can take care of those if ya want. You just gotta sign 'em later."
Squall raised his eyebrow. "You finished the entire stack. In just two days?"
Zell dug his hands into his pockets and walked around, sheepishly. "Well, to tell ya the truth…no. But I…just thought you could use the help, since you're still trying to get caught up and all."
Squall gave Zell a small smile, and held out the stack. "If you really want them, you can have them."
"All right!" said Zell, eagerly snatching the papers from Squall's hand. Then, realizing that he'd just accepted another three days' worth of work, corrected, "I mean, uh, I'll get them done as quick as I can, sir!"
Squall chuckled at Zell's attempted formality. "Anything else for me, Deputy Commander?" he asked, putting emphasis on Zell's title.
"Nope, that's it, I think. Commander." said Zell, smiling. He gave Squall a quick salute, which Squall returned. Then, he rushed out of the office and slammed the door behind him.
"That was close," came a female voice from behind him. Squall spun around to find Rinoa standing there, again less than an inch away from him. He flinched reflexively.
"What happened to you?"
Rinoa shrugged. "When I heard his voice, I pulled back so I wouldn't be visible. Lucky he didn't see me before that."
"Yeah, lucky" said Squall, once again captivated by Rinoa's deep brown eyes. He once again allowed himself to become lost in her presence, the world around them fading away into the wind.
*Zell stood outside the office, holding the stack of performance reviews. He stared down at the papers, but his mind was focusing on what he'd seen moments before.
"Um, can I help you, sir?"
Zell turned his head to see Bowler Fisk at his desk, eyeing Zell with a confused look on his face.
"Huh?" he asked.
"Is there something wrong, sir?"
Zell shook his head. "Nah, nothing wrong. Everything's good. Yeah, good."
Fisk blinked at him for a second. Then, shrugging, he turned his attention back to his terminal screen.
Zell stepped into the elevator. Once the doors closed, he crossed his arms and blew out of his lips, making a loud raspberry in the closed elevator car. His thoughts drifted back to Squall.
What was that behind him? he thought. It looked like…no, it couldn't have been. Maybe…a hologram?
He shook his head. Nah, Squall may miss her, but he's not like obsessed or anything. He wouldn't go that far.
Would he?