Disclaimer: Final Fantasy and all that is related (even its weird uncle nobody talks about) belong to SquareSoft. I am receiving no financial or material rewards for having written this.
Chapter 19: Moment Of Truth
Setting: Balamb Garden Infirmary
Two weeks later
Quistis sat down, her eyes squeezed shut in frustration. Rinoa's form floated overhead as she tried to regain her senses.
"Three minutes," Quistis breathed. "Rinny, any luck?"
"Nope." Rinoa floated back down to the floor. "It's almost like something is keeping me from holding onto it. But I can't figure out what it is, or how to hold my own against it. It seems…familiar, though…"
"Familiar how?" Squall asked.
Rinoa shook her head as she sat onto the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. "I didn't mean to say that out loud. It's just…something weird. Maybe I just need to keep working on getting stronger."
Squall gave Rinoa a concerned look. She stared back at him, halfway between apology and frustration. Quistis sighed. "Well, anyway, I don't think I have the energy to try it again tonight. I'm sorry, guys."
"Don't worry about it, Quisty. You've already done so much for us, I can't even begin to thank you." Rinoa smiled at her friend.
"How about a foot rub?" Quistis asked with a tired smile.
"Isn't that Seifer's job?" asked Squall matter-of-factly. Seifer grimaced at him, his arms crossed. Squall just looked right back, one eyebrow arched. He then winked, eliciting a response of surprise from Seifer.
"I think I just want to go home for now," Quistis said.
Seifer nodded, his eyes still set on Squall. "Yeah, let's go. See you guys later." He brushed a hair out of Quistis' face and led her out the door.
Once they passed Kadowaki's desk, Seifer said, "Quisty, notice anything…funny, about Squall?"
Quistis shrugged. "I wasn't really paying attention. Why? Something wrong?"
"I don't know. He just seems a little less…stiff, than usual."
"Maybe he's finally learning to loosen up," Quistis sighed. She didn't particularly want to think about Squall. She was far too tired, and just wanted to go home and rest for a while.
"Maybe," Seifer said. "I'd think he'd be a little more nervous, though."
Quistis shrugged. "If something's bothering him, it's between Rinny and himself right now. There's nothing we can do about it, and frankly, I don't have the energy to worry about him right now."
"Okay, okay," Seifer said. He kept silent for the rest of their trip back home.
Back in the Infirmary, Doctor Kadowaki checked Rinoa over as she made notes on her clipboard.
"You sure you're all right?" Kadowaki asked.
"Sure, I'm fine. It does hurt, but I don't think it's permanently damaging anything. If I have anything to damage," Rinoa chuckled wryly.
"Nah, you're tough, you'll be fine." Squall smirked. Rinoa looked at him questioningly, but he just shrugged and smiled.
Kadowaki made some final notes, and then tucked the clipboard under her arm. "Okay. We can try again whenever you and Quistis are ready. Let me know, and I'll be here."
Squall nodded and smiled more politely. "Thanks, Doc." He walked out the door, Rinoa close behind.
Rinoa ran ahead of Squall, trying to get a look at his face. He stopped, looked down at her, and asked, "What?"
"Squall, are you okay?"
Squall shrugged. "Fine. Why do you ask?"
"Well, you seem unusually…cheerful, especially for you." Rinoa bit her lower lip. "I mean, you were a nervous wreck before, and now, you're fine?" She put her hands to her hips.
"Why shouldn't I be?" he asked. "We're going to get you a new body. Just some minor setbacks. But it'll happen." He started walking again, and Rinoa followed after.
She wrinkled her nose in thought. She had seen Squall sad, angry, happy, and indifferent, and sometimes more than one of those at a time. But she could never remember him being in so much denial that he actually put on a false face of over cheerfulness. Maybe I'm just imagining things. But this is Squall, Mister Stoic. And he never wants to bother anyone else with his problems. Even me. She had a pretty good idea of the pain he was going through, but as always, he was doing his best to hide it. She didn't know what she could do about it now, except to just take him at face value and try to work an admission of his pain out of him. It had always worked before. She sighed. "Okay, sorry. Just thinking about you, is all."
"It's fine," Squall replied. "I have to go to the office for a little while tonight, but I want to have dinner with you and Lexie, if you don't mind."
"Love it," Rinoa replied with a forced smile. He never made plans to have dinner with his family on nights he had to work late. Squall was hiding something. Something that shook him down to his very soul. He doesn't want to worry me, but he's scared. I know it. He knows I'm at least as nervous about it as he is. She desperately wanted to pressure him, to force him to let his feelings out to her. But she knew she couldn't do that; he was too headstrong, and would only end up getting angry with her.
She took solace in the fact that she knew Squall, and that eventually she would get him to share his true feelings with her. It would just take her a while.
*Rinoa meandered down Garden's main corridor, getting polite nods and smiles from students and Instructors alike.
She returned the gestures to the best of her ability, but found herself at a loss. Her students were at lunch with the assistant Instructor. She couldn't eat, and today felt that she needed a walk during lunch hour, away from them all. Why, she didn't know. But despite the fact that she was constantly apprehensive about their attempts at wizardry beyond all known conventions, she was even more concerned about how Squall was handling this pressure. She had more on her mind than she cared to think about, and she needed some type of distraction.Her feet seemed to have a mind of their own, and they eventually carried her to the Cafeteria. She glanced around, half-aware of the people around her. One particularly young student asked her if she was all right. Rinoa forced a smile and nodded, and walked off.
"Rinny?"
Rinoa stopped in her tracks. She turned her head, and saw Quistis standing behind her, wearing a concerned frown.
"Oh, hi, Quisty," Rinoa replied, turning her body around. Quistis was not the person she needed to see for a distraction from her problems.
"Are you okay?" Quistis crossed her arms.
"Mhmm, fine…no, not really, I guess," Rinoa's mental energy was not of the capacity to put up a pretense for her closest friend. I suppose Quisty's the best help I can get right now.
"Want to talk about it?"
Rinoa shook her head. "You have a class to get back to, don't you?"
"I have another twenty minutes," Quistis replied. "I just finished eating. Want to take a walk?"
"Sure," Rinoa replied emptily, shrugging. She followed Quistis' lead out of the Cafeteria.
Through the corridor, Quistis and Rinoa walked side-by-side. Quistis looked over at her friend, able to tell that the younger woman was depressed. Quistis hadn't seen her this depressed since they'd first met in the Crossroad, right after she'd died. Rinoa wasn't sure she'd be able to see Squall or Alexa again, and had been quite distressed. Maybe this is all just too much for her. Maybe we're doing the wrong thing. I shouldn't have pushed them so hard.
They reached a small recreational area on the western side of Garden, just off the Infirmary hallway. The area had a few benches, grass, and neatly arranged flowers. A rather unimaginative student had dubbed it "Garden's Garden" several years before. However, the name had stuck, and "Garden's Garden" became a favorite for people looking for a quiet place to talk or to study, when the stuffy, closed-in library wasn't as desirable.
Quistis motioned to an open bench and sat down. Rinoa sat down through the bench, and then rose up so that it appeared she was sitting on the bench itself. She clutched her knees to her chin, giving the illusion that her heels rested on the bench.
"So, what's on your mind?" Quistis asked.
Rinoa sighed. "It's Squall."
Quistis had known the answer. She had noticed his strange behavior, and as she had mulled over it, had herself become concerned about him. Still, to give Rinoa a chance to vent her feelings, she asked, "What about him?"
"I think he's really upset about something. Well, I know what that something is, but he's just holding it all in." Rinoa turned her head to face Quistis and rested her cheek on her bare knees.
"Typical Squall."
"Yeah, I know," Rinoa replied, "but also…he acts really cheerful, almost more than I've ever seen him."
Quistis nodded. "Hmm."
"What?"
"Seifer mentioned something about Squall seeming unusual, the other night. Like he wasn't 'nervous' enough. Actually, that he was too, well, happy." Quistis pushed an errant strand of hair out of her face.
"Good, then I'm not the only one who noticed," Rinoa replied.
"He's probably under a lot of stress," Quistis said. "I can't think of what you could do to help him, though. I used to know him pretty well, but he's a lot different now. More adult, and a lot more complex."
Rinoa sighed again. "Yeah. But the thing is, I've never seen him like this. I've seen him mask his emotions before, but never swing so far the other way. I just…don't know what I can do for him."
"Be there for him," Quistis replied. She pursed her lips, almost afraid to say the next sentence. "I think he's afraid what might happen…if…"
"…if it doesn't work, and I somehow get ejected from the living world?" Rinoa buried her face in the crook between her knees.
"Yeah," Quistis said, turning away. "I don't think that'll happen but…"
"…it's a possibility.," Rinoa completed. "I'm afraid too. But I haven't told Squall how much it would mean to me to be able to touch him again. To live in this world for real. But I don't want to lost him any more than he wants to lose me." Rinoa clutched her legs more tightly to her chest.
"We've just go to be careful, is all," Quistis said.
Rinoa then chuckled. "Actually, if I could at least change something, I wish I could change clothes for him." She laughed, resting her chin on her knees. "I'm sure he'd be happier to see me in my good old blue duster and black bodysuit rather than this same old uniform every day."
Quistis smiled. "Yeah, a change would be nice, I guess. And…I always thought that outfit of yours was cute."
Rinoa giggled. "Thanks, Quisty. I bought it in Timber shortly before I met all of you."
"Problem is, I can't remember what it looks like, it's been so long." Quistis stared at Rinoa, trying to visualize her in her old clothing.
"I see it in the closet all the time…" Rinoa started, looking toward the sky.
Suddenly, before the Instructor's eyes, Rinoa changed. Her image flashed bright white for an instant, and once the light faded, Rinoa appeared to be wearing the very outfit they had just been discussing.
"…Squall never took it out, but I just can't imagine myself wearing it," Rinoa finished.
"Uh, Rinny?" Quistis asked, her voice shaking slightly.
"What?" Rinoa asked softly.
"Tell me I'm hallucinating," Quistis said.
"Huh?" Rinoa looked at her.
Quistis eyes were open wide, and they were staring back at her. "Because I…uh, I can swear that you're wearing that outfit we were just talking about."
"Quisty, are you okay? What are…you…my…God!" Rinoa sprung up from her seated position, standing about two feet in the air. She looked herself over, her mouth hanging open. Somehow, she was suddenly wearing the old blue outfit she and Quistis had been talking about. The arm warmers were there, as were her bodysuit, blue denim skirt, and even the black ribbon she'd started wearing on her left arm when she'd joined the Timber Owls. She no longer wore the calf-length SeeD uniform boots, and instead had on her own over-the-ankle boots, with the buckle strap in the center.
She then realized she was floating in midair, and levitated herself downward until her feet were back on the ground. Various students stared at her, but she didn't care. She stared at Quistis. "How did you…did you?" She stared at the blonde Instructor, at a loss for any more words.
Quistis looked back at her, unable to believe her eyes. "I…I…was just trying to remember you in that outfit and…there was a flash of light, and you changed."
Rinoa looked herself over again. "Do it again," she said. "Try…my wedding dress, this time."
"I…I don't remember it really well, but I'll try." Quistis blinked, unsure what was about to happen. If she had suddenly found a new power, it had blindsided her. As the rest of her powers had manifested themselves after much practice and help from Rinoa, this was quite a shock to her.
She shut her eyes, searching in her memory for an image of Rinoa's wedding. She finally came upon the first dance Rinoa and Squall had shared. Quistis had thought it so beautiful, and she had been so happy for her friends, that she'd burned that moment into her brain. For the briefest of moments, a warmth spread over her soul, as she remembered what a wonderful day it had been.
Rinoa looked down from Quistis' closed eyes to the Sorceress' hands. They began to glow faintly in the bright sunlight. Suddenly, a flash of light traveled from Quistis' hands to Rinoa. She felt a quick spark like a static shock, and then looked down and gasped. She was in her wedding dress. The details weren't all the same, but it was very close to the real thing.
"Quisty…you did this." Rinoa tried to keep her breathing even.
"I…I did?" Quistis replied, also trying to keep her breath. "My God. All I did was think about your wedding day, and how wonderful it was."
Rinoa fingered the material. It felt so real to her, and brought back all the pleasant memories from what was one of the happiest times of her life. Then, she gasped. "Wait, you don't suppose…" She stared wide-eyed at the fellow Instructor.
"Suppose what?" Quistis asked.
"That this is how it can work?"
*"We've been going about this the wrong way!" Rinoa, now back in her blue duster, exclaimed excitedly. "Quisty was trying to create something, and then I would take control of it. But that won't work, because, essentially, I'm a creation of her powers, too, but also totally different. One can't control the other. It's like drops of oil in a glass of water. They look like they can become one if you mix them hard enough, but they'll eventually separate again."
"Instead," Quistis dictated, "What I need to do is, in a way, complete my creation of Rinoa. I held back her soul, creating it enough of a life force to remain out of the afterlife. But if I'd done it intentionally, I could have given her a totally new physical form, with the ability to fully exist in our world."
"So it's like relativity, where you can exchange energy for matter?" Zell crossed his arms.
Everyone looked at Zell, surprised. He shrugged. "What? I paid attention in class too, ya know!"
"Actually, kind of, yeah! Anyway," Rinoa continued, "if Quisty concentrates on completing my transformation, that's how I can get a new body!"
Squall stared at them for a moment, his features frozen. Finally, he said, "Wait, I have a question," his cheerful demeanor suddenly a memory. "You're going to use your powers directly on Rin, correct?"
Quistis nodded.
"What's to say they won't cause some kind of backlash and rob Rinoa of what she has?"
Silence fell like a heavy blanket over the room. A realization suddenly set in for everyone. They could give Rinoa new life, but in the process, risked killing her. This time, maybe for good.
"Squall, she'll be very careful…" Rinoa started.
"What about Lexie. What about me? What will we do without you, Rin?" Squall's voice was gaining momentum, as he began to feel panic well up in his chest.
"You're acting like something bad will happen! We've been together on borrowed time, Squall," Rinoa said, standing inches from Squall, staring into his eyes. "No matter what, I'll always be with you and Lexie. You know that. But…" she trailed off.
"What? What is it?"
Rinoa sighed. "Squall, I haven't told you this, but this is killing me. Being with you and Lexie, but not being able to hold either of you. It's almost like a nightmare that I can't wake up from."
Squall stared blankly at her. He knew, somehow, he knew that was how she felt. Perhaps he had just been in denial. But…to lose her completely…
"Rinoa, come in here for a moment, please." He gestured toward the empty maternity ward. He walked into the small room, allowing Rinoa to follow him inside before closing the door.
"Squall, what? Are you going to yell at me or something?" She placed her hands at her hips.
Squall shook his head dejectedly. "No. I have no reason to. I…I just can't say what I want to say in front of everyone." He walked away from her and looked out the window. Rinoa watched him expectantly.
"I…I don't know what I'd do, without you, Rin." Squall's voice became shaky, as if he were fighting back tears. Rinoa walked up to his side, trying to look at his face. He turned away. "This is the first time, since I first lost you in the accident…that I'm truly afraid that I'll never see you again."
"Squall," Rinoa quietly said, "I don't want to lose you and Lexie either. But I'd rather take the chance on being here all the way, then only being a phantom that hides in the shadows."
"You're exaggerating."
"Not really," Rinoa replied. "Squall, I'm only as good as a hologram to you in this state."
Squall turned to her, his eyes glassy and brows furrowed. "Is that what you really think you are to us?"
Rinoa looked into his eyes for a moment, and then turned away. She shook her head lightly.
"Have you thought about what will happen to me and Lexie if something happens to you?" Squall's throat was tight, and his eyes burned. "She needs a mother too. She needs you."
"I know she does. But what about Jett? He didn't get a second chance. He didn't even get a first chance. If something happens to me, I'll be with him. And he and I both will be watching over you and Lexie." Rinoa stepped through Squall's body, trying to get a look at his face.
Her heart melted when she finally saw it. Squall was crying. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, and his lips were pressed together. She felt a rush in her head, ad he finally released the dam that had been holding his true emotions inside through this whole "body" ordeal. Squall leaned forward on the window sill, barely able to stand on his quivering knees
"I can't stand losing you again, Rin," he whispered between sobs. "Last time, I almost killed myself."
Rinoa gasped. "What?" she breathed
Squall shook his head. "Right after you died, I felt like my heart had been ripped out. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't even think. All I knew was all the times I'd taken you for granted. All the times I'd…nearly gotten you killed, and how much I truly wanted to be with you."
"But…but Lexie…" Rinoa started, unable to finish the sentence.
"She was the one thing that kept me from doing it," Squall replied. He smirked audibly, tears still running. "Some great Commander, huh? Look at me." He smacked his fist hard into the windowsill, and then grimaced at the sudden pain that shot up his wrist.
Rinoa held her hands out, placing them at his cheeks. She mimicked wiping his tears away, but didn't try to stop her own that were now beginning to flow.
"I can't hold you, Squall." Rinoa's voice trembled. She sniffed back a sob. "This is like I'm talking to you over the telephone from the moon, and I can never get back. But it's worse, because I'm so close…and I can't touch you. I can't touch Lexie. You're both so close, but so far away. It's like torture. I'd…I'd almost rather be completely dead than have to live like this too much longer. I'll go mad, Squall. I can't give you and Lexie what you need. What you deserve. I'd rather take the risk of losing you completely, than just having you part way."
Squall squeezed his eyes shut, forcing more tears to drip down onto his blue jacket. He looked down at it, fingering the material. "I know, Rin. Somehow, I just knew that was how you felt. I just couldn't help but deny it. Having you back was a dream come true, but I tried to ignore…how much it hurt…that I couldn't…couldn't touch you." He looked into her eyes. "I still have my old jacket in the bottom of the closet. I never cleaned it. I never wanted to. This one I'm wearing, it was from you. That's why it's so special. That's why I wear it so much. Because I thought maybe, somehow, it would let me hold you again, even just in my dreams."
Rinoa's tears flowed freely, yet she smiled. "Squall…" She could find no words to express what she felt.
Squall felt her feelings flow forth across their mind link. He understood what she was trying to say. "Rin, I love you. I always will. Even if…even if something happens and you're taken away from us…I'll always have part of you here." He held his hand to his heart.
They stared into each other's eyes for a few minutes, saying nothing, nor moving any muscle.
Outside the room, everyone waited patiently. "Man, what's going on in there?" Zell asked.
"I don't know," Seifer replied. "I don't hear any yelling, and Squall looked ready to explode."
"They just need some time to deal with this," Kadowaki said. "Squall's been holding his emotions in check for too long."
Quistis, understood perfectly why they had left the room. Squall rarely ever had emotional outbursts, and when he did, they were in private. "Let's just let them be, okay?"
Suddenly, the door opened. Squall and Rinoa stepped confidently back into the examination room, but everyone could see the slight redness under both their eyes.
"Okay," Squall said with renewed confidence. "Let's do it. One condition, though," he emphasized. "I want Lexie with us when we do it. I want her to see what happens, and to…to see her mother one last time, in case something goes wrong."
Rinoa folded her hands behind her back. "And I want Selphie, Irvine, Xu, and Cid here. If I end up disappearing for good, I want them to know what happened, and I want to be able to see them all one last time." She drew in a slightly quivering breath, trying to calm her metaphysical nerves.
Quistis nodded and smiled. "Okay, then, Rinny. When everybody's here, we'll do it."
*Squall and Rinoa looked deeply into each other's eyes. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, Squall, Rinoa thought to him. Scared of being lost to you again. Scared of losing you and Lexie.
I know. I'm scared too, he admitted.
But, I know I have to do this. For myself, as much as for you and Lexie.
Not wanting to add to her anxiety, Squall thought, Well, I plan on taking you out for a first-class dinner of hot dogs tonight. Got the reservations and everything.
Rinoa put her hand to her mouth and giggled. I can't stand you up now, can I? She then knelt down to Alexa. "Don't forget to cover your eyes, okay, sweetie? The light'll be really bright."
Alexa nodded solemnly. Rinoa tilted her head. "Are you scared?" Alexa nodded again. "Don't worry. Aunt Quisty'll take good care of me. You and I will go on a walk later, and I'll pick you up on my shoulders to see the sunset. Okay?"
Alexa nodded. She wished she could give her mother a hug. Instead, she wrapped her arms around herself. "Promise?"
Rinoa winked. "I promise." She straightened herself up. "Okay guys," she said as she slapped her palms together. "I'm ready."
"Good luck, Rinny!" Selphie squealed, leaping in front of her and nearly knocking Squall over.
"Yeah," said Irvine, stepping up beside his wife. "We'll see you in a few minutes, got it?"
"Got it, Irvy," Rinoa winked.
"Hey, Rinoa," Zell said as he and Xu stepped up to her. "Listen, uh…" He scratched the back of his head, and stumbled over a few unintelligible words.
"What he's trying to say is, good luck," Xu interrupted. Rinoa could see a tear starting to form in the elder woman's eye. "We'll all be praying for you."
"Thanks, guys. Hey, I'm gonna come see you in Trabia, right?" Rinoa asked.
"You bet, Rinny, you bet," Xu replied. She squeezed Zell's hand and started to lead him away.
"No, wait," Zell said. He stopped and looked at Rinoa. "Look, uh, good luck. We'll be waiting right here for ya, okay?"
Rinoa nodded, smiling. "Okay, Zell. And…thanks, for everything."
Zell blushed and turned away. Xu led him away as Rinoa turned toward Cid and Edea.
"Rinoa, I wish you godspeed, and good luck. We definitely don't want to lose you again." Cid grinned.
"I'll do everything I can," Rinoa said. "I trust Quisty all the way."
Edea said nothing, and just looked at the floor.
"Edea?" Rinoa asked.
Edea sighed. "I just wish I could have spared you all this pain. I wish you hadn't had to have been the one to absorb my powers. Then none of this would have happened."
"It's okay, really," Rinoa replied. "They helped me grow up a lot, and they've given me a second chance at life. If I had everything to do over again, I wouldn't have changed a thing."
Edea nodded, and gave her a motherly hug and kiss. With a nod of thanks, Rinoa walked from her to Seifer. "Seifer, I know we haven't had the best history, but…" she faltered, unsure what she really wanted to say.
"I know," Seifer replied. "Me too."
Rinoa smiled. She nodded to him, and then to Quistis. "I'm ready."
"Okay," replied Quistis. She flexed her fingers and closed her eyes, drawing upon every fiber of her being to bolster her strength. Rinoa, meanwhile, lay down flat on the floor. She then floated up off the floor, slid across the air toward the examination table, and came to a stop a few centimeters above the tabletop.
"You better take good care of my mommy!" Alexa said, her hands to her hips, indignantly. Squall put a hand on her shoulder and hushed her.
"I promise, Lexie," Quistis replied without opening her eyes.
"Good!"
"All right," Quistis said, flexing her fingers. "Everyone cover your eyes. Rinoa…" Rinoa looked at Quistis. "I'll give you a big hug in a few minutes, okay?"
Rinoa smiled. "You bet, Quisty." She shut her eyes tightly, preparing herself for whatever was about to happen.
Quistis focused her mind. This was it. There would be no second chances if she did something wrong. She drew on every store of energy she could find in her body. As she aimed all her strength and will into one action, she released her minds inhibitions and began to bring images to her mind of the happiness they would all feel when Rinoa was fully alive and well before them. The giddiness those feelings produced helped clear her mind of her self-doubt.
Everyone watched as blue and gold energy bolts collected at Quistis' fingertips. Then, with a sharp snap, they leapt onto Rinoa. Rinoa grunted as the energies enveloped her, but willed herself to remain in the real living world, in their grip, and to not regress back to the Crossroad.
Squall's hands went to his temples again. He felt a throbbing pain, but held in any reaction to it. Rinoa's pain was increasing, he knew it. He only hoped that she would be able to bear it. Is this what it feels like to be born? he asked himself. Although he couldn't remember his own birth, this pain felt vaguely familiar to him.
The powers exchange intensified, the brightness becoming blinding. Quistis pushed herself to what she knew as her limit, and then went beyond it. She forced herself past the barriers she had put up against the memories of generations of past Sorceresses. After she crossed that threshold, she found new strength and confidence she had never known she'd possessed. All the power she held, all of it to be used, to help her friend to live again.
Fithos.
Her focus wavered for an instant, and Rinoa gave a high-pitched yelp. Quistis redoubled her efforts, focusing everything she had into Rinoa. She didn't even spare the thought to scold herself for her almost catastrophic distraction.
Lusec.
The voice was deep, reverberating inside her head. She recognized the words as a chant, their origin and purpose unknown to her. However, Quistis ignored the voice to the best of her ability. She couldn't afford to let her concentration waver again. Rinoa's life depended on her.
Wecos.
She pushed harder. She heard nothing but the crackling of the energies beneath her. She refused to fail.
Vinosec.
NO! her mind shouted. That won't happen! She could feel a physical form taking shape in front of her, and she dared not stop. Not until every drop of her strength was exhausted.
Squall's head felt like it was about to explode. He clenched in both hands, trying to keep it from flying apart, but it did nothing to ease the intense throbbing. He fell to his knees and cried out, but with the loud crackling in the room, no one heard him.
He heard Rinoa cry out in his mind. He screamed again, more loudly this time.
And with a thud, it was over. Silence suddenly filled the room.
Squall collapsed onto all fours, and barely avoided falling face-first onto the floor. Quistis' hands fell to her side, and her legs gave way. Seifer caught her, and lowered her to the floor into his lap. Wisps of some kind of white smoke or steam rose from Quistis' hands.
Squall, out of breath, immediately stood. The pain had vanished from his head without a trace. He blinked for a second, shook his head to regain his orientation, and then looked at the table. Upon it lay a body. It had Rinoa's head, but the body, although naked, was featureless. It looked the same as all their previous attempts.
Squall ran up to the table and looked the body over, his heart stopped dead in his chest. "Rin? Rin, can you hear me?"
No reply. Not even a stir.
"Rinoa?"
He heard a gasp from someone behind him. He ignored it. I'm not giving up on her that easily. He reached out and touched the body's arms. They were hot to the touch, but not unbearably so. He clenched the shoulders in his hands. He felt no movement. He stretched out with his mind, trying to find hers.
Nothing.
"No…" he whispered. "C'mon, Rin, you can do it! Come back to me!"
He watched the body for what felt like hours, but saw no movement except that caused by his trembling hands.
He clenched his teeth together and screamed out to her with his mind. Rinoa! Wake up!
He heard no response.
Everyone else kept quiet. Selphie, who had been kneeling over Quistis with Xu, tried to run up to the table. However, Irvine held her back, muttering something into her ear. Cid and Edea were unable to hold Alexa back, though, and she ran up to the table and grabbed her mother's hand. "Daddy, is Mommy okay?"
Squall stared down at the body, unable to formulate a reply to the child. His face began to grow cold as he felt himself become light headed. He was going into shock. He had lost his angel once before, and it was starting to look like he'd lost her again. This time, for good.
"No!" he shouted. He placed his fingers on the body's wrists, finding no pulse. He balled one hand up into a fist, placed it over the body's sternum, and covered it with the other hand. He made three quick chest compressions, and then lowered his cheek to her mouth.
Nothing.
He tilted her head back, covered her mouth with his own, and tried to breath air into her lungs. However, he couldn't force his breath into her. He examined her mouth, but finding no obstructions, tried again.
"She's choking!" he gasped after the second attempt failed.
"Squall, she may not even have lungs," Edea said. "We don't know this body's makeup. Resuscitation may not work on her."
"Squall, I don't think there's anything you can…" Cid said grimly.
"Dammit, stop standing there and help me! Please! She's not gone! She's not!" Squall cried, tears of frustration and anguish soaking his face. He continued doing chest compressions, pausing every few seconds to check for a pulse. He grunted with each thrust, channeling all his strength and his emotions into willing her body to live.
During one thrust, his elbows buckled and he practically collapsed on top of the body. He pushed himself back up into a standing position and stared down at the body. This was what he'd feared. He'd lost his angel. She was gone forever.
"Daddy?" Alexa said. Strangely, she seemed calm despite her father's outburst.
"Lexie…I…"Squall choked on his words. "I…I'm sorry…"
Just as his knees started to give way in defeat, he saw movement. He immediately pulled his hands away. "Lexie, let go of her!"
Alexa complied instantly, releasing the hand back onto the table. For a moment, the body lay still. Then, suddenly, Squall caught a glimpse of something in his peripheral vision. He looked down at the fingers of the left hand. The index finger twitched. Squall's heart leapt into his throat, and he laid his hand on the body's left hand. It stirred ever so slightly under his gentle grip.
Seconds later, he heard a ragged breath being drawn in from the mouth. The chest rose in spurts, and then fell again as the air was expelled. The body went motionless again.
"Come on," Squall murmured. "Please. Again."
Her chest rose again as another breath was drawn in through her mouth. Squall let out a sob of relief, and pressed his hands to his face, thanking whichever god was smiling upon them this day. Another breath came, this one smoother. And another. As Rinoa's breathing became more regular, Squall could see features begin to form on her body. He saw tiny hairs begin to sprout from her arms and her legs. Fingernails and toenails began to form. Her smooth, round breasts began growing small nubs in their centers, and a circular area of skin around those nubs started growing darker.
Quickly, Squall pulled off his jacket and threw it over her. However, as it was only a waist length, it only covered her bosom and stomach. He looked up at Kadowaki. "Blanket!" Kadowaki nodded and handed him one from a cart against the wall. He shook it open and draped it over Rinoa.
"What going on?" asked Selphie, rushing up to the tableside. Everyone else followed her in surrounding the body, all asking what was happening.
Edea smiled lightly, a sense of understanding entering her eyes. She laid her hand down on Rinoa's and cleared her throat. Everyone silenced. "Quistis could only create the solid form," Edea said gently. "Because this body is part of Rinoa, she's molding it to match her…well, needs. Just like she had to condition herself to be able to stay in the real world. She's conditioning the new body so she can live again."
"So…she's alive?" Irvine asked.
"Really?"squealed Selphie.
"Yeah! I knew it'd work!" Zell shouted. Xu shushed him, and he hung his head sheepishly.
Squall ignored their chatter, watching his wife's face intently. After a few more minutes, her lips quivered. He leaned over her, his face inches from hers. He could feel her hot breath on his cold cheeks. He drank in the air she expelled, reveling at how alive it felt to him.
"Daddy? Mommy's going to be okay, I know it. I can feel her."
Squall glanced down at his daughter. Her eyes were wide and hopeful, and her hands were clenched in front of her nervously. "I…" he started.
"S…S…"
Squall turned back to the body as everyone silenced themselves again. Slowly, tiredly, Rinoa opened her new eyes, as if she were awakening from a long, deep sleep. Squall grasped her hand in his own. Her skin was cooler now, and almost felt normal. "Rin? Is that you? Can you hear me?" he asked shakily.
"S…S…all? Ssssssssaaaaallllll?" Her voice was drawn out and very slurred, as if she were trying to speak with a numb tongue.
"I'm here, Rin. It worked. You're going to be okay."
Rinoa's breathing had become deep and regular. Squall placed one hand at her neck, and was quite surprised to feel a pulse. Edea was right. She was transforming the body, right down to the heartbeat.
"Rin, can you hear me?" Squall felt a dozen eyes on him as everyone watched and waited, silently, for her reply.
"C-ccchhhhaaaannnn'ssss…heeeeeaaaarrrrrr…yoooooooo…" Rinoa slurred, monotone.
She responded, Squall thought. She must be able to hear me, just not well. Hopefully it's temporary. Then again, even if it's not, at least she's alive. Keeping his eyes trained on her face, he began to speak to her with his mind. Rin, you're alive. It worked. You're going to be okay.
Squall? So…tired…
Mommy! Alexa's mind cried out to them. I can hear you again!
Everyone watched Squall and Alexa look at Rinoa silently, without moving. "Huh? Hey, what are you guys doing?" Zell asked.
"They're talking, so shut up," Seifer said, holding Quistis' face in his hand. The blonde woman stirred, her eyes beginning to roll open.
"Huh? But they're not saying anything!"
"I'll explain later," Edea said.
Cid turned to Edea. She looked back at him and nodded knowingly. Cid smiled and pushed his glasses back up his nose.
"Did…did it…work?" Quistis breathed.
"Yeah, I think it did," Seifer whispered. "Don't worry about it now, Quisty. You've done a lot, and now you're gonna get some rest. You deserve it." He looked up at Kadowaki, who knelt in the spot abandoned by Selphie, waving a scanner over Quistis' head and chest.
"Good," Quistis replied, cuddling her face into Seifer's hand. "I need some rest." She closed her eyes, and fell fast asleep.
Seifer raised his eyebrows to Kadowaki. The doctor watched her device for a few more seconds, and then looked up at Seifer. "She just needs a good night's sleep and she'll be fine. Although I wouldn't rule out a vacation either."
Seifer smiled. Quistis had done what has been thought to be impossible. Maybe, finally everything would be over, and they could both rest.
Squall continued staring at Rinoa, speaking to her telepathically. I know you're tired, Rin, I know. But you're alive, and your body is getting stronger. He tried to keep his emotional barriers up, but failed miserably. New tears rolled down his cheeks; these were tears of joy.
I…love…you…my knight…and my lovely…wonderful daughter, came her faint voice.
Squall's eyes burned. I love you too, Rin. I love you too.
Me too! Lexie replied.
You're going to be okay, Rin, Squall promised.
I…know, Rinoa replied. I know…I will…because…you said I would.