Another week had passed and she still hadn't taken the time to talk with him, something she felt guilty about every time she remembered she had to. And now he stood in her doors, confused but also sure of himself.
"Will." She gave him the sweetest and most comfortable smile she had, but he didn't notice, just as he didn't notice the dress she was wearing. Long, red, strapless and with a deep V; a dress that would normally have captured his attention instantly.
"Deanna." Her sense of him was confused and that worried her, he was definitely struggling with something but also not; she didn't understand.
"Have a seat. Can I get you something?" She stood up from her couch, the dress clinging to the curves of her body, accentuating them. Her long ebony curls spilled down her shoulders and back; but he hardly noticed.
"Uhm, a black coffee please." Deanna frowned at him 'black coffee?' that wasn't a good sign.
"Hot-chocolate." A cup of hot chocolate appeared out of the blue.
"Black coffee." She picked the two drinks up and carried them over to the table they were sitting by. The Counselor installed herself back on the couch and tucked her legs beneath her. For five minutes they just stared at each other. Will's mind was working on full speed 'How should I tell her this without being dubbed a lunatic. Do I deserve being dubbed a lunatic?'...'Maybe I do'. Deanna tried to clear her senses of him. He was in state of turmoil, yet he was very sure about something.
"Will? What did you want to talk about?" His head turned up, his hands reached out to his coffee and he drank all of it in one breath. Amazed by this action Deanna's brown eyes grew even larger.
"Are you alright?" She stood up again, worried something was terribly wrong. This time Will stood up as well and advanced towards her. As she looked into his bright blue gaze it suddenly hit her 'Oh My God, he's in love!'. He placed his hands on her waist, lifted her up and swung her around.
"Will!" A laughing and surprised shriek left her throat
"Sorry, I guess I'm in a rather cheery mood." He winked at her when he put her down. Her heart skipped a beat. 'That look!'
"Yes, I can see that." She threw a coy look at him and got one back.
"What, you don't sense it?"
"That too." He kissed the tip of her nose and dropped back onto the couch he had been sitting in. Surprised by his action her facial statement froze for a minute before she dropped down beside him, her heart full of expectations.
"Will you tell me what is going on?"
"I'm in a jolly mood." Her face grew serious when he evaded her question.
"We already established that." He grinned but aside of that he kept silent.
"You're also nervous." A sigh escaped his throat.
"Yes, that too."
"About what?"
"About...about what I'm going to tell you, about what I'm going to ask you." If he had been paying more attention he would've noticed that her heart had started beating faster with expectations...but he didn't. He gathered her tiny hands in his much larger ones but didn't notice the familiar feeling that fled through his body.
"Deanna, I'm very grateful for our relationship, I cherish it more than anything else." She could see the hope in his eyes. Would he finally ask her? He squeezed her hands gently now.
"But during our mission something happened inside me." Deanna held her breath, hopeful for what would come, 'I won't turn him down this time, not again'. Had he looked better he would have seen the hope in her eyes, he would have noticed she stopped breathing and he would have realized what caused her behavior, but he didn't, his mind too focused on what he was about to say.
"I fell in love." He said it! It was out, no need to hide anymore. His heart felt a lot lighter now and the characteristic smile washed over his face once again.
"With the most beautiful woman in the galaxy." 'Will he finally ask?'
"Her long dark luscious hair smells like Alaskan spring, her skin is so soft and silky." Deanna could hardly keep herself in check, she wanted to wrap her arms around him, feeling the familiar presence of him in her mind again.
"And her eyes, oh my God, Deanna her eyes! They are so brown, the deepest brown I've ever seen." The Betazoid was trembling now, she couldn't read him any longer because her readings of him were clouded by her own emotions. But like before Will didn't realize the change in her behavior, for he was too occupied in his own thoughts.
"They matched perfectly with her gray skin." 'Gray skin?!' Was he playing around with her?
"Grey skin?"
"Yes, Lyana has this perfect gray skin, not too dark, not too light , just...perfect." 'What the hell?'
"Lyana?"
"Yes, oh you'll love her! She's so sweet and gentle. She understands me, knows me." He grabbed her shoulders now.
"I'm going to stay here Deanna, with her." This was going too fast for her, she couldn't keep up and pushed him a way.
"Wait a minute..." She rose her hand, indicating him not to interfere. 'You're not talking about me!?' "...Lyana?" He nodded like a little boy being asked if he wants an ice-scream.
"And you've decided to stay with her?" 'Who the hell did he think he was!?' "On the planet?" Again he nodded, even more enthusiastic than before. 'How could he do this?!' Will grew impatient, 'Why doesn't she say something? Isn't she happy for me?'
"Deanna? Say something. Aren't you happy for me? What's wrong?" 'No, I'm NOT happy for you! I want you HERE with ME!' Her heart cried out, but she was able to keep her feelings hidden on the outside. Had he remembered even the slightest thing about their relationship he would have known how she felt.
"What about..." 'ME' "...your career?" She could hardly speak, something that clearly indicated stress, something that would have concerned him deeply, had he noticed.
"To HELL with my career Deanna. Look at me, sixteen years and I'm STILL First Officer on the Enterprise." 'Yeah and WHO exactly is to be blamed for that?!' The sarcasm rang loud and clear in her head.
"What about the Captain's Chair?"
"It's not what I want anymore, it hasn't been for a long time frankly. But why can't you be happy for me?" The sudden vulnerability in his voice struck her, made her feel guilty. Deanna squeezed his hand comfortingly 'Kiss him, do it now. Make him change his mind!'
"I am happy for you." She said instead. "I'm just a bit...surprised." With effort she managed to smile. Silence entered the room and left a few minutes later.
"Are you sure about this Will?" 'Please Gods, let him say no, let him stay'
"Yes." She sensed the hesitation in his voice, she was relieved, but felt guilty for being relieved.
"But?"
"Hmm?"
"There's a 'but'." He sighed deeply and leaned back, ran his fingers through his hair before he spoke.
"But...BUT I have to give up everything I worked for in my live. My career, my friends. The luxury I'm used to, my job. Space battles." A grin followed. "Encounters with other species, Klingon food..." She smiled, he sure kept his sense of humour. He cupped her face in his hand. "...My friendship with you..." Deanna swallowed, 'Friendship? Was _that_ all there was to him?!' "...That will be the hardest Deanna, honestly, our friendship is very precious to me." 'THEN STAY!!!'
"I know, it is for me too." 'CHICKEN!' She had it in her power to let him stay, she could persuade him to stay; she was sure of that.
"But the question is ARE YOU willing to give up all of the above for a woman?" She held her breath again, waiting for his answer.
"I am, for this particular woman I am." A knife sliced though her heart, splitting it in half. He hadn't been willing to give up all that for her. A painful realization it was.
"Then you must follow your heart Will, if you really love her that much." 'More than me' "You must listen to your heart." She couldn't believe she had said that, of all the things she wanted to say to him, that wasn't one of them. But then WHY had she said it?
"You're right." 'NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT!!! DON'T YOU SEE?!!!' "I'll resign tomorrow."
"RESIGN?!" It came out as a gasp, suddenly and harsh.
"Yes, I want to be with her." Resignation was definite, she would loose him forever. She couldn't let that happen, not yet. Fortunately her Counseling modus took over.
"Will, if you resign there's no going back. If it doesn't work out for some reason you will truly have lost everything." 'Maybe even me.'
"I'm willing to take that risk with her Deanna." She shook her head, triggering a surprised look on his face.
"You think I shouldn't?" 'YES'
"No. But as I recall you have nine months of shore leave left. Maybe it would be wise if you used those to find out whether it works between the two of you." 'That is the first sensible thing I've said since he walked in.' "You must not forget it's an entirely different culture down there." She gestured beneath her.
"What would I do without your advice?" 'STAY HERE!' "You're absolutely right. Will you put in a good word for me with the Captain please?" He threw her one of his famous, or better, infamous looks and she felt herself melt...but there was something else...very faint, but growing stronger...she was..._angry! Will bend over and kissed her gently on her cheek. She was in two minds, turning so that she could capture his mouth with hers or pushing him away? But before she could decide he was the one who pulled away. He traced her jaw line with his finger tips and whispered to her
"Thank you Imzadi, for everything." 'IMZADI!? How DARE you!?! Have you forgotten what it means, have you forgotten what WE had?!' But she kept silent and endured his touch.
"I _will_ miss you Will." Why couldn't she just tell him how she felt? Seeing her tears he gently wiped them away, not realizing she wasn't crying because her best friend would leave, but crying because he Imzadi, the only man she had truly loved, would leave.
"I will miss you too Deanna. You're my best friend, you'll always be." And with those words he stood up and walked to the doors that hissed open at his approach. He turned around one more time, standing in the doorway.
"Deanna, I would like to introduce you to Lyana tomorrow..." 'I don't want to know her! She's taking you away from me!'
"I'd love to meet her." She replied with her sweetest smile.
"I appreciate that." Will stepped back, into the corridors and the doors slid together, blocking her sight of him. Deanna buried her face in her hands, her curls falling down in front of her face but the tears didn't come, nor did the fury for she was too proud to show either. He had broken her heart yet again.
The time is 19.45 hours. 'So what?!'
"Oh damn! Bridge Watch." She stood up and quickly brushed her hair. There where quite some tangles in it much to her dismay, so she gathered her hair and bound it together with a string of white satin. Just in time she realized she still wore the red dress, she gestured at her body,
"Computer: standard medical uniform, rank Commander." And immediately her dress was replaced by her uniform. Hastily she left for the Bridge.