Family Ties II

Chapter 5

A Last Look

                Seth was vaguely aware of the voices conversing around him though his mind was otherwise preoccupied. After Dawn had calmed somewhat from her meltdown, the vampire had thought it best that he left--but not before giving her a gentle kiss on her forehead.

                What the hell is going on with me? He thought as he stared at the saccharine beauty in front of him. Four hours ago he had told Jennifer that he loved her and, for the first time since Emerald, he had felt complete within. He had thought that would have been enough but not forty-five minutes ago, he had kissed Dawn and all his delusions about loving Jennifer had crumbled. There was no question in his mind that, despite their short time together, he did indeed love the exotic beauty but the magnetism that drew him to Dawn dwarfed his affections for Jennifer, making them feel insignificant by comparison. Even when he touched her, was inside her, Jennifer was like a sweet memory, enticing and lovely yet never comparing to the real thing. On the other hand, Dawn was the personification of that memory in the flesh and his time with Jennifer had become stale by comparison.

                "Your mind on other things, lover?" Jennifer questioned Seth as she ran her fingernails up and down his bare back. Seth turned to her, chilled by the warm smile radiating from her face--a smile that, not one hour earlier would have laced him with desire.

                Seth's aloofness was not lost on the raven goddess and her thin eyebrows furrowed at her lover's distant attitude. Even as he smiled at her, she saw through it, the gesture almost mechanical in comparisons to his warmer receptions of her.

                "I don't know," he sighed. "I just have a bad feeling about this." And that was partially the truth. The confusion that warred within him about his feelings for the two women were the major part of his worries but not the sole part of it all. There was something else, something nagging at the back of his consciousness that whispered to him in the darkness, warning him that, after tonight, he would never be the same. He had never felt anything like it and, though he couldn't admit it aloud, it unnerved him.

                "Come now, lover," Jennifer cooed and her fingers raked easily through his platinum locks. She smiled inwardly as the gesture had finally elicited the desired response. Balling her fingers into his hair, Jennifer pulled Seth towards her and devoured him in a soulless lovers' kiss, her tongue viciously plundering his mouth.

                The gentle voice and deft fingers of his lover sparked the flame of desire for Jennifer that Seth had thought Dawn had extinguished. He was taken off guard by the dark beauty's aggressiveness as she forced him into a kiss, raking his mouth open with her probing tongue. It wasn't until her pleasure-filled moan echoed in his mouth that the vampire returned the kiss in full force, his hands grabbing her hips roughly as his cock jumped against the uncomfortable barrier of his jeans.

                "Don't mean to break up you to kiddies," the annoyed, baritone voice of Rack sounded, "but we do have plans to finalize, do we not?"

                Reluctantly, the two lovers pried themselves apart, leering at one another with promises of satisfaction harboring in the very near future.

                "Yes, Rack," Jennifer, said, rolling her obsidian eyes. "I am very well aware of what needs to be done." She turned towards Seth, her dark features lit with adoration. "So, I take it that your 'friends' know their role."

                He nodded absently, intent on pushing away the slithering presence of dread that coiled around his spine like a vile serpent. "Yeah, gonna meet them an hour or so before we got to the Bronze to give 'em the 9-1-1 on our plans."

                "Nine-one-one?" Jennifer asked interestedly.

                "Well," he said and she shuddered at his malice-filled smile, "I would call it the four-one-one but considering there's gonna be a whole helluva lotta pain and death being inflicted, I thought it was apropos to re-christen the saying."

                Jennifer chuckled briefly before taking his hand and kissing each knuckle. "A man after my own heart," she smiled and returned her attention to the plan.

***

                A slight smile cracked Seth's face as he watched his sleeping lover snuggle closer to him, her head nestled comfortably against his shoulder while her arm was flung possessively across his chest. He smiled at her unguarded features, content and glowing, a wistful smile tracing her lips. His gaze lingered down her slender form that had been privy to his caresses and kisses not twenty minutes before. The lovemaking had been wonderful in its savagery as the two lovers had bucked and bitten one another with a desperation borne of unknown emotions. Her heated womb had milked him of his undead seed and now his flaccid member clung helplessly to his inner thigh.

                Seth chuckled silently at his manhood, though he could not discern what was so funny. He abruptly ceased his laughter when Jennifer's warm body shifted beside him, her face contorted in an annoyed scowl before she turned her back to him and pulled her pillow to her.

                "Sorry," the vampire murmured into her hair before kissing her head and dislodging his arm from under her head.

                Drawing his knees to his chest, the blond vampire raked his hands through his wild locks and sighed. What the hell is wrong with me? He asked himself as he glazed over the fetal pose of Jennifer's naked body. The sensations that she brought to his flesh, the way she moved above him, impaling herself time and again on his thick shaft, the way she shuddered in completion as his fangs sank into her breasts, was all that he could hope for. But for some unknown reason, it wasn't enough.

                That's not true, now is it? He admitted silently. Even if he couldn't say it aloud, the reason that Jennifer's supplication to his physical desires wasn't enough had something to do with his visit to Dawn earlier.

                "Hell," he whispered bitterly, "it has everything to do with it." He shook his head in disgust as he gingerly swung his legs off the bed and onto the hardwood floor. He yanked his pants over his legs violently as his thoughts drifted between his lover and the young girl who had ensnared him almost as surely as Emerald had.

                Seth glided noiselessly from the room, looking back once he reached the door to ensure that Jennifer was still asleep. Closing the door behind him, the vampire walked listlessly through the halls, uncertain of his destination. So he walked, admiring the paintings and architecture of the condo and the scent of flowers that wafted through his nostrils. He focused on the smooth feel of the wood under his feet or the faint sounds of nature filtering in from the daylight. Anything was better than the jumble that his thoughts were when he thought about her?

                She's just a damn kid, He thought. A damn kid whose probably never even kissed a guy before. Or even seen a cock, let alone fucked one. But as much as he tried to downplay and degrade the young girl, he still could not rid himself of the taste of her lips against his or the warmth of her body. And his ears echoed with the memory of the three words he had whispered in her ear over and over as she cried.

                "How can I love her?" He asked the empty corridors that answered him with a resounding silence. Well, the sarcastic voice in his head sung, you told Jennifer you loved her.

                "Yeah, but…" he ground his words to a halt, knowing it was useless. He had told himself that, despite the connection he had made with Dawn earlier that he would not see her again until the ritual was complete. By the time it was finished, she wouldn't be the same anyway, so why bother? He wanted nothing more than to forget the few moments he and Dawn shared earlier that day. Well, at least that's what he was trying to tell himself.

                Obviously, his feet had other ideas, considering he now stood in front of a familiar office door.

                "Shit," he muttered and turned to leave but stood fast. That pull, that undeniable attraction that he had felt earlier, the same magnetic connection that drew him to Emerald as she walked the streets all those years ago tugged at him now. No, as much as part of him wanted to forget Dawn and bathe in the lust and masked cruelty of Jennifer, a bigger part of him wanted so desperately to drown in the one thing that Jennifer had not possessed. It had been the exact same trait that had drawn him to Emerald and now that he had had a taste of it, he knew he couldn't live without it.

                Innocence.

                The innocence radiated from Dawn like a cauldron of flames, licking around him in a tempestuous dance he could not resist. He knew it was futile to try and he did the only thing he could do.

                Seth unlocked the door before flicking the light on and peering into the room. There, laying across the couch, eyes on him, was Dawn. His shoulders slumped in resignation and he snaked his way into the room, closing the door behind him.

                "Busted," she said and for a moment he thought he had seen a smile twinkle across her celestial face.

                "Looks like," he said and nervously walked toward her. Nervous? He shouted in indignation. Why would I be nervous? What's to be nervous about?

                Dawn studied her captor with hooded eyes and attempted to keep her traitorous thoughts under wraps. What was it about him that made her pulse quicken? Or the fact that she now had about a million butterflies circling endlessly in her stomach as she studied his sheepish gaze.

                Sheepish, she thought, amused. Is he nervous? Why would he be? Cuz I'm so much of a hottie. Her last thought sent her into a fit of giggles that she hindered by slapping her hands over her mouth.

                "Something funny?" Seth asked and was thankful that her little laugh-fest had distracted him from his previous timidity. He sauntered over to her, back into the comfortable feel of total control.

                "No, it's nothing," Dawn said carefully. As funny as her thoughts were, she didn't want to risk making the vampire mad. If Spike were any measuring bar, vampires weren't what one would call receptive to being the subject of jokes--aside from those that detailed maiming and killing.

                "So," she said after garnering control of his giggly fit, "what brings you here?"

                "Don't know. I just…" he stopped suddenly, his eyes narrowing on Dawn's lithe form on the couch. There was something different about her. He studied her posture; legs stretched out on the couch, feet crossed at the ankles. Her hands now rested atop her stomach while her hair was pooled around her shoulders. Her eyes were slits in the darkness and her gentle mouth was slightly upturned in a smile.

                "You're not afraid," he voice was filled with wonder. That's what was different. Her posture and scent lacked the fear evident in their previous two encounters and he had no idea why.

                Dawn was startled by Seth's words and it wasn't until she thought about them that she realized how true they were. She wasn't sure but something told her that when he had held her during her breakdown, something in her saw him as he truly was within, without the demon. She may have been apprehensive but she no longer feared him and, in a way, it was similar to her relationship with Spike. Of course, she couldn't say that she trusted Seth with her life like she did Spike, but there was a definite connection that had been made during his earlier visit that felt unbreakable.

                "Why aren't you afraid?" He asked, though he wasn't overly concerned about her fear as much as the reason. He couldn't help but wonder if her lack of fear had something to do with his earlier trepidation.

                "Well," she said and hoped her casual tone didn't betray her own fluttery and confusing feelings, "having a vampire as a best friend may have something to do with that. And, no offense, but he looks so much tougher than you even without the tattoos."

                Seth tilted his head to the side, admiring the courage in this one. Kinda pathetic, buddy, he thought to himself, can't even strike fear in a teenager.

                "Well," he said and a mischievous smile flickered across his features before he lunged for her. "Guess I'll have to try another tactic."

                Dawn was wholly unprepared for the attack and she instinctively covered her face. Unbeknownst to her, however, her reaction was just the one he was looking for and she bucked in shock when the vampire's fingers found their target.

                "What are you doing?" she screamed as another fit of giggles hit her. She didn't know how or why, but Seth had found her number one ticklish spot and he was in the midst of assaulting it with both hands, no trace of mercy written anywhere on his face.

                "Well," he said between unnecessary huffs of breath, "if you don't fear me now, I guess I'll just have to re-introduce it to you."   

                Seth continued his relentless assault for several minutes, ignoring Dawn's helpless pleas. It wasn't until she threatened to pee her pants that the vampire stopped and cringed in mock-disdain.

                "Ok," he said, taking a seat on the floor, "if you don't have more control than that, maybe you need to invest in a pair of Depends."

                Dawn rolled her eyes, though the gesture lacked a certain 'umph' since tears still trickled from them.

                "Well, it's kinda difficult to maintain full bladder control when a certain someone is tickling you to death."

                Seth shrugged. "Well, you should've been afraid."

                "Well, now I'm not afraid, I'm terrified." She gave him her best fearful look and he glared at her in satisfaction before both of them were lost in another fit of giggles.

                Dawn was the first to sober up and she stared at Seth for a minute before he, too, regained composure.

                "What?" He asked curtly, unnerved by the seriousness of her stare.

                "Why are we like this?" She asked, her voice wavering slightly. "Why do I feel like I've known you for so long? Why don't I fear you? And, most importantly, why do I just want you to hold me right now?"

                The words stung Seth to the core and he could only offer her a glazed stare while his mind processed the truth of it all.

                Unlike him, Dawn had not tried to cover up what had happened earlier between them. In fact, the look in her eyes told him that all she wanted was answers to it all. Unfortunately, he knew that answers were the last thing he could give her.

                "Sorry, Dawn, but I really can't answer any of those questions for you." He watched her shoulders deflate slightly before finishing. "The only thing I do know is that you remind me of someone from a long time ago. Well, a long time from now, if we're going by your time." He scooted towards her and took her thin hand in is.

                "The truth is, Dawn, the woman I fell in love with--before I was turned--was you." He almost laughed at her wide eyes and gaping mouth. He waited patiently for it to sink in as Dawn shut her eyes tightly and grimaced as if in pain.

                "Are you…Dawn, are you all right?"

                Her hollow laughter filtered into his ears and she finally gathered the will to look at him. "So, let me get this straight. Forty years from now, or however long, I meet you and you fall in love with me?"

                "Not quite that simple, but you got the gist of it." Dawn searched the vampire's unnatural eyes as if for the first time. She didn't know what she was doing but she focused her mind on him, willing herself to see what she had not experienced before.

                Colors danced before her in a litany of motion--a swirling rainbow of activity. Before her flashed Seth, though not him. It was the same vision she had seen earlier, though his features remained in her mind as his face disappeared. It was followed by a multitude of sensations, some her own, others not.

                Pain, blinding pain as the bullet ripped through his chest.

                A greater pain as a green light radiated his body until…the wound was gone. 

                Her reminder of someone special to her every time she saw Seth.

                His fear when she had thrown him into the wall, anger coursing through her at his words to…

                The pain in her chest as she knew what she had to do to keep him alive. 

                Her marking him by the simple touch of her hand against his ribs…

                The innocence in her withering away as she watched--Gabriel? --Press Seth roughly against the floor and pierce his flesh with razor sharp incisors, draining him as she could only sob…

                "Seth," Dawn whispered and she mechanically traced her fingers across his face, dazed.

                "What's wrong, baby?" he heard himself ask. He didn't think about what he had called her, just that he wanted her to be okay.

                "Your eyes--"

                "What about 'em?"

                "They used to be brown," she said and her fingers tentatively reached out toward his steely blue orbs. "And your hair--was black. And this scar…" she fingered the scar gently and she jumped back, the feel of the marred skin bringing her back to reality.

                "How-how did you know?"

                She closed her eyes and leaned back into the couch. "I don't know. I just sorta focused on you and I…" her eyes shot open as she remembered something from her visions.

                All her features had been darker. Her eyes were coal and her hair as midnight. Even her skin was darker, housing an exotic bronze tint yet the remaining physical features had been wholly Dawn's.

                "I was her," she said and tears began to fall again.

                "Wha…"

                "I was her when you met me. Even then, she joined with me and…" but her voice overflowed by the influx of tears as she became resigned to her fate.

                "No, Dawn. Don't cry. It's going to be all right."

                She pushed him back roughly, resentment etched into her face. "How? How is everything going to be all right? Because from my vantage point, not looking close to all right! Do you realize that, by the next time I see the sun, it won't be me seeing it? Do you? Do you understand that, the only thing that will be walking around is an updated shell of what I am? There will be no part of Dawn Summers in it."

                "No, that's not true, Dawn. That's not true at all," Seth cooed and patted her on the shoulder. She jerked away from him and turned her back.

                "What do you know? All you know is that you're going to get your precious 'Em' back, so what do you care about me."

                Before Dawn could take another breath, Seth held her against the wall by the shoulders, his face contorted in anger and--pain? When he spoke his tone was both dangerous and somewhat broken and even though golden red flecks danced in his eyes, Dawn was still not afraid.

                "I don't care? I don't care? If I didn't care, do you think I would be taking the fuckin' time to comfort you while you wail like a baby? Do you think, if I didn't care, that I would have kissed you as if my very un-life depended on it? If I didn't care for you, do you think that I would have said I loved you?"

                "You said it to Cynthia," she said defiantly and was promptly dropped back to the couch.

                Seth stared at her in disbelief. Cynthia? How had she known? It couldn't be--but on some level he knew it was. As if the day couldn't get any weirder.

                Taking several unneeded breaths, Seth knelt in front of Dawn and rested his hands on either of her knees.

                "I know," he said softly.

                "Seth," Dawn replied, seeing the hurt in his eyes.

                "Don't. Just--just let me finish." His eyes pled with her and she nodded her acquiescence.

                "You're right about Cynthia. I told her I loved her and you found out when you walked in on me tearing her down. It was one of my not-so-hot highlights with you. It was one of the few times I was terrified of you. You told me how the things I said to her reminded you of the things someone your best friend had loved said to him."

                "Spike…" she muttered and saw the flash of anger cloud Seth's features before they became soft again.

                "Yeah, figured as much. Anyway, I had lied to her just to get her to bed. You weren't too fond of that. Threw my ass clear across the room. Anyway, you were the first person I loved."

                "So, you haven't said that to anyone else and meant it?" She asked, still confused.

                Seth glanced down guiltily before answering. "Not quite." Off her look he put up his hands. "Hold it, let me explain…"

                "It was Ms. Calendar, wasn't it?"

                "How…"

                "I don't know," she answered truthfully, though there was something. "I saw…Emerald watched when Gabriel turned you and something died while I…while she watched. I think it was…"

                "Your innocence."

                "My what?"

                "Your innocence," he repeated.

                "How do you figure?"

                "I didn't," he admitted, "not until I realized what it was that made me want you earlier. Yeah, I told Jennifer I loved her because I felt in her a part of what was in Emerald. It's the darkness, the evil within her that I love in her. Though I loved all of Emerald, when I was human, that part of her terrified me to no end though the danger of it compelled me as well.

                "But that wasn't why I fell in love with Emerald. It was her innocence." He chuckled at the flood of memories of his love filtering through his brain. "You know, it took me five tries to get the courage to walk up to her?"

                "Why?"

                "Well, because I was…a little nervous. Don't know why. Anyway, I saw her walking the downtown streets of my hometown, which, is not the nicest of places. And just so you know, even before I was a vamp, I was a most distasteful drain on the world--let's just leave it at that. Anyway, the first time I saw her, even if I didn't see her face, I was completely enchanted by the way she moved, the way her hair flowed at her back and this incredible vibe of goodness that shone from her like a light.

                "The point is, Dawn," he said, taking her hand, "is that's what I see in you. That's what I love in you."

                "And you're still going to let her do this, aren't you? Let her use me." The teen couldn't keep the tears at bay nor the bitterness from her voice.

                "Dawn, I…"

                "Save it!" She spat. "You're just like all the other monsters. You're nothing like Buffy or Willow or Spike. They say they love me and they show it. You say it and add, 'Sorry kid, but the Evil-Bitch needs you for her little project. No hard feelings.' Well, you know what? Fuck you!"

                "Dawn…"

                "Get out! Get out! Get the fuck out!" she screamed and Seth was taken aback at the vehemence in her tone. Defeated, the vampire stood and walked to the door and opened it. Before closing it, however, he turned back, and fixed his watery blue eyes to the burning green flames of Dawn.

                "You know, you're right. I am like all the other monsters. I'm cold and evil and cruel. But I also can love. The thing is, my love ain't pure like it used to be when I was human. Now, it's selfish. I wish I could help you, but I can't. I'm not strong enough to beat her. Even if I killed her body, she would just come back and fuck me over, regardless of whatever protection I've been given. But at least now, when you two merge, I will have a part of you by my side. I may have to get used to it but hell, I've got all the time in the world.

                "I know you deserve someone that loves you and doesn't care about themselves more, but I do. I wish I could give you what you need, but I can't. And for that, I am sorry. I can only hope you remember that much…" and with that he closed the door.

                As he walked away, the door drowning out most of Dawn's sobbing, for only the second time in his un-life, Seth truly wished he could be human again. 

***The next chapter was supposed to be a Spike/Faith conversation, but I wrote the Buffy/Giles piece first. So they Spike/Faith scene won't be here till the weekend.

***The next chapter, My Daughter, The Hero I will be posted Thursday, Sept. 5th. It may not contain some of the stuff I said it would, as I may have to re-position some plot points.

***I await your reviews. And if you have questions about the fic, ask away. I'll tell you as long as it doesn't give anything else away.

***BTW, Spike will learn why they named their daughter Faith.