Family Ties II

Chapter 6

My Daughter, The Hero I

                He found her about a block away from the store, sitting peacefully on a bench, her back to him. As he rounded her, he saw that her legs were crossed, hands resting neatly in her lap as she stared at the passing clouds overhead, oblivious to the passersby that noticed the silent tears falling from her bright, hazel eyes. His heart ached to see her like this, resigned and beaten as if she had already lost the fight. Not only did he feel her pain, but his as well, for the scene before Giles reminded the Watcher too much like their last conversation before the battle with Glory when she had all but given up, though, in the end, she had pulled herself and the others through--though she paid the ultimate price.  And now, here she was again, same position as before though the Watcher prayed that this time, the results would be different.

                He sat quietly beside her, for the moment content to be near her, watching the sky as she did. His arm was splayed along the back of the bench and his fingers brushed against her bare shoulder and he couldn't hide the anxiety as his fingers touched her but he visibly relaxed when she did not flinch at the contact. His other hand raked through his hair before coming to rest at the back of his neck where his fingers kneaded his tense muscles.

                "Nice day, isn't it?" Buffy said, breaking the silence. Giles' heart leapt in his chest at her unexpectedly cheerful voice though he concealed his reaction.

                "Yes," he replied, his eyes raking across the rest of the sky, "I suppose it is."

                "You know, Dawn loves days like this. I used to, too. When we lived in LA, before all of this, we used to sit outside on our deck just relaxing' in the shade. Mom joined us sometimes, but it was usually just me and Dawnie. It was kind of like our little solace, you know? Even when we were so mad at each other that Mom would send us both to our rooms, still, when we would sit in our one-pieces, the sun out, partially masked by white clouds, everything was okay. All the anger would just melt away and within minutes we would be joking around, me telling her about high school, her telling me about elementary. Some Saturdays, I'd just sit there with her, even though my friends would be at the mall. I guess I didn't want her to feel so left out. Not that she didn't irk me to death sometimes, but she was still my Dawnie. That never changed. Until I died.

                "Even when Glory was after us and we couldn't rest for a minute, I still had her. It was so hard after Mom died, you know? I had to tell Dawn at school," Giles noticed that the tear fell more freely but Buffy didn't slow down. "She just collapsed right in the hall and all I could do was hold her. I don't even think I cried then. Guess I was all cried out. Aside from a few stray tears, I didn't even cry at the funeral. I think she resented me for that. Did you know she tried to bring her back? Yep, went to some demon guy or something who gave her the ritual and all. I know she wasn't alone and I have a pretty good idea who her accomplice was but…

                "Anyway, that night, I found out about the ritual and how she didn't think I cared that Mom died--said I was just mad I had to clean up the mess. I slapped her. Hard. And when I saw what I had done, and looked into her eyes, I lost it. The tears just came and then Mom--or whatever it was--knocked at the door. At that moment, I didn't care what she came back as; I just wanted her back. But I guess it clicked with Dawn that what was coming back was not our Mom. She destroyed the thing before I opened the door. I think that was when it sunk in for me that she was never coming back.

                "I cried for hours in Dawn's arms with the front door wide open." She sighed heavily and wiped the tears away with the palm of her hand before continuing. "That was the turning point, I think. That was when I finally realized that Dawn was a part of me. I knew the monks used my blood to make her, but it wasn't until I cried in her arms that I knew we were more than just sisters, we were something else entirely.

                "I don't even know what that 'something else' is, not even now. The only thing I know is that whatever bond we shared then is gone now." Buffy buried her face in her hands before she turned to her father figure and met his gaze.

                "I'm not the same as I was before I died, Giles. The things I have done and said to people have been so horrible. Only now can I say that I'm getting back to what I used to be. And if it weren't for…if it weren't for those close to me, I don't think I'd ever have come out of whatever type of post-heaven malaise I was in."

                Buffy took Giles' hand in both of hers and his stomach churned with hurt as he stared upon her dwindling features. When she had been talking earlier, though the pain was evident on her face, she concealed it well. Now, however, it threatened to devour her and Buffy looked no more than a five-year-old child afraid of the monsters under her bed.

                "I can't lose her, Giles. Not now, not ever. I love her so much and I haven't really told her that since the day I was going to turn myself in. I don't think I can handle it…" she choked out before everything else was drowned out by a flood of tears.

                Giles instinctively wrapped the petite slayer in his warm embrace, his hands gently caressing her back as she sobbed into his chest.

                Though he wanted nothing more than to whisper words of encouragement to her, they refused to come. His analytical side understood that no choice was to be had and letting Dawn go was the only option. But his parental side, the side that saw Buffy and Dawn, as daughters could not, would not accept such helplessness and battered his mind with countless options, though he knew they were all unacceptable.

                "Buffy," he cooed. She did not respond and only cried harder at the sound of her name. Giles tenderly grabbed her by the arms and nudged her away, intent on looking into her eyes.

                "Buffy," his voice was firmer but held the same trace of empathy and affection as before. "I know what you are going through. How this must feel."

                Buffy dropped her eyes, studying the space between her and her mentor. "You don't know what I feel," she replied sadly. "No one does." She jerked her head up at Giles' harsh laughter.

                "I don't? Is that because Dawn is not my sister? Well, you are right about that part. But do you know how I feel? How it feels to possibly lose someone that is your daughter in all but blood? I have known your sister as long as I've known you. It may not have been an instant fatherly feeling I had toward her, but as Spike says, blame that on my stiff upper crust Nancy-boy manner." That elicited a quick smile from Buffy and Giles continued. "But it doesn't matter, now. Dawn is as much my daughter as you are and I love you both equally and unconditionally and it…" he heard his voice crack with emotion and scrambled to get himself under control.

                "And it terrifies me to no end to think of what may happen to her tonight. I cannot deny that a vast part of me wants nothing more than to stop this sodding ritual, world be damned. But do you know why I won't?" Buffy shook her head. "Despite what I said earlier, it's not because of any sense of duty. Well, at least not in the way you may think. My duty is to protect those that I love and that sometimes means presupposing things they would want me to do--regardless of my own feelings. And the part of me, the fatherly part of me, that wants Dawn safe and sound also knows that she would give her life to protect us--just like she would have thrown herself from the tower had you not been there."

                "But Giles," Buffy moaned, "she's only a kid." The Watcher chuckled and removed his glasses, letting them dangle from his fingers.

                "Buffy, Dawn may be only fifteen, but she is far older than you give her credit for and I am not referring to her previous existence as the Key, either. You should have seen the strength and character she displayed last summer when you were…"

                "It's okay, Giles, you can say it."

                "…Gone. While you were gone, those first few weeks, it was her that held us together. It was Dawn that focused us on what still needed to be done. And it was Dawn that kept Spike in our company."

                At the mention of her lover, Buffy blushed but her voice was steady when she spoke.

                "What do you mean?"

                Giles had noticed his charge's flush but decided to address that later. "When you…died, Buffy, Spike was a wreck. After you had jumped, the sun was rising and we were all lost in the fact that you were actually gone. No one even noticed the horrible sobs coming from Spike nor the fact that he was set on walking into the sun. It wasn't until Dawn tackled him that our attention was drawn away from you. It took both Xander and myself to hold him down. Even though the chip fired every time he pushed us from him, he did not stop. Not until cradled his head in her lap and whispered something to him. She never told anyone what she had said but it obvious did the trick as he collapsed into her arms and they both cried together. That first week, she refused to let him out of her sight, for fear of him injuring himself.

                "After that week, however, he had returned to the sarcastic and annoying Spike that we all have come to know and loathe. At least for the most part…"

                "He blamed himself," Buffy informed Giles absently. She wiped the new wave of tears that Giles' words had brought away and inhaled deeply. "He told me last night. Even now, he still thinks he failed me."

                "Dear lord, Buffy, I would have never have known he would still feel this way?"

                "Why?" She couldn't hide the frustration in her voice. "Is it because he's a vampire and has no soul? Because he is, by nature, nothing more than a selfish creature of the night and can't love? Can't feel guilt?"

                Giles was thunderstruck by Buffy's rabid defense of the vampire. From what he had gathered when the vampire was by her side earlier, Giles knew there was some sort of a connection between the two--there always had been. But he would never have guessed just how deep their connection was, even though he knew what was to come for them. And their daughter. 

                "Not exactly. Just the fact that I hadn't noticed any overwhelming show of guilt from him, aside from the Buffy-bot, that is."

                "So, you think he can feel guilt then?"

                "Buffy, you know that vampires do not feel guilt because of their lack of a soul. It's only natural. However, be that as it may, you and I both know that there is nothing about Spike's behavior that I would classify as natural. Were it not for the knowledge I have on his relationship with Drusilla, I would never have fathomed a vampire's ability to love. And he has fought by our side, though not always for the right reasons, for the better part of three years. You yourself told me that without him, Angelus would have succeeded in raising Acathla. So, though I find it highly unlikely, I must admit that if any soulless creature were capable of experiencing guilt, it would be our--how does Xander put it? --Platinum friend." Buffy laughed heartily and to Giles, it was sweet music. As dire as things were becoming, the genuine sound of Buffy's laughter instilled his diminishing confidence and it was enough for him to be able to change the subject.

                "You care for him," he said and almost laughed at her wide hazel eyes staring at him in disbelief.

                "What do you--how do you…?" but Giles held up a hand to silence the nervous slayer.

                "It's all right, Buffy."

                "But…how did you know?"

                "Aside from the looks I have seen you give him? Or the smell of cigarettes that clung to you after patrol when I was staying with you? Or how easily he was able to settle you down earlier?"

                "But…but," she stuttered.

                "Believe me, Buffy, just because I don't appear to be, I am quite observant when the situation requires."

                "But you're not mad?" He heard the hopeful plea in her voice and he affectionately brushed a stray lock of hair out of her eye.

                "No, Buffy, I am not mad."

                She lowered her eyes. "But you're disappointed, huh?"

                Giles tilted her chin up and fixed her eyes into his. "Buffy, listen to me, and listen carefully. Remember the Angelus ordeal when you thought I was disappointed in you for what happened to make him lose his soul? What did I tell you?"

                "That you were the wrong person to look at if I was looking for guilt."

                "And this is no different, Buffy. I may not know the particulars of your relationship, but seeing you together today, how you kissed him, assures me that your relationship with Spike has transcended the intense hatred and loathing of a few years ago."

                "Try a year ago," she snorted.

                "No, Buffy you are wrong," on her look, he continued forward, "I don't believe you have hated Spike in quite sometime. And, as hesitant as I am to admit it, I myself have not hated him for a while. To be honest, with the exception of Xander, none of us truly hate Spike."

                "Yeah, but he's evil," she said and it sounded weak even to her.

                "That may be true that his nature is one of evil, but I daresay that he hasn't been a victim to his nature in well over a year."

                "But it's the chip…"

                "Buffy," Giles admonished playfully, "we both know that, if he wished, Spike could have continued his penchant for evil even with the Initiative chip in his brain." Giles studied Buffy's face intently before speaking again. "Buffy, it seems to me that you know all of this, so why are you asking?"

                "I don't know," She shrugged, "I guess I just want to make sure that I'm not the only one that sees that." It was then that Giles knew.

                "Are you sure about this, Buffy?" His gaze never wavered from her eyes and she nodded hesitantly.

                "Yes, Giles, I'm sure. It's the surest I've been of anything in my life."

                "When did you know?" And it was unmistakable as to what he was referring to. 

                "Awhile, I guess. But it wasn't until he almost got staked last night that I admitted to myself what he meant to me. And then, later on, when we were in bed…" she saw the widening of Giles' eyes, "talking, Giles. Talking. That's when I figured out that he still felt guilty about me jumping off that tower. But that wasn't all of it. I just started thinking back to how much he has really done for me. For all of us. And what has he gotten for his trouble? Aside from Dawn's unwavering affection, we have only given him grief and ridiculed his handicap. We've never given him a reason to stay with us, aside from some chump change, and yet he was always there for us. I never thought about how hard it must have been for him. Living one way for over a century and then have it ripped from you. And when you actually want to change for the better, to have it thrown back into your face. I don't know how he did it."

                "I must admit that Spike has shown a resilience I have not seen in even the strongest willed human. And you are right; we have given him nothing. That is why I apologized today to him and I hope he accepts it and understands the sincerity behind my words."

                "I think he does, Giles," Buffy said and wrapped her arm around Giles' waist. "I think he does."

                "So, have you told him?"

                "No. I wanted to this morning and again when he was comforting me earlier. The only reason I didn't tell him in the Magic Box was because I want it to be just me and him alone."

                "Buffy," the Brit warned, "do not wait too long to tell him."

                "Do you think he'll leave or something?" She asked and couldn't hide the sliver of fear from her voice.

                "Fat chance," Giles laughed. "Spike has subjected himself to ridicule by us and the demon world alike. He has been humiliated beyond comprehension as well as beaten for information and threatened by us at every turn, all the time having no way to defend himself. Yet he remains. If he has any inkling that you remotely care for him, he most definitely will not leave."

                "I know, Giles. I guess. But I want to wait until we have all this sorted out."

                "That is fine, Buffy. But I do have something to say that cannot wait." He felt Buffy's arm tighten around him as she glanced up at him.

                "It's not bad news, Giles, is it? I don't think I can handle anymore badness."

                "I should hope this would not come as bad news. Buffy, I have told you several times how proud you have made me, but I don't believe I have ever told you how much I love you.

                "Buffy, you are everything I could have wished for. Not just in a slayer or a student--but in a daughter. Like I said before, both you and Dawn are like my daughters. Though I feel that the others--Xander, Willow, Tara and Anya--are family as well, you will always hold that special place in my heart. For I look upon you as I would my first-born. And there is nothing more precious than that, my child."    

                Buffy could only gaze up at her mentor, her teacher and now, the one she saw as her true father, in disbelief. His words had touched her in a place she had thought Hank Summers had destroyed and it wasn't long before she buried her face into his chest and cried. But this time, they were tears of joy.

                After several long minutes, Buffy had reduced her crying binge to light sniffles and she held onto him like a daughter would. It took a few more minutes before she trusted her voice and when she spoke, her words were the last thing that Giles would have expected.

                "So," she drawled, "is Spike like some rakish cousin to you?"

                "Dear lord," he muttered in horror, "I should hope not. He's more like the barely tolerable boyfriend of my daughter." Giles was rewarded by another ringing laugh from Buffy that made him smile and he drew her closer to him.

                "Giles?"

                "Yes, Buffy?"

                "Everything is going to be okay, isn't it?"

                He tumbled the question over in his mind, thinking of the ways that he could answer it. In truth, he had no idea what the future would hold for them and he was sure that Buffy already knew that. He most assuredly wanted to share with her some of the knowledge he had discovered about her and Spike and the child they were to have but he held his tongue; she didn't need to be burdened by anything else. He didn't want to lie to her but there was no reason to damage her already shaky spirits. So he did what any father would do.

                "Yes, Buffy, everything will be okay. It always is."

                Buffy snuggled closer to Giles, knowing that they had only a few more minutes to spare before they needed to get to work. She didn't know why she asked Giles how things would turn out, knowing herself that things didn't look promising. But he had been right; everything did have a way of working out for them in the end and she doubted that this would be any different.

                As they rose from the bench and she gave him a warm, daughterly embrace, she couldn't help but appreciate the father that Giles had become to her. With only a handful of words, he had taken her dire thoughts and given her hope where there was none.

                And, as a father, that what he was supposed to do for his little girl. 

***Well, it looks like Giles knows about Faith, but he decided to keep it to himself. I think that was something he would do in the show, not wanting to overburden her.

***Next chapter, My Daughter, the Hero II—Faith has a talk and spar with Spike. She also tells him about her name. Well, that's all I can give, considering that when I start writing it, Faith and Spike will undoubtedly take over.

***Look for the next chapter to be uploaded sometime Sunday, Sept 8th.

***Reviews are encouraged. Questions, comments and concerns alike. Not only does it make me want to write faster, but it also helps me to improve my writing.