Chapter Nine: The Hurt of a Friend

She waited, almost trembling from her nervousness. 'How am I going to get through this?! Maybe I should tell him. But how will he react? Will he stay? And what if he doesn't…' Her string of thoughts was interrupted by the ever familiar beep, indicating that there was someone waiting at her door. 'Showtime. A deep sigh followed her thought. "Will, come in." The doors hissed open and William Riker walked in. He stood still, blocking her door as he drank in her looks.

"Nice dress." Somehow she managed a smile, a weak one, but strong enough not to draw his attention.

"Thank you, have a seat." He walked to the couch and slowly sat down, never once releasing her gaze. Deanna's empathic sense of him was strong, stronger than it had been for a long time. 'Why? Why now?' Patient, at least in appearance, she waited for him to start. He was obviously gathering courage.

"Deanna, … you know me better than anyone, better than I know myself." The look in his eyes grabbed at her; he was so hopeful, trusting. "Do you think I'm ready for this?" 'He's hesitating!!!' She had to urge to fly over, embrace him and make sure he'd never go away. But she didn't, and like most of the time she was in perfect control of her emotions.

"Why do you ask?" He was a bit embarrassed and began to play with his hands nervously. After a minute of just watching him it became too much for her.

"Will." He looked up, the uncertainty clear in his eyes.

"I've fought for this…" He let his arm swing from one side to the other, gesturing at their surroundings "…my entire life. I wouldn't let anything or anyone hold me back." Deanna cringed. 'Anyone'. But when she realized he wasn't even thinking about her, her fury once again came to the surface. By the sudden haunted look in his eyes she knew he had seen a glimpse of her fury.

"You have Will, but perhaps you've been aiming at the wrong goal all along." Her words, her musical voice made him forget the fury he had seen.

"What do you mean?" The Betazoid uncrossed her legs, pushed herself up and walked over. 'What am I doing?! Why?! I don't want this!' But her body moved nonetheless. She sat down, mere inches away from him.

"Maybe it is time for you to settle down." His bright blue gaze locked on her onyx one and did not stray. For the first time in her life it made her uncomfortable and she wanted nothing else but to run away. Her breathing accelerated and her hands clenched back into fists. This time he did notice the changes.

"Deanna, what's wrong?" But she didn't answer, caught up in her internal fight. 'Fool! You shouldn't have told him that!' 'But it's the truth; he's your friend. Of course you want to see him happy.' 'Why would he deserve to be happy when you don't?' 'He has to make his own choices.' 'BULL! Make him see, make him stay!' In panic she shook her head; her hair slapped against her face, against his.

"Leave me alone!"

"Deanna?!" He didn't know what to do, and what was wrong with her? He instinctively grabbed her shoulders and shook her back and forth.

"Deanna, listen to me. Calm down." But his actions were in vain, and she kept screaming.

"I don't want to hear it! Leave me alone!!!" 'Like everyone else? Like Thomas? Like your father, like your son and your sister?!' 'Don't! That was not my fault.' 'Oh no? Than whose was it?'

"It wasn't my fault!!!…I'm not responsible!!!…Leave me alone!" Frantically she kept shaking her head; screaming out denials. But soon sobs and cries racked her body and made her unable to speak.

Riker was horrified, never had he seen his Imzadi behaving like this. 'How can I help her?' He searched his memory for answers, but found none. Until he heard her soft cry for help in his head.

~Will! Help me!~ It was faint, hardly audible. But it *was* there. He now knew what to do, how to calm her. However, he was uncertain if he could. 'I have to try.' Drawing on everything Deanna had once taught him he cleared his mind and focussed solely on her. With his mind cleared he started recalling everything he loved about her. Her inner strength. Her compassion for others. Her wisdom. The peace within her. Her amazing ability to make the best out of things, anywhere, anytime. He focussed on the pureness of her soul, he innocence and the beauty of her heart and mind.

Then he focussed on Deanna herself; the turmoil she was in, the demons she was so desperately trying to fight. And he began to send the emotions he had gathered earlier to her. Slowly and carefully he forced them into her head. After a while she began to calm down, her breathing slowing and her movements becoming less frantic.

When she had calmed down enough he withdrew himself from her mind, fighting the desire to stay. He watched her for a few eternal moments before he enveloped her in his arms and drew her close. Quietly she cried into his chest, for the moment ignoring the fact that he was going to leave her the next day.

"You remembered…" As soon as he heard her whisper he gently pushed her away and looked her in the eyes.

"How could I forget." Deanna laid her head back against his chest, savouring the moment. He ran his fingers through her silky hair and rubbed her back soothingly. "Can you tell me what happened?" Briefly she stiffened.

"I...—I can't Will, I'm sorry." Tears welled up in her eyes again. Gently he rocked her back and forth.

"Shh, it's alright. Just promise me you'll talk to Beverly."

"I will, when I'm ready."

"Don't wait too long Imzadi." His use of the endearment had no influence on her this time, much to her relief. 'O DA*N, Beverly!' In the very same instant she up righted herself; triggering a confused look from Will.

"I…uh...I promised to meet Beverly after the poker game." Not really a lie, was it?

"Will you tell her?"

"No, I need to find out what happened first." Their eyes fell simultaneously on her hands; the bandages were soaked with blood. In horror they looked at each other.

"Let's get you to Sickbay." He already dragged her to the doors when she stopped him.

"No Will, the bleeding has stopped. Let me clean it up." She hurried to her bathroom and unwrapped the bandages. Carefully she began to clean her hands, making sure she wouldn't re-open the wounds. When she looked into the mirror she saw Will standing behind her, obviously concerned. Before he could say anything she handed him the bandages.

"Will you put these in the recycler for me please?"

"Sure." Quickly she threw some cold water in her face and brushed her hair.

"Computer: clean dress." A blue light slid over her and the beam cleaned her dress. She took Will's arm and guided him into the corridors.

"Will, please don't tell anyone." He met her gaze and held it. She sensed his concern clearly.

"Deanna, I…"

"Will, please! It's all I'm asking for." Her desperate gaze begged him. His sub-conscious knew there was an underlying meaning of her words, one his conscious ignored.

"Alright."

"Thank you." They had reached his quarters; Will stood indecisively. Should he ask her in?

"Goodnight, I'll see you tomorrow." 'Well, I suppose that's a no.' As reply he brushed his lips over hers, a habit he had adopted ever since he served with her.

"Goodnight Imzadi." 'Don't let him go!' But she did not leave him for long.

~D~