Chapter Eleven: Just in Case

With a bag in each hand, Will walked quickly and nervously down the corridors. The idea to abandon the Enterprise and his career seemed distant, almost as if it was just a dream. He knew, however, that this was very real. He had tried to talk to Deanna but she didn't respond when he had contacted her. He figured she was still sound asleep. The image of her from the night before was still clearly imprinted in his mind. She had looked exhausted and that was *before* the surprise party. When she had left she was more than just a little tipsy so, speaking from experience, it would be better to allow her to sleep.

In the Transporter Room the others members of the Senior Staff were already waiting. Quickly they said goodbye once more since they had all had time to do so the night before.

"Keep an eye on Deanna for me will you? I'm worried about her." Surprised as well as confused Beverly glanced at him. 'Deanna hasn't told him what was wrong?' Then a warm smile washed over her face as she gently squeezed his arm.

"I will." The gratitude in his eyes almost knocked her off her feet. 'This -isn't- a simple shore leave.' He was about to step onto the platform when Picard held out a little black bag.

"Just in case." Curious about its contents Riker accepted it and climbed onto the platform. Scanning his surroundings one more time, hoping that she'd be there, he eventually straightened his back and nodded at his Captain. Jean-Luc turned to the Transporter Chief who understood the silent command and fired up the transporter. Will Riker faded away into nothing, only to appear on the planet's surface merely seconds later.

~*+*~

With solid ground under his feet he dropped his bags and laid the smallest one on the grass. 'Now, let's see what's in it.' One by one he picked up the things in the bag. First a tiny PADD came out. When he opened the file he realized it contained a schedule of vessels passing the planet within transporter range for the next eight months.

Second there was a comm badge; apparently they didn't expect him to be able to stay away from Starfleet for nine entire months. The third and last present surprised him the most. It was a silver photo frame: quite old judging from its dusty appearance. The first photo had been taken the night before, showing the entire Senior Staff in party outfits. Beverly wore a lovely black dress that reached just below her knees. Fko, the Security Chief, had worn a dress for the first time in her life; hers was deep blue and like Beverly's reached just below her knees. The four men all wore similar outfits; loose fitting dark-coloured trousers and different coloured dress-shirts. His had been coral-blue, the Captain's had been deep red, Geordi's had been black and Data...well Data's had been rather...colourful. 'Dammit! Deanna isn't on it.' With that realization sadness suddenly overwhelmed him. He had forgotten to pack a picture of her. His eyes lit up as he discovered the tiny button at the underside of the frame. He pushed it and the picture that appeared made his heart skip a beat.

"Deanna..." 'Has this been taken last night?' He couldn't remember. His fingers cautiously touched the glass, as if he was afraid to break it. She looked incredibly gorgeous. Her ebony curls cascaded down her neck since she had made no attempt to catch and hold them. Countless silver strands had been woven through her hair, accentuating the natural blue glow she had always been so proud of. The makeup around her eyes was a little heavier than usual, but was certainly flattering. Her large brown eyes were aimed directly at the camera, and from the look on her face he gathered the photographer had surprised her. Her soft, natural coloured lips were slightly parted. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that her next words had been "By Rixx!"

His eyes slid down the column of her elegant neck. A single, simple silver necklace decorated her perfect chest. Attached to the thin silver chain was a long strand of sparkling silver which was interspersed with tiny diamonds. The strand fell down between her collarbones and into the valley between her breasts; he could only imagine where it ended.

The dress she wore was simple, simpler than most of the dresses he was used to. Extremely thin black shoulder straps held the dress in place. Each of them attached to one of the triangles on the front side. The dress seemed crumpled but when he looked closer he realized that was on purpose. The crumples in the purple material created a mysterious play of colours when light fell on them. The bodice of the dress fit perfectly around her well-shaped body, then widened from her hips downwards. In the front the skirt didn't reach further than halfway down her thighs but behind her it grew longer and longer until it dragged on the floor.

His eyes traced the two perfect legs down to her ankles. A thin silver chain had decorated her left ankle. Her shoes, pumps, were gray with a silver-like reflection. When he finally finished studying his Imzadi he let out a quiet sigh. Why he didn't know, but suddenly he turned over the frame.

"Xiara esta, ta Fira xi." A Betazoid phrase. Like Imzadi there was no accurate translation. But 'Home is where your soul belongs' came pretty close. He repacked his gifts and started walking to Lyana's house. But he couldn't get his mind off of the picture. 'Who had picked it, and why?' He couldn't believe the Captain had picked the photos and frame. 'Deanna perhaps?' No, she avoided pictures as much as she could; at least ones she had to pose for. Besides she would never give him such a frame and certainly not such a picture of herself. 'Beverly than?...YES, of course!' Typical Beverly Crusher, romantic and sentimental. With a grin he kept walking, grabbing at something in the bag. When he had found it he briefly stopped.

"Thank you Beverly, very thoughtful." In the Enterprise's Sickbay Doctor Crusher grinned as well, not bothering to reply.

~*+*~

Slowly, very slowly Deanna opened her eyes. 'He's gone.' She knew it the second she opened her senses. 'Why didn't he wake me?!' She wasn't sure how to feel; she was relieved, yes, but also angry and disappointed. Deanna tried to sit up but the sensation of a knife penetrating her head caused her to fall back immediately. Annoyed she groaned. 'Great, just what I need.' How far away could he be?' A wicked gleam shone in her eyes. The empath concentrated, focussed and sent.

~Will! Where are you?!~ A mile away from Lyana's house Will froze in his steps. She sounded confused and even scared. 'Must be because of the hangover.' He wanted to reassure her, calm her down. And after last night he had a fair idea how. Now he too concentrated and focussed every fiber within him.

~Thank you for making me the man I've become.~ Deanna gasped out loud; never before had he send her such a long message!

~You did that yourself Will. Where are you?~ A feeling of gratitude and joy overwhelmed her, almost causing her to sit up again.

~I'm home Imzadi.~ Her breath stuck in her throat and her stomach turned into one huge knot. Her eyes widened, then darkened as she experienced her immense fury, her disappointment and despair. She raised her barriers just a little too late; she sensed Will's concern and confusion floating into her mind and she knew he had sensed her emotions. She felt, really *felt* her heart break; falling apart in a thousand pieces. Her pain was all consuming, destructive.

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Her scream was filled with all her pain and anger, all her despair and love, and came from the very core of her being.

Riker gasped aloud, his hands moving to his throat as if an invisible something was trying to strangle him. The force of Deanna's emotions made his head spin and his eyes widen. But as suddenly as it had hit him it disappeared. He took a few moments to gather himself before he tried to contact her again to make sure she was all right.

~Deanna? Imzadi, are you alright?~ He was amazed how much easier it suddenly was to send to her. But there was no response. It was as if his message just slammed against a wall and disappeared. 'She must have blocked me.' He tried to analyze the feelings he had sensed from her, most which were quite easy to recognize. There was one feeling...that seemed to embody every emotion in existence, but still seemed to be part of something bigger. 'Like splinters of a vase' The sentence flashed through his psyche but he didn't, he couldn't, he wouldn't, didn't *want* to understand.

~*+*~

'How can he say that?! We're Imzadi, his home will always be here, with me!' She knew he had sensed her feelings, she did not doubt it for a second, but she regretted it immensely. "I don't need you Will Riker!" It was a promise, one to herself, one she vowed never to break. It was also one she had already broken. She had made exact the same promise all those years ago, back on Risa when he didn't show. And she had kept it for a long time, until they had decided to renew their relationship after the Briar Patch. And now she was making the same vow again and was experiencing the same heartbreak all over again.

For the second time in her life she had trusted him with her heart and for the second time he had betrayed her trust and broken her heart! Deanna felt those annoying, humiliating tears welling up in her eyes. And fight as she might, she could not hold them back. And she was crying over him, crying herself to sleep. Tears, cries and sobs racked her small body, drawing her breath away. And her shattered heart cried out, to him. Begging him to come back to her even though she never, *ever* wanted to see him again. But even then, in all her despair and anger she comforted him. The man who had caused her so much pain that she wondered if she could ever love a man again. Momentarily she blocked her feelings and focussed her mind.

~I'm all right Will.~ She knew he had heard her, that he would try to send something back. But she would not allow herself to receive his answer. Deanna blocked her psyche for him, more definitively than she ever had in the past. But they were Imzadi and they could not be whole without each other. Thus she was condemned to spend the rest of her life as one half of a whole.

~*+*~

Will received her message. It relieved him to know that she was all right...for a moment. Something was different; her message had been...cold. He did not sense any feeling with it; not the way he was used to. But fate didn't give him the chance to think about it as Lyana came running towards him.

"Will!" He dropped his bags onto the ground and scooped her up into his arms.

~*+*~

Deanna woke up alone. "Computer: time."

12.21 She hadn't slept for much longer than half an hour. Her head was still aching, and so was her heart. Somehow this was worse than each time before. The psychologist inside her told her to analyze her feelings, despite how badly she wanted to ignore them. And to her own surprise she did. She began to look for the reason why it hurt so badly this time.

At first she thought it was because it was the second time that she had lost him but she soon realized that the difference was in *how* she had lost him. Where the first time it had been to his career, a non-living, non-sentient, non-loving thing. Now she had lost him to something far more dangerous; she had lost him to another woman, one who had the power to capture him and one who was not likely to let him go.

The Counselor knew she had to deal with her emotions, and that she had to sort them out before they would start to control her life. But she wasn't up to that task, yet. And so she pushed her feelings aside; she pushed the back into a dusty, dark corner in her psyche. Having done that she sat up. Immediately a sharp pain rushed through her head. 'Da*n hangovers!' Despite the headache she got up, undressed and stepped into the shower. The soft water nurtured her body as well as her mind and when she got out fifteen minutes later she felt a whole lot better. She dried her body and hair and put on a regular uniform. After having brushed her hair she left her quarters and headed for Sickbay.

~*+*~

"Deanna, take a seat." The cheerful voice of Doctor Crusher made her cringe. Beverly picked up one of the tricorders and scanned the Counselor's wrist and wounds in her palms. "They have been re-opened recently." The disapproval in her voice was clear.

"They have?" 'Fine, if you don't want to talk then by all means don't.' Immediately the Doctor kicked herself mentally for thinking like that. But she couldn't help it. With narrowed eyes she watched her friend. 'Has she noticed something?' But the surprised and quizzical look she had expected from the Empath never came, much to her relief.

"Your wrist has almost healed completely, but you still cannot use it." Deanna smiled understandingly at her Doctor but didn't say another word. 'She looks like he*l.' Beverly said to herself. "Here, I'll give you something to put on the lacerations and a hypospray for your hangover." Briefly Deanna widened her eyes, then closed them before her lips curled into a slight smile.

"That obvious huh."

"Well, not now; but last night, or rather this morning...yes." Gently Crusher injected the hypo in the large vein in Troi's neck and then patted her on her arm. "It'll be gone in a few seconds. The Captain gave you the day off so I suggest you use it to relax a bit; you look exhausted." Although surprised Deanna didn't care and decided not to object.

"I will Beverly."

~D.~