Family Ties II

Epilogue

Counting the Days

April 14th, 2002

2:16 p.m.

Forty-two days.

It's been forty-two days since all hell broke loose at the Bronze. Forty-two days since me and my family, blood and otherwise, almost lost our lives to that sadistic bastard Seth who, to my utmost satisfaction, is nothing more than dust particles in the ether. Forty-two days since our lives were irrevocably changed forever.

It's been thirty-six days since we buried Xander's fiancée, Anya. It was a beautiful spring day with the wind and the sun but I don't remember the day because of how pretty the blue sky was--I'm not that shallow. No, what I remember most about it was the infinite sadness in those dark, once glistening eyes of Xander. I watched as they lowered her into the ground and the life seeped from him with each passing second of her burial. Everyone cried, even Daddy and me, though I hadn't even known her for two days. Ironic, isn't it that in my time, Xander and Anya had been killed before I was born and now, in this time, they died two days after my arrival. Yeah, I know Xander is still alive (I think) but what made him Xander Harris died that night in the Bronze where he held her as she died in his arms.

You know, I think he blames me. On the days leading up to the funeral, he never spoke a single word to me (of course, he didn't speak much to anyone else for that matter) but with me, it was different. He never stayed in the room for more than five minutes if I was in it and, though he rarely even glanced at me, when he did, it was clear as to how he felt about me coming here. I think it was only a matter of time before he said something hurtful, something that would have broken my barely healing heart.

Instead, two days after the funeral, he left without a word. That was thirty-four days ago and we haven't heard from him since.

It's been twenty-three days since Giles moved in with us. With Tara and Mum…gone, the house was pretty empty and I think all of us needed the companionship that we now have. Daddy teases Giles and says that the only reason he moved in with us (me, Dawn, Willow and Daddy) is because he needed someone to care for him after the surgery on his leg. But for all his snarky comments, I can tell he's glad that Giles is here. His presence has been a godsend to us and it goes far beyond his "watcherly" duties. He's been there for Willow and together they have begun to mold her powers into something rooted in light and not darkness. Even though she's still in pain over Tara, I can see her inner strength growing with the control she has gained as well as the fact that she has taken over the 'motherly' duties of Casa Del Summers for Tara. Dawn sometimes whispers to me that her cooking's not nearly as good as Tara but light years ahead of Mum's. Of course, I defend my Mum even though her cooking forty years from now doesn't go too far beyond microwave nukage. If it weren't for Daddy, I probably wouldn't weigh more than fifty pounds.

Speaking of him, it feels so good to have him back in my life. They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone and, while that sounds overly trite and Dawson's Creek-y to me, I can't help but agree with it completely. Those two years wandering the world by myself, knowing that he was gone and I'd never see him again, were the hardest of my life. I loved, no love, Mum dearly but deep down I was always Daddy's little girl. He called me his partner in crime and whenever I got into trouble with Mum, he'd come to my rescue and take the heat from what would usually be a brassed off slayer--one of the most dangerous things to man and demon alike. He spoiled me something awful and still does; all it takes is a single look from my cerulean green's and he's around my itty bitty baby finger. It's not that I exploit it or anything--unless Ben and Jerry's or Playstation is involved--but it makes me feel so loved, like nothing can touch me. And whenever he wraps his arm around me and stays with me until I go to sleep--and no, I'm not a baby…okay, so maybe a little--I feel nothing can touch me. Not even the dreams.

The first one occurred ten days ago and I've had them every night since then. In it I see a man familiar to us all, himself now but in the future ripped from his own body. I must face him alone and my Mum and Daddy beg for me not to. I know what I must do to stop him. I tell them I will be all right but the look in their eyes tells me that they don't believe me. The only comfort I have is telling them that they'll see me again and before I turn from them, I bend down to kiss my mother's belly…

Sorry, Diary, but let's talk about something else--like today. Two days ago Tara woke up from her coma. Yeah, I know, we are all so ecstatic about it. We didn't know how long she was going to be out of it, but thank God that she is. Still, it'll probably be a couple of weeks before she can come home since she's in traction. That little trip into the wall broke her back and gave her a right cracked skull but she should recover fully, it'll just take some time. Willow can probably do a healing spell for her or something to speed the recovery and if her powers are accessible, Dawn could help.

Dawn. I can't help but look up to the young woman that I share a room with. Even if I am outwardly eight years her senior, she's the one that's been acting along the lines of an adult. Maybe it's because she is technically older than time that gives her the maturity I sometimes lack or maybe it's just because she knows how hard things have been on me. She's held me when Daddy's out patrolling and the nightmares are too much. I can talk to her about what I'm feeling, considering she's lost a Mum, too, except in her case, Grandma Joyce wasn't gonna come back. I wish she still had her healing powers that I remember but she doesn't. Well, it's not that she doesn't, it's more along the lines of she can't access them yet, not since the night at the Bronze where she brought Mum back. She says it's like the power's there but hiding, like it's waiting for something. The first time she told us that was right after we got the news on Mum that she'd probably never wake up. I cried and screamed that she wasn't trying hard enough and if Daddy weren't there to shake some sense into me, then I would have said something even more hurtful. As it is, we're all in the same boat right now; waiting.

Damn it, Diary. I just saw another tear stain your pages. Sorry but thinking of Mum looking so lifeless, hooked up to machines like she was hurts me so much. After all I did and said to her when I first arrived here I can't help but feel guilty that she's like this. Great, here comes the pity party again. I'm glad Daddy's not here yet. Seeing me like this would only make him sadder because he'd know just what it was that I was crying about and I know how much it hurts him though he doesn't show it. He feels that he has to be strong for us all. For me and Dawn, Giles and Willow. I worry about him. Sometimes he goes patrolling at sunset and doesn't return until sunrise. Okay, so I exaggerate. He hasn't pulled that particular stunt since hobbled to the graveyard one night and yelled at him the whole way home, tears of worry and frustration blurring my eyes. He promised that, until I could patrol again, he wouldn't do that and Daddy always keeps his promise. Yeah, even with slayer healing and twenty-first century science, it'll be another week or so before I can start training again--that's how bad it was. The doctors said it was a miracle I didn't have to have my leg amputated but those are the perks with being the kid of a vampire and slayer. And yeah, I know I sound like a kid saying "daddy always keeps a promise" but you don't care, do you? You better not considering you're just my sounding board.

Back to Daddy. Like I said, there are times where he's cut the whole patrolling all night thing close but…he knows I worry. The sadness radiates off of him like something radioactive. I mean, he puts on a brave face for us, but we can all see it, especially me. I see the way his left eye flinches every time Mum's name comes up or that faraway look he gets when he leans on the tree out front. I've even watched him cry silently on the back steps though I never let him know. I want to go to him so bad, tell him everything will be all right but I don't want to hurt him anymore. I know if I came to him when he's like that, he'd only feel worse, like he failed her and me and it wouldn't matter what I said to him, he'd just ignore it and fall deeper into the darkness and, though he promised to be there for me, one night he'd make a mistake and it would all be over. I can't lose him—none of us can. Especially Mum.

I don't believe what the doctors say. Hell, according to them, it's physically impossible for her to be alive, much less wake up. I mean, after we took her off life support ten days ago, they were giving us the whole nine yards about preparations to make about the body—soddin' bastards.

I know, I know, they were just doing their job, but they don't know how much of a fighter my Mum is. Yeah, she may look fragile and weak on the outside, but her spirit is there, fighting to get out. I'm gonna stop by and talk to her after we visit Tara. We go every day to talk to her, even if it's for five minutes, to let her know that we believe in her--that we'll be waiting for her when she wakes up. Daddy never goes with us. After the first time we went to see her together, he said he couldn't do it, couldn't see her like that; so helpless and small. Don't get me wrong, we all know he goes—in fact, the nights that he barely makes it here before the sun peaks above the clouds are the nights he spends perched by her side, holding her hand, but we never ask him about it. At night, when I sometimes lay in bed with him, he holds my hand just like I know he holds hers and the pain he feels radiates from his cool hand into me, beckoning me to hold him just a little closer. I told him once that he could cry on me but he told me that he didn't deserve to cry over her. I tried to ask him what he meant but he never explained…

Oh, Willow's calling me, telling me that we're ready to go. I can't wait to see Tara. Daddy said he'd sneak in tonight, after patrol and talk with 'Glinda'. Guess he wants his own one-on-one with her. Oh well, I'll ask him after we come back.

April 15th, 2002

3:24 a.m.

Thirty-two days.

I saw it! Thirty-two days until Mummy wakes up. Thirty-two days before Daddy can finally accept what I've told him—that Mum will always be with him. I want to run now and tell him about the dream I just had but I…what if it's just wishful thinking and she doesn't wake up? I can't do that to him…any of them, really. I know I'm getting my own hopes up but I can prevent them from feeling the disappointment if it was just a dream and meant nothing.

I'm gonna try and go back to sleep though I don't think that it's gonna happen. Maybe I can wake Dawn and play some poker. Nah. She's got school tomorrow and she'd kick my arse if I woke her up or, even worse, she tell me to "Get out! Get out! Get out!" LOL. Guess I'll just lay here and think about everything I want to tell Mum—things that I didn't get a chance to say either times…

April 17th, 2002

4:27 a.m.

Everyone's back asleep again, I think. Guess I woke the whole house up with the bloody yelling and screaming but I couldn't help it—I saw Him.

Damn it, even with Daddy here beside me, my hands won't stop shaking but after what I saw, who came blame me. I don't even want to write down what I saw, I'm too afraid that it will pull me to the pages. Or maybe I know that writing it down will make it all the more real because, unlike the dream I had about Mum the other night, I know this one was a slayer dream.

Death. Death and fire and blood, raining from above and below—that's what I saw. Death is coming…Death and His riders, ready to smite down man and demon alike.

Bloodshed. Oh, there will be rivers and oceans of blood coating the streets and waters. The stench of the dead will choke us and He will use it to further our suffering.

Death is coming with the name of an Angel.

Death is coming for us, for me.

And I have one hundred and forty-seven days to prepare.

And I thought some of my Mum's birthdays sucked…

***The Prologue of Severed Ties, Cedrick, will be up in the next two to three weeks.