Disclaimer: All things Star Wars belong to Lucasfilm.
At the Homestead
by ami-padme
(ami_padme@yahoo.com)
Chapter 5
Anakin closed his hand around the small data-chip that Watto had given
him. It contained the location of the
farm that Mom lived at now. Anakin had
been surprised that Watto's records held that type of information – very few
owners worried about where their slaves were going after they sold them off. Watto had explained that his mother made
certain he had the information before she left. She had stood over Watto, watching him save it to his files. "Anakin won't know how to find me
otherwise," was what she had said.
Why hadn't he come to find her before now?
Why hadn't he ever really forced the issue?
"Ani?"
His head snapped toward her, and he realized that he had simply stopped when
they reached the rickshaw, and he was standing beside it, staring blankly, with
his fist clenched at his side. He
offered her a weak smile, and held out his other hand to help her into the
seat.
She took it, but that obviously was not what she was waiting for. "Are you okay?" she asked as he
sat down next to her.
He shrugged.
She said, "You should try not to worry," and their eyes met for what
felt to Anakin like a very lengthy moment.
After the conversation they'd had the night before…well, Anakin honestly hadn't
been sure what to expect from her when they saw each other again in the
morning. Would she try to be distant
with him? Would things become
uncomfortable between them? Would she
be upset?
None of those things had happened so far, and Anakin was relieved beyond
words. He knew what an enormous risk he
had taken in saying all that he had.
But it seemed that even if they couldn't be together, they could still
get back to their friendship, and go on with their lives as normal.
Go on with your life? She is
your life.
Anakin tried to ignore the words, which gave voice to his broken heart. He had respected her decision last night,
and would continue to do so. But, even
aside from the pain he felt at being rejected, he was troubled because he had
not yet been able to picture his future – any future – without her. There was an empty void where the rest of
his life should have been.
He was nothing without her, and he knew it.
Their carriage rolled along slowly, taking them through the winding streets of
Mos Espa and back to their ship.
Neither of them spoke again, but Padmé placed her hand over his. Anakin managed to resist the urge to squeeze
it, or to lace his fingers between hers.
He simply tried to enjoy the warmth of her hand resting lightly on his.
If they could remain friends then he wouldn't have to be without
her. Not completely.
They returned to the landing space and quickly boarded the ship. Anakin entered the data-chip into a small
slot on one of the consoles, and the coordinates for the farm flashed on one of
the screens. A flight plan was
displayed on another one. He entered
both into the main navigation computer, and readied the ship for take off.
She settled into the co-pilot's seat, and was watching him quite openly. After a moment, she asked, cautiously,
"Anakin, this is good news, isn't it? About your mother?"
The ship took off, and glided out of the city toward the desert dunes. "Yes.
She's been freed, that has to be a good thing for her."
"And she's married."
"And she's married." Anakin
hadn't really had the chance to process this new information yet. This certainly was not what he had expected
to find. It was probably naïve for him
to never have considered that Watto would eventually sell her off. His former owner had never been great at
keeping his money, and his mother had never been as valuable a slave to Watto as
Anakin had been. But it honestly hadn't
occurred to him that he wouldn't find his mother living in their old house, or
working in Watto's shop. Still, Anakin
knew that his childhood nostalgia was not important now. "This Lars person…he must be a decent
guy. I mean, he freed her first."
Padmé gave him a puzzled look.
"So," Anakin continued, "when they got married, Mom was able to
make her own decision. It wasn't like
he owned her and demanded they get married.
After spending the money to buy her, he still freed her and gave her the
choice. That's not a small thing."
Padmé nodded slowly. The hood on her
cape fell back, and she turned to face him fully. "Then, does this mean…maybe your dreams were wrong?" She was trying to keep her tone neutral, but
he could hear her hopefulness. He
winced.
The images of the nightmares, particularly the last one, last night, were still
very fresh in his mind. He was walking
away from Mom, as he had done ten years earlier. But instead of hearing her voice in his mind, saying, "Don't
look back," he heard her crying out in fear and pain. Instead of keeping his eyes on Qui-Gon, who
had patiently waited for Anakin to decide to leave with him, he only saw
shadows before him, and heard more screams.
He wanted to turn around, to help his mother somehow, but he kept
walking forward…
He knew – he knew – that something terrible had happened to her. Whether she was free or not.
Anakin was gripping the controls so tightly that his hands had flushed red,
then turned white. His whole body felt
clenched. He was even holding his
breath.
"Anakin?" she began, looking at him anxiously. "Anakin, I'm sorry."
"What? What are you sorry
for?"
"I don't mean to worry you before we get there."
"It's not you," Anakin replied.
"Not at all. It's the
dreams. They're…disturbing."
"But you don't think – you don't think this new person is the reason she's
in danger, do you?"
"No...But something is wrong, I know it.
That feeling hasn't changed at all, despite what we've learned." He sighed.
"I should have come back before now."
"Anakin, you couldn't have –"
"Yes, I could have," he said quietly. "I'm here now, and I'm risking a lot of trouble with
Obi-Wan, and the Council. I'm risking
expulsion. I could have taken that risk
a year ago. Or five years ago. And I thought about it all the time. The only thing that's different now is that
I know she's in trouble. But it
shouldn't have taken that. I should
have been here to see her anyway."
"She wouldn't have wanted you to do that.
I know it doesn't seem fair, but you had a lot of hard choices to
make." She touched his shoulder
briefly. "Don't blame yourself for
not making this choice earlier."
"I just wish…I wish had kept my promise to her," he whispered.
"To free her?"
"Yes," Anakin said. "You
remember that?"
"You told me about it, after Qui-Gon freed you and we were on our way to
Coruscant. That night we were
talking."
Anakin couldn't help feeling pleased that she remembered that. "Yes, that's what I mean. I guess it doesn't really matter
though. I'm glad she managed to get out
of that life, whether I was the one to do it or not."
"She's going to be so happy to see you, Anakin. That's all that will really matter."
He nodded. "I hope it's that
simple."
The ship had passed over Mos Eisley by then, and was approaching the farming
communities beyond the main city and spaceport. It wasn't long before he spotted the small farm they were looking
for. He landed the ship near the
outskirts, and shut the systems down.
Anakin took a deep breath. "I
guess this is it."
He shared another long look with Padmé, but this time didn't bother trying to
decipher what it meant. He simply drew
comfort and strength from her.
He stood up from the pilot's chair as the ship's ramp lowered. "Let's go."