Disclaimer: All things Star Wars belong to Lucasfilm.
At the Homestead
by ami-padme
(ami_padme@yahoo.com)
Chapter 6
Anakin seemed to vanish from sight instantly, leaving a kicked up trail of
sand in his wake as he sped for the horizon.
Padmé stood outside the Lars hovel, staring at the last spot where she
had been able to see him. It was so far
away – he had been nothing but a speck at that point. But he had still been visible.
She wanted to will something good to happen for him…or to at least ward off
something terrible. She suddenly felt
very alone and helpless. She knew
Anakin must be feeling the same way, but could hardly imagine how much worse it
was for him.
Padmé hadn't disbelieved Anakin when he talked about his dreams, but she hadn't
truly understood either. What did a
Jedi's nightmares mean? She had worried
about what they would find here, but had never expected them to come into a
month-old tragedy, with Anakin's chance to help taken away weeks ago.
She had come outside to try to support him, to try to do anything that might
make this better. But the only thing
she could do was whisper his name and hold him, and then he was gone.
On the ship, while they were coming to the farm, Padmé had mentioned that
Anakin's situation wasn't always fair.
Now she was almost choking on the injustice that fate had laid on him.
Ten years pass, and he doesn't even get to see his mother, much less
save her?
Ten years pass, and he finally gets to see you, and he pours his whole
heart out to you, and you reject him?
While claiming that it's somehow for his own good?
Her eyes fell from his spot on the horizon, and she stared at her feet for a
moment. Then she decided that it was
time for her to go back inside.
The family was still sitting at the table, watching and waiting for her. She took the seat that Anakin had been in.
"Has he left?" Owen asked.
"Yes," she whispered.
"You…you said these people are monsters. What do you think they'll do?
Will Anakin –"
"That kid's a Jedi," Cliegg said.
"He'll take care of them."
"How many men did you say you took to go after her?"
"Thirty," he responded.
"All of us were just farmers though."
Padmé frowned. She wasn't worried about
Anakin being hurt, or not being able to handle the Tuskens – well, not much,
anyway. Padmé had seen the way Anakin
reacted to a threat to her back on Coruscant, and knew he could certainly take
care of himself when there was danger.
That wasn't the point. "If
she's been gone for a month with these monsters, what can he possibly find
now?"
The three of them were silent; they barely looked at her. Finally, Owen said, "He may not find
anything at all."
Padmé shook her head. "He won't
come back until he does."
Beru looked at her with concern.
"Are you okay?"
She made herself nod. "Yes, but
I'm afraid for him." Padmé was
going to add how horrible this situation was for Anakin when she realized…
"I'm sorry, this must be so difficult for you. You've – lost Shmi too.
And to have us show up out of nowhere like this couldn't have
helped."
"No," Beru said, "we're glad to meet him, even under these
circumstances. We've been hearing about
Anakin for years. I think we've heard
about you as well."
"Me?" Padmé asked, her eyebrows raised.
"I think so. You're the girl that
came with the Jedi that took Anakin to Coruscant. Right?"
She grinned. "Yes, that's me. I was with Qui-Gon, and we all stayed at
Anakin's home while we were here."
"Well, then we've definitely heard about you," Owen said. He was smiling too. "You know, Shmi would have loved to see
the two of you together. She always
said that Anakin had the biggest crush on you.
And she was worried that Anakin wouldn't be able to do the normal things
that someone his age…"
Padmé wasn't certain what expression he saw on her face, but he stopped talking
abruptly. His smile vanished.
"I – I'm sorry," he said.
"I assumed that you and Anakin – well, I'm sure you know what I
assumed."
"It's not our business anyway," Cliegg said. "As far as I'm concerned, you're a
friend of Shmi's, and you're welcome here."
"Thank you," she said absently, her mind back on the little boy who
had called her an angel, the man who said he would do anything she asked. She exhaled heavily, and felt an urge to
explain herself to them, whether it was necessary or not. "Anakin and I…we're…it's not as simple
as either one of us would like it to be."
"Can I ask you a question?"
Cliegg leaned forward in his hoverchair. "Though it's probably not any of my business either."
"What is it?"
"Why didn't that Qui-Gon person let Anakin come back once in ten
years? I want to know."
Padmé felt her eyes bulge out at him.
"Dad, we shouldn't ask her that, she's not a Jedi," Owen said.
"No, it's all right," she said.
"But promise me you won't ever say anything like that with
Anakin around. Please." Cliegg nodded vigorously, and she
continued. "First of all, Qui-Gon
did not become Anakin's master. He was
killed in battle shortly after we left Tatooine. Anakin has been taught by Qui-Gon's student instead." They all looked shocked, and Padmé realized
she was completely changing the story that they – and Shmi – had built up in
their heads for a decade. "I'm not
a Jedi, so I don't necessarily understand all of their rules. They are very…concerned…about family issues,
it seems. His Master is a good man, but
I can't answer the why of this for you.
I'm sorry."
One of them said something about her not having to explain, and something else
about Anakin, but she was barely listening.
She was wishing again for something good to happen for him, trying to
will it through the force of her wanting it for him so badly. It was futile, of course, and she knew
it. Maybe it would be better to put her
energies toward hoping he'd come back soon, regardless of what happened.
"Anyway, Padmé," Beru said, and she returned her attention to their
conversation. "It's going to be a
long night. Can I get you anything, or
fix something for you?"
"No, thank you. I don't feel much
like eating right now."
"Would you like me to show you the room you can stay in?"
"Yes, that would be great."
All three of them escorted her through the hovel to a small bedroom in the
back. "I'm sure it's not the best
accommodation," Owen was saying.
"Maybe we should try to straighten it up before we leave you in
here."
The room was small and cluttered. It might have made a quaint guestroom much
earlier in the life of the house, but it had evolved into a cross between a
storage closet and a workroom. The bed
and floor had all sorts of things scattered on them. Parts and tools and little machines were everywhere.
Padmé thought that Anakin would have liked the room very much. "No, don't worry. It's perfectly fine. I think I may try to get some rest
now." It was a lie, and she
thought they knew it. There was no
chance that she'd be able to sleep tonight.
"Well, if you need anything, ask," Beru said.
"Don't be afraid to come get us or wake us up," Owen added.
"Anakin will be fine. Try not to
worry yourself too much," Cliegg said.
Then he turned his chair and floated toward his own room.
"We'll be out in the common room for a little while longer," Beru
told her. "Good night,
Padmé."
She wished them both goodnight, and shut the bedroom door. She cleared most of the things off the bed,
and laid down on it, staring wide-eyed at the ceiling.
A part of her still wanted to believe that Shmi was alive. Because if she was, Padmé had no doubt that
Anakin would be able to find her, and bring her back.
A month though. It was such a long
time.
Padmé had come to like Shmi a great deal during the short time they had spent
together a decade ago. She had opened
her home to all of them, and Padmé was very cognizant of the risk she had taken
in allowing Anakin to enter that podrace on their behalf. In fact, that was the clearest memory she
had of Shmi – the two of them, sharing a small viewscreen, watching Anakin
race, both praying that nothing would happen to him. That had been an awful feeling of fear that they had shared, a
feeling of foreboding and dread that had come with every twist and turn on the
track.
She had felt the same way this evening, watching Anakin shrink into the horizon
on his speeder.
Did he know that she would be there for him, no matter what he found out there? She hoped he did. She hoped that the fact that she had accompanied him here was
more significant in his mind than the words she had said to him last night.
Even if she had been right last night.
And she had been right.
It was as she said to the Larses – things were too complicated.
It's you who've made them complicated.
Anakin's feelings for you couldn't be simpler.
It's not complicated in your heart.
This wasn't the time to think about it.
Anakin had other concerns, and those were paramount right now.
She needed him to come back to her, and to be all right. Nothing else could happen until then. Going over last night in her head time after
time wasn't helping anything.
Padmé turned over, burying her head flat into her pillow. She lay there, still and silent, for hours.
When she turned back over to stare at the ceiling again – without having slept
for even a few minutes – she could see the first of the suns rising, bathing
her room in a soft pink and orange hue.
She repeated the line she had been telling herself all night. He'd be back soon.
He'd be back soon.