There are no new characters added today, but that won't stop the fun!
Generic sitcom music starts. "3 Kids and Goenitz" flashes across the
screen. Pictures of New York, mostly in black and white, flash.
Then the title again. More pictures. A giant letter Q. Then a picture
Goenitz, Yashiro, Shermie and Chris doing the famous Beatle picture
where they are walking across a cross walk. The title again, followed
by the subtitle, "Hellfire on the Horizon".
We enter on the 'Potato in Chainmail', Chris is sitting at the bar
talking to Iori. K', Maxima, Yashiro and Shermie are talking at their
usual table. Alex, Hugo and Remy are watching Goenitz, who is staring
at the jukebox. Other people are just sitting around.
Chris-"So then Yamazaki said that he'd let us start our vacation
thirty minutes early, but on one condition."
Iori (drying a glass like bartenders always do on TV)-"And what was
that?"
Chris-"If Kyo could answer a question correctly. Yamazaki asked him,
'In what country is the French city of Paris?' Kyo, being the dumbass
that he is, answered 'Siam?'." (laugh track)
Iori-"What did ol' Yamazak do then?"
Chris-"Well he held the same disgusted expression for a little more
than a minute. Then he smacked Kyo upside the head with a world
history book and shouted, 'WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!! Siam was
Thailand ages ago!!' Kyo started crying, which was funny. The only bad
thing that happened though was that Yamazaki made us stay after the
bell about five minutes. So I gave Rock a fiver to kick Kyo's ass
after school. AND HE DID A DAMN GOOD JOB OF IT TOO!!! The hero of KOF
can't even protect his'self from a sophomore." (laugh track)
Iori-"HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA....!!!!! That's a riot! Hm,
I guess you won't have any more Kyo stories 'til you go back to school
next week, huh?"
Chris-"Unfortunately, that's probably true, unless we see him on the
weekend, then we'll screw him up good."
Hugo-"Look at that Goenitz guy go. What's he doing standing there?"
Remy-"Godamn!"
Iori-"What the hell is goin' on? DAMN! Goenitz jus' smashed my jukebox
with a cue stick!" (laugh track)
Chris-"Sounds like something he'd do."
Goenitz-"That'll teach you to give me the silent treatment, young man!
Now sing my puppet!" (laugh track)
Shermie-"That's a jukebox Goenitz. You have to put a quarter in it for
it to work."
K' (turns to Yashiro)-"What's wrong with that guy?"
Yashiro-"I think that's how he's always been."
Maxima-"How peculiar."
Iori-"Ya know, suddenly I have this sudden urge to go to the Wild Wild
West. Hey check this out you guys, (pulls out a gun) Everyone out!
We're closing shop early! (puts on a black cowboy hat with a huge
peacock feather in it) Everybody into the van! We're goin' to the ol'
West!" (laugh track)
Remy locks the door, and then K', Maxima, Hugo, Alex, Shermie, Chris,
Yashiro, Goenitz, Iori, and Remy pile into Iori's van.
We cut to a scene of the van driving down an empty highway in the
desert; it then drives into a ghost town. The type of ghost town that
tourists go to stare at people who still think it's the 1850's.
Where they REALLY think they're cowboys even though the only mustang
they have is the one in the front yard with no wheels or engine.
They park amongst the tourist cars and get out. The sandal-footed,
shorts-wearing, Hawaiian-shirt-clad tourists took pictures of the odd
group that is our 'heroes'.
Remy (being rude and French)-"Hey, haven't you ever seen a Hungarian,
French people, some Japanese folk, a Swede, a Canadian, and (gets to
Goenitz) I don't know what the hell you're supposed to be....."
Goenitz smiles dumbly. Iori goes up to a tourist.
Iori (in bad Transylvanian accent)-"Bla! Remember me when you see the
moon! Bla! I vill dance like children of the night! Bla!" (does a pose
he learned from watching Blackula)
K'-"I'm thirsty. Let's get some drinks somewhere."
They walk across the dirt road and on to the boardwalk, and over to
the cowpoke infested 'Saloon'. Hugo and Maxima make the entrance
bigger, and Goenitz punches the wooden Indian as he walks in. People
stare at them as they walk over to the bar. Low down Irvine Kinneas
from Final Fantasy VIII comes over to start something with them. He's
a vicious perv, one of those "ass sadists". The kind of guy you don't
want to meet in any alley, any time.
Bar Tender (is worried)-"Ah! It's ol' Irvine Kinneas! The ornery
cowboy! 'E's mighty feared 'round dees pa'ts."
Yashiro-"What's so feared about him? He looks like a gay reject from a
western movie extra audition."
Irvine-"So you think ol' Irvine is a gay reject from a picture show,
eh? You obviously don't think too much of old Irvy... Am I right?"
Yashiro-"That's about the size of it."
Irvine-"Those be fightin' words!" (strikes prize fighter stance)
K'-"Wait a sec..." (pulls Yashiro over and whispers something so
Irvine can't hear)
Yashiro (whispers)-"Okay, so how'd that go again?"
K' (whispers)-"You have to do your 'Duel Upper' and knock him through
that window over there. You know, like they do in the movies?"
Yashiro (whispers)-"Okay, but does this have any relevance?"
K' (whispers)-"You see, I've always wanted to get into a Wild West
type bar fights. So while you take out Irvine, we'll start crap with
some hillbillies then get into a car chase 'cross the prairie."
Yashiro-"Sounds cool."
K' tells his plan to the rest, while Yashiro walks over to Irvine and
knocks him out the window. K' smashes a beer bottle over some guy's
head. Shermie picks up a chair and breaks it on some guy's head. There
were shouts of yee-haws and such as the battle escalated.
Yashiro-"That's our cue to get into a car chase!"
The party runs out side and into the van. The hillbillies that
followed jumped into their truck. Remy popped in the 'Hillbilly Chase
Music' he purchased at one of the stores.
They speed down the street and out into the desert, followed by the
rednecks, in hillbilly mobile with a shotgun set up on the "shotgun"
side where it's supposed to be...
Chris-"You know, if you weren't playing that music, they probably
would stop."
Remy ejected the tape into the trashcan. The truck stopped and turned
around.
K'-"I'm still thirsty. We didn't get anything to drink from that bar."
Hugo-"Yes, but we best go to a different bar."
They drove back to town, and went to the 'Saloon' across from the
'Saloon' they trashed. They went inside...
Bar Keep-"Howdy, ya'll. What can I do ya fo'?"
Remy-"I'll have a 'Sex on the Beach'."
The bar tender gave him a beer.
K'-"I'll have a 'Cactus Jack'."
Bar Keep-"How old are you sonny?"
K'-"Guh.... Why I fought in the Great War, by cracky."
Bar Keep-"Well, in that case you get a veteran's discount." Hands him
a beer.
Goenitz-"I'll have a Cowboy Special'."
The bar tender breaks a bottle over Goenitz's head.
Iori (gives him weird look)-"Just who the hell do you think you are?!
You call yourself a bar tender! I should kick your ass for that! All
you do is hand someone a beer when they want hard liquor cocktails.
If I had a glove, I'd smack you with it. Since I don't, I'll just use
this old sock filled with quarters."
Yashiro-"I take it you saw Mallrats too, eh?"
Iori-"I think I was hiding in your old farm house place when I saw
that movie, oh, what a film!" He then proceeds to knock the bar tender
out with one swing of his quarter filled garment.
Iori-"And that's the end of that chapter."
Goenitz-"Ah what fun we've had since we moved to the big city! We've
all sorts of crazy antics, shenanigens, hooliganism, and tom foolery!"
Hugo-"Hey Iori, while you're at it, why not put this guy out for a while?"
Shermie-"Splendid idea! Then let's go-"
Alex-"Criky! It's da fuzz!"
The ol' sheriff comes in through the swinging doors. As old west doors
are.
Sheriff (pulls hat over his eyes)-"So, are you the hooligans who've
been...causing trouble in my town?"
Shermie-"Hey, I'll take this one out, ya guys."
She walks over to the sheriff takes his star.
Everyone gasps.
Maxima-"She's the sheriff!"
Remy (says in high, almost feminine voice)-"NOO!! No more Suzanne
Summer!!"
K'-"Dear god, are they re-running 'She's the Sheriff'? I don't think
the world is ready for that again."
Maxima-"Oh no, we had enough of that in the 70's. I meant Shermie, she
has the star of justice! She's the sheriff!!!"
Shermie then punches the sheriff so he flies ten feet out a window.
Shermie-"And that's the end of that chapter... Oh! I mean we best
be leavin' the ol' west before we get ourselves in a genuine
Tia-juana jail. This place sucks anyway."
Yashiro-"Agreed. We should leave this dump."
They leave the bar and head back to good ol' New York. The Wild West
was a little too much for the lot of 'em.
Credits Roll
Song from Men Without Jobs plays
Generic sitcom music starts. "3 Kids and Goenitz" flashes across the
screen. Pictures of New York, mostly in black and white, flash.
Then the title again. More pictures. A giant letter Q. Then a picture
Goenitz, Yashiro, Shermie and Chris doing the famous Beatle picture
where they are walking across a cross walk. The title again, followed
by the subtitle, "Hellfire on the Horizon".
We enter on the 'Potato in Chainmail', Chris is sitting at the bar
talking to Iori. K', Maxima, Yashiro and Shermie are talking at their
usual table. Alex, Hugo and Remy are watching Goenitz, who is staring
at the jukebox. Other people are just sitting around.
Chris-"So then Yamazaki said that he'd let us start our vacation
thirty minutes early, but on one condition."
Iori (drying a glass like bartenders always do on TV)-"And what was
that?"
Chris-"If Kyo could answer a question correctly. Yamazaki asked him,
'In what country is the French city of Paris?' Kyo, being the dumbass
that he is, answered 'Siam?'." (laugh track)
Iori-"What did ol' Yamazak do then?"
Chris-"Well he held the same disgusted expression for a little more
than a minute. Then he smacked Kyo upside the head with a world
history book and shouted, 'WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!! Siam was
Thailand ages ago!!' Kyo started crying, which was funny. The only bad
thing that happened though was that Yamazaki made us stay after the
bell about five minutes. So I gave Rock a fiver to kick Kyo's ass
after school. AND HE DID A DAMN GOOD JOB OF IT TOO!!! The hero of KOF
can't even protect his'self from a sophomore." (laugh track)
Iori-"HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA....!!!!! That's a riot! Hm,
I guess you won't have any more Kyo stories 'til you go back to school
next week, huh?"
Chris-"Unfortunately, that's probably true, unless we see him on the
weekend, then we'll screw him up good."
Hugo-"Look at that Goenitz guy go. What's he doing standing there?"
Remy-"Godamn!"
Iori-"What the hell is goin' on? DAMN! Goenitz jus' smashed my jukebox
with a cue stick!" (laugh track)
Chris-"Sounds like something he'd do."
Goenitz-"That'll teach you to give me the silent treatment, young man!
Now sing my puppet!" (laugh track)
Shermie-"That's a jukebox Goenitz. You have to put a quarter in it for
it to work."
K' (turns to Yashiro)-"What's wrong with that guy?"
Yashiro-"I think that's how he's always been."
Maxima-"How peculiar."
Iori-"Ya know, suddenly I have this sudden urge to go to the Wild Wild
West. Hey check this out you guys, (pulls out a gun) Everyone out!
We're closing shop early! (puts on a black cowboy hat with a huge
peacock feather in it) Everybody into the van! We're goin' to the ol'
West!" (laugh track)
Remy locks the door, and then K', Maxima, Hugo, Alex, Shermie, Chris,
Yashiro, Goenitz, Iori, and Remy pile into Iori's van.
We cut to a scene of the van driving down an empty highway in the
desert; it then drives into a ghost town. The type of ghost town that
tourists go to stare at people who still think it's the 1850's.
Where they REALLY think they're cowboys even though the only mustang
they have is the one in the front yard with no wheels or engine.
They park amongst the tourist cars and get out. The sandal-footed,
shorts-wearing, Hawaiian-shirt-clad tourists took pictures of the odd
group that is our 'heroes'.
Remy (being rude and French)-"Hey, haven't you ever seen a Hungarian,
French people, some Japanese folk, a Swede, a Canadian, and (gets to
Goenitz) I don't know what the hell you're supposed to be....."
Goenitz smiles dumbly. Iori goes up to a tourist.
Iori (in bad Transylvanian accent)-"Bla! Remember me when you see the
moon! Bla! I vill dance like children of the night! Bla!" (does a pose
he learned from watching Blackula)
K'-"I'm thirsty. Let's get some drinks somewhere."
They walk across the dirt road and on to the boardwalk, and over to
the cowpoke infested 'Saloon'. Hugo and Maxima make the entrance
bigger, and Goenitz punches the wooden Indian as he walks in. People
stare at them as they walk over to the bar. Low down Irvine Kinneas
from Final Fantasy VIII comes over to start something with them. He's
a vicious perv, one of those "ass sadists". The kind of guy you don't
want to meet in any alley, any time.
Bar Tender (is worried)-"Ah! It's ol' Irvine Kinneas! The ornery
cowboy! 'E's mighty feared 'round dees pa'ts."
Yashiro-"What's so feared about him? He looks like a gay reject from a
western movie extra audition."
Irvine-"So you think ol' Irvine is a gay reject from a picture show,
eh? You obviously don't think too much of old Irvy... Am I right?"
Yashiro-"That's about the size of it."
Irvine-"Those be fightin' words!" (strikes prize fighter stance)
K'-"Wait a sec..." (pulls Yashiro over and whispers something so
Irvine can't hear)
Yashiro (whispers)-"Okay, so how'd that go again?"
K' (whispers)-"You have to do your 'Duel Upper' and knock him through
that window over there. You know, like they do in the movies?"
Yashiro (whispers)-"Okay, but does this have any relevance?"
K' (whispers)-"You see, I've always wanted to get into a Wild West
type bar fights. So while you take out Irvine, we'll start crap with
some hillbillies then get into a car chase 'cross the prairie."
Yashiro-"Sounds cool."
K' tells his plan to the rest, while Yashiro walks over to Irvine and
knocks him out the window. K' smashes a beer bottle over some guy's
head. Shermie picks up a chair and breaks it on some guy's head. There
were shouts of yee-haws and such as the battle escalated.
Yashiro-"That's our cue to get into a car chase!"
The party runs out side and into the van. The hillbillies that
followed jumped into their truck. Remy popped in the 'Hillbilly Chase
Music' he purchased at one of the stores.
They speed down the street and out into the desert, followed by the
rednecks, in hillbilly mobile with a shotgun set up on the "shotgun"
side where it's supposed to be...
Chris-"You know, if you weren't playing that music, they probably
would stop."
Remy ejected the tape into the trashcan. The truck stopped and turned
around.
K'-"I'm still thirsty. We didn't get anything to drink from that bar."
Hugo-"Yes, but we best go to a different bar."
They drove back to town, and went to the 'Saloon' across from the
'Saloon' they trashed. They went inside...
Bar Keep-"Howdy, ya'll. What can I do ya fo'?"
Remy-"I'll have a 'Sex on the Beach'."
The bar tender gave him a beer.
K'-"I'll have a 'Cactus Jack'."
Bar Keep-"How old are you sonny?"
K'-"Guh.... Why I fought in the Great War, by cracky."
Bar Keep-"Well, in that case you get a veteran's discount." Hands him
a beer.
Goenitz-"I'll have a Cowboy Special'."
The bar tender breaks a bottle over Goenitz's head.
Iori (gives him weird look)-"Just who the hell do you think you are?!
You call yourself a bar tender! I should kick your ass for that! All
you do is hand someone a beer when they want hard liquor cocktails.
If I had a glove, I'd smack you with it. Since I don't, I'll just use
this old sock filled with quarters."
Yashiro-"I take it you saw Mallrats too, eh?"
Iori-"I think I was hiding in your old farm house place when I saw
that movie, oh, what a film!" He then proceeds to knock the bar tender
out with one swing of his quarter filled garment.
Iori-"And that's the end of that chapter."
Goenitz-"Ah what fun we've had since we moved to the big city! We've
all sorts of crazy antics, shenanigens, hooliganism, and tom foolery!"
Hugo-"Hey Iori, while you're at it, why not put this guy out for a while?"
Shermie-"Splendid idea! Then let's go-"
Alex-"Criky! It's da fuzz!"
The ol' sheriff comes in through the swinging doors. As old west doors
are.
Sheriff (pulls hat over his eyes)-"So, are you the hooligans who've
been...causing trouble in my town?"
Shermie-"Hey, I'll take this one out, ya guys."
She walks over to the sheriff takes his star.
Everyone gasps.
Maxima-"She's the sheriff!"
Remy (says in high, almost feminine voice)-"NOO!! No more Suzanne
Summer!!"
K'-"Dear god, are they re-running 'She's the Sheriff'? I don't think
the world is ready for that again."
Maxima-"Oh no, we had enough of that in the 70's. I meant Shermie, she
has the star of justice! She's the sheriff!!!"
Shermie then punches the sheriff so he flies ten feet out a window.
Shermie-"And that's the end of that chapter... Oh! I mean we best
be leavin' the ol' west before we get ourselves in a genuine
Tia-juana jail. This place sucks anyway."
Yashiro-"Agreed. We should leave this dump."
They leave the bar and head back to good ol' New York. The Wild West
was a little too much for the lot of 'em.
Credits Roll
Song from Men Without Jobs plays