The only new guys this time are Heidern & Cracker Jack...
Heidern: the Nazi dude from KOF, looks like a Nazi, salutes like a Nazi, and dammit, he's a Nazi.
Cracker Jack: this guy is from the Street Fighter EX series, he looks like one mean mofo, but in this story, he's a fag.
Generic sitcom music starts. "3 Kids and Goenitz" flashes across the screen. Pictures of New York, mostly in black and white, flash. Then the title again. More pictures. A giant letter Q. Then a picture Goenitz, Yashiro, Shermie and Chris doing the famous Beatle picture where they are walking across a cross walk. The title again, followed by the subtitle, "Battle for the Maple".
We enter in Central Park. Goenitz and the three kids are walking through it.
Goenitz-"Well, that sure was some crazy shenanigens we got into in the ol' west, wasn't it? I fancy this cowpoke hat I got." (Points to hat)
Chris-"It was interesting. Hm. Today Yamazaki told us we're gonna have a sub tomorrow, dagnabit!"
Yashiro-"Chris! What did I tell you about talking like a grizzled 1890's prospector?"
Chris-"Consarnit...."
As they walk over the bridge, ugly Mr. Heidern jumps out from under it.
Heidern-"Heil!"
Yashiro (screams)-"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Shermie-"It's just Heidern."
Yashiro-"Exactly."
Heidern-"What is dis meaning of crossing mein bridge so noisy like?"
Chris-"I was just talking about school. I was about to get to the test I have to take on Friday."
Heidern-"Test, eh? I took a test today...."
Chris-"Really? What about?"
Heidern-"They tested me at the clinic for Hepatitis. I kicked ass too. I got an A, two B's, and a C." (laugh track)
Shermie-"Okay....." Gives Heidern a weird look.
Goenitz-"Why do you jump out at people Heidern?"
Heidern-"What's so wrong a-boot a former Nazi that lives under a bridge waiting to give you Hepatitis?" (laugh track)
Yashiro-"What's right about it?"
Heidern-"....... You got me there."
Heidern goes back under the bridge, and they continue walking.
They return to the apartment and it is night.
Next day. Chris goes off to school, and Shermie and Yashiro go off to Iori's to see if they can get wasted before nine o' clock.
We enter in the 'Potato in Chainmail'. Maxima and K' are talking with Iori at the bar.
Maxima-"And that in turn means death for us all." (laugh track)
Iori-"Your theories intrigue me. I wish to subscribe to your newsletter."
Shermie and Yashiro walk in.
Shermie-"Hey, Iori!"
Yashiro-"Guess what Heidern's been up to."
Iori-"Ummmmm.... Leading the Germans into Czechoslovakia?" (laugh
track hardcore style)
Yashiro-"Um.... No... He lives under a bridge."
As they sit talking, a big man wearing white pants, hat, jacket with sleeves rolled up, a black shirt, and fancy shoes comes in. His hat is tilted just so, therefore his eyes cannot be seen. And like Maxima, he has big side burns. But unlike Maxima, he has one glove with a gold ring.
Mysterious Stranger-"Maxima."
Maxima-"AH! It's Cracker Jack!"
Yashiro-"Who is this Cracker Jack? Well, other than the obvious."
Maxima-"Back in the days when I still lived in Canada, he was the mean rich kid who lived down the block. Always caused me trouble he did. So I left and came here."
Cracker Jack-"Yes, ran away you did."
K'-"Rich, eh?"
Cracker Jack-"Yes, I'm a big shot down at the cracker factory."
K'-"Really? Well, I'm in the iron and steel business."
Cracker Jack-"Really? Which one? United Iron and Steel? Wolfgang Steel and Iron?"
K'-"No, when I'm at home I iron, but when I'm not, I steal." (laugh track)
Cracker Jack gives him a weird look for a long time. Then turns to Maxima.
Cracker Jack-"I have been looking for you for years. Now that I have found you, we will duke it out."
Maxima-"Okay..... but for what purpose?"
Cracker Jack-"BECAUSE!! Back in '81, I wanted to be crowned Ms. Canada! But you stole that title away from me!!"
Maxima-"What are you talking about? I didn't steal it from you, I never entered that 'cause I'm a dude. You know 'Ms.', usually means a girl. And all I said was you WOULDN'T get crowned."
Cracker Jack-"Well enough talk, have at you!" Strikes a pose.
Iori steps between them.
Iori-"Now, now.... If you're gonna do this, at least do it in a civilized fashion. Well put this event on Friday night at eight o' clock. We'll construct a ring in back where we have the cock fights, and we'll charge admission. So I.. I mean, WE can make a profit from it. It'll be a good ol' fashioned, no-holds-barred, beer-drinkin'-fun, texas-death-match-in-a-steel-cage type of fight."
Cracker considers this for a while-"Okay. You got five days to get ready." then he leaves.
K'-"Alright Maxima, I'll be your trainer." (lights a cigar and throws a towel over his shoulder) "First thing we're gonna do is watch all thirteen Rocky movies... And would it be too much for you to call me Mr. Popadopolis?"
K' pops 'Rocky I' into the VCR on the counter near the TV.
Iori-"Hey, this 'Rocky' marathon of theirs could get me some profit.
K' (pauses movie as Rocky gets hit)-"This is what you're not supposed to do." fade out
Commercial break-
Kids looking bored playing with their video games.
Announcer-"Hey kids, are you tired of playing with the same old
stuff?"
Kids-"Yeah."
Announcer-"Then you'll have loads of fun playing with the 'Spider
Whistle'!!!"
Shows picture of a whistle with a spider painted on it.
Announcer-"Just blow the whistle and watch the spiders come!!"
Cuts to the kids outside, each with the whistle, laughing and
blowing on the whistle. A wave of spiders comes towards them.
Cut to picture of product. Sappy music plays.
Announcer-"The 'Spider Whistle', provides hours of Arachnid fun!
Order two and we'll give you antivenom, for FREE!!"
Announcer-"The spider whistle, brought to you by Happy-Fun inc.
Providing children with fun toys for 50 years. Also the
people who brought you the 'Wacky Knife Ball!
Try and catch it!' and 'The Fire Hat, Hey, you're head's on fire!'"
We enter in the arena. It's filled with people, talking and waiting for the match to start. Off to the side Maxima is standing with K', Yashiro, Shermie, Chris and Goenitz.
K'-"Alright, remember your training. Go out there and make us proud!"
Iori comes in-" Alright, I got a lot of money riding on this fight, so don't lose! Oh, I mean, do your best." (laugh track)
The lights dim and Remy walks to the center of the ring. Hugo lowers down a microphone from the rafters, and Alex puts the spotlight on him.
Remy (coming from the speakers all around)-"Welcome to Battle of the Maple 2002!!! We stick two Canadians in the ring and one comes out! In the Red square, we have Maxima!!"
Another spot light follows Maxima to the ring, people are cheering. K' follows shortly behind.
Remy-"And in the Blue square, we have Cracker Jack!"
A third spot light follows Cracker Jack to the ring, people are cheering. Maxima and Cracker Jack are standing in opposite corners of the ring.
Remy-"The rules will go as follows... There will be NO tag partners, or weapons. This is a hand-to-hand duel for the title of Canada's best. The judges are now checking you for weapons.... Okay. Shake hands!"
They do then Remy leaves the ring, then they engage in battle.
Cracker Jack (punches Maxima)-"This one's for the cracker factory!!!"
Maxima falls to the ground, beaten.
Cracker Jack (strikes pose)-"I LOVE being a turtle!! PIZZAAAAAA!!!"
Maxima-"Wait a moment, I'm not supposed to lose. I'm the good guy."
K' shakes Maxima vigorously. "Dude you have to fight soon, don't be sleepin' on me."
Maxima-"Oh...Right....."
Remy-"Okay.....Shake hands!"
Remy leaves the ring and they engage in battle. Maxima used 'Cobra Attack', where he whipped out a plastic snake and whipped Cracker Jack unconscious with it.
Remy-"And the winnah is.....Maxima!"
Some of the crowd cheers, the rest is disappointed with the shortness of the battle. Hugo walks on the stage bearing the championship belt (a normal brown "leather" belt purchased from K-mart for $5.99 but with a picture of a Canada flag stapled to it)
Maxim-"I am winner, HAHAHA! I am winner, HAHAHA! I am winner, HAHAHA!"
Credits Roll
Men Without Jobs song plays
Heidern: the Nazi dude from KOF, looks like a Nazi, salutes like a Nazi, and dammit, he's a Nazi.
Cracker Jack: this guy is from the Street Fighter EX series, he looks like one mean mofo, but in this story, he's a fag.
Generic sitcom music starts. "3 Kids and Goenitz" flashes across the screen. Pictures of New York, mostly in black and white, flash. Then the title again. More pictures. A giant letter Q. Then a picture Goenitz, Yashiro, Shermie and Chris doing the famous Beatle picture where they are walking across a cross walk. The title again, followed by the subtitle, "Battle for the Maple".
We enter in Central Park. Goenitz and the three kids are walking through it.
Goenitz-"Well, that sure was some crazy shenanigens we got into in the ol' west, wasn't it? I fancy this cowpoke hat I got." (Points to hat)
Chris-"It was interesting. Hm. Today Yamazaki told us we're gonna have a sub tomorrow, dagnabit!"
Yashiro-"Chris! What did I tell you about talking like a grizzled 1890's prospector?"
Chris-"Consarnit...."
As they walk over the bridge, ugly Mr. Heidern jumps out from under it.
Heidern-"Heil!"
Yashiro (screams)-"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Shermie-"It's just Heidern."
Yashiro-"Exactly."
Heidern-"What is dis meaning of crossing mein bridge so noisy like?"
Chris-"I was just talking about school. I was about to get to the test I have to take on Friday."
Heidern-"Test, eh? I took a test today...."
Chris-"Really? What about?"
Heidern-"They tested me at the clinic for Hepatitis. I kicked ass too. I got an A, two B's, and a C." (laugh track)
Shermie-"Okay....." Gives Heidern a weird look.
Goenitz-"Why do you jump out at people Heidern?"
Heidern-"What's so wrong a-boot a former Nazi that lives under a bridge waiting to give you Hepatitis?" (laugh track)
Yashiro-"What's right about it?"
Heidern-"....... You got me there."
Heidern goes back under the bridge, and they continue walking.
They return to the apartment and it is night.
Next day. Chris goes off to school, and Shermie and Yashiro go off to Iori's to see if they can get wasted before nine o' clock.
We enter in the 'Potato in Chainmail'. Maxima and K' are talking with Iori at the bar.
Maxima-"And that in turn means death for us all." (laugh track)
Iori-"Your theories intrigue me. I wish to subscribe to your newsletter."
Shermie and Yashiro walk in.
Shermie-"Hey, Iori!"
Yashiro-"Guess what Heidern's been up to."
Iori-"Ummmmm.... Leading the Germans into Czechoslovakia?" (laugh
track hardcore style)
Yashiro-"Um.... No... He lives under a bridge."
As they sit talking, a big man wearing white pants, hat, jacket with sleeves rolled up, a black shirt, and fancy shoes comes in. His hat is tilted just so, therefore his eyes cannot be seen. And like Maxima, he has big side burns. But unlike Maxima, he has one glove with a gold ring.
Mysterious Stranger-"Maxima."
Maxima-"AH! It's Cracker Jack!"
Yashiro-"Who is this Cracker Jack? Well, other than the obvious."
Maxima-"Back in the days when I still lived in Canada, he was the mean rich kid who lived down the block. Always caused me trouble he did. So I left and came here."
Cracker Jack-"Yes, ran away you did."
K'-"Rich, eh?"
Cracker Jack-"Yes, I'm a big shot down at the cracker factory."
K'-"Really? Well, I'm in the iron and steel business."
Cracker Jack-"Really? Which one? United Iron and Steel? Wolfgang Steel and Iron?"
K'-"No, when I'm at home I iron, but when I'm not, I steal." (laugh track)
Cracker Jack gives him a weird look for a long time. Then turns to Maxima.
Cracker Jack-"I have been looking for you for years. Now that I have found you, we will duke it out."
Maxima-"Okay..... but for what purpose?"
Cracker Jack-"BECAUSE!! Back in '81, I wanted to be crowned Ms. Canada! But you stole that title away from me!!"
Maxima-"What are you talking about? I didn't steal it from you, I never entered that 'cause I'm a dude. You know 'Ms.', usually means a girl. And all I said was you WOULDN'T get crowned."
Cracker Jack-"Well enough talk, have at you!" Strikes a pose.
Iori steps between them.
Iori-"Now, now.... If you're gonna do this, at least do it in a civilized fashion. Well put this event on Friday night at eight o' clock. We'll construct a ring in back where we have the cock fights, and we'll charge admission. So I.. I mean, WE can make a profit from it. It'll be a good ol' fashioned, no-holds-barred, beer-drinkin'-fun, texas-death-match-in-a-steel-cage type of fight."
Cracker considers this for a while-"Okay. You got five days to get ready." then he leaves.
K'-"Alright Maxima, I'll be your trainer." (lights a cigar and throws a towel over his shoulder) "First thing we're gonna do is watch all thirteen Rocky movies... And would it be too much for you to call me Mr. Popadopolis?"
K' pops 'Rocky I' into the VCR on the counter near the TV.
Iori-"Hey, this 'Rocky' marathon of theirs could get me some profit.
K' (pauses movie as Rocky gets hit)-"This is what you're not supposed to do." fade out
Commercial break-
Kids looking bored playing with their video games.
Announcer-"Hey kids, are you tired of playing with the same old
stuff?"
Kids-"Yeah."
Announcer-"Then you'll have loads of fun playing with the 'Spider
Whistle'!!!"
Shows picture of a whistle with a spider painted on it.
Announcer-"Just blow the whistle and watch the spiders come!!"
Cuts to the kids outside, each with the whistle, laughing and
blowing on the whistle. A wave of spiders comes towards them.
Cut to picture of product. Sappy music plays.
Announcer-"The 'Spider Whistle', provides hours of Arachnid fun!
Order two and we'll give you antivenom, for FREE!!"
Announcer-"The spider whistle, brought to you by Happy-Fun inc.
Providing children with fun toys for 50 years. Also the
people who brought you the 'Wacky Knife Ball!
Try and catch it!' and 'The Fire Hat, Hey, you're head's on fire!'"
We enter in the arena. It's filled with people, talking and waiting for the match to start. Off to the side Maxima is standing with K', Yashiro, Shermie, Chris and Goenitz.
K'-"Alright, remember your training. Go out there and make us proud!"
Iori comes in-" Alright, I got a lot of money riding on this fight, so don't lose! Oh, I mean, do your best." (laugh track)
The lights dim and Remy walks to the center of the ring. Hugo lowers down a microphone from the rafters, and Alex puts the spotlight on him.
Remy (coming from the speakers all around)-"Welcome to Battle of the Maple 2002!!! We stick two Canadians in the ring and one comes out! In the Red square, we have Maxima!!"
Another spot light follows Maxima to the ring, people are cheering. K' follows shortly behind.
Remy-"And in the Blue square, we have Cracker Jack!"
A third spot light follows Cracker Jack to the ring, people are cheering. Maxima and Cracker Jack are standing in opposite corners of the ring.
Remy-"The rules will go as follows... There will be NO tag partners, or weapons. This is a hand-to-hand duel for the title of Canada's best. The judges are now checking you for weapons.... Okay. Shake hands!"
They do then Remy leaves the ring, then they engage in battle.
Cracker Jack (punches Maxima)-"This one's for the cracker factory!!!"
Maxima falls to the ground, beaten.
Cracker Jack (strikes pose)-"I LOVE being a turtle!! PIZZAAAAAA!!!"
Maxima-"Wait a moment, I'm not supposed to lose. I'm the good guy."
K' shakes Maxima vigorously. "Dude you have to fight soon, don't be sleepin' on me."
Maxima-"Oh...Right....."
Remy-"Okay.....Shake hands!"
Remy leaves the ring and they engage in battle. Maxima used 'Cobra Attack', where he whipped out a plastic snake and whipped Cracker Jack unconscious with it.
Remy-"And the winnah is.....Maxima!"
Some of the crowd cheers, the rest is disappointed with the shortness of the battle. Hugo walks on the stage bearing the championship belt (a normal brown "leather" belt purchased from K-mart for $5.99 but with a picture of a Canada flag stapled to it)
Maxim-"I am winner, HAHAHA! I am winner, HAHAHA! I am winner, HAHAHA!"
Credits Roll
Men Without Jobs song plays