"Home, bloody home." It felt weird calling a place other than Sunny D home. But this place would always be his home.
England.
Making his way toward the warehouse he and Dru lived in the last time they were in England, he reflected on what happened the last few months. It had been almost four now since he left Africa.
He took the "long" way home – Brazil, Spain, France, Germany, Prague, Russia, England. It was quite the meandering trail. And rather fruitless.
He had been visiting the places where he had been particularly gruesome in his long un-life. He had hoped that seeing the places would push the memories to the surface and the guilt would follow.
He didn't think he'd ever say this, but he had wanted to brood, damn it! He was desperately trying to prove that his soul did work, that he did feel guilty, that he wasn't a monster, that the Slayer could love him.
Because the one constant in his life was that still did love her.
"See, ducks? Told you I didn't 'ave to 'ave a soul to love. Bloody lot of good that soul's doin' me now." Grumbling to himself as he reached the warehouse, he kicked the door open and threw down his small bag – the only possessions he had now since he couldn't exactly go get the rest from the Hellmouth. Maybe he could get a hold of Clem – have him ship the rest over.
Three dumb looking vamps sprang to their feet, growling at the intruder.
"Well, fellas, thanks for watchin' the place while I've been gone, but … get out."
"Hey, this is OUR lair!" The – and Spike used the term loosely – leader snarled at him. Spike smirked in response.
"Not anymore." He growled deep and low in his throat. The two younger vampires stood frozen for a second before turning and bolting. The leader watched them, glancing back and forth between their retreating backs and Spike's game face. Spike took half a step forward and the other vampire sprinted after his companions. Chuckling, Spike went over to their things to decide what was worth keeping.
* * *
In the month since he moved back to England, he slowly yet surely gained a reputation. The demons and vampires in London had not heard of his recent exploits. He didn't have to deal with the ridicule and danger inherent with being Buffy's bitch back in Sunnyhell.
Unfortunately, the chip was still active. While the newly re-souled vampire didn't especially mind pig's blood, it was harder to get blood here without losing his reputation. With that in mind, he had a few sources, alternating among them to avoid raising suspicions.
Currently, he was on his way to a new butcher shop. It was in a different part of London than he usually frequented, so he figured he should be okay.
Walking quickly in the cool night, he took a long draw on his cigarette, wistfully wishing he could feel the duster flapping around his legs. God, he missed that coat. Unfortunately, it was the only thing Clem couldn't ship to him – Buffy probably destroyed it when she saw it on the handrail anyway. He sighed.
Reaching the shop, he pushed open the door. The little bell that rang reminded him of the Magic Box – so many things reminded him of the Hellmouth. The man behind the counter looked up and smiled.
"Can I help you?"
"Yeah, mate. I need some blood."
"Um…okay. Just a sec."
Spike absently tapped his fingers on the counter as he waited for the clerk to return. The bell jingled again and Spike half-turned.
"Spike?" A familiar voice almost whispered – shock filled and confused at the same time.
Spike turned around completely, eyes wide.
"Watcher?"
"S-Spike. What are you doing here?" The ex-Watcher took off his glasses,
absent-mindedly cleaning them, trying to hide his discomfort with the
situation.
"Why do you bloody think? I need to eat, mate!"
Giles stared at him blankly for a minute before understanding dawned in his eyes.
"I meant, what are doing in England, Spike?"
"Oh." Spike turned back to the counter. "Didn't the Slayer tell you I left?"
"No, we've been a bit…preoccupied." The tone of sadness in the … well, younger…man's voice caused Spike to look back again, a confused expression on his face. It looked like Giles' mind was miles away. Spike forced himself not to ask what was wrong. He didn't care…right? Well, even if he did, he had decided months ago that he wasn't going to bother her anymore. He was a monster; the soul didn't change that. She deserved so much more, expecially since she's fought so hard for so long.
But the look in Giles' eye made his heart twinge. Something was wrong. He began to waver in his resolve not to ask, but before he could open his mouth, Giles shook his head, clearing his thoughts, and forced an overly-cheerful expression to his face.
"Well, anyway, it's go-…a surprised to see you." Spike smirked at Giles' slip.
"You too, mate."
"When did you leave Sunnydale?"
"Um, about five months ago. I traveled around a lot before comin' back 'ere, though."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. I 'ad some soul-searchin' to do."
Giles chuckled, thinking Spike
had made a joke, but had an unsettled feeling when the vampire didn't return
the chuckle and refused to look him in the eye.
Strange. What's with Spike now?
When the assistant returned with Spike's blood, the vampire paid for it and waited for Giles to place and pay for his order. The two walked out of the shop together, still doing the pleasant chit-chat thing until Spike was ready to claw his own eyes out.
"Look, mate. This 'as been fun and all, but I should get goin'."
"Oh, of course. Sorry for detaining you."
"Oh, no, nothing like that – just got a few more errands to run before dawn."
They said goodbye and Spike took a few steps before turning around.
"Giles?"
"Hmm?"
"Listen, I know your first loyalty is to the Slayer, but, if possible, could you not tell her about me bein' 'ere in England and you runnin' into me and all? It's just that…I caused 'er so much trouble back in Sunny D. She shouldn't 'ave to deal with me now that I'm no longer in 'er life." Spike was slightly disgusted at the tone in his voice – quiet, tentative, hopeful. Bloody hell, after all these months, she still had this strong of a hold on him!
Surprise flitted across Giles' face, followed quickly by a smile.
"Of course, Spike. And may I just say: there are times, like now, when part of me thinks that part of Buffy doesn't deserve you." The Watcher paused, clearly upset by his traitorous words. "See you around, Spike."
Spike walked away, moisture in his eyes and a smile he just couldn't suppress. For the first time since the cave, he thought he felt his soul. And it was rejoicing.