Ai Shiteru Chapter 7: The Inner Self, Crying out
An Aa! My Goddess fanfic (Kosuke Fujishima)
© 2002 By icezer230 (icezer230@yahoo.com)
Webpage: http://icezer.itgo.com/fanfic.html
Based on the works of Brett Handy and Ed Sharpe. For disclaimers, see chapter 1. For posting elsewhere (or the borrowing of characters), just ask and ye shall receive.
*****
"I had watched moon after moon after moon go by, when finally I dreamed the evil dream
which ripped away the veil that hid my future."
--Dante: The Divine Comedy Vol 1, Canto XXXIII lines 25-27 (Mark Musa)
*****
Regal.
Skuld thought that it was the best word to describe her approaching movements: silent, graceful, careful and precise. Her very presence commanded respect. She created an awed atmosphere of silence that strangely did not lead to the usual awkwardness, for it felt as if they knew each other, from long past. A strange feeling of deja-vu resurfaced, although she could not place where she had done this before, or who the woman was. Strange isn't it, for someone who has perfect memory. An immortal even. Then,
Come.
Skuld did not hear it coming from the woman. She did not see the woman's mouth open to utter the word either. But she knew it came from the woman, and she approached her without question. When they were about two meters apart, the woman raised her hand and a mirror appeared, although the image in the mirror did not wear the same clothes, did not have the same hair, did not have the same appearance. Her eyes widened, not understanding. The image in the mirror did the same, before they both turned towards the woman.
You are one and the same, and yet you are not. Do you understand...?
Skuld realized that her mirror image was wearing what she would have worn in the future, had she further explored her relationship with Kenji, in that horribly twisted future she only had a glimpse of: the one that could have been. The dark images were etched into her mind, and haunted her still. The mirror image seemed to grasp the idea faster than she did, and both looked to the woman once more.
You are about to partake the Manifest. The Manifest occurs to all immortals, both old and young, both strong and weak. It is not a test of endurance, but a test of will. It is not for those of the weak-willed; those who are of such nature, will surely perish. It is no great loss. There are others who will take their place. But most immortals take it only once during their lifetime. That is usually enough in order to ordain these immortals a gift of powers and the ability to use them to suit their own purposes.
But you...you are different. The Manifest will be as if it never parts with you. It lays dormant until now, because you must fully mature and develop your physical attributes before you can attain your full power. Death will not come to one such as yourself; not even an immortal will kill you, not even when you want to do so yourself. As there is only one Goddess of the Future, there is no other Goddess of the Present, nor Goddess of the Past. Only a rebirth shall occur, during the times when your abilities are weak and decisions questionable to many.
Your sisters, while they have also taken the Manifest, have not realized their full potential. Such secrets are better left unknown. You are the only one who has the right to know everything, for among your sisters, your own duty is the most important. Your well being ensures the well-being of the future and the direction in which both mortals and immortals shall undertake.
And for such a task, your manifest, your test, shall be the hardest of tests. If you fail, another cycle of rebirth shall occur, and reality shall evolve around you as if you were always a newborn.
Is there any other way, she asked? She was beginning to feel the fear overcome her senses.
Sadly, the woman said, in that ever-ethereal tone of hers, there is no other way...
...There was a momentary silence, before a magnificent hallway appeared after the woman. At the end of the hallway, there was a small nondescript-looking door.
I can only lead you to the door, she said. You will have to go through this yourself...
There was nothing to do but to open it, and go through it. She saw her other self walking through the door, quickly and determinedly.
*****
Belldandy had been preparing the snacks and the green tea for Kenji's mother in the kitchen when she felt something strike her in the heart, a small pain that nearly made her drop the tray. But she had not hurt herself; therefore, there could only be one explanation. One of her sisters (or both, as she couldn't tell) was in dire trouble, and somehow could not rely on their powers to contact her.
"Oh, my..." she gasped, putting down the tray on the kitchen cabinet and hurried out.
Kenji's mother, realizing that there was something worrying Belldandy, wondered, "Is there something wrong, Belldandy-san?"
"I just realized something, Morisato-san...You must be feeling a little tired after the long trip here...would you like to take a little rest in the guest room? I'm sure Keiichi-san wouldn't mind," Belldandy suggested, the symbol on her forehead gleaming a bit. As if in cue, Kenji's mother started to yawn and her eyes drooped.
"I-I...suppose I could do with a little rest...but I don't like to impose..." she said, before her head flopped on the table.
"I'm sorry, Morisato-san, but...I'm afraid there are other matters that require my immediate attention...Oh, Keiichi!" Belldandy suddenly realized. She had to tell him about what was going on. *No more notes and disappearing off to Heaven for chats* she mused, after what had happened the last time. Although Keiichi had not complained out loud, she knew he had kept his feelings about that time to himself, not wanting to start the first battle between the two.
She hurried to the nearest mirror.
Keiichi!
*****
Chia-Yao had been nervously tinkering with one of his many experimental projects after the phone-call from Belldandy, losing track of time, when he realized that there was a brilliant flash of light outside the door. Curious as he was, he peeked out the eyehole but didn't see anyone, but opened the door (which swung inward) anyway, just in case he could catch a glimpse of who-
He definitely did not expect to find Rhiana breathing heavily on the floor, near death, a gaping wound in her chest, and the bodies of two unknown persons. On closer inspection, it seemed like they were demons...their auras leaked of it, and it was already dissipating into the air. He grimaced.
"Shit," he spat, as he searched the room and grabbed the closest and cleanest rag that he could find and pressed it to her wound to slow down the rate at which the fluids were being lost. She managed to open her eyes briefly, look at him gratefully, and whisper to him, "Skuld and Urd...taken. Loki's behind all this...Hurry...They're with Aska..."
His eyes widened as he contemplated what this meant. Then, broke into a run in order to reach his work console station where he immediately announced, "Emergency; Emergency. Break-ins, break-outs, imminent. Secure all entrances, all exits, and security? Get ready to rock. This is NOT a drill; repeat, this is NOT a drill. Priority calling: Belldandy and all unrestricted class and level A personnel to battle. 5 minutes."
He came directly back at her, carrying a first aid kit, while she attempted to tell him all she knew about what was going on...he listened with a grim heart, realizing that they were probably too late to stop whatever ritual Loki had in mind, but that perhaps they could stop him from getting out of the immortal realm.
"Chia-Yao...one last thing...get the mortal named Kenji...Morisato Kenji...he's involved in all this too. He knows some of what has happened..." she managed to say before losing consciousness.
At Kenji's name, Chia-Yao nearly snarled out loud in anger. It took him a moment for him to lay her down on more comfortable bedding before storming off and crumpling the project he was working on with all his immortal strength. Whatever it was supposed to be, it was now a tiny mesh ball of unusable metal and wires.
"Fuck!" he roared, knowing that she was right, and that he was unable to do a thing about it.
*****
It was an elegantly decorated room, with tasteful and comfortable decorations and furnishings, like something she might have wanted to get had she had spent a few years' worth of effort on her pocket dimension. She looked over her shoulder; the door was gone, and there were no other doors. No visible windows, and no other person save her other self. Though...there was some sort of music drifting through, and the slightest whisper of voices.
She strained to hear them, wondering what they were about, who they were about, and why they existed in this space. She saw that the other Skuld had sat herself on one of the chairs of a small table, and gestured for her to do the same.
"Who are you?" she asked.
"It matters not who I am, but what I can do, for you. This manifest was to be for you, and I am the one to impart the gift of knowledge...so do it. Finish your task," she said, in a neutral tone, lifting a small knife out of the back of her uniform.
"What?" she asked, not understanding.
"Kill me," the other Skuld said in a matter of fact way.
"But..." she protested, still in shock. The other Skuld grabbed the knife and pressed the blade into her hand, cutting into her palm a little from the sharpness of it. A red drop or two fell on the table, the red on white a stark contrast.
"Do it!" she yelled, and then stood, making her chair fall back. "What, can't do it? It'll be fun...I mean, why not...that's the only way you're going to regain consciousness. And why wouldn't you want to regain consciousness? Don't you want to save the world?"
A remote suddenly appeared in her hand and she flicked a switch, revealing a TV in a corner she hadn't noticed before.
["My great masterplan," Loki nodded. "Ragnarok -- Armageddon -- the Apocalypse. Whatever you call it... it begins now. Jargon -- the heart!"
Still cringing, the servant pulled a small but sharp dagger from his belt and approached the bubble trapping Rhiana, expression growing more and more apologetic with every step. Finally, they stood face to face.
"You realise what's going to happen if you take that heart out of my body, don't you?" Rhiana said.
"Yes. You will die. And the world as we know it will come to an end." Jargon's face took on an almost puppyish quality. "If it's any consolation to you... you always were my best mistress. I'll remember that, no matter what."
"Good show," Loki remarked wryly. "Now do what I have commanded. No more delays."
Jargon averted his face as the knife punctured the warp bubble, a little mewling noise rising up in his throat as Rhiana dropped to her knees, staring at the humanoid in blank horror. The wound expanded almost immediately, fountaining a stream of hot liquid energy that splashed into Rhiana's bare skin with all the immediacy of boiling acid. Staggering to her feet, the Valkyrie had barely regained her balance when Jargon's hands were already inside her chest, grasping, tearing, pulling until the energy sphere she had stolen from Raich popped free. Urd and Aska were visibly shaken by the display; Loki delighted, his grin glittering like frozen malice in the iight of the heart's energy.]
"Noooo!" she screamed, putting her hands to her mouth, tears running down her face as she saw Rhiana being hurt. At this, the other Skuld flicked the TV off, and semi-hugged the other Skuld.
"Poor baby," she cooed. And then, within a blink of an eye, the blade was pressed to Skuld's throat. "If you don't want to kill me, then I guess I'll have to kill you, won't I...after all, only one of us gets to get out of this room alive..."
*****
It was like a bad dream, except that it wasn't, because she couldn't wake up. The blade pressed into her even more, and the grip was sure, and steady. *What to do, what to-Hah!*
She elbowed the other Skuld in the stomach into releasing her, who gave an 'oof!' as an answer before managing to recover. Luckily, she managed to get away to the other side of the room. The other Skuld didn't seem to be in a hurry, however, and just said, "Well, well. Apparently...you're not a quitter at all. Good for you, bad for me."
"Does it have to be like this?" she asked, as they continued to circle around each other.
"Before...when you asked me who I was...do you still want to know the answer?" she asked.
"I guess it depends...will I want to?" she replied, glibly, as she eyed the shiny surface of the blade. Her palm still stung a little.
"Stings doesn't it," the other Skuld drawled, noticing the way she was gingerly protecting the palm. "Hm...wonder if someone put a little something to it...It would be unfair, wouldn't it...But then, what's life, but a jumble of unpredictable affairs? Shit happens."
The other Skuld paused, for just a moment. And looked into the blade, into the reflection it cast upon herself. She smiled bitterly, and caressed it, almost longingly. She didn't look...sane, at all.
"Shit fucking happens, you know? And there's nothing you can do to stop it. It's like the moment before you realize that the lights had changed and there's a car about to hit you, you know? And you freeze, like a deer in the headlights? I probably know that particular moment better than anyone else. I realize that it was a statement made by a mortal--and, what do mortals know, that we immortals don't--but...for some reason...that just happens to describe the life that I've had to lead for the past 5 years, to the exact tee.
And it bothers me, you know? I figured...why should I bother living in the future, when I can return to the past, and fight to live it over again? You see, I was once the epitome of immortal genius; you. Yeah, you. And somehow, I managed to lollygag myself into thinking; even believing that I could live for myself, just because I lived amongst the mortals for a few measly years. I mean, how selfish is that, living for yourself. I mean, you're a fucking goddess! How can you live for yourself?...I mean, you saw what happened in the alley, didn't you?...Didn't you..." she repeated her last words, softly, almost accusingly. Her words made Skuld's mind spin. *The Alley? What-* The gang-rape. She gasped in recognition.
"N-No...That didn't happen! None of that did! It was just the machine! Just a dream! Just a-" Skuld shook her head, retreating, before being cut off by the other Skuld.
"To you, maybe, it was just a dream. It could very well happen, you know. And you know what? It did. To me. And that's what happens when you try to live for yourself; you have to contend with fate, and chance. And they don't care that you were a goddess before, in fact, they probably think that you deserve it. That we deserved it. Like fallen angels, you know?
All this...mess...because I had forgone the Manifest; forsaken my powers, because that was the only way that I could be with Kenji. Charming, kind, handsome, Kenji. I didn't think that what I had seen in the machine would ever...ever....happen to me; and I put those images out of my mind. Shut them out. Purged them from ever...entering...my mind...again. Well, I certainly regretted it afterwards.
But...you know something? It happened well before you ever got to see what my life was like with Kenji. I never spoke to anyone about it, and Kenji...never said anything either, even after I told him. It was like...he was...pitying me. And no one fucking pities me. No one. After all I've done for him, you know? He was even going to marry me, for pity's sake. But...it wasn't for love, even though he claims it to be love. He'll do it out of the goodness of his heart. And I know he would. He's the kind of man who would say something like that.
And you know what? I don't fucking want that. Not for myself, and certainly not for him. So I built a little something to take me back. Thankfully they didn't take away my mind, because that's all I had left. And now...I'm here to take over. To take my life back, because this is the only way I know how. This is how I'm going to fix the paradox. If you're smart, you'll let me make this end it quickly," she said, advancing once again. And added, "Then again, if you let me, I'll be more than happy to play with you and torture you for a while, if that makes it a much more worthy cause to die for."
*****
The other Skuld chuckled, and then stepped in for another attack. This time, though, she had gone full out. She had used some very powerful B level spell incantations, and a bolt of lightning came from her fingertips, Skuld only just missing being fried by a little.
*Shit! Whatever was in the blade is slowing me down!* she thought frantically, trying to figure out something to do. *Wait, if she's using spells, then that means that I can use them too!* she started another incantation that would temporarily immobilize another being; she had only used the spell on the bugs before so that they would be easy pickings for her hammer, but this situation called for desperate measures. Unfortunately, the other Skuld dodged it easily.
"Is that all you can do? Apply your simple tricks with bugs to me?" the other Skuld teased.
Skuld cursed as she narrowly avoided the thrown blade of the knife, and jumped to avoid the impact of a very familiar hammer.
"Oh, isn't this lovely...It's one thing to dance, but why should you dance, when there's no music?" the other Skuld retorted, as she broke her attack to switch the TV on. The scene that was being depicted was of her, surrounded by the notable figures of Loki and the warp bubbles of Urd and Aska. Now, however, they were joined by seemingly dozens of gray-black figures.
"Loki's minions. Isn't it fun, how they've joined the club AFTER he got you? The loyalty of some people sometimes," she clucked in a dismissive tone as she began to attack again. But this time, Skuld wasn't fast enough to duck.
SHHHHZZZZZZZ! was the last thing she heard before she was thrown onto her back. Disoriented, she shook her head. That only created massive pain as her ears and back molars screamed their displeasure at her. She groaned, and waved her own hammer uncertainly in front of her. She couldn't focus her vision...*where is she....fuck*
"Relax...we were supposed to make this last, so you would be a better, more tragic hero...Remember?" the other Skuld intoned as she sat on one of the chairs again. "It won't make this interesting, would it, if you died too soon..."
*****
As the other Skuld watched the TV screen, the Loki on the screen was murmuring several encantations from a worn book that he held in his one hand, and holding the hearts in the other. For some reason, these words echoed loudly throughout the room, and caused the other Skuld to be a little nervous, looking around warily.
The room glowed for a bit, and then, the room began to shake violently, as cracks started to appear on the ground. At first, a hand broke through, and soon, the minions that Loki had around him appeared in the room.
"This is impossible!" the other Skuld bit out, as she found herself being surrounded by those creatures, perhaps most commonly known as gargoyles. They seemingly paid no attention to the Skuld of the present. Though her vision had cleared, she continued to play as if she was still out of it. And though the other Skuld had fought, the gargoyles' numbers were clearly superior, and soon, she was forced down into the ground with them.
An ear-splitting scream of agony reached her ears as the cracks vanished however, and she winced in empathy. *That could have been me. Had I been the stronger one.* On the TV screen, however, she saw that the Skuld that was on the table opened her eyes. And stared into the air in front of her emptily, like a realistic imitation of one of Madame Tussaud's wax dolls.
*****
"Rise, Child," he commanded. Skuld sat up.
"Come to me, Child," he continued, as she obeyed his every command. He cupped her chin, and tilted it, lifting her eyes to meet his gaze.
"Such...lovely features..." he sighed, slowly caressing her jawbone, and suddenly visibly shuddered from pure emotion. "What wretched creature am I, to have enslaved you in such a fashion..." he murmured, his lips in a twisted smile. "But alas, I know that you would have wanted this...yesss...the old you, would have..."
*****
"What wretched creature am I. Yess. The old you...would have. Such...lovely...features..." these words were so familiar, she could have sworn she had heard it somewhere before. It was a tiny thought, somewhere in the back of her mind, and she visibly fought to search for it, that elusive answer.
*There,* she thought, as something came to the forefront.
["What wretched creature am I, to have rained mischief on the unsuspecting world of foolish mortals, who without guidance, can do nothing but huddle in the caves, scavenging for their daily meal? I cannot change who I am and what role I play, but to have you...you, my love, beside me...I will stop this insanity, this chaos, and go with you wherever you may..." a familiar voice had whispered in her ear from behind, continuing to whisper sweet nothings as she felt that person touch her in ways that made her passions flair.]
She gasped. The voice in her memory was none other than his. *How can this be?* her mind whirled in confusion, as more things seemingly jumped out at her, asking her to view them all at once.
["Yess! You've made me the happiest immortal by agreeing to this union!" he grinned charmingly, and then kissed her, long, wet, and passionately. He was a handsome, elegant man, and with her next to him in the mirror, in their bridal clothes, they looked good together. They rubbed noses together, and he cupped her cheek, caressing it, and said, "you have such...lovely...features...you'll make a wonderful mother, I'm sure of it!"]
"No!" she screamed, clutching her head. *What's going on!* A split second thought was that he was brainwashing her, imprinting her with new memories...
*****
"Oh that you were born...but a few centuries earlier...this time, I might have made things right again...the two of us..." he murmured, almost in a reverent tone, before suddenly slapping the unresponsive Skuld. Skuld merely looked back at him. "You ruined everything!"
He looked ready to hit her again, except that one of the minions had scurried to his right, whispering something in an unknown language.
"Cowards...So, the alarm was raised earlier than we had expected. That damn Rhiana," he spat. And then, turning back to her, his lips turning to that twisted smile again, "You'll be most helpful, now, won't you..."
*****
*A few centuries earlier..?* Skuld frowned. *No...It can't be...* Her eyes widened as her mind caught up to several clues. And then, she felt something. Her eyes searched the room, and realized that the room...it was...changing; folding onto itself, and there was nothing that she could do but try to escape. But it was too late. There were no exits. She was thrown onto her belly, and she felt like her innards were being turned inside out as she experienced true vertigo. She saw words, images, spells, incantations of the arcane sort, all over the place, and she had to will herself from not blacking out. It didn't work.
*****
"So. It has begun," the woman's voice came through to her. She blinked for a second or two, and looked around dazedly as she tried to understand why everything seemed so...different. All her senses were on hyper-alert, and she felt wearier, as if she had a greater burden to carry, for some reason.
"What has?" she asked. And then, before the woman could speak again, "Ah. Yes. It has. But was it really necessary for me to fight her? The future version of me?"
"It was her choice, to do it this way, and she must accept the consequences for her actions. Her reality will no longer exist...that was her fate when she fell under Loki's thrall. There is no way to get her back, but she will survive in your memories alone. It has not always been this way...this is the first time that those...things were able to break the barrier that separates this place, and that of the other plane..." she said, almost to herself. And then, started again, "You've been here for two weeks now. They're struggling; all of them are. You have no more time to waste. Will you know what to do from here?"
Skuld nodded, as she closed her eyes, and focused her attention on her senses. And then, somehow, reaching out, she managed to open, as simple as the opening to a tent, a tear in time, between the planes.
"Will we meet again?" she asked.
"That is up to you, I think," the woman said as she kissed Skuld on the cheek for good luck.
And then, she stepped through...
*****
They were losing. Kenji knew that. There were too many still advancing, and they didn't have enough to go against them; not with Skuld helping them. And they couldn't reach her. He cursed once again, as a bolt of electricity nearly hit him from what was once his love.
He had several cuts, but nothing serious. He looked to his side, trying to see what he could use to his advantage...but there was nothing but wooden tables all around this place.
"Skuld! I know you're in there! Snap out of it! Please!..." he shouted yet again, before Chia-Yao shoved him out of the way of another zap. It took out a gargoyle instead, and it crumbled into its original stonework. Chia-Yao motioned Kenji to follow him, and zigzagged through several wooden tables, the bolts missing them wide.
"It won't work...We've tried that already...we should just fall back! Rhiana will be back to full then...Aska is working on her right now..." Chia-Yao panted as they hid behind a bookshelf. They had managed to free Urd and Aska out of their warp bubbles, but ever since entering this room Skuld had been like a strange; a puppet controlled by Loki, and all their efforts to draw her out of her shell had failed. They tried to catch their breath, but the voice that came from behind them startled them into scrambling for different directions.
"Looking for the exit, gentlemen?" Loki grinned sinisterly, twirling a rapier in one hand, eyeing them like a hawk would a rabbit.
*****
Rhiana opened her eyes, wondering where she was. It was dark, damp, and there were quiet rustlings all over the large chamber. She realized she was lying down on a stone table, and was hooked to an IV-like machine. She didn't recognize the decor, but realized that it was a makeshift infirmary of sorts. A figure came closer to her, and it took a moment for her to realize that it was Aska.
"Thank God you're awake. For a moment there...I thought I...I thought I lost you..." Aska murmured, kissing her cheeks over and over again, tears down his cheeks unabashedly.
"Wh-What happened?" she croaked, her voice cracking from disuse.
"After you escaped, Loki managed to call out his minions...and they're crawling all over this place. We're safe for now, but...so many of our brethren have fallen. Many of the Norse gods...they were the first to go, because Loki knew how to take them, systematically, and quickly. Many of your sisters...Even I couldn't save them...and he's got Skuld, and...," he paused, not sure how to continue.
"How did you get away?" she asked, instead. She knew he was hurting.
"Chia-Yao, Kenji, Belldandy, and Keiichi...they managed to find us...before the main massacres began...at the great Hall...no one saw them coming...and his minions...were strong, unlike anything we've ever seen before. Skuld...I think Skuld is the one that is making them stronger," he managed to utter, before looking away.
"But...she would never-" she protested. Then she realized, "The spell! The hearts!"
He nodded grimly.
"And where's Kenji? Keiichi? Belldandy?...And Urd?" she asked. "What about Chia-Yao."
"Hush. Be still; you'll rip out your bandages. They're...at the front line now, with Brett in command as God of Destiny. They managed to get away from the Hall when it happened, because of Belldandy's mirror transporting abilities. Kenji and Chia-Yao are trying to draw the real Skuld out...trying to wake her..." he closed his eyes. "This is our last chance."
"Then let me help," she said, determinedly.
"You're hurt!" he protested.
"I can still help you...Please. If I had known...that this was going to happen..." she murmured, sadly, thinking back just to when Skuld had visited her in her office. *What was she going to tell me, back then?*
"Well...we'll need all the help we can get. Here...help me with Vishnu...he's been complaining about his arm," he said, helping her up. He recited a verse and then touched his fingers to her bandage, and she felt the discomfort fade.
Her thoughts, before losing herself to the duties of Aska's helper, was...*Be safe. All of you.*
*****
"I can't believe you!" Urd moaned, covering her face.
"They told me they could get through and reach her. And I think they had a good point, Urd," Brett said tiredly, not wanting to get into yet another argument with his girlfriend.
"You send possibly the worst combination ever to get her back, do you realize that?" Urd ranted on, obviously not finished with the subject.
Brett sighed, folded his arms, and sat back, waiting for her to continue.
"They're rivals. Goddamn rivals. How do you know they won't kill each other before they even get to her, just to make sure that Skuld won't be able to choose the other one, hmmm? And Kenji's a mortal! He's not even like Keiichi, who at least has some brains..." she retorted.
"Thanks," Keiichi said sarcastically from the back of the room, his head currently being bandaged by Belldandy. After she was done, she sat quietly back down and a little frown appeared between her eyebrows, showing her extreme displeasure at Brett.
"My point is...why didn't you get us to go with them? At least by then they might have a fighting chance to get out...And at least Bell and I could try to reach her...you know...since we're sisters and all...But Noooo...Mr. Tough Guy here-" Urd spat, before being interrupted by Brett.
"Enough! Don't you get it? They're the only ones I could spare, if we wanted to maintain the strength of our front line. We're weak enough as it is. Everyday, for the past two weeks now...we've been gaining and losing ground...but you know what? We've been losing more than we have been gaining, and I didn't want to tell any of you that, because it would create a defeatist attitude that would get us nowhere.
And now you've gotten that out of me. So we're going to sit here and wait until they come back. They're the last chance that we've got, before we have to retreat into the mortal realm. If this continues the way it has been for the last few days, that possibility might well become a reality. And I'm not going to be the one God of Destiny that let that happen without trying all our resources, so...Urd? Can it," he fumed.
The rest of them stared at him in awkward silence.
*****
"Give up this foolish endeavor...you could still be with her, you know...be with Skuld...Isn't that what the two of you want? If you join me...you can..." he said, looking at Chia-Yao and then Kenji in the eye. The two of them were being held up, by the cuff of their necks, with enough pressure to make them start to choke. Only Chia-Yao, however, was stone-faced, as Kenji kept grabbing at his neck in order to breathe.
"Ah...the mortal struggles pitifully for his life...against a more powerful predator...he is helpless, isn't he," Loki laughed. He casually threw Kenji against the wall, where he hit his head first, and slumped to the ground motionless.
"Perhaps...you...would be a more worthy...associate," Loki said, giving him a crooked smile. "What do you say, Chia-Yao, more power than you could ever dream of, and the possession of your lady love, or...nothing. Which will it be?" Loki drawled.
Chia-Yao merely spit in his face. For a second, he did nothing. Then he smiled.
"Yaaaaarghhhh!" he roared as he threw Chia-Yao against the wall as well. *Ooh...I am going to love torturing this one...*
"Skuld, child, come here..." he ordered softly. She came to his side instantly; looking at the two figures slumped at the wall, and then at him. He sat on the chair, and then asked her to sit on his lap.
"You see? They would've betrayed you..." he whispered, running one of his hands through her hair...and was met by silence. He hissed, "You're mine now," and leaned in to claim his prize. Her lips were as soft, and sweet as he remembered. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to capture every fleeting sensation.
Except. This time, he realized that she had kissed him back. He opened his eyes wide, startled, and he managed to pulled back, to see an even older Skuld's face...perhaps in her late 20s...in front of him, her eyes filled with mixed emotions as her lips murmured something quick and rapid, too quick for him to follow, and then touched her hands against his chest before he could get away from her.
He saw no more...as he fell from the chair, clutching his chest. Skuld stood over him, closed her eyes, and sobbed, collapsing to her knees. *It's done...Farewell, Love.*
*****
[Two weeks later...]
It wasn't until the quite words of, "Hey," were offered that she realized that someone was there with her on the roof. She had been watching the sunset and the different contours that were beginning to form in the darkening skies. Her eyes constantly searching for a hint of a bug in her masterpiece, some miscalculation on her part that she had forgotten to take out, concentrating so much so that she forgot that she was expecting a visitor.
*Well, I haven't really forgotten, per se,* she thought, *...just...pushed it into the periphery. Even immortals have moments in time in which they wish they were some lesser being.*
She sighed inwardly, turning to see Kenji looking at her awkwardly and if not a little warily. She patted the space to her left and turned to the sunset once again.
"I've been expecting you."
She could feel his presence in the back of her mind as he sat, his mortal aura an ambiguous mixture of hurt, sadness, and hope. They sat like this, not speaking, until Kenji could take it no longer.
"I don't understand...why...all this...after..." he started, and then stopped, hoping that she would continue for him. She didn't, for a long moment, still trying to form the right words.
"It's a strange thing to ask for something twice when you've already known the answer once before, and know that the answer will not change. Your memories have returned to you, have they not?" she asked.
He nodded, remembering that day she had returned, a day that seemed so long ago...
["You, I cannot love. I will remember all the times we had together, Kenji...I do not think them as you do. You must go now and live your life as it was meant to be...with someone else."]
"But..." he protested, still not wanting to give up.
"You were about to ask me why I would say something like that, even if that was a future temporal version of me doing it, and not me. Correct?" she asked. He could only nod.
She sighed at the downside to her powers. Even with the restriction earrings that Kami-sama had given her in the aftermath of the vicious battle that had claimed many of her immortal and mortal counterparts, her precognitive powers were so strong that she had trouble waiting for the next person to finish his/her thought/line of conversation, making two-way conversations quite tasking.
"I thought, well...my future counterpart, to be more exact, thought that if she spared you of much of the anguish of remembering our time together, that you would be able to appreciate and love even more deeply the one you were to be with...but she hadn't foreseen the coming of the manifest to be so soon, or that Loki...that Loki...would play a part in this," she said. The way she said HIS name drew Kenji's attraction instantly.
Sensing this, Skuld closed her eyes, leaned back, and gave a big laugh.
"I knew you would see it...was it the way that I talk of him? Hmm?" She allowed him a moment to agree, and then told him to lie back, the way she did, because it would take a while to explain.
"It would be so much easier to explain if you were an immortal, and knew the theories behind the creation of Yggdrassil, and so and so forth, but I'll spare you the technicalities and the history of motor mechanisms that I was willing to research a few hundred years ago...
In the largest, most broadest terms, this...reality was reset by Kami-sama, because to him something had gone terribly wrong and he wanted...no, needed...to start anew. I knew that this had happened before I was born, and I had found traces of evidence of such tampering in the Yggdrassil rings...but...due to the high security seals (and basically a lack of willingness to poke my head into something I wasn't supposed to) I didn't explore the data concealed within. If I had, I would have realized that this reset had much to do with what happened to Loki and me." she paused for a bit, to reach into her pocket and light a cig.
Her hands trembled a little, he noticed, perhaps from the cold, or from repressed emotions. Without speaking he handed her his jacket, which she took gratefully with a small smile.
"I remember traces of it, you know, of the time before the reset...but they were mostly triggered by the Manifest, and they feel a little alien even though they seem so familiar. I was a little older back then...no, roughly the same age as you see me now, having acquired my manifested powers, and by random chance I met Loki while he was off on one of his practical jokes...and well, though I can hardly imagine it happening now, we became lovers," she said, opening her eyes to carefully gauge his reactions. He was clearly shocked.
"From what I can piece together, apparently we had similar opinions on the mortals...no offense to you, but back then we didn't know any personally, and it was hard trying to justify the existence of something that lived in a mere blink of an eye to us and whose technologies were so hard to instill and cultivate without our little nudgings. It was like watching a seedling grow, and we were definitely not the most patient or lenient of horticulturalists. And...well, I'd have to say that the sex was great," she said, laughing loudly at Kenji's gaping mouth.
"After a while though, it really turned into something more. We turned to each other for everything...and we waited for the fallout from the other immortals. There really wasn't any at first...Kami-sama and the rest of the gang were happy for us, tolerated us, and even praised us for finding each other. It was a great time...one that sometimes even I miss...had I remembered, that is.
And yet, this happiness that we found was to be short-lived. Loki found out that his powers were near-to-nothing when he did not cause mischief...and he was growing weaker by the day; to the point of near-death, even, because he had practically spent all the time he had with me in an effort to show how devoted we were to each other, and I was busy running the mainframe back then to really have any free time to cause any mischief. I couldn't stand the sight of him suffering; I loved him so much that I helped him in his escapades by ignoring my duties...and then, somewhere along the line, he realized, all of a sudden, that with me helping him, he could've become a powerful rival to Kami-sama, with him unable to do anything about it.
It would have been one thing to say that I was blinded by love...it would be another to say that I was power hungry, and joined forces with one of the forces of chaos and mischief in order to gain more power. Whatever the reason, the powers that governed the universe was unbalanced, and there was a great battle fought, much like the one we fought, though on a much larger scale, since I was conscious, and on the opposing side to the rest of the gods. I was the gray in the field of black and white, and somehow I found myself fighting against my friends and my family, alongside the man that I loved.
I didn't understand why it had to come to this, and at one point I decided that I couldn't do this anymore. In fact, I willingly surrendered to Kami-sama, to the horror of my lover. Kami-sama, in order to restore the order, reset the universe with the power of us three sisters...and tortured Loki with his mistake by having to remember his time with me even before his own manifest...and unable to do anything about it, as he had made sure that I was born even later than I was originally in the previous reality to ensure that something like the previous reality would not happen ever again.
Many of the immortals would have remembered slight flicks and images as well, from their own manifests, and would have avoided Loki, further isolating him, driving him to the brink of madness and beyond. So, you see, I think that these two things were what really drove him to become the twisted being that you battled...
He stole me as I was unconscious, trying to create a puppet-figure he could control, so that there was no way that I could betray him again...and then, establish the base in which he could amass great amounts of chaotic power to battle the other immortals. It was a good thing we were able to stop him before he spread his sphere of power onto the mortal realm...the casualties...would have been catastrophic..." she drifted off, absently rubbing the little cube necklace she had. It glowed a little, startling him a little.
"...What is that?" he asked, surprised that he could get off his question before he was cut off.
"Hmm? Ah. You mean this little contraption? This...this is where he is, close to my heart, for now...and for all eternity," she said cryptically.
"What do you mean, this is where he is-" he asked for clarification.
"Before this all happened, Loki was the one to carry the burden of the knowledge of his previous life...and now...it is only right that I get to carry his memory...here. This is his prison, though he can neither know what is outside...It is now my duty...to carry the knowledge of our past faults, and use them to create images of future projections. With him so close to me, there will always be an element of chaos, but that will of course be what make things interesting..." she murmured.
"So...what about Chia-Yao?" he asked, after a moment of letting her think out her thoughts. "Will he be with you, too?"
"Feeling a little jealous, are we..." she drawled, forcing a smile to let the harsh words soften. Just a little.
"I just don't think he's the right person for you," he protested.
"He isn't," she answered cryptically.
"Huh? But-"
"I could never fall for the person that he is right now," she smiled. *I never said anything about the future though...* she thought quietly to herself. "Besides...look at me. I've...changed. It wouldn't have worked between any of us, even if I had agreed...I don't see things in quite the same way anymore...Would you have been willing to wait?"
"...I don't know," he said.
"I'll bet that's what Chia-Yao and Rhiana will say...when they come to see me, later, too," she said with a smile, taking the sting out of the words, trying to make this easier on him. Not that it was easier for her; not by any means. And then, softly, almost unheard, she said, "He would have, you know."
And that's when Kenji realized she wasn't over Loki. And Kenji felt...lost, realizing what depth, what feelings the two lovers had shared together. And felt pity for her, for losing such a delicate thing. He sat quietly, not really knowing what to say.
"Dinner's ready!" Urd hollered up at them, breaking any consequent questions Kenji might have had about relationships.
"...Well...I guess...I should be going," he said, retreating back into the house.
"But aren't you wondering who you're going to be with? I can tell you that, you know, if you want me to," she asked to his retreating back. It was a tempting thought, she knew. A lot of immortals would die to have an idea of finding out who their lifemate would be, just so that they wouldn't have to look so hard or suffer through possibly heartbreaking experiences.
"Nah...I think I'll try to let things run their natural course," he said after a moment, having decided to not take things for granted. For some reason, he wondered what Rhiana was doing...
Behind him, Skuld smiled to herself, realizing that she had known what his answer would have been from the start, and yet could not resist the temptation to test him. To see if he was the right person, worthy enough for her best friend. She knew there was a real possibility for that. And thankfully, he passed, with flying colors.
But her...to her, any potential relationships were out of the question right now, when you add the fact that she was still too rubbed raw from having found out the truth about the universe that was reset, the burden that she literally carried, and the work she still had to catch up on, to right things once more. The fruition of any relationship might take another century or two. But for those willing to wait...the possibilities were there.
She wondered if anyone would say that to her, given the time and opportunity.
THE END
*****
Author's Notes
The result of three afternoons of intensive writing, revisions, and a little inspiration from reading the latest update of TSOTBOMH, I didn't realize that I would finish this so quickly; it's a near miracle. I hope that you enjoyed the journey, however rocky and inconsistent as it may be; I left the door wide open for certain pairings for those inclined. Many thanks to Elorran and others who's pushed me along, and especially M for the fast beta.
Having said all that I've wanted, I leave this piece here.--icezer230, 14/11/2002