MissMatched
Kneazle
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. All characters, places, etc. belong to JK Rowling, Scholastics, etc. "Longview" is owned by Green Day, from the CD "Dookie", and "You Gotta Be" is by Des'Ree. New Found Glory belongs to whatever company owns them, as does Green Day, Sugarcult, and No Doubt.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: All Hermione wanted to be was popular, well liked, and considered "cool" – anything but the bookworm that she was labeled. Now, in her final year at Hogwarts, can she achieve that or is everything just mismatched?
Author's Notes: Please note that this story is FIRST PERSON, a.k.a., all in HERMIONE'S POV. Updates won't be too often, since it's only the second day of school and I had homework in all of my classes. School is my number one priority at the moment, and writing will just have to wait until I get a break to write, like now. Thanks for sticking by! ~ Kneazle
CHAPTER FOUR: Crash and Burn
Once school resumed, I found myself wondering what was going on with my "friends" back over Christmas Hols. They had never acted that way before, and it was a bit off from the norms.
"Have a safe trip, dear!" said my mother. "And send us some pictures of your friends!"
Ha. As if I would until I know where I stand with them. Was I just bookworm Hermione, good for homework answers? Or was I the best friend Hermione, girl who was loyal and courageous? I guess I'll still work on that one.
As I climbed on the Hogwarts Express, I bumped into a group of giggly fifth year girls from the Hufflepuff house.
"Hi Hermione! Are you planning on a Spring Ball?" asked one.
"Hey Hermione – how was your vacation?" asked another. I smiled widely at them, and answered their questions, omitting some details of course. They didn't need to know I was uncertain about my friendships. It even made me wonder why people would talk to me… was it because Harry Potter was a "friend", or was it me? I intended on finding out.
After answering, I left the group who all said their goodbyes, and continued down the corridor to find an empty compartment. I didn't feel like sitting with the two Weasleys or Harry. I wanted some time alone to think. It wasn't if it was much of a change, anyway. I usually thought by myself, in my Head Girl bedroom that was adjoined to Harry's.
I sat on the plush red seat, and propped my legs up on the opposite one. I pulled out A Brave New World and set forth on reading it, devoting my time and passion to it. I hadn't gotten very far in the tiny script when the door slid open. I opened my mouth to tell whomever it was off when a voice stopped me.
"Oh, is little miss Hermione Granger the Mudblood all alone? Whatever happened to her friends?" sneered a voice I hadn't heard in weeks.
Just what I needed this early in the morning: Pansy Parkinson. Something snapped in me and I whipped my head around to face the pug-like girl.
"You know what Pansy? Why don't you take your crap somewhere else where people actually cry when you insult them?" I snapped, my eyes flashing and my breathing heavier.
Pansy's honey-colored eyes widened, and one of her Slytherin girlfriends giggled before another joined in.
"Oooh, Pansy got burned!" one whooped. Pansy sniffed the air, and with her head high, turned on her heels and left the compartment, stalking down the hall to probably terrorize some poor unsuspecting first year.
I sighed deeply and returned to my book, but was once again interrupted.
"Bravo, Granger, bravo."
And now enter Draco Malfoy, stage left, leaning on the doorframe.
"Yes, what do you want, Malfoy?" I asked with as much cordiality I could to a fellow Head. I looked up at him, and actually saw a smile, not a smirk. How… different.
"I wanted to congratulate the person who made Pansy wail to me how she got insulted to her face and couldn't think of anything to say. What a shock it was to hear it was you," he replied.
"Well, I do have some backbone, you know," I sniffed, glancing back at my book. Nothing was said, and I assumed he left until I stepped into the compartment.
"Mind if I join you? Crabbe and Goyle have been… detained… by business at home," he asked, smirking just slightly. I waved my hand at the seat across from me.
"It's Britain, it's a free country," replied I. He nodded and sat; this made me curious and so I found myself looking at him, with my head tilted.
"What, something wrong, Granger?" he asked, a bit self-conscious.
"No… it's just that you've only said Mudblood and other rude things to me. Why the change?" I asked plainly, being as blunt and dry as possible.
"I don't know. I guess… well… you didn't seem to be enjoying yourself at the Yule Ball, with Potter as your date. And the Weasley girl didn't talk to you… Weasel ignored you…" He shrugged. "I thought you needed a friend, someone to talk to."
"Won't this ruin your rep?" I asked, surprised. He seemed surprised at the question, but a look of calm and control placed it quickly back into place.
"Maybe. But I can be friends with whomever I want," he replied, stiffly.
"Whoa," I said, throwing up my hands in a surrendering gesture. "I was only asking. No need to get all Slytherin on me and bite my head off."
He smiled slightly at this, and then grinned, showing his canines off in a positively evil smirk. "Slytherin, eh? Well, Granger, I don't bite… hard."
The earlier conversation with Draco was a bit weird, and I was sure that he would come in and insult me. I was surprised when he didn't, but… at least I know in some weird way he has an inkling of what I'm going through. I don't believe for one second that Crabbe or Goyle are his friends… I think they're just there because they are. He's just alone, or nearly as lonely as I am – he just has a better way of hiding it and being strong. I need to learn from him all I can.
I entered the Great Hall in high spirits. Pansy could taunt and tease me all she liked; I'd give her hell back, so I wasn't worried about her. I was more dreading Harry, Ron, and Ginny. What would things be like now, after I had walked out on them at the Burrow? I knew something was happening, especially since I was giving their alliance and friendship a second glance. I didn't want to lose the friendship that I had blindly thrown myself into, because I'm sure it's the only time I would ever have friends. And friends are such an important part of socialization. Well, let's not get into introduction psychology at this minute.
Heading to the Ravenclaw table, I was surprised to see that when I reached the middle, Padma's hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. "Hermione!" she said, smiling openly and warmly. "Come, sit here… I loved your dress at the Yule Ball. Where did you get it?"
"In this small little nook in Hogsmeade. It was a shop called Swingers. They had the most amazing dresses in there – perfect if you're into retro," I answered, smiling as I sat down beside Padma. Who would've though? Half a year ago I wouldn't be able to sit here, and now here I am… maybe some things do change over time.
"Really? I've never seen it before. Perhaps you could show me on our next Hogsmeade visit? I'd really appreciate it," suggested Padma, smiling a bit, even shyly, if that's what it could be called.
"Okay," I agreed. "Just tell me when."
When she nodded, I sensed she had to say something more, and by the way she was shifting her eyes to the Great Hall floor, I knew it was something important.
"Hermione…" she began in a quiet voice. She glanced up at me, with my one eyebrow raised, and sighed. "I'm sorry for treating you badly all those years. I never meant to… it just happened. You were so quiet it was easy to pick on you, and you seemed like such a know-it-all, too. I know I what I've done or said can't be forgiven easily… but I'd like to try. Friends?"
I stared at the manicured mocha hand in front of me. Ginny, Harry and Ron had never done anything like this for me, and here Padma was saying she was sorry, and knows the things she did couldn't be forgotten…
I smiled and shook her hand. "Of course. We all make past mistakes, you know. As long as we learn from them, we're doing okay."
Padma also smiled and we sat side-by-side, talking about what we did over the holidays. I left out anything having to do with Ron, Harry or Ginny; I'm sure they wouldn't like the whole school spreading rumors about them and then saying it was coming from me. Besides, I'm not like that.
"Wow… a twin. It must be kinda cool to be one," I said, lighting up at the thought of two Padma's.
"Well, Parvati's okay, but she's more of a ditz. I came out first, so I'm much more intelligent, and older… and prettier," said Padma, a grin on her face. I choked on my dumpling and stuttered out, "How when you're identical?"
Padma blanched at this, and tapped a finger to her mouth. "Hmmm… good point. Oh well. I still say I'm better looking."
"Damn straight," a new voice said, joining our conversation. Looking up, we both saw Draco Malfoy leaning slightly away from the Gryffindors and towards our table. "Hermione? Mind if we talk about Head duties? I don't exactly feel like getting into a match with Wonder Boy."
"Harry?" realization dawned on my face. "Ah! Oh, yes, of course. Can you wait five minutes so I can finish up here?"
"You should have been done minutes ago, but you were gabbing away," snapped Draco. I stared at him, taking a large bite out of my dumpling.
"Sow?" I asked, my mouth full of food. Padma turned away, covering her mouth with her hand, but giggles still escaped. Draco glared at me, but I saw the corner of his lips twitch as he tried to stop himself from smiling.
"Well, whenever you're done stuffing yourself, I'll be in the Head lounge," he sniffed and turned away with his head high. I knew I had won though – I had gotten him to show something other that superiority.
"I didn't know that you and Malfoy spoke to each other," said Padma, her head resting in her hand as her ebony hair flower around her shoulders.
"Well, we were speaking in my compartment on the way back here. I guess Draco and I have something in common… but he's still a stuck-up meanie," I hmphed. Padma let out another peal of laughter.
"MEANIE! Who says that anymore? Meanie!" she crowed. I stood up, a small smile on my face as I told her I would see her later.
Walking past the Gryffindor table, and passing Ginny, Ron and Harry, I visibly noticed them stop talking and stare at me as I passed by.
Ah, so they're still mad at me, for being kind and nice, I thought. Sucks to be them… I had a busy schedule now for the next semester until NEWTs, and I was going to show the school that little Miss Hermione "Perfect" Granger could be cool – but I still wanted them back. I'm sure there's a theorem or law for that… like Murphy's except titled something different like, "You know you're a loser when you can't get over your 'best friends' even though they're really mean to you".
"There goes the know-it-all," I heard someone hiss, and as I whipped my head around, I saw Ginny's eye keep contact with mine, narrowing.
Know-it-all? Know-it-all? She thought I, Hermione Granger, was a know-it-all? Oooh, I was seeing red when I stopped in the middle of the Great Hall and turned to face her.
"Excuse me, Ginny, but did you just say something to me?" I asked, blinking calmly at the younger girl.
Ginny looked up at me, a perfect (thin, ew) eyebrow arched. "Why would I have anything to say to you, Mudblood?"
I visibly reeled back, shocked by the blow. Harry seemed to be surprised too, as his mouth opened a bit to make a small "o". Ron, however, seemed unfazed by Ginny's pureblood-mudblood reference.
"Excuse me?" my voice came out shrill and unsure. "Did you just call me a 'mudblood' because why? I'm smarter than you? I actually am kind and don't care about popularity, like you? If anyone's the 'mudblood', Ginny Weasley, then it's you. I don't need to waste my time and breath talking to people I used to consider my friends. What an idiot I was to trust the lot of you."
I turned on my heel and stalked out of the Great Hall, aware that most Gryffindors and Slytherins heard. Surprisingly, no Slytherins jeered at me as I walked past, angrily brushing at tears that rolled out of my eyes.
I began walking to the Head Lounge, ignoring anyone who looked at me. I was in no mood to talk, or anything at the moment. My mind was set in neutral. Walk, get to Head Lounge, talk to Draco, and go to Headmaster's. That was my plan, and I was going to stick to it. I needed some guidance, and I wasn't going to get it from Padma, Draco and anyone else.
As I pushed open the door to the Head Lounge, I saw Draco standing at the window, staring out as clouds rolled in from the West, blocking the sun.
"Hey," he said, turning. His expression was welcoming, but the second he saw my face, a frown appeared. "What's wrong, Granger?"
"Nothing I want to talk about," I muttered, sitting at the round table we Heads used for our duties. "Now—" I sniffed —"What did you want to talk about?"
Draco said nothing, but sat in a chair next to mine, staring at me. My lower lips began to quiver as I heard Ginny's voice in my head again, and again, saying the same hissing words… know-it-all, mudblood, know-it-all…
I don't know when, but sometime from when I walked into that room, to when Draco sat next to me, something snapped and I found myself in an embrace, crying. I couldn't talk about what had happened, but I know that I could count on some people to be there for me… like Draco, Padma, the teachers, and maybe even Harry, judging by the expression on his face. But right now, there was nothing else I wanted to do but cry.
And Draco stayed with me the whole time, saying nothing, just holding me. In my head, I silently whispered, "Thank you."
I lay in my bed, later that night, staring at my ceiling. I had left the Head Lounge with Draco by my side, reaching my Head Room, and thanked him for helping me. I didn't know what else to do, but being exhausted, Draco made me go to my room and sleep. Sleep, he said, was the unspoken friend that was always there for you.
I believed him.
It was weird, how in only a couple of days, months, years, things could change. Who would've thought that Draco Malfoy and I would become friends? Or Padma Patil and myself? I shook my head as the thoughts raced through my brain.
I was just starting to drift asleep when there was a knock on my door – which was adjacent to Harry's Head Boy room.
I stood and opened the door, rubbing my eyes to get rid of the sleepiness that was trying to overtake me. "Yeah?" I mumbled, looking at Harry through one open eye. I knew I looked horrible – hair everywhere, puffy eyes from crying, puffy nose.
"Hermione," said Harry, a bit sadly, and concerned as he saw my face. "A-are you all right?"
"I'm fine," I said, a bit stiffly. He could've stood up for me…
"Oh." He fidgeted, looking at the ground for a bit, before looking at me again. "Ginny shouldn't have said that to you."
"Said what?" I asked deliberately. Could he say it? Could he say, "Mudblood" to my face?
Harry paled a bit, before turning his head away. Ha, I thought triumphantly, he can't! But then, he surprised me by blurting out in emotion, "She shouldn't have called you a mudblood, because you aren't one. You're one of the most brilliant, inspirational, kind people I've met."
His outburst shocked me. Harry had never been just there to improve his grades, or play with my emotions – he had always been there for me… well, except maybe the Yule Ball, but he had always been there… choked with emotion, I just looked at him, not knowing what to say.
Finally, I tumbled out a, "why?"
Harry looked at me with sad eyes. "I don't know why, Mione." He sighed, and looked over my shoulder. "Can I come in?"
I nodded, moving aside for him to come into my room. His eyes swept over my bookshelves, overstuffed with schoolbooks and personal favourites. He sat finally on my bed, where I had been crying against earlier. His hand passed over my damp pillow, and he snatched his hand back. Emerald eyes searched mine out and I nodded, sullenly.
"Is there something you want to talk about Harry? Because I would prefer to be left alone right now, if you don't mind." I said quietly, watching him as I moved to my desk, taking another Kleenex out from the box.
"Uh…" Harry sighed, running a hand through his messy ebony hair. I smiled as I caught a glance at the ever-important scar. "I do want to talk, if that's okay."
I nodded and sat beside him on the bed, sitting Indian style as he both stared out of my window. Stars twinkled outside, and I realized only now that my candles had burned out hours ago and we were sitting in darkness.
"I never thought Ginny would say that, you know?" started Harry; as he stared ahead, moonlight hitting us as we sat together on the bed. His eyes were haunted and unseeing, remembering certain images. He continued as I watched. "I thought she knew better. She acted so wrongly, there, saying that to you, to someone I thought she considered a friend. But after you left, I thought about it, and realized that maybe Ginny had never really been your friend… but she had been. At one point, she had, Hermione. When you ran away that day, the first day back to school… she had followed you. She cared, and you had become friends.
"We then had come into the picture, Ron and I. I want you to know right now, at this very moment, that I was and will be always there for you, Hermione. Nothing can stop that. Maybe you don't believe me when I say this, but I am your friend. I admire you for who you are, for what you stand for. You changed my life, in a great way, and have opened my eyes in a way no one – not even Dumbledore or Sirius – have ever done.
"I can't say or tell you what Ron and Ginny really think, because I'm not them. But I'm here now, and I'm saying now that I'm sorry. For the time at the Burrow, for tonight at dinner, for every day since we met on the Hogwarts Express back when we were eleven. I'm sorry for not being there for you when I could've, if I tried.
"I know it's hard for you to believe, or understand, but I'm here for you. I swear it." As he finished, I felt the tears rolling down my eyes. Chills ran up and down my spine, at the truth and emotion that lay behind the words. I knew at that moment I had a friend in Harry. I knew I had a friend in Padma, and in Draco.
Yeah, my life had sucked in the past, but it was beginning to get better. The sun was beginning to come out of the clouds, and things were looking up.
I turned to Harry, in gave a small, quivering smile. "I know," I whispered.
Author's Note 2: I know I've gotten a few reviews wondering if this was true – I have to say that yes, some is true that I've encountered in my life. Nothing as drastic as Hermione's loneliness, but I've felt some of the emotions she has in this story. People I thought as friends who ended not being, people I hardly spoke to ended up being my truest friends… **shrugs** It's life, cycles that we go through. In case anyone was wondering, the music that set the mood for this chapter was Enigma, "Gravity of Love", "Return to Innocence" and "Adiemus".