Chapter Three: World on Fire
She was always an intelligent child. From the time she was a baby I knew her potential; though small, she was quick to crawl and soon after walk, she started talking just after her first birthday. As a parent, I was ecstatic; as a CIA agent I was frightened. I watched as she grew and continued to learn and was as proud a parent as any. Then I was taken and when I returned, nothing had changed, except the Agency. And that's why Sydney won't listen. She thinks I've betrayed her, and in a way, I have.
I should have never gone to de Souza, but what choice did I have? If I hadn't done it, Irina would still be here to sabotage our lives. (Offhandedly, it seems I've passed that task to myself.) Sydney believes my motives encompass only covering my past, but what she refuses to realize is that my intentions were genuine. It was only a matter of time before Irina deceived her. What would that cost? A mission? A life? Sydney's life? The entire operation to bring down SD-6? It seemed that everyone was willing to wait and find out. I was not, so I protected my daughter. It was my last resort. As much as she believes that my reasons were selfish, only I know that they were not.
***
Water fell in sheets. There was something extra in the air, though, something dangerous, just waiting for a spark to set the night on fire. At the same time, the wind was cold; it bit at my cheeks and fingers as I fumbled with my keys. My bout with insomnia was getting the better of me; the keyhole seemed to dance across the door. Minutes earlier Sydney had called. I knew it was her and I knew what she wanted. I understood quickly that she was trying to keep her voice steady, but her breathing was inconsistent.
"Dad, it's me (pause) I need to see you."
"Of course, Sydney.I'll be there shortly."
I drove as quickly as I could. When I pulled up, my fears were confirmed. She was standing outside under a slight overhang. Her usually straight, auburn hair was now tangled and unkempt. Eyes glazed and distant, she silently refused my plea to get into the car. I hastily got out and went to her, hoping with all my being that there was some way this wasn't about what I had done. As I looked into the trouble eyes of my child, though, I knew exactly what she was going to say. I waited and still nothing.
"What is it?"
It was all I could do to mask my regret for not coming to her myself earlier. Control had always been my best friend. My face usually showed no emotion; it gave no hints, there were no flaws to my façade. Tonight, though, I was broken. Between the lies that were shattering what bonds Sydney and I had finally made and those that had built walls so long ago, I was overcome. When she began to speak I could feel the burning. That burning that I hadn't felt for 21 years was threatening to burst. My vision became blurry. I tried to interject but Sydney would have none of it. I couldn't talk myself out of this. It wasn't Vaughn standing before me, it wasn't some faceless agent meddling with a case they had no business talking about, it was my daughter. It was the daughter that had every right to be saying what she was saying.
"No Dad, you understand something. You took away my choices in life."
A picture's worth a thousand words they say. The words Sydney was speaking cut like knives and they cut deep, but the expression on her face spoke volumes more than anything she could articulate. I opened my mouth to defend myself, but there were no words.
"I will never forgive you for this."
There was no surprise. I knew this moment was coming since the day I learned Sydney had been recruited by SD-6, it was only reconfirmed when she joined the CIA, and again when Irina Derevko was taken into custody.
***
The rain is still coming down but now my daughter is walking away from me. Cold drops trickle down my face; they are rivaled only by the ones that burn streaks across both cheeks. I was wrong, the atmosphere had been explosive, Sydney added the spark, and now my world is on fire.
She was always an intelligent child. From the time she was a baby I knew her potential; though small, she was quick to crawl and soon after walk, she started talking just after her first birthday. As a parent, I was ecstatic; as a CIA agent I was frightened. I watched as she grew and continued to learn and was as proud a parent as any. Then I was taken and when I returned, nothing had changed, except the Agency. And that's why Sydney won't listen. She thinks I've betrayed her, and in a way, I have.
I should have never gone to de Souza, but what choice did I have? If I hadn't done it, Irina would still be here to sabotage our lives. (Offhandedly, it seems I've passed that task to myself.) Sydney believes my motives encompass only covering my past, but what she refuses to realize is that my intentions were genuine. It was only a matter of time before Irina deceived her. What would that cost? A mission? A life? Sydney's life? The entire operation to bring down SD-6? It seemed that everyone was willing to wait and find out. I was not, so I protected my daughter. It was my last resort. As much as she believes that my reasons were selfish, only I know that they were not.
***
Water fell in sheets. There was something extra in the air, though, something dangerous, just waiting for a spark to set the night on fire. At the same time, the wind was cold; it bit at my cheeks and fingers as I fumbled with my keys. My bout with insomnia was getting the better of me; the keyhole seemed to dance across the door. Minutes earlier Sydney had called. I knew it was her and I knew what she wanted. I understood quickly that she was trying to keep her voice steady, but her breathing was inconsistent.
"Dad, it's me (pause) I need to see you."
"Of course, Sydney.I'll be there shortly."
I drove as quickly as I could. When I pulled up, my fears were confirmed. She was standing outside under a slight overhang. Her usually straight, auburn hair was now tangled and unkempt. Eyes glazed and distant, she silently refused my plea to get into the car. I hastily got out and went to her, hoping with all my being that there was some way this wasn't about what I had done. As I looked into the trouble eyes of my child, though, I knew exactly what she was going to say. I waited and still nothing.
"What is it?"
It was all I could do to mask my regret for not coming to her myself earlier. Control had always been my best friend. My face usually showed no emotion; it gave no hints, there were no flaws to my façade. Tonight, though, I was broken. Between the lies that were shattering what bonds Sydney and I had finally made and those that had built walls so long ago, I was overcome. When she began to speak I could feel the burning. That burning that I hadn't felt for 21 years was threatening to burst. My vision became blurry. I tried to interject but Sydney would have none of it. I couldn't talk myself out of this. It wasn't Vaughn standing before me, it wasn't some faceless agent meddling with a case they had no business talking about, it was my daughter. It was the daughter that had every right to be saying what she was saying.
"No Dad, you understand something. You took away my choices in life."
A picture's worth a thousand words they say. The words Sydney was speaking cut like knives and they cut deep, but the expression on her face spoke volumes more than anything she could articulate. I opened my mouth to defend myself, but there were no words.
"I will never forgive you for this."
There was no surprise. I knew this moment was coming since the day I learned Sydney had been recruited by SD-6, it was only reconfirmed when she joined the CIA, and again when Irina Derevko was taken into custody.
***
The rain is still coming down but now my daughter is walking away from me. Cold drops trickle down my face; they are rivaled only by the ones that burn streaks across both cheeks. I was wrong, the atmosphere had been explosive, Sydney added the spark, and now my world is on fire.